Chooch: I'm seeing a theme developing here. We all got fat over the holidays & now the networks are shoving it in our faces. Well, I'm not getting off the couch!
Schoonie: I've only ever seen bits and pieces of this show, but I'm told it's like Survivor, except with fat people who get skinny. Well, that and there are douchier hosts and trainers, which I find hard to believe.
YentaPatrol: Would somebody please shove a crate of donuts down Jillian's scrawny throat?
Monamonzano: I know I only have a masters in Calculus, but check this equation out: Fat couples + fat intercourse + an elliptical machine= awesome televison. Write that down.
Flipit: What's the point of being in a relationship if you can't be fat? This show is bad for love.
Mones: Watch as fed-up tubby couples fight to slim down. Celebrate when they realize they can get someone hotter and dump the fatty standing next to them!
Don't worry, America. The Puerto Rican Squiggy is keeping us all safe.
Homeland Security USA on ABC at 8pm.
Chooch: This is a reality show where we, the viewer, get to watch what the HS does to keep us safe. Uhhmmm, isn't that something we shouldn't have for a TV show. I mean, just in case the bad guys are watching!!
Schoonie: All the terrorists are watching 24, so don't even worry about it.
YentaPatrol: I so hope we get to see an episode featuring Brett Michaels and his Hos going through the JFK checkpoints.
HoneyGangsta: Won't this just be footage of a bunch of white grandmas and toddlers getting strip searched at the airport?
Flipit: Someone's trying to get a bottle of water onto the plane! GET HIM!!
TVgasm Predicts: 40% chance that this will make it a full year. We like to pretend that terrorism doesn't exist in America.
Scrubs returns, but on a new netework, ABC, at 9pm.
Chooch: Do you know how sick I am of the promo with Turk farting & trying to blame it on the old dude?
Copyhacker: Finally John C. McGinley gets something to do other than make Miller Lite commercials. It's been a long year without Dr. Cox.
HoneyGangsta: Why is it that a song about poo is the funniest thing in the world - especially with Broadway choreography? Another musical episode, please!
Monamonzano: God, who likes this show? Dumb and terrible. I hope it gets cancelled like...five years ago. Really, does anyone care?
TVgasm Predicts: 30%. No one watched in on NBC now suddenly they're gonna care? Doubtful. Unless there are a lot of choreographed numbers about poo.
Primetime: What Would You Do? on ABC at 10pm.
Mones: I'll do what I want!
Chooch: This program will ask us what we would do if we saw the bad guys doing bad things after watching the Homeland Security show.
MandaMo: See, this program worries me. Now I'm going to have to always be on my best behavior in fear of a hidden camera. Well, thanks, Primetime. Now I guess I actually have to act like a decent person.
Copyhacker: Can we get a crossover with this and "To Catch A Predator"? The possibilities are endless.
Flipit: These shows need to cut the crap. The other night I watched a 20/20 about a woman breast feeding an eight year old and almost threw up on myself.
Nip/Tuck returns on FX at 10pm.
Chooch: I wonder if they'll bring back Rosie to tighten her ass up from that huge egg she laid on NBC.
Schoonie: God, can we not talk about Rosie?
Flipit: If Rosie's out then I have nothing to say.
HoneyGangsta: I smell a Diet Tribe crossover!
PopPrincess: This is like the Passions of night time television. It jumped the shark with the whole Carver storyline. SHOULD be cancelled, but F/X will drain every drop of fat out of it possible. (get it? because its about plastic surgeons?)
Flipit: (head slap)
TVgasm Predicts: 20% this show will make it another season. We didn't even know it was still on.
1/7 Wednesday:
13: Fear is Real on the CW at 8pm.
Chooch: This is a competition reality show where whoever gets the shit scared out of them first is eliminated.
Schoonie: So, just like America's Next Top Model then? BAM!
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Comments (13)
The return of Saturday Night Lights is about the only one of these that interests me. (Hurray!) Loved the gasmic comments, though.
1 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 5, 2009 9:09 AM
Mad hearts to Flippy for the massive editing job that must have been! The finished product is hi to the larious if I do say so myself.
2 of 13 | Posted by copyhacker | Posted on January 5, 2009 10:11 AM
OK, this was the best exchange ever. Much love to Flipit ;)
Monamonzano: Are you kidding me? This show is shit. SHIT! HA! Even the posters are boring . . .
Flipit: I just slashed your tires, skank. Call the cops. I DARE YOU! No judge would convict me.
3 of 13 | Posted by anicho01 | Posted on January 5, 2009 10:02 PM
I'm not gonna lie, I didn't read the whole thing yet, but I will. I did skim it though and skimming is almost reading, right? (Totally arbitrary sidenote: I didn't do that well in English classes)
Anyway, I love when you mash together these monster blog reviews, they're always hilarious. Here's my four cents about some of the shows (c'mon, pretend you care):
Scrubs - I used to love this show...then the last two seasons happened. Now I watch it and keep thinking 'Why didn't Zack Braff quit yet?'
Howie Do It - and I thought Deal or No Deal was the show that was going to make me start a three state killing spree
House - the damn show is called House, if it doesn't center around House I DONT CARE.
Lost - I sense a lot of Lost frustration from the panel. Personally, I loved the last season and i do think there is a plan. So there.
Thanks again Flip for doing these, they're always great.
4 of 13 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on January 6, 2009 4:43 AM
FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.
5 of 13 | Posted by kevintheomanharris | Posted on January 6, 2009 5:32 AM
For those who do not have DirecTV, Friday Night Lights has been it's typical good self...love the Taylors!!
6 of 13 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on January 6, 2009 6:41 AM
i could not stop looking at the picture of ashley simpson and pete wentz. his head is the cloverfield monster compared to her's- it is ridiculously large. i just keep feeling bad for her poor vagina if their kid had a head like its pop.
could not stop laughing while reading this especially the discussion about the howie mendal show. "You've been Howie do'd!" or "That's how howie does it!" i am rolling. i am hoping that they go with the howie do'd option.
7 of 13 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on January 6, 2009 9:59 AM
omg, reckless_saturn! I just DIED when I read your comparison of pete wentz' head to the cloverfield monster!
Flipit, can't believe you put this thing together so speedily. You are truly the butter to my bread...and the jar of vaseline to my spatula...
8 of 13 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on January 6, 2009 10:35 AM
mandamo:
i mean his head has its own gravitational pull. sorry i am just floored. has anyone else noticed this? i guess i don't look at too many pictures of the lovely couple.
9 of 13 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on January 6, 2009 11:31 AM
This was like watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000...or reading it...or...huh? Which one of you is the robot?
10 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 6, 2009 12:00 PM
"Schoonie: I'd be all "This show's still on?" but I recap Survivor, so..."
HAHAHAHAHA omg, i laughed.
11 of 13 | Posted by sixty | Posted on January 6, 2009 3:42 PM
"Schoonie: I'd be all "This show's still on?" but I recap Survivor, so..."
HAHAHAHAHA omg, i laughed.
12 of 13 | Posted by sixty | Posted on January 6, 2009 3:42 PM
That's something I can keep in mind now. As long as "Survivor" is still on the air, "The Bachelor" will still be on the air.
13 of 13 | Posted by nerrawllehctim | Posted on January 6, 2009 7:02 PM