So now we go back and forth between Hutton and Simeon as they attempt to out kiss each other. Simeon is doing some hard kino, rubbing the girl's back busting out the trust test, and Hutton, as if overhearing Simeon, follows suit. Thank god this is not a test of originality.
Just look behind me. I mean, just a guess or whatever. Did I mention I'm psychic?
But while Hutton Reiner is still dreaming of motor boating those heaving bosoms pictured above, sly Simeon is complimenting his target's earrings with an inexplicable "classy" just so he can get close to her face and lock and load.
Please let me never have kissed someone within fifteen minutes and fifteen seconds of meeting them. This is certainly debatable.
We have a winner. But we knew that. He's high on life! crows Tara several times, which I have no idea why she's saying that right now or what he's doing to indicate that. He's high on the mad props to come, if anything.
And Hutton clocks in at 15:34 making him a loser by about twenty seconds. I don't have a vested interest in either one, but that's gotta burn. The gang starts to make notes on the boys and Matador throws in that when you get picked up by a Pick Up Artist, it's a privilege. (My interview with Matador will be up SOON so stay tuned for an explanation of that.)
Getting insulted by a dude with a rune around his neck is an HONOR.
So it's time to abandon the girls they just made out with like used pieces of meat and head out to the parking lot to announce how narrowly Brooks defeated Hutton Reiner. This is all just prepping Hutton for the rune ceremony.
So the gang gushes over how well they did and Brooks and Reiner are in awe of themselves too. But in the end Simeon did it faster. He wins. He'll get an advantage in the field test, but it's still anyone's game, Mystery says. Not so much.
After the commercial break, we revisit Simeon's journey through the show. He talks about how he came here with no confidence with women and now he changed his life and who he is as a person samesamesame. Hutton says the same thing, too.
But a real maverick with the new faces.
Before we find out what the elimination challenge is, we get some enjoyable banter about bench pressing and peak and valleys and other metaphors for success as they hang out at the house. Anyone miss MXC Brian and his salami makeouts? I could at least use some Ringer and his pretty blue eyes about now. Chuck?
Thank god Mystery is here to get the show on the road. And tonight at the house we're going to have a Perfect 10 party! And the challenge will be to bring her back to the bedroom. Because Simeon won the challenge he'll get the master bedroom which will be an obvious DHV spike for him. Does that mean Hutton is getting a room with bunk beds? Dare to dream.
So here's some helpful infos for you mere mortals out there. If you have the gall to approach these fine specimens roaming the earth you must have a special arsenal with you reserved only for these rarefied creatures. Of course Mystery says it's not "harder", just different. Open with negs, use more negs, negs negs negs. It disqualifies you as a potential suitor and then you have tension to work with.
If you follow my negsnegsnegs logic, Ms. Internet Sensation has been gaming you hard for weeks now and thinks you're all 10s and wants to isolate you all for a maximum kino sesh.
True, Mys. All true. Matador steps in to add that you can't put her on a pedestal because you'll lose all your power once you objectify her. Tara reiterates that sentiment in the hopes of contributing something meaningful, but regurgitated Matador speak doesn't cut it.
Mystery says that in this gauntlet they'll have three pit stops: the attraction location, the comfort location and the seduction location. This is actually kind of new material for the show, but I've been around the way so I'm familiar with the A1, C3 coding of things, just so you know. There's specific signs that you escalate to each one, but for now all he's really dropping is that you basically get the girl used to the bedroom so you comfort build there, leave and come back again. Nothing is left to chance. It's all carefully orchestrated, by these boy geniuses.
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Comments (11)
"Mall Goth" !!!!! That's it exactly!!!
I didn't miss the other guy, for one thing, I just don't see a Mormon from Utah wearing these guys' pirate costumes.
For another, every time he came on screen, I felt I was falling into his nostrils.
You know the feeling, you're waiting for subway to pull into the stop and all of a sudden you get the feeling you're about to throw yourself in front of it....
Simeon became like Mystery's Mini-me. And let's face it, the person they were really supposed to learn to pick up was Mystery.
1 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 4, 2008 11:59 PM
"But maybe that bitch is just smiling in her eyes because she watches a lot of America's Next Top Model."
LOL! "I'm ready for my closeup, Ms. Banks."
SImeon would just creep me out with his excessive energy. I've always liked more relaxed guys.
Have you noticed that Mystery looks 10x better with a hat on? I think he has overdone the botox. When I saw that screencap of the elimination, I though, "Wow, who is the old guy?"
2 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 12:33 AM
So much good stuff. "Mall Goth" and "Mystery bibles," great way to end the season (there better be a third!). God I never thought I would wish that, but these recaps make the show a lot more entertaining, and not like I am the only person with too much time of doing nothing to watch it.
It was obvious Simeon was going to win though, and he totally drinks the PUA kool-aid. For weeks the Dor and Mystery kept bragging about Sim adopting their douchey "rock star" avatar tips- painted nails, douchey hats, maybe some wooden goggles to go on top of a douchey hat. They love the bastards that eat this "seduction community" sh-t up.
I can't wait for your interview with Mat and I thank you for those few insider tidbits from the viewing party.
3 of 11 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on December 5, 2008 1:14 AM
Yeah we all knew Simeon would take it. Blah blah blah. Whatevs.
But I will say that I enjoyed this season more than the first one. I think it was because I liked the guys more. Well, except for Hutton because his pretentious douchebag professor bit just drove me nuts the whole time. I hope there is a season 3. And if there is, I hope you recap it. Thanks for all of the laughs.
I am SOOOOO jealous that you got to meet Brian!! Even though I know he could never be The PUA, he was my favorte. If you text/talk to him again, please give him a salami for me.
4 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:54 AM
This is a perfect example of a show I NEVER thought I would get drawn into...read one of your early recaps just for sh*ts and giggles and then I was hooked. Like most of the VH1 shows I watch, no one else I know would admit to watching it. Thanks for the recaps!!
5 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 5, 2008 6:53 AM
Great recap...and great show. I did get to find out just how awkward watching this show with your mom in the vicinity can be however while home for Thanksgiving...even at 31 years of age. I think it was the number of times something along this line was said: "So your objective here is to seduce your target as fast as possible..."
6 of 11 | Posted by suedisco | Posted on December 5, 2008 8:02 AM
Mall Goth...Brilliant! I too, never thought I would get hooked on this show, but I loved it as much as your recaps. I will truly miss both.
Too bad they don't have a reunion show like the ROL & Charm School gals do. I think viewers would really like to see how some of these guys "lives have changed" since the show. Plus we'd get to see Ringer and Brian one more time, and maybe Chuck too.
7 of 11 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 5, 2008 10:12 AM
I'd let Chuck pick me up any day... (call me, Chuck)
Great recaps!
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 5, 2008 11:25 AM
I haven't commented before, but I wanted to let you know that I've been reading all of your recaps and think they're hilarious.
Also, I did not understand all the hate for the girl Hutton made out with in the field test. I thought she had a naturally gorgeous face, and was surprised that she wasn't the target from the beginning.
Is it really that bad for a girl to be a size 4 instead of a 0?
9 of 11 | Posted by grannyapple | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:09 PM
You did a great job all season. Your insider info is a real bonus, too.
I agree with grannyapple about Hutton's target - in fact, I don't recall any woman all season who was not attractive. But, then, I'm a (straight) guy who does not obsess on looks. (Which begs the question - why am I watching a shallow show like this? For the great recaps, of course!)
10 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:20 PM
You know, I actually think it is even cooler when one of the other guys, like Brian, Virgin, Ringer, even Chuck to some extent, uses some of the techniques to approach women in their own way and have some success. They don't HAVE to make themselves over into Mystery clones to make it work for them, they just need the confidence and a few skills.
I think Hutton should have gotten a little extra credit because his girl was hotter. Plus, the other girl was running a game on Simeon (The Pick-Up Artistette?). She practically tackled him.
11 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 10:47 PM