Then he drops the bombshell that they're going to get their rooms made over to look like bachelor pads so we don't get to watch them seduce in bunk beds. Bummer. A true pick up artist could.
Tara and Matador do the honors and Tara yet again can't contribute a provocative statement to save her denim diaper overalls.
Basically you need something she can lie down on. It should be fun because fun things should happen on beds. You know? Can I hear what Matador says first?
Hutton says he'll have to work extra hard to overcome the bitch bedroom disadvantage. The master bedroom is not just figurative. Simeon is literally the master. They decide on a bedroom set fit for a middle-aged suburban couple with bad taste and Hutton says it's great because it comes with a conversation piece: A globe! Maybe for a seven-year old. Let's spin the globe and wherever our finger is when it stops that where we'll live! YAY!! OMG? Indian Ocean!?!
Simeon does better with The 'Dor finding the pickup artist's ideal bedroom set. Black and animal print!
If only there could also be some tribal armband tattoo looking thing somewhere...
Simeon then says he thinks he's the dark horse in this competition. What? I'm not sure where this new development came from. He's won the last seventeen things and has said several times no one can beat him. I realize we need to have some editing red herrings in these things, but Suit beating Cowboy Hat just doesn't go down in Mysteryzicstan.
Simeon is totally happy with his room though. He thinks it's the kind of thing a girl is just gonna love.
Tribal armband tattoo wallpaper! Bring me my rune now.
Hutton's room looks like the bedroom version of a stuffy library.
And now the party begins! Finally the BBQs girls have been getting invited to this whole time. The crowd pours in and Mystery reminds them what's at stake: 50Gs AND an invitation to join their team. AND, last but not least, the red medallion! This also got LOLs from the party viewers. How dare one scoff the rune?
And of course Mystery adds that the Perfect 10s are all his friends, but the ladies have no idea that they're his students. This isn't about speed, he reminds, but solid safe game. They have two hours and then it's all over. Someone will be the pick up artist.
We'll just be waiting her plotting our Stevie Nicks cover band.
While the saunter out, Brooks confessionals that he wants this more than Reiner, but Reiner confesses that he didn't come here to be second place. We have a showdown, people. Let the games begin.
And I'm just gonna say what we all are thinking, "10" to Mystery means "blonde and fake tan and fake titties"
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Hutton comes out thinking that he'll win this on his great storytelling ability. Emphasis on the word story. Maybe that one about the house burning down you came up with with Chuck. He thinks these are great DHV spikes because nothing shows your value like a big ol' whopper.
He opens a two set of girls from Alaska and easily gets in rapport with them. He doesn't appear to neg either of them, but he actually seems normal and unannoying which is possibly the best game of all, but clearly not the Mystery Method. Simeon is in another corner with his unfettered energy going on about house parties and how great this one is. Simeon knows house parties.
So now Reiner comes over and Simeon embraces him wing-style and even AIs him. The gang oohs and aahs over baby Mystery and his ability to AI. So Reiner leaves and Brooks now is exchanging massages with the girl and just watching his hyperactivity makes me anxious. I was just not born with that amount of energy. I consider writing all the emails on my to-do list each day a personal victory. And then I have to take a nap.
And massaging a pick up artist is an even bigger privilege than just getting hit on by one.
So while he's getting compliance from a girl, he's getting other girls interested in him. Including the girl adjacent to the massager who was raised on in Arizona on a cotton farm. Simeon does his good girl-bad girl routine with them and then innocuously offers to give them a tour of the house. The gang snickers knowing Simeon is no innocuous tour-giver! He's a PUA, fools!
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Comments (11)
"Mall Goth" !!!!! That's it exactly!!!
I didn't miss the other guy, for one thing, I just don't see a Mormon from Utah wearing these guys' pirate costumes.
For another, every time he came on screen, I felt I was falling into his nostrils.
You know the feeling, you're waiting for subway to pull into the stop and all of a sudden you get the feeling you're about to throw yourself in front of it....
Simeon became like Mystery's Mini-me. And let's face it, the person they were really supposed to learn to pick up was Mystery.
1 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 4, 2008 11:59 PM
"But maybe that bitch is just smiling in her eyes because she watches a lot of America's Next Top Model."
LOL! "I'm ready for my closeup, Ms. Banks."
SImeon would just creep me out with his excessive energy. I've always liked more relaxed guys.
Have you noticed that Mystery looks 10x better with a hat on? I think he has overdone the botox. When I saw that screencap of the elimination, I though, "Wow, who is the old guy?"
2 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 12:33 AM
So much good stuff. "Mall Goth" and "Mystery bibles," great way to end the season (there better be a third!). God I never thought I would wish that, but these recaps make the show a lot more entertaining, and not like I am the only person with too much time of doing nothing to watch it.
It was obvious Simeon was going to win though, and he totally drinks the PUA kool-aid. For weeks the Dor and Mystery kept bragging about Sim adopting their douchey "rock star" avatar tips- painted nails, douchey hats, maybe some wooden goggles to go on top of a douchey hat. They love the bastards that eat this "seduction community" sh-t up.
I can't wait for your interview with Mat and I thank you for those few insider tidbits from the viewing party.
3 of 11 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on December 5, 2008 1:14 AM
Yeah we all knew Simeon would take it. Blah blah blah. Whatevs.
But I will say that I enjoyed this season more than the first one. I think it was because I liked the guys more. Well, except for Hutton because his pretentious douchebag professor bit just drove me nuts the whole time. I hope there is a season 3. And if there is, I hope you recap it. Thanks for all of the laughs.
I am SOOOOO jealous that you got to meet Brian!! Even though I know he could never be The PUA, he was my favorte. If you text/talk to him again, please give him a salami for me.
4 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:54 AM
This is a perfect example of a show I NEVER thought I would get drawn into...read one of your early recaps just for sh*ts and giggles and then I was hooked. Like most of the VH1 shows I watch, no one else I know would admit to watching it. Thanks for the recaps!!
5 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 5, 2008 6:53 AM
Great recap...and great show. I did get to find out just how awkward watching this show with your mom in the vicinity can be however while home for Thanksgiving...even at 31 years of age. I think it was the number of times something along this line was said: "So your objective here is to seduce your target as fast as possible..."
6 of 11 | Posted by suedisco | Posted on December 5, 2008 8:02 AM
Mall Goth...Brilliant! I too, never thought I would get hooked on this show, but I loved it as much as your recaps. I will truly miss both.
Too bad they don't have a reunion show like the ROL & Charm School gals do. I think viewers would really like to see how some of these guys "lives have changed" since the show. Plus we'd get to see Ringer and Brian one more time, and maybe Chuck too.
7 of 11 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 5, 2008 10:12 AM
I'd let Chuck pick me up any day... (call me, Chuck)
Great recaps!
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 5, 2008 11:25 AM
I haven't commented before, but I wanted to let you know that I've been reading all of your recaps and think they're hilarious.
Also, I did not understand all the hate for the girl Hutton made out with in the field test. I thought she had a naturally gorgeous face, and was surprised that she wasn't the target from the beginning.
Is it really that bad for a girl to be a size 4 instead of a 0?
9 of 11 | Posted by grannyapple | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:09 PM
You did a great job all season. Your insider info is a real bonus, too.
I agree with grannyapple about Hutton's target - in fact, I don't recall any woman all season who was not attractive. But, then, I'm a (straight) guy who does not obsess on looks. (Which begs the question - why am I watching a shallow show like this? For the great recaps, of course!)
10 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:20 PM
You know, I actually think it is even cooler when one of the other guys, like Brian, Virgin, Ringer, even Chuck to some extent, uses some of the techniques to approach women in their own way and have some success. They don't HAVE to make themselves over into Mystery clones to make it work for them, they just need the confidence and a few skills.
I think Hutton should have gotten a little extra credit because his girl was hotter. Plus, the other girl was running a game on Simeon (The Pick-Up Artistette?). She practically tackled him.
11 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 10:47 PM