Life's Rich Pageant - 
by EdHIll
I sat down for this weeks Project Runway all a twitter with the knowledge that this episode would finally show us the big "scandal" that has been alluded to from both Heidi in interviews and on other websites. Alas, I was let down as the episode went off with nary a controversy. Well, Vincent acted all crazy, but that's his "thing" so it really doesn't qualify as an event.
This week's challenge also included one of the most unimpressive surprise "guest stars" since Nancy O'Dell from season one. Miss USA? Not only did I not know who she was, I didn't even think they had a Miss USA anymore. Personally, I wish they would have gone with designing a gown for Ms. Olympia. Imagine designing a glamorous gown for this chick. Now that would be a challenge.
On the runway Heidi comes out looking fab as usual. Last time they were assigned models but this time they get to choose. Cue the hot models in black slips and their accompanying music. Keith goes first and picks Narzi, the African American model with the hair of Yahoo Serious. From there each one picks the model they like, with accompanying looks of crushing defeat from the models when one of the designers goes another way. It's kind of too early in the season to really get an idea of the models so I'll just kind of move on.
Heidi tells then that today's challenge they will be designing for "An icon of American beauty," OHMIGOD! It's Star Jones, I just know it! Heidi turns to the big Project Runway silhouette as the woman appears and starts to turn the corner . It's..... A woman! With...some sort of sash. Umm, is it the Strawberry Festival queen from Wethersfield CT? Wait no. It's got to be the Miss Apple Blossom Festival Pageant winner! Winchester PA in da house! What? No? Oh. It's Miss USA Tara Conner. Her two main goals this year are winning the Miss Universe pageant and making sure Cyberdyne systems does not start a nuclear war thus unleashing evil Austrian cyborgs to ravage our future landscape. But mostly winning Miss Universe.
Now to you and me, Miss USA is not exactly awe inspiring. But in the world of Project Runway, where 80% of the contestants are gay dressmakers, it's the next best thing to Liza herself walking onstage. Or to put it another way, if I was a contestant on the show and the person who we were told to design an outfit for was non other than Boba Fett, intergalactic bounty hunter, I would have reacted the exact same way Kayne did when he saw Miss USA. Eyes bulging, smiles and even some hyperventilating. Miss USA tells the designers that their challenge is to design a gown for her upcoming competition for Miss Universe. And they better do a good job because the contestants from Rijel 6 of the Quxxor Galaxy are looking strong this year.
Back in the workroom Tim appears with Tara by her side. She tells Tim that this year she is the second tallest contestant in the pageant (smallest contestant? Ruby Hardbottle of the Shire) so she wants a dress that will elongate her form. She is looking for earth tones and she does not want a plunging neckline because, as she says, she "does not want them to see this" and points to her bazoombas. She is so gonna lose.
"I got boobs y'all!"
Tim then explains that this week everyone will be working in teams. They will all be given 30 minutes to come up with an initial sketch and then Miss USA will meet with each of them and pick the top 7 designs she likes. Those people will then become team leaders and choose another person to help them carry out their vision. This challenge stresses teamwork.
Once Tim drops that nugget we hear Angela fret that she has never designed a gown before so she hopes that she gets paired with someone with excellent "construction skills", meaning she hopes she gets picked by someone who knows what to do.
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