Send them in already! Finally we get somewhere. They both go in together and we start trailing Simeon who enters with his Dirty Dancing line, otherwise known as The Groundhog Day for Pick Up Artists Routine. He's also body-rocking to the point where it's no longer body rocking, but technically, tweaking.
But crackheads are sexy, according to Matador, as he points out that Simeon has totally sexualized the set from the get-go. There's no denying Sim's raw, primal sexuality! he exclaims. Simeon's primal sexuality and talk about "bad girls" versus "good girls" still can't tear the target away from her friends though. He invites her to join his friends and she flat-out refuses. He has to start from scratch now.
No one has kissed in forty-two seconds? Amateurs!
And Hutton Reiner is up also reprazenting Groundhog Day for Pick Up Artists with his Ocean's Eleven bit. The girls aren't sold on the caper bullshit until he negs her. And then suddenly she wants to know his name. And that's how it's done. Although, coming out of three weekends of parties with boys throwing light negs all around, you become pretty immune. Yes, I know I'm a hot mess. Can we move on?
But Hutton's in. At 3:13 Simeon is still lamely walking around until he finds some more girls that are charmed by baby being put in a corner. He immediately gives pinky love he's so grateful she's engaged him. He then grabs her hand and gives her a cliff-hanger of a palm reading by throwing out a thoughtful "interesting" before turning away, which of course has her just a-begging for a hack reading. So he gives her one. His divination: She needs to throw out some clothes. But before she can tell him what an asshat he is, he spins her around so she gets dizzy and forgets. Try it with any drunk blonde. Works like a charm!
He then asks to borrow her from her BFF who clearly matriculated from the same school of dumbassery.
Or as long as you want.
So her friend has shipped her off and he drags her off to the next locale. We check in with Hutton who is talking to a new set of girls, a "beautiful dark-haired girl", according to Mystery, but who just looks like Aundrea from Danity Kane to me.
No. Aubrey O'Day does.
He then does an analysis of their drink choices saying that because the friend is drinking beer she's the "real one" and she's the high maintenance one because her drink would be a beverage of choice for a character on Sex and the City. Aundrea can't believe it and acts all offended, but Tara can see "smiling in her eyes". But maybe that bitch is just smiling in her eyes because she watches a lot of America's Next Top Model.
But all that eye-smiling allows him to take it to the next level as he drags the girls off to a sit-down location. And he sits right next to Simeon! Way to put the pressure on, Mys. Two tandem reserved tables. I like.
So let's change the channel back to Simeon who is lying to the blonde girl about how he wants to get to know "the real her". Actually he just wants to know the girl who will make out with a guy in the first six minutes. The gang is in the background saying that he lucked out, stumbling upon a drunk girl willing to twirl away from her friends the first shitty palm reading she gets.
Hutton's not having such a great time as Aundrea gets pulled away by an unidentified person.
She has to go figure out what to do now that Danity Kane is over.
The gang speculates that he'll switch targets. Simeon's palm reading, the gang's psychic predictions. This is a group of soothsayers, y'all.
We get a Hutton confessional spliced in now where he discusses that he was in a tough spot, but he knew this was an important challenge to win so he just "plowed into the obstable". Hutton is the only one never in on the joke. His new target has a sense of humor about being the less hot friend as she jokes about being a Victoria's Secret Model, which Hutton totally riffs on. Is that technically a neg?
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Comments (11)
"Mall Goth" !!!!! That's it exactly!!!
I didn't miss the other guy, for one thing, I just don't see a Mormon from Utah wearing these guys' pirate costumes.
For another, every time he came on screen, I felt I was falling into his nostrils.
You know the feeling, you're waiting for subway to pull into the stop and all of a sudden you get the feeling you're about to throw yourself in front of it....
Simeon became like Mystery's Mini-me. And let's face it, the person they were really supposed to learn to pick up was Mystery.
1 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 4, 2008 11:59 PM
"But maybe that bitch is just smiling in her eyes because she watches a lot of America's Next Top Model."
LOL! "I'm ready for my closeup, Ms. Banks."
SImeon would just creep me out with his excessive energy. I've always liked more relaxed guys.
Have you noticed that Mystery looks 10x better with a hat on? I think he has overdone the botox. When I saw that screencap of the elimination, I though, "Wow, who is the old guy?"
2 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 12:33 AM
So much good stuff. "Mall Goth" and "Mystery bibles," great way to end the season (there better be a third!). God I never thought I would wish that, but these recaps make the show a lot more entertaining, and not like I am the only person with too much time of doing nothing to watch it.
It was obvious Simeon was going to win though, and he totally drinks the PUA kool-aid. For weeks the Dor and Mystery kept bragging about Sim adopting their douchey "rock star" avatar tips- painted nails, douchey hats, maybe some wooden goggles to go on top of a douchey hat. They love the bastards that eat this "seduction community" sh-t up.
I can't wait for your interview with Mat and I thank you for those few insider tidbits from the viewing party.
3 of 11 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on December 5, 2008 1:14 AM
Yeah we all knew Simeon would take it. Blah blah blah. Whatevs.
But I will say that I enjoyed this season more than the first one. I think it was because I liked the guys more. Well, except for Hutton because his pretentious douchebag professor bit just drove me nuts the whole time. I hope there is a season 3. And if there is, I hope you recap it. Thanks for all of the laughs.
I am SOOOOO jealous that you got to meet Brian!! Even though I know he could never be The PUA, he was my favorte. If you text/talk to him again, please give him a salami for me.
4 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:54 AM
This is a perfect example of a show I NEVER thought I would get drawn into...read one of your early recaps just for sh*ts and giggles and then I was hooked. Like most of the VH1 shows I watch, no one else I know would admit to watching it. Thanks for the recaps!!
5 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 5, 2008 6:53 AM
Great recap...and great show. I did get to find out just how awkward watching this show with your mom in the vicinity can be however while home for Thanksgiving...even at 31 years of age. I think it was the number of times something along this line was said: "So your objective here is to seduce your target as fast as possible..."
6 of 11 | Posted by suedisco | Posted on December 5, 2008 8:02 AM
Mall Goth...Brilliant! I too, never thought I would get hooked on this show, but I loved it as much as your recaps. I will truly miss both.
Too bad they don't have a reunion show like the ROL & Charm School gals do. I think viewers would really like to see how some of these guys "lives have changed" since the show. Plus we'd get to see Ringer and Brian one more time, and maybe Chuck too.
7 of 11 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 5, 2008 10:12 AM
I'd let Chuck pick me up any day... (call me, Chuck)
Great recaps!
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 5, 2008 11:25 AM
I haven't commented before, but I wanted to let you know that I've been reading all of your recaps and think they're hilarious.
Also, I did not understand all the hate for the girl Hutton made out with in the field test. I thought she had a naturally gorgeous face, and was surprised that she wasn't the target from the beginning.
Is it really that bad for a girl to be a size 4 instead of a 0?
9 of 11 | Posted by grannyapple | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:09 PM
You did a great job all season. Your insider info is a real bonus, too.
I agree with grannyapple about Hutton's target - in fact, I don't recall any woman all season who was not attractive. But, then, I'm a (straight) guy who does not obsess on looks. (Which begs the question - why am I watching a shallow show like this? For the great recaps, of course!)
10 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:20 PM
You know, I actually think it is even cooler when one of the other guys, like Brian, Virgin, Ringer, even Chuck to some extent, uses some of the techniques to approach women in their own way and have some success. They don't HAVE to make themselves over into Mystery clones to make it work for them, they just need the confidence and a few skills.
I think Hutton should have gotten a little extra credit because his girl was hotter. Plus, the other girl was running a game on Simeon (The Pick-Up Artistette?). She practically tackled him.
11 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 10:47 PM