We find out Deb went to Vegas recently and could have scored better, if you know what I mean, with "Vegas Game". WTF, there's Vegas specific game? I can't imagine this is flattering stuff for the girls, but if they are teaching Vegas Game, I think we deserve at least one episode in Vegas.
And then Deb drops the big bomb: he doesn't give a rat's ass about this pick up malarkey. He's just here to support his friend in his harebrained schemes.
We're fucked.
And Chuck continues to rule the school. Hutton tells him he should tell stories about himself! Like the time his house was on fire! This will show value. When the student is not a believer, it kind of sounds silly.
Okay, maybe Debs wasn't at the party.
And for the record, his house never caught on fire. Debs is not down with this lying business either.
Simeon on the other hand is just spewing happy happy joy joy out of every pore. He's even getting the painted headless mannequin, that's served for many a B-roll shot, as a prop to play with.
And he's so delirious with pick up ju ju that he's trying to spout ancient Chinese Wisdom, and even though it makes sense, it still sounds like Chris Farley as Tommy Boy delivery. If you shoot for the moon maybe you'll land back on the earth, but if you shoot for the sun you might just land on the moon. Or whatever.
Wait. Did he get blackface too?
And JESUS H, he's spreading the nobody-puts-baby-in-a-corner disease. He's singlehandedly ruining my own love for the movie.
Back in Camp Ringer, things aren't going so well. He's forgetting, not smiling. Only Simeon is shooting for the sun and landing in heaven.
I promise to always share my openers with you.
Hey guys. Just another day at Camp PUA.
Now it's time to get ready for the field test and Simeon and a shirtless Hutton are squaring off in the closet, competing for whose friend knows more. Rivalry can be so titillating.
I'll grab that hat right off your head and step on it. Oh yeah I will! You just watch me, slut!
So they drive off to the club, Mystery gives his patent intro speech and the boys are cast off into the field. Lauren Hutton is rightfully scared that awesome Chuck might just sit in a booth and talk shit about the other contestants MST 3000 style. Also the boys will be back with the group to observe their friend and talk shit MST 3000 style.
Ginger Glasses is up first and already he's killing the room with his own brand of bitch face and I think it only works when you're a girl. He's just looking like he's having a shitty time. Actually he probably is.
And he just freezes completely, so they send Ringer in to help out. But he doesn't help that much. He gives vague instruction like, "Be confident." Matador calls bullshit right away, because that really means nothing other than act like not you. Helpful.
He finally opens a set with the tattoo opener and engages them for a bit, until he bows out of what was about to get awkward. Poor guy. And it's all Ringer's fault.
Maybe you should have practiced making out beforehand. Like Simeon. Simeonsimeonsimeon.
Deb is up next and Mystery seems displeased right off the bat because Deb wouldn't shave his beard for a one episode guest appearance on a reality show. What a lousy friend.
He could be a serial killer! chimes in Matador. Yeah, excessive facial hair=homocidal.
So Deb's looking around, but freezing totally. Hutton is also sent into the field to help him out and bolster his confidence, while avoiding that actual word. Lauren Hutton does, in my opinion, worse by telling him to keep the "happy vibe". If I know Deb (and I totally know Deb) that'll make him wanna clock somebody. Deb was definitely not at the party Sunday.
But then he suddenly opens a four set, with the most intriguing opener I've heard yet, would you be on the Howard Stern show? The girls are rather good looking, but he doesn't have a target so he can't really lock in. But, lo and behold, a girl asks for his name to keep him around. And wouldn't you know it? Suddenly there's flirting and kino abounding! But when he goes for the number, she says she has a boyfriend and it's game over.
That shirt reminds me of Judas Priest! Ha, ha. Not.
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Comments (12)
Simeon's been channeling Mystery for a while now, so good for him. Are they going to choose a new name for him? Who gets to decide? Can we hold a contest to choose his new identity?
Anyway, if the Simeon at the beginning of the show was real, and he's feeling this way now, then I say kudos to him for the boost in self-confidence. Besides, insecure people frighten me.
Speaking of which...
Chubby Chuck agreed to come on the show -- then bailed on his buddy. Pure douchebaggery, if you ask me. He ought to have admitted that he's self-conscious about his weight and declined the offer.
Lady S -- is there a webcam of you? I could put that up in the corner of my screen and we could work together all day.
Last thought: I only watch the show for Tara, she's awesome. They ought to do a spinoff with her.
1 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:09 AM
I heard an internet rumor that Matador is married. Does anyone know if it is true?
Also, is Mystery in a monogamos relationship with anyone, or is he dating several ladies at once? Just curious if he's "settled down" with anyone. He is nearing 40.
2 of 12 | Posted by Norwego | Posted on November 26, 2008 10:01 AM
Great recap. You were so right about a lot of things, but I think the key to who wins is going to be a bout which one is more capable of working in the PUA corporation.
I have to pick Simeon to win. Hutton seems to still suffer from a deep lack of confidence.
Hutton might have other advantages, though - like an appeal to a different demographic.
Thanks for all your great recaps!
3 of 12 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:06 PM
I definitely think Simeon will win it. Who could stand to be around Lauren Hutton's pretentiousness for very long? He is just boring as EFF!! Simeon is at least slightly entertaining.
I think a Ringer/Simeon final would have been more of a challenge.
4 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 26, 2008 1:58 PM
norwego-from what i gleaned sunday, matador is definitely not married, but i think he has a girlfriend. he was with someone that he kept referring to as his "girl".
and mystery does not appear to be settled down at all. happily unsettled.
5 of 12 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on November 26, 2008 2:14 PM
Eeewwww... the thought of a 45-50 year old Mystery with his feather boa and pimp hat is just icky.
6 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 26, 2008 3:43 PM
IS, are you sure the 'dor wasn't just trying to send a DHV spike your way with that girlfriend business? These PUA's can reap the rewards of girls not trusting a damn thing they say after they watch this show.
Oh, and good juicy news guys, Ringer has an acting resume on IMDB! No long hair, and lame credits. Scandal! Wikipedia has the link.
And I was one of the commenters that has called Mat a hottie, but in that last screencap of him, he looks like he scalped Condoleeza Rice.
7 of 12 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on November 26, 2008 4:24 PM
Yeah, Simeon has it in the bag, so to speak.
Did anyone else see the "Pick-Up Artist" episode of "Criminal Minds" that was on tonight? It had a Mystery-type who taught seminars on picking up "prey," and who had a student who took his lessons too seriously and killed the women he picked up. Now that's negging!
8 of 12 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:08 PM
Snooty, laughed out loud on that one! Does this mean you find this 35 year old version (well, he looks it anyway) NOT icky?
I find it hard to believe any of these tactics would work over here in Europe. My wife won't allow me to do any field research.
"But honey, I'm doing this for Sciiiiiience...."
9 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 27, 2008 12:29 AM
Itchy, you and I are of a similar age, both of us married and now living in Europe... wait, are you my husband? Oh yeah, you are in France. Whew! Anyway, back in the day? Yeah, I hate to admit it but I would have completely fallen for him and his act hook, line and sinker. I dated a few Mysteries in my day.
10 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 27, 2008 4:19 AM
Hmm, then maybe we DO know each other...from back in my own pirate days...
11 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 27, 2008 9:06 AM
I was crushing on Chuck too!
I am hoping VH1 decides to do a "Chuck of Love" series!
12 of 12 | Posted by amberpdidit | Posted on November 29, 2008 11:53 AM