Bradley Screws the Pooch - 
by EdHIll
It only took three episodes. Three episodes of this seasons Project Runway to get my blood boiling. Don't get me wrong, it was a great episode. It had drama, creativity, suspense, Tim. All the things we've come to love about Project Runway. But it also had one of the worst performances by judges I've seen in all 3 seasons. And the person that was sent home should never have been sent home. And it was made all the worse when the one person who did no work, and I mean literally threw something on his model in twenty minutes, not only got away scott free but was complimented. In fact this was the first episode when I actually thought that Nina Garcia doesn't know shit. I know, harsh words, but I stand by them. And although I may not be an expert on good fashion, in the words of Supreme Court Justice Potter Stuart, "I know it when I see it". Of course he was referring to hard core pornography not fashion. Two sides of the same coin really.
The show starts with the designers still recovering from the loss of dear old Malan. Which is quick since they weren't too traumatized by the whole experience. I mean he made a poopy dress. Literally. When they get before Heidi on the runway she comes out in a nice brown plaid top and some blue jeans that showcase her fantastic fanny. She tells the designers that they will be designing for one of fashions "hottest accessories". Tim will fill them all in on the details tomorrow morning. Oh, Heidi is being coy! Who knew Germans had coyness in them? Punctuality and a love of schnitzels yes, but coyness? Heidi them brings out the models and Kayne has to choose who he is keeping. He goes with Katya since she has undeniably fierce walk.
When that is Heidi then tells them all to get some rest because they have "a very early start tomorrow" . As she says this she rubs her hands and her voice lowers to a musky growl. The new Evil Heidi. We've seen pieces of her in the Project Runway ad's where she lets out that loud "HA!" and now it is coming out in full force. I'm liking the evil Heidi. I'd like to go all James Bond and sneak into her evil lair. And by that I mean vagina. I would like to be inside her vagina. There I said it.
That night at the Atlas apartments they are all trying to figure out what the accessory is. Cell phone? Uli pipes in with her own Idea's in her stilted German accent. "Maybe belt or shoe?" Shoes accessories? I thought shoes were just shoes. Then she keeps going. "Maybe liederhosen! Or Konfektionsgrößen? Vait! I bet it's strudel! YA! It vill be Strudel! "
The next morning at 6 am they all find a note from Tim. He tells them all to make their way uptown along the west side of Central Park. When Laura realizes it she has a eureka moment. "Guys. It's horses. Are horses a fashion accessory?" Huh? What? Horses? Do they even allow horses in Central Park? Where did she get that from? Laura is so dead set on her horse idea that when they are all ready and walking up Central Park West Laura is wearing a jockey outfit. Damn, who knew she even was able to pack a jockey uniform much less make one?
TimFont ™
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