And now for No Glasses, who was probably definitely at the viewing party. Even The 'Dor is all, your dude has a total hard-on for this shit.
So he comes in with guns blazing, opens over his shoulder (gold star) with the freaking Dirty Dancing bit. And for the first time ever a girl doesn't know it. And suddenly it makes sense that they use a quote every girl knows. Because it's really awkward when she doesn't.
And when she doesn't, she's less inclined to give him her hand, which is what this brosef decides to follow that clunker with. And the girl won't give him her hand, so he goes for the guy she's with, clearly ready to escalate with whomever is willing.
He eventually aborts and Simeon runs down to rescue. He actually comes down and sounds just like Mystery giving instruction. Can we just hand the trophy to Simeon and get this over with already? So his protégée trots off and opens again before Simeon even back to the surveillance truck. He opens with Dirty Dancing and it's working for everyone except the genial looking fellow on the right.
I wonder if this elf will resprout a new head when I flick this one off.
And he just keeps on going. Another girl joins the circle and he seems to be getting approval from all around. And the gang starts speculating about what else he could be doing to get this all working in his favor and Mystery is like, I'm just gonna make sure that the bald dude doesn't administer a humiliating beat down to the scrawny albino dude. Good point.
It turns out that they're all coworkers, so the bald guy is just harboring a work crush on one of these girls and it turns out it's the original brunette he opened the set with because he pulls her away and leaves No Glasses to hit on the blonde target.
But not so fast. Bald Dude has the last laugh when he tells the girl they're bouncing and she chooses coworkers over a random albino dude. He does score digits, though, in front of Bald Dude and all in all, he rocked it. The gang is impressed with Simeon and, again, can we go home yet?
Congratulations. Please accept this Hot Topic gift certificate for winning early.
They all come back out to get the rundown from Mystery and of course lays it on thick about how awesome Simeon was, exceeded expectations, whatever the blah. We cut to his confessional where he says that at this point he's the man to beat and he doesn't think Ringer or Hutton can do it. Anyone else gonna argue with the Mystery proxy? He drank the kool-aid, his friend drank the kool-aid. We get it already.
So the friends are whisked back home and now we have to sort through this whole pesky elimination business. Hutton and Ringer both feel they did well and felt like they were up against the same problem with their narrow-minded friends. How could they not understand that this is a lifestyle choice? That girls are just one piece of the larger puzzle? A puzzle that includes a calculated persona, bad style and man-love 4ever? How could they pass this up?
The Ringer thinks he'll do okay because Mystery will also take into account their teaching style, which the Ringer believes was beyond reproach. Hutton feels the same way. Yeah, dudes. Mystery won't.
So let the Rune Ceremony begin. Mystery gets right into the teaching aspect and says that he's looking for an "Approach Coach". Um, this is the first I've heard about an Approach Coach. And from the look of Ringer's gulp, he's not the only one.
I wasn't aware this all came down to my marketability in your empire.
Mystery then spends a few minutes stroking Simeon's ego as if he weren't already flying to close to the sun with his ego and dumb metaphors and whatever. Give him medallion and git 'im outta here.
So now let's rake some suckas over the coals. First up is Ringer. His friend was visibly uncomfortable. He had anxiety. But the big problem was when he went to coach him, he gave him a vague pep talk. He didn't say, do this this this and you'll get your girl. You were just a cheerleader. And even that didn't help. Wow. Not good.
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Comments (12)
Simeon's been channeling Mystery for a while now, so good for him. Are they going to choose a new name for him? Who gets to decide? Can we hold a contest to choose his new identity?
Anyway, if the Simeon at the beginning of the show was real, and he's feeling this way now, then I say kudos to him for the boost in self-confidence. Besides, insecure people frighten me.
Speaking of which...
Chubby Chuck agreed to come on the show -- then bailed on his buddy. Pure douchebaggery, if you ask me. He ought to have admitted that he's self-conscious about his weight and declined the offer.
Lady S -- is there a webcam of you? I could put that up in the corner of my screen and we could work together all day.
Last thought: I only watch the show for Tara, she's awesome. They ought to do a spinoff with her.
1 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:09 AM
I heard an internet rumor that Matador is married. Does anyone know if it is true?
Also, is Mystery in a monogamos relationship with anyone, or is he dating several ladies at once? Just curious if he's "settled down" with anyone. He is nearing 40.
2 of 12 | Posted by Norwego | Posted on November 26, 2008 10:01 AM
Great recap. You were so right about a lot of things, but I think the key to who wins is going to be a bout which one is more capable of working in the PUA corporation.
I have to pick Simeon to win. Hutton seems to still suffer from a deep lack of confidence.
Hutton might have other advantages, though - like an appeal to a different demographic.
Thanks for all your great recaps!
3 of 12 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:06 PM
I definitely think Simeon will win it. Who could stand to be around Lauren Hutton's pretentiousness for very long? He is just boring as EFF!! Simeon is at least slightly entertaining.
I think a Ringer/Simeon final would have been more of a challenge.
4 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 26, 2008 1:58 PM
norwego-from what i gleaned sunday, matador is definitely not married, but i think he has a girlfriend. he was with someone that he kept referring to as his "girl".
and mystery does not appear to be settled down at all. happily unsettled.
5 of 12 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on November 26, 2008 2:14 PM
Eeewwww... the thought of a 45-50 year old Mystery with his feather boa and pimp hat is just icky.
6 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 26, 2008 3:43 PM
IS, are you sure the 'dor wasn't just trying to send a DHV spike your way with that girlfriend business? These PUA's can reap the rewards of girls not trusting a damn thing they say after they watch this show.
Oh, and good juicy news guys, Ringer has an acting resume on IMDB! No long hair, and lame credits. Scandal! Wikipedia has the link.
And I was one of the commenters that has called Mat a hottie, but in that last screencap of him, he looks like he scalped Condoleeza Rice.
7 of 12 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on November 26, 2008 4:24 PM
Yeah, Simeon has it in the bag, so to speak.
Did anyone else see the "Pick-Up Artist" episode of "Criminal Minds" that was on tonight? It had a Mystery-type who taught seminars on picking up "prey," and who had a student who took his lessons too seriously and killed the women he picked up. Now that's negging!
8 of 12 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:08 PM
Snooty, laughed out loud on that one! Does this mean you find this 35 year old version (well, he looks it anyway) NOT icky?
I find it hard to believe any of these tactics would work over here in Europe. My wife won't allow me to do any field research.
"But honey, I'm doing this for Sciiiiiience...."
9 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 27, 2008 12:29 AM
Itchy, you and I are of a similar age, both of us married and now living in Europe... wait, are you my husband? Oh yeah, you are in France. Whew! Anyway, back in the day? Yeah, I hate to admit it but I would have completely fallen for him and his act hook, line and sinker. I dated a few Mysteries in my day.
10 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 27, 2008 4:19 AM
Hmm, then maybe we DO know each other...from back in my own pirate days...
11 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 27, 2008 9:06 AM
I was crushing on Chuck too!
I am hoping VH1 decides to do a "Chuck of Love" series!
12 of 12 | Posted by amberpdidit | Posted on November 29, 2008 11:53 AM