Now it's time for Matador to throw in his two cents. Unfortunately we don't get to hear Matador's backstory, which I've always been curious about. (Check it in the interview coming soon!) He tells Simeon that with his skills he'll never be in danger of being alone, like he was. Tell us, Matador! How could a fine piece like you ever be alone?
Tara takes on Matt and says that he's come so far in the looks department. He used to be a gap-toothed Lauren Hutton lookalike, now he looks like a bridge and tunnel professor.
Mystery nods earnestly that it's been a privilege meeting both of them, but now it's time to take them down a few pegs. Mystery takes him to task about never taking his hand off the girl's shoulder.
The best neg is looking like you're in physical pain when you touch her.
That said, he just loves that Simeon has fully chugged the PUA kool-aid. In fact, that's really all he cares about. He brings up the embarrassing two set failure, but whatevs, he mauled that other girl, so that first part is glossed over.
Hutton Reiner also had a two set in his room that went nowhere, but he brought one of the girls from that set back and got some kissin' in, but he's still pretty weak. Matador lays into him that he just does not get sexy enough. He's all, don't apologize brah. Take it there.
Reveal the sexy. Harness the sexy. Even if the rest of my cover band doesn't give a shit.
The boys now get to give their closing arguments and it's all a variation of things they've said before. Simeon isn't perfect but keeps improving or whatever. Hutton says break through, punch through, breaking through and other prepositional combinations about going through personal barriers.
But we all know that this is all Simeon and after what seems like forever, Mystery finally ends it.
Now we've just encouraged him.
Handshakes and hugs abound for the winner. Hutton bows out gracefully and gives us some line about how it's all just beginning. He'll be on Mystery's team someday by hook or by crook.
And then we get a montage of Simeon kissing girls before everyone walks back into the party to pick up chicks with the gang so Mystery can still prove he's better. All is right with the universe again. So what did you guys think? Obviously it wasn't a surprise, but do you think it would have been a better finale with Greg? Do you think there'll be a season three?
Thank you so so much for being the best, supportive readers I've had on a show yet. This is the first show that I wasn't banging my head on a wall begging for it to just end already. And now I would also like to say that I finally got gamed by a cast member this weekend and it was by adorable favorite MXC Brian! He's as salami delicious as he seems and I happily let him run his material. He's even charmed me with a few texts this week. Maybe it is a privilege after all.
Visit me for the Scream Queens finale next week! My money's on Michelle.
Love!
xoxo, La Internet Sensation
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Comments (11)
"Mall Goth" !!!!! That's it exactly!!!
I didn't miss the other guy, for one thing, I just don't see a Mormon from Utah wearing these guys' pirate costumes.
For another, every time he came on screen, I felt I was falling into his nostrils.
You know the feeling, you're waiting for subway to pull into the stop and all of a sudden you get the feeling you're about to throw yourself in front of it....
Simeon became like Mystery's Mini-me. And let's face it, the person they were really supposed to learn to pick up was Mystery.
1 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on December 4, 2008 11:59 PM
"But maybe that bitch is just smiling in her eyes because she watches a lot of America's Next Top Model."
LOL! "I'm ready for my closeup, Ms. Banks."
SImeon would just creep me out with his excessive energy. I've always liked more relaxed guys.
Have you noticed that Mystery looks 10x better with a hat on? I think he has overdone the botox. When I saw that screencap of the elimination, I though, "Wow, who is the old guy?"
2 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 12:33 AM
So much good stuff. "Mall Goth" and "Mystery bibles," great way to end the season (there better be a third!). God I never thought I would wish that, but these recaps make the show a lot more entertaining, and not like I am the only person with too much time of doing nothing to watch it.
It was obvious Simeon was going to win though, and he totally drinks the PUA kool-aid. For weeks the Dor and Mystery kept bragging about Sim adopting their douchey "rock star" avatar tips- painted nails, douchey hats, maybe some wooden goggles to go on top of a douchey hat. They love the bastards that eat this "seduction community" sh-t up.
I can't wait for your interview with Mat and I thank you for those few insider tidbits from the viewing party.
3 of 11 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on December 5, 2008 1:14 AM
Yeah we all knew Simeon would take it. Blah blah blah. Whatevs.
But I will say that I enjoyed this season more than the first one. I think it was because I liked the guys more. Well, except for Hutton because his pretentious douchebag professor bit just drove me nuts the whole time. I hope there is a season 3. And if there is, I hope you recap it. Thanks for all of the laughs.
I am SOOOOO jealous that you got to meet Brian!! Even though I know he could never be The PUA, he was my favorte. If you text/talk to him again, please give him a salami for me.
4 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:54 AM
This is a perfect example of a show I NEVER thought I would get drawn into...read one of your early recaps just for sh*ts and giggles and then I was hooked. Like most of the VH1 shows I watch, no one else I know would admit to watching it. Thanks for the recaps!!
5 of 11 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 5, 2008 6:53 AM
Great recap...and great show. I did get to find out just how awkward watching this show with your mom in the vicinity can be however while home for Thanksgiving...even at 31 years of age. I think it was the number of times something along this line was said: "So your objective here is to seduce your target as fast as possible..."
6 of 11 | Posted by suedisco | Posted on December 5, 2008 8:02 AM
Mall Goth...Brilliant! I too, never thought I would get hooked on this show, but I loved it as much as your recaps. I will truly miss both.
Too bad they don't have a reunion show like the ROL & Charm School gals do. I think viewers would really like to see how some of these guys "lives have changed" since the show. Plus we'd get to see Ringer and Brian one more time, and maybe Chuck too.
7 of 11 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 5, 2008 10:12 AM
I'd let Chuck pick me up any day... (call me, Chuck)
Great recaps!
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on December 5, 2008 11:25 AM
I haven't commented before, but I wanted to let you know that I've been reading all of your recaps and think they're hilarious.
Also, I did not understand all the hate for the girl Hutton made out with in the field test. I thought she had a naturally gorgeous face, and was surprised that she wasn't the target from the beginning.
Is it really that bad for a girl to be a size 4 instead of a 0?
9 of 11 | Posted by grannyapple | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:09 PM
You did a great job all season. Your insider info is a real bonus, too.
I agree with grannyapple about Hutton's target - in fact, I don't recall any woman all season who was not attractive. But, then, I'm a (straight) guy who does not obsess on looks. (Which begs the question - why am I watching a shallow show like this? For the great recaps, of course!)
10 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 5, 2008 3:20 PM
You know, I actually think it is even cooler when one of the other guys, like Brian, Virgin, Ringer, even Chuck to some extent, uses some of the techniques to approach women in their own way and have some success. They don't HAVE to make themselves over into Mystery clones to make it work for them, they just need the confidence and a few skills.
I think Hutton should have gotten a little extra credit because his girl was hotter. Plus, the other girl was running a game on Simeon (The Pick-Up Artistette?). She practically tackled him.
11 of 11 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 5, 2008 10:47 PM