Now that we've all seen the casting special we have gotten somewhat familiar with our contestants, so the first few minutes of the show, where each one is introduced, is a bit rushed which is good. We want to get right to the action.

The first contestant to enter the loft is Malan. Which is Mandarin for "arrogant oily prick". He was born in Taiwan you see. "Tie-waannn" as he puts it. He talks out of the corner of his mouth and has an evil laugh. Expect him to be around for a while before getting the boot. After we hear him complain about how fake flowers creates bad feng shui, he is met at the loft by Michael Knight, the hip hop designer. And boy is that an awkward introduction. Soon Robert and hippie Bradley join the party.

Next up is Laura Bennett, flat chested architect extraordinaire (I'm sorry, but the woman wears clothes that goes out of its way to accentuate the fact that she has the chest of a young Macaulay Culkin). In her small talk we here her saying that she never dresses down. "With 5 kids it's a slippery slope to sweatpants and a minivan, so I just don't go there". Cut to Laura with her five ids stuffed in the back seat of a Miata screaming for their lives. But hey, she looks fab!

Then its time for Angela from Ohio. Or as she tells us "Quote unquote nowhere". Wait, I thought when you did the "quote unquote" thing, what follows has to be an ironic statement? . Like "Barry Bonds hits home runs because he rubs himself down with quote unquote flax seed oil". I mean, when I meet people I don't say "Quote, unquote 'Hello' ". Although maybe I should start.

Laura is fascinated by the fact that Angela is from Ohio. "What do people do in Ohio. I've often wondered about it" she asks her as if Ohio is some alien world where people live underground and eat dirt. Although she probably wouldn't like it at all. I hear parents actually put their kids in minivans and don't leave them for months at a time to appear on reality shows. Can you believe that?

Net up its Stacy Estrella, the 40 year old with the 20 year olds hair. Then it's the pageant guy Kayne from Oklahoma. And really, where else would you open a pageant dress shop that good old Oklahoma? Here we get yet another glimpse of his bio video where he makes his Mommie Dearest "No more wire hangers" joke. About as funny as someone doing an Austin Powers impression. God I, quote unquote, hate those people.