It is now 2008. I will be thin, rich, and gorgeous. Nothing will tempt me to travel down my past path of chocolate and pizza bingeing. NOTHING!
DAMN YOU, PROJECT RUNWAY!!!
Previously, Steven mad a fat lady look like a Pilgrim who missed her boat, I learned how to spell staph infection, and that same jacket thing Christian keeps making over and over again finally won a blue ribbon.
Steven's gone, but not much else has changed in the loft. Ricky still grosses me out (this time with his bare man boobs) and Christian's still as bitchy as can be, saying that he doesn't care that Steven was obliterated. He made an ugly dress uglier. The end. The other queens laugh and laugh, either at Christian's cattiness or Chris' insistence on dressing like the mom in Hairspray.
I bought a laundry bag from the Cracker Barrel a few years ago that looked just like this.
Heidi, looking a little bit washed out, comes out in a tight black skirt and ho lipstick to explain that since the models weren't used last week, two of them will be going home today. They look more desperate than ever, giving needy doe eyes to the designers like I've given Burger King every time I've passed (34 times) since this goddamn holiday called "New Years" went into effect. Damn you to hell, 2008!
Christian gets to choose first, and he thanks his current bag of bones for everything she's done for him before warning her not to let the door kick her in the ass on the way out. He snaps up the young fresh gorgeous girl (let's face it, there's really only one this year) instead, and practically snaps his fingers at the cameras as he does it.
Jillian stays with her girl, and then Sweet P's name is picked from the bag!! She's not last for once and smiles from ear to ear, confident that her luck has changed. You better hope not, because the luck you had kept you hanging on by a thread. She keeps her same model, but it's not a good move. Something's wrong with this girl. She looks like Satan's bride.
Someone call Pat Robertson. This girl's been infiltrated.
Rami also decides to make a change. I can't imagine why. Who doesn't want a cross eyed horse face walking their clothes down the aisle? OK, that was uncalled for, but seriously. How is this girl a model?
Sorry, suga, but Charlize Theron already won an Oscar playing this part.
Christian's discarded model is picked up by Ricky, and the horse and some other skinny girl are sent packing. The only thing I care about is that Yentl is safe. And she is!! Heidi tells the designers to go get some rest, because Tim Gunn will be waking them up at the crack ass of dawn to take them on a field trip. When he arrives at the loft the next morning, he is greeted by Kit Pistol. Gunn is understandably horrified. She's lucky Veronica Webb isn't with him, cuz she'd be getting a brand new cornhole chewed out right now.
The Nightmare After Christmas
For some reason, we get to watch Tim knock on every apartment door to see every designer look like crap first thing in the morning. Thanks for that, producers. Something's fishy over in the last apartment. Ricky answers the door holding one of Chris' muumuus. Please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means, because I have no food in my system to throw up.
Tim takes his motley crew down the street to Times Square and tells them to look around at where they are. Will they be dressing the cast of a Broadway musical? Hookers? Waiters from the Olive Garden? Nope! Tim points to the Hershey's store and the designers start jumping up and down. The only one on my page is Christian, who says "great. We get to make shit out of candy." The waiters from the Olive Garden would have been way better. They definitely need a makeover. MMMmmmm endless bread....
Some robotic cracker named Michelle Gloeckler welcomes the designers to the huge store and uncomfortably recites her lines about Hershey's being the sweetest place on Earth. She also warns them that if they act like brats they'll be drowned in a chocolate lake or thrown down a trash chute by a bunch of squirrels. There will be no budget today. Instead, they'll have five minutes to ransack the place for whatever they want. This is the most evil challenge the producers could have thrown my way exactly one day into my diet. A holes. BRB.
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Comments (22)
Kalliope - Classical Mythology. the Muse of heroic poetry.
If you're gonna make fun, know what you're making fun of.
1 of 22 | Posted by franatic | Posted on January 4, 2008 6:33 AM
Bravo Flipit..Great Recap you make me laugh so hard! Thanks!
Can't wait for your American Idol recaps!
2 of 22 | Posted by courtlampton | Posted on January 4, 2008 7:01 AM
"Kalliope - Classical Mythology. the Muse of heroic poetry.
If you're gonna make fun, know what you're making fun of."
Oh, don't be so grumpy. Calliope can also be spelled with a C, so he wasn't that far off.
Great recap, Flip--love your photo captions.
3 of 22 | Posted by drmalcolm | Posted on January 4, 2008 7:15 AM
I'm finally able to watch PR!! Yay!
Another funny recap, Flip :)
Juddfan: You are so right. Chris is nothing like Kayne now that I have seen him in action. I still think he is my favorite though maybe that it a jinx because my favorites never win: Austin, Nick and Kayne.
4 of 22 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on January 4, 2008 7:54 AM
It was a good recap, very funny.
The problem with Kalliope wasn't that it was misspelled, it was that I don't think Flipit knew what it meant or went to dictionary.com before posting.
I hate Christian a little more every week. I wish he and Vincent could work next to each other.
5 of 22 | Posted by franatic | Posted on January 4, 2008 8:20 AM
great recap!
fyi, the hot guest judge is Zac Posen..fashion designer
i also find him delicious!
6 of 22 | Posted by ladyy2001 | Posted on January 4, 2008 8:26 AM
Who give a flying F*ck about Kalliope..... our man said he was playing Kandyland while partaking of a martini !!.... besides, it's all about the design and I loved Rami's outfit. He was robbed! I'll bet those twizzlers all fell off after she left the runway. I bid $2.
7 of 22 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on January 4, 2008 9:40 AM
Just an FYI, chooch: Rami DID win the challenge. I think he's the one to beat, though he seems a little full of himself for my taste.
Snootchy bootches: my faves never win either. Austin and Nick (like you), then last season I loved Laura and Michael (though Michael did kind of bite it at Bryant Park).
I'm watching for Kit and Kevin (the latter of whom I have a HUGE crush on). They've been very consistent and under the radar, but (like Michael and Laura last season) I think they'll start to stand out once a couple more people are eliminated.
Way to redeem yourself this week, Chris March. That pop-art dress was totally cute.
Elisa did seem like a nice person. So does Sweet P, but I think she's way out of her league.
Lurve the recaps, Flipit!
8 of 22 | Posted by maybeimamazed02 | Posted on January 4, 2008 9:56 AM
Flipit - Holy Shit - I honestly live for your recaps! My fav line this week: "Sorry hun, Charlize Theron already won an oscar for that look!" I read it hours ago and I am still laughing!
And - seriously - Tim Gunn's line about the dress lookin like a maxi-pad! OMG!! That was Fing hilarious - I love him.
I hated Jillian's dress - I thought from far away it looked like red leather with fringe! I don't care if she made it with twizzlers or not - total FUG! It looked like something Britney would wear with skanky fishnets, and a jacked-up weave!
Oh - and Flipit - I am sitting here eating an apple for lunch and pretending its a bacon cheeseburger is so not working - I am right there with you!
9 of 22 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on January 4, 2008 10:43 AM
Franatic: Flip was right regardless of the meaning of the word and whether he knew what it was, Calliope is a tough name for a child... as is Terpsichore, Erato, Polyhymnia, Euterpe, Melpomene and Urania. (I knew those Classical Studies would come in handy some day!) Kids with names like that take a lot of crap growing up. And let's face it, with a mom like Elisa, chances are the kid is going to need Therapy as it is... why make it worse by naming her something that can be twisted into cow-liar-pee and worse?
10 of 22 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on January 4, 2008 11:48 AM
Am I the only one who loves Christian? Perhaps it's because I'm a pretentious snotty bitch too.
Great recap as usual Flipit. And just an FYI so you don't get taken as I did, the new sugar free mocha syrup from Starbucks is disgusting, just stick with the regular stuff that has calories.
11 of 22 | Posted by HereKittyKitty | Posted on January 4, 2008 11:58 AM
HereKittyKitty: I too love Christian. He reminds me of every gay guy I am friends with, and I swear the only reason they love me is because I'm the girl version of them. I just can't live without his bitchy comments!
Rami is my favorite, but I did fall in love with him prior to the season starting. My front runners are him and Kevin...now that I've stated that, neither will win. I personally don't like Jillian and I can't quite put my finger on why. Just something about her.
I'm gonna miss Elisa and her crazy ass. I think I even got a little misty when she got auf'ed. Why couldn't it have been Victoria?? I don't think I've ever disliked anyone as much as I dislike her. Not even Wendy Pepper!
12 of 22 | Posted by lalia | Posted on January 4, 2008 12:08 PM
I like Christian too. His bitchiness has an air of self-awareness, and I think he's legitimately talented (though I LOVED Kevin's yellow tunic last ep, I thought Christian had quite a challenge because his client was so high maintenance. Yet he came up with something that she would wear that was also cute.)
Jillian I wasn't a huge fan of until this week. It was nice to see her act human.
Victorya sucks. So bitchy and passive-aggressive, I actually sided with RICKY when they clashed earlier in the season.
Speaking of Ricky, I liked his outfit this week. The bubble skirt was adorable.
13 of 22 | Posted by maybeimamazed02 | Posted on January 4, 2008 12:59 PM
I agree - I am a Christian fan too...the show would be really boring without his comments and he's funny! He's talented and although I don't peg him to win, I think the producers will keep him around for awhile bc of his character.
I also can't stand Victorya and I think a lot of that has to do with the group challenge when she was with Ricky.
I actually really liked Kit's dress..it was weird, but I thought it should've been in the top 3 instead of Jillian.
14 of 22 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on January 4, 2008 1:23 PM
Yay!!! Fast recap on mini-week!!! Well, I was weeping in my wheaties when they cut crazy face, the whole runway, I'm saying "well, it wont be crazy face" and I totally wanted it to be V Ya!--I'm sorry, worse than CF's--like a wedding cake come to life, on a Barbie with unbending arms . . . her dresses are sooooo ONE NOTE--you called that one, Flippy, from the previews! but for reals, two straps and a square unfitted bodice, with, ooo, how 'bout strappy criss-crosses, or flouncy ruffles, or breast squishing ropes--UGH!!!! Why does reality TV always favor the bitches . . . . sob . . . I miss the wood sprite!!!
For the rest, I pretty much like everyone but Ricky--good look this week tho--I also liked straight guys, a lot actually, and Kit's, Chris' Jillians and Rami. It had a tacky quality, and I don't usually like red's with pinks, but well done. This epi made me like Jillian, I kind of like her quiet droney speech, and I love Twizzlers (Hershey must have loved how many times she said it!)
The model team up was sweet too! I like Christian's catty comments (and he had immunity, yes!?) I totally agreed with the Steven assessment--yeeech!
Glad you like Chris snoot, and also glad it was a good epi for him! Is it me, or does he look much bigger than the start ( and where did those 10000 reese cups go!?) Just kidding!
Thanks Flip, and can't wait for Idol either--more for your recaps than the show tho!
Thanks classical lit buffs too--now I have a new muse for my crossword puzzles!
15 of 22 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on January 4, 2008 6:18 PM
Thanks for the recap Flipit. Just moved to London for a year and can no longer watch so your recaps are keeping me updated.
Side note - if you are craving chocolate, try some 100% dark, there is no sugar or dairy in it. It takes a while to get used too, but it does curb chocolate cravings. Just make sure it is a good brand. Also try coco nibs, sort of a cross between a nut and chocolate, with a really really dark chocolate flavor.
16 of 22 | Posted by jmportia | Posted on January 5, 2008 2:47 AM
100% dark? Yikes, that sounds scary. Even 60% feels pretty toxic to me. (There's a reason you can't feed chocolate to babies & dogs, people!)
Anyway, I was sad to see Elisa go (although I completely knew it was going to happen once they showed the Porsche clip -- Bravo, stop being so obvious!), but even I had to admit that she had to go. Her outfit looked poorly made & crazy, and not crazy in a good way.
I actually like both Christian & Jillian, for different reasons, but I didn't like the twizzler outfit. Something about the plastic sheeting between the breasts (?) and the way it moved when the model walked. As a Chris fan, I was really happy to see Chris's outfit (although they didn't show anything until the end, WTH?); I thought what he did with the logos was really cool & I hope he gets his mojo back now. Go Chris!
17 of 22 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on January 5, 2008 1:58 PM
So glad you posted since I'm unable to watch the show. Love the slide shows. You didn't like Rami's top but I thought the whole look was great. Did I miss it or did you explain what Christian's dress was made out of? From the pics the dress looks really nice. There could be some bias there; you hate Christian and I love him.
18 of 22 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on January 6, 2008 10:59 AM
Am I smoking crack? Why did I think her daughter's name was "Clivey" both times I sat through this episode? Could all of this reality tv be causing some kind of brain trauma?
19 of 22 | Posted by iigenericii | Posted on January 6, 2008 3:54 PM
Freaking what happened.. we made it through the WHOLE episode with out Ricky crying and did you see the Preview for next week????
There his lame self is weeping WEEPING>>>>
please give me a break.
Loved the recap, Rickys panties had me in side stiches..... I about busted a gut...
Thanks , xoxox
20 of 22 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on January 7, 2008 12:28 AM
i too love Christian. He is bitch in a cute way and always makes me laugh. Plus he seems to be a put together designer. It's nice to see someone who actually knows how to manage time.
21 of 22 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on January 7, 2008 9:02 AM
couchpotato: Christian's dress was made out of Reese's Peanut Butter cup liners (I don't know how he shelled 100's of those without a) throwing up or b) having traces of peanut butter cups on each piece.) Glad his model doesn't have nut allergies!
iigenericii: I thought she said "Clivey", too. A side note: I know a girl named Melpomene. She goes by Mellie. Smart choice when you are 12, but as an adult, it's a good, distinctive name.
22 of 22 | Posted by marishka | Posted on January 7, 2008 11:14 AM