Ah, Prison Break. I've never actually recapped this show before, but because Amanda is literally stuck in the Netherlands with various occupational obligations hanging over her head (don't get any ideas) and because Umnata has been sacked with a double dose of The OC, I figured I'd step up and take the baton for an episode or two. I actually was kind of excited to sub in. I've been enjoying my own interior monologue of snark all season long, and now I can share some of it. I mean, is this not the most ridiculous show on TV right now? That doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. Heck, I love the way Agent Mahone can miraculously appear in different parts of the country in a blink of the eye. I'm starting to think that maybe he has a bit of that Heroes mojo going on. And let's not overlook his brilliant powers of deduction. Nor can we forget T-Bag, the medical miracle of the Western World. Yes, so many plot holes, so little time.
This week's show started on a surprisingly sunny note. Literally. The familiar refrain of "Walking on Sunshine" greeted us, and for a fleeting second, I thought this show might be displaying an ounce of lightheartedness. Oh, how wrong I was. Turns out this Katrina and the Waves classic was merely the anthem to T-Bag's painful torture experience. For those of you who may have forgotten, ex-officer Bellick and his faithful sidekick, Whatshisface, had cornered T-Bag in a house and were now trying to make him 'fess up to the location of all that money. Well, apparently, they'd been going at it all night, playing "Walking on Sunshine" every time they plucked another stitch from T-Bag's wrist. Delightful!
Of course, we knew these corrupt officers would be getting their comeuppance somehow. T-Bag did have a blade of some sort stashed away in his sock. But would he be able to reach it amidst all the pain and slobbering? (Oh yes, there was slobber.) Chances were, he'd probably employ said blade at about the 57 minute mark, right as the show was wrapping up (he's done it before. Why not again?). In the meantime, the torturers found a nifty kitchen mallet, and what better way to spice things up than by slamming T-Bag's janky wrist with it. Ah, the sweet taste of horrendous pain!
Meanwhile, over at FBI branch headquarters -- or wherever they were -- it was officially announced that Burrows was in custody. This led to cheers all around and that one black lady saying, "Another day, he'd be gone." THANKS, LJ. It's only the twenty-millionth time you've screwed things up for everybody. (For those of you who don't remember, they had to ditch their awesome car when LJ made eye contact with girls at a diner, and then later, when they were on foot, LJ got run over by a vehicle, leading to the arrest of him and his father. Way to go, douche).
We then cut to Agent Kellerman, who was busy being nefarious in a general sort of way. His cell suddenly rang, and immediately he could tell who it was: that pesky Asian man who likes to spend his days smirking and making veiled threats. I was personally amused to see that Mr. Kim, despite his high levels of Evilness, didn't bother to restrict his phone number for caller ID. If Patricia Wettig ever found out he was running such a shabby operation, she would certainly have him drugged and stuffed in the Montana ranch with her toothless brother!
Later on, we headed back to Arizona where LJ and Lincoln somberly rode in the back of a cop car. Yes, just another lazy day in Arizona. Nothing could go wrong. After all, local cops always have such a brilliant track record with keeping suspects in custody on FOX conspiracy shows...
Sure enough, a big, black van appeared out of nowhere and rammed the police car off the road! What's that you say? A car actually gets rammed off the road on Prison Break???? Why, I NEVER!!!
Well, with the squad car knocked down into a forest (for which Arizona is so famous for...), LJ and Link (my least favorite nickname of all time) ran free... for about two seconds. A bunch of people bounded out of the mysterious van, apprehending the two suspects. Leading the pack was a spritely blond woman whom Lincoln happily punched in the mouth before she explained that she was on his side. Even better, she worked for his DAD! Dunh dunh DUNH!
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Comments (11)
Hey B-Side, how about you recap like every episode of every show on here? I mean no disrespect to any other writers, they are great and keep me coming back, but you are MJ to their Charles Barkley.
P.S. - If you no longer need to avoid "Saw" then netflix "Hostel"...that should make you grimace/puke.
1 of 11 | Posted by Steve
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Posted on November 12, 2006 12:28 AM
I enjoyed this recap almost as much as I enjoy this show. Maybe it's the total hotness of Wentworth Miller but I LOVE this show.
Anyway, I thought Tancredi was ripping the wiring out of Mahone's car so he couldn't chase them.
And I'd like to nominate 'Dick' as the worst nickname ever... but 'Link' is definitely up there.
2 of 11 | Posted by carabiner
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Posted on November 12, 2006 7:14 AM
b-side, this was hilarious. none of the previous recaps have captured the sublime absurdity of 'prison break,' a show where logic and reason have been out to lunch for so long that it wouldn't surprise me if people started pulling off rubber masks (a-HA!! it was you all along!!). t-bag's magic hand has to take the prize for 'biggest insult to the viewers' intelligence,' right behind the implication that wentworth miller likes girls.
one minor correction: the key sarah tancredi was fondling did not come from michael, but, rather, was discovered by sarah on the floor of her father's office when she found him hanging by the neck from his own belt (conveniently, the dastardly minions of E-vil president elliot's-annoying-wife-from-thirtysomething are clever enough to mastermind a fake suicide by the governor of illinois and nominee for vice president, but failed to notice a stray safety deposit box key on the freakin' FLOOR when they were wiping the room for prints).
last season was just as ludicrous, but somehow more believable (or, at least, enjoyable). maybe leaving behind the prison setting is part of the problem; maybe it's just that michael scofield is sort of turning out to be a bit of a second-rate super-genius, what with all of the clumsy slip-ups and bone-headed plays.
ah, well. it'll have to do until '24' gets started.
3 of 11 | Posted by jack
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Posted on November 12, 2006 7:31 AM
I keep telling myself not to get hung up on the logic lapses, but the whole "meet me in one hour" and "the fax came in 20 minutes ago" thing was painful. Sometimes I think the writers aren't just careless, they are actually fucking with us.
That being said, I think carabiner is right, Sarah was disabling Mahone's car.
I'm enjoying how much trouble Scofield is having this season. It's nice to see hime struggle a bit more with how he can't control everything, while still coming up with his Wile. E. Coyote plans. I really liked the hotel scene between him and Sarah where she called him on how much he got off on it.
Oh, and someone please kill off Sucre. I will never, ever, care about his plotline.
4 of 11 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on November 12, 2006 8:42 AM
Either my gaydar is completely turned off or my hormones are overriding it. Wentworth Miller is HOT!!! Oh, wait a minute. Most guys I think are hot are also gay. Well, CRAP!!
5 of 11 | Posted by RealityTV4Me
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Posted on November 12, 2006 10:11 AM
Wait, did Christmas come early this year? B-Side recapping TV's most ludicrously entertaining show? Sweet.
6 of 11 | Posted by Ms. Tumnus
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Posted on November 12, 2006 6:52 PM
I have to read these re-caps every week to remind me what happened. I don't pay much attention to the show. I only watch for Wentworth ~swoon~
7 of 11 | Posted by LuvzSunshine
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Posted on November 13, 2006 8:45 AM
I don't even watch the show anymore. My head was about to explode with rage at the illogical plot twists. But I confess I come here to TVG for solace and companionship. This week it's a special treat, having the mighty B-Side do the recap himself. Amanda improved over Umnata (I think it was him), and now B-Side brings his unique style and super sharp snark to what is easily the dumbest show on TV. So dumb that people watch just to rail at it.
So, come on in and stay a while, B-Side. We like your style.
8 of 11 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on November 13, 2006 9:27 AM
Fox sent us an advance screener of tonight's show. I won't spoil anything, obvs, but there is some ridiculous, ridiculous shit in there. Like, it makes NO sense.
All I have to say is: slow-mo shell drop.
9 of 11 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on November 13, 2006 9:37 AM
The recap was great B-side. I agree, the show just makes you totally suspend belief. Everyone gets away at just the right moment. So many chances, more than 9 lives. And yet, I still watch.
10 of 11 | Posted by may1
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Posted on November 13, 2006 10:14 AM
I'm trying to guess what the big 'secret' will be that they keep hinting at in the commercials. If it's not totally ridiculous, then it wouldn't be PB. No other show has me on the edge of my seat one minute and laughing at how ridiculous it is the next. I love it!!
11 of 11 | Posted by carabiner
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Posted on November 13, 2006 10:19 AM