Last week ended with a rather cryptic reference to Michael's "wife," whom I tabbed a "Sexy Latina." Well, I was wrong on both counts. We learned that his wife, Nika, is really not all that sexy and being from Prague, she doesn't even know what a quesadilla is. Something is definitely fishy about the whole wife thing, because Michael is still busy flirting with Dr. Tancredi - a woman more on his level. The good doctor had saved the origami flower he made for her and seemed to take pleasure in checking Michael's shirtless deep breaths. Was something actually wrong with his lungs? Or was Tancredi simply aiding her fantasy about his deep breaths pressing his chiseled sweaty chest lustily against her own supple pert bosoms; dreaming that he slowly slipped his rock-hard manhood into her slippery love tunnel?

Hello?! Harlequin?! You have my number! Guccione? Al Goldstein?

Cabin Update: Out in the middle of nowhere, the Mighty Quinn was preparing to surprise Nick, Veronica, and LJ. Remember he had somehow pinpointed their location via tracing her IM. He produced a random piece of sandpaper and proceeded to give himself the most brutal shave ever. I initially thought he was simply trying to ingratiate himself with Veronica... By sanding down one cheek, he'd be able to win her over saying, "Look Miss, you and I gotta stick together! With the looks and jeers we get for our mutual disturbing inverted cheeks!" Alas, he was merely trying to give the impression that he'd been in a car accident. Boring... At least he avoided getting caught in a cougar trap. ("24" is only a couple months away!)

On the work detail, tensions were running high. No one likes T-Bag and his racist digs were only exacerbating the problem. After Abruzzi called him "Sergeant Sodomy," and told him to get digging to give Suge Knight (I don't think the show has ever told us the black guy's name yet, so I'm sticking with his doppelganger) a break. "Oh, I don't know, it's too dark in that hole," referring to Suge's skin tone.