Welcome back to another season of Project Runway! The last season ended about a week ago, but who's gonna complain about too much gayness in the world? Not I.
This look doesn't leave Tim's face the entire episode.
Jerrell is the first designer we meet, and the first thing I notice is his cut body, because, well, it's the first thing he wants me to notice.
Alright, I get it. You don't have a problem with diet or exercise. Why are you trying to make me hate you already?
The second thing I notice is that his shirt seems to be made out of a sarong and he's wearing a Tommy Bahama hat. I'm not sure how I feel, which is rare for a judgmental person like myself, so I check out his online bio for more info, and this pic blares across my monitor.
A bath robe made into a jacket and a woman's tube top pulled down below the nipples. The homeless deserve designer clothing too.
He tells us that he designs one of a kind originals for very important people. Like who? Like celebrities! And who else? Saudi Royalty. Those Saudis and their eye for good fashion.
Let me just cut off those sleeves and add a rope belt and you'll be HAWT, honies!
I'm picturing Queen Noor walking around the castle in a sleeveless old bathrobe wondering why no one invites her to lunch any more. Jarell is a former model who couldn't afford cool clothes in his early career, so now he makes his own. Get out! You made that ensemble? And I thought all models were retards. My bad.
Blayne is a freelance designer, which means he works at a coffee shop and beat boxes in his free time. He admits up front that he is obsessed with tanning beds, which might explain why he looks like he's in his late thirties.
The clothes in Blayne's portfolio are all Diesel knockoffs, so it's not surprise that he lists the brand as one of his inspirations. And I was worried that there would be no one to carry the greasy haven't bathed in a week because I'm extremely deep and poetic torch when Diesel faded. Thanks, Blayne!
Joe is the next to arrive at the apartment. He's a big beefy straight guy, so of course the editors pretty much showed him opening a coke and moved on. True to straight guy form, his bio is sure to mention his wife and daughter, just so dirty homos don't expect him to string up a sling just because he's a beefy guy with a goatee who always wears all black and prides himself on making the best leather pants ever.
Joe is a Parsons grad, owns two jean and leather boutiques, and has worked for Ralph Lauren, Pelle Pell, and Bugle Boy. His resume looks impressive, but it might be because he followed the coffee shop guy obsessed with tanning beds. Joe's one of our token straight guys for the year, but I'm sure there's a segment of the gay population that will embrace him all the same.
Leather has no sexual orientation.
Next up is Stella, as in wooooooah, Stella, woah! Stella is severe in every way. She looks like a male Cher impersonator, and the first time we see her, she's marching up the avenue dressed like she's coming from performing in a matinee of Cats.
I told Mr. Mistofolees to go fuck himself. I got bigga fish ta fry!
Stella is a makeup artist turned designer from Queens, and she tells us that rock stars come to her for advice. She's dressed Blondie and Joan Jett, but she'll also dress hookers and pimps if they're tough enough to wear her designs. I'm assuming that means her prices are reasonable, which is a plus. Frankly, I don't want to say much bad about Stella right now because I'm afraid of her. Moving on.
Dang, girl. Cher's impersonating you.
Jennifer
Stella is followed by Jennifer, who is her polar opposite. She's a giant toothed sweet little white girl who smiles a lot and wears Laura Ashley dresses. I have a feeling Sarah hasn't found her true love yet, because every piece in her portfolio looks like it was based on Holly Golightly, Audrey Hepburn's doomed character from Breakfast at Tiffany's, and her sketches look like princess dresses. My initial impression is that Jennifer is one of those girls that reached puberty and then mentally just stopped somehow.
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Comments (24)
Dear Flipit,
I love you with all of my heart.
Love, Michigan
1 of 24 | Posted by michigan | Posted on July 17, 2008 8:00 AM
Wow - impressive turnaround time with this recap. It made my morning...HILARIOUS! I think the talent of the designers is questionable - but your's is never in question and I am sure you will make the season!!! THANKS!
2 of 24 | Posted by eellsinoc | Posted on July 17, 2008 8:09 AM
Loving your screen shots! This season is going to be ridiculous- girlicious?! WTF?!?! These people are taking themselves way too seriously. I can't wait for the next show (and of course, the next recap).
3 of 24 | Posted by xpedestrianx | Posted on July 17, 2008 8:28 AM
All I can think is that Blayne wants to be this season's Christian, with his very own catchphrase. Two things, though: Fierce is a hell of a lot catchier than that annoying Girlicious! and Christian has talent.
One annoying thing....Austin complained that Korto was the only one to use live produce...but if everyone did they'd be accused as trying to rip off Austin's original idea. You can't be new and innovative if you use someone else's concept...or a paper tablecloth, obviously....
4 of 24 | Posted by marishka | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:13 AM
Flipit,
Awesome recap! It made my day. Seriously. My sides hurt.
Bravo seems to be really pissed off that the show will be going to another network soon and I can't help but think that they're intentionally sabotaging the franchise will this bad crop of hack designers. Poor Tim, he seems to be really distressed so far by the lack-luster performances. I love him so much, but part of me is half-way excited about seeing a Gunn Nervous Breakdown later this season if this group doesn't pick it up. Awesome for all the wrong “reesins.”
5 of 24 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:13 AM
Flipit, I have not watched the show yet today ANd not read a single thing but i want you to know that seeing your name on the recap made me sooo happy.
love ya and I cannot wait to watch and read.
xoxox
6 of 24 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:15 AM
Dear flipit
Thanks to this comment "Terri Stevens is the next to arrive, and she is only shown for about two seconds. She looks like Anthony from Designing Women dressed up like Whitney Houston. The cameras are like welcome to the apartment gotta go." I lost my job.
How much does recapping pay and when can I start?
7 of 24 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:34 AM
The producers went above and beyond with the man candy this season didn't they? Did anyone else find Wesley adorably sexy? Those shorts! And I'm sure (and hope) there will be many more shirtless Keith moments this season. Was that vodka he was drinking in the morning or just blurred bottled water?
8 of 24 | Posted by BigAl669 | Posted on July 17, 2008 10:43 AM
Flipit - I am so thrilled to see your PR recaps again! And completely agree that this is the season of the short bus. These contestants remind of like a remedial version of the breakfast club or the adult versions of the F-ups that were sent to "special classes" in middle school!
Whatever - I still love it!
Oh - did anyone else hear Tim's comment in the upcoming episodes scenes - "It looks like a pterodactyl, in gay Jurassic Park!" I seriously couldn't stop laughing...love him!
9 of 24 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on July 17, 2008 11:22 AM
Speaking of coke, you must be snorting your snarky little head off pumping out these recaps so swiftly!!!! I'm absolutely in awe (and yes, I know you prefer crack!)
To picture you in husky jeans as an adolescent is too precious! HEART
And I'm with the "reject" casting as a big FU to Lifetime, but Harvey just doesn't understand that this show is indestructable . . .bad contestants=Flipit snarkfest=unrelenting joy--right!!!
I did enjoy it, and thought Jerry or tampon tanner would definitely get the boot. Can't imagine Impersonator Cher's gonna last too long. Did she just mope around for the first 8 hours whining--I thought she was going to make pants!
I'm calling Tat arm as winner, and I like Kenly after that convo with Tanning Bed. Miss Licious, you're next, nice knowing you , NOT!
Thank-you from the deepest wells of my heart!
10 of 24 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 17, 2008 2:34 PM
"You know Keith's straight cuz they only showed him for one second or two. Treating people like they're unworthy of any camera time just because they're heterosexual is probably wrong, but the reverse discrimination is liberating. Thanks, Bravo! "
Keith is actually gay.
Just like last year, there's only one straight guy on the show and that is Joe.
11 of 24 | Posted by ryan07 | Posted on July 17, 2008 2:52 PM
my bad, ryan. i mistook his sweaty infatuation with heidi as heterosexuality. i should have known better!
thanks so much for being with me this year you guys! your comments make my day! xo
12 of 24 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 17, 2008 3:45 PM
Hey Stella! Pete Burns (of '80s Dead Or Alive fame) wants his face back!
13 of 24 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on July 17, 2008 3:59 PM
Dear Flipit,
You. Are. The. ASSMASTER! That is to say, the master of these asses... loved it, loved it, LOVED! IT! I am in agreement that we should all stick a fork in the fauxhawk, it's done (and even on hair-related shows like "Shear Genius" they have no less than TWO stylestants who sport them! AAUGH!)... I would expect something edgier from such a group of raw edgy deathly-hip people... like for all of them to have Christian Siriano flat iron hairstyles.
Did anyone else find the blatant recycling of a challenge from season one a tad sad? I wonder if that's what this whole season is going to consist of... but you know I'm dying to see them make dresses out of recyclable material again!
Thank you for the awesome spin'n'flip recap, you make my world go all squishy with love.
love, J-Mo :)
14 of 24 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 17, 2008 4:53 PM
Flipit, your recap is brilliant as usual. I echo everyone else who said they are glad to see you recapping the show.
I think Jerry was the right choice to go. And I think whoever the contestant who said that Jerry's outfit reminded them of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho was absolutely dead on.
15 of 24 | Posted by greeneyes | Posted on July 17, 2008 7:42 PM
I totally saw that guy drinking what looked like vodka but I believe was probably a Smart water. It was hilarious nonetheless.
16 of 24 | Posted by Pixiegal262 | Posted on July 18, 2008 9:00 AM
"She reminds him that she's the first African American Project Runway winner and to get his bony ass out her way before she runs him down with her new Saturn."
That comment had me laughing for a good five minutes. Awesome recap!
17 of 24 | Posted by oodle_noodle | Posted on July 18, 2008 1:56 PM
"All it's missing is a side of Ranch."
*chortle!*
(Do you think the judges would have LIKED if someone sashayed down the runway in an edible dress holding a saucer of ranch dip? Something to ponder for future Runway contestants.) (Probably not. That's too much like the human sushi fad. Seen it.)
It sucks that they're going to keep Blayne way too long. He's the token train-wreck-tv item. Like that loopy broad from last season, what was her name?
Great recap!
18 of 24 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on July 18, 2008 5:14 PM
Loved the recap -- especially the fact that it was done so quickly!!
Some of the designers this year (and calling them that seems to be a stretch) like Blayne and Stella are just awful. Jerry's outfit did look like something out of American Psycho and I think that really scared the judges. I'm not sure it was worse than Stella's garbage bag outfit though.
And Memememe, I think you're referring to Elisha -- the wacko from last year. I actually met her while in Santa Fe on vacation and believe me, she is just as strange in real life as she was on the show.
19 of 24 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on July 18, 2008 5:33 PM
Genius recap. But I think there are a handful of really talented people in there this year. More so than last. In my opinion the sabotage from Bravo comes in the form of the incredibly annoying ads for their other shows that ran CONTINUOUSLY across the screen throughout
20 of 24 | Posted by daft | Posted on July 19, 2008 2:21 AM
Ooooooh, Flipit, I loved your recap. But did I actually for once detect more affection than bloody throat-ripping snark here? No matter, it was still beyond hilarious, and who can NOT love that Project Runway is back? Until next season, when the Lifetime and The Real World hellhounds take over. Scary.
I am already so over Blayne, Stella and Suede. Probably Keith too. But Blayne above all. Even more annoying than the girlicious was how many times he used HOLLA. I thought he was trying to make that into the new FIERCE. Bleccchhh. Didn't anyone else notice? And I hear that in the previews someone caught sight of Tim Gunn saying holla. Which is bad news in so many ways... the foremost being that that means Blayne will probably be around long enough for that stupid non-word to be used even more.
I am the one who needs an intervention here. I just started watching Bravo with the last PR and I find myself disturbingly attracted to all their token self-proclaimed straight guys: first Kevin (he was such a sweetie) and now Joe from PR, Nick from Step It Up and Dance, luckily NOT Giant Tool Matthew from Shear Genius (whew, that would have been worrisome indeed.) But I don't even like facial hair!
Finally, and just to emphasize my dislike of Blayne - doesn't it look like a grizzly took a squirrel, skinned it, roasted it, and topped it with Timothy Treadwell's leftover scalp? After inflating its face with a bicycle pump.
21 of 24 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 19, 2008 5:34 PM
Wesley = Chuck Bass
Little girl from Florence reminds me of Pollyanna. Just entirely too innocent for Bravo or PR.
I'm hoping that Bravo is not trying to make this show jump the shark before it heads to Lifetime.
Thanks as always for the side splitting and prompt recap Flippy!
22 of 24 | Posted by HereKittyKitty | Posted on July 19, 2008 6:52 PM
Super duper recap, Flipit! I definitely giggled all the way through, and scared the cat out of the room laughing so loudly at some points!
Oh, and by the way, I'd actually like to wear Ray Liotta around all day... he's HAWT! (as you say!)
;)
23 of 24 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on July 20, 2008 9:36 AM
So far it's a season filled with faille.
Flipit, I love you so much, so glad you didn't make us wait. I'm going to have to miss the show Weds (no Tivo and our DVD deck is fail right now). I count on reading your recap from San Diego Comic Con...don't let me down! There's not enough freaks in costumes in the world...
Mary
24 of 24 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on July 21, 2008 4:38 PM