This condition can be caused by a runaway dad, too many viewings of Pretty Woman on cable, or a really shitty boyfriend. Time will tell, I guess, but when I go to her bio page I immediately feel guilty for calling her giant toothed, because she's smiling big with her mouth closed, like Celie from The Color Purple, and I LOVE CELIE! WAAAHHH!! I'm so sorry, Jennifer!!!
"Everything you done to me, already been done to you."
Kelli's next, and she's a cute blonde girl with an Amy Winehouse thing going on. She says if Betsy Johnson and Vivienne Westwood had a baby, it would be her. No. If Betsey Johnson and Vivienne Westwood had a baby, it would probably be put down before the villagers started rioting.
=
The clothes in her portfolio look like thrift store rejuvs. There is definitely a group of people that digs that shit, but unfortunately for designers like Kelli, they tend to be very poor and don't really frequent boutiques. They frequent, well, thrift stores. Kelli owns her own boutique in her town which she describes as "cutting edge." Must have to be pretty out there to get dubbed "cutting edge" in Columbus, Ohio. All assholishness aside, Kelli seems fun and genuine, so I'm psyched to see what she's got.
A gravelly pack a day voice and one eye that closes independently of the other regularly during conversation. This is my kind of girl.
Terri Stevens is the next to arrive, and she is only shown for about two seconds. She looks like Anthony from Designing Women dressed up like Whitney Houston. The cameras are like welcome to the apartment gotta go.
Did Suzanne Sugarbaker put you up to this?
For more info, I turn to her bio. Terri is a visual manager for Victoria's Secret. I am not sure what that job entails. Managing the visuals. In the store? In ads? "I had an amazing conceptual vision come to me in my dream last night. Let's put all the Victoria's Secret mannequins in...UNDERWEAR!" Silence. Ooooh. Ahhhh. I am just making up her job, I have no idea what a visual manager is. My best guess is seeing eye dog or mannequin dresser.
In Jerry's bio, he has a fauxhawk, but when he shows up at the apartment, he has a mohawk. I would like to thank him for that, as Bravo has been obsessed the last couple of years with that damn hairstyle. The fauxhawk is to 2008 as the Rachel was to the early 2000's. There comes a time where we as a society have to come together and just. Say. No. Put the fauxhawk to bed, Bravo.
Next season, let's shoot for the nonhawk, k?
Sorry about that, but it's been sitting in me for some time. Back to Jerry. Jerry now has a mohawk, which means he must be a badass. Sure enough, he's "on the forefront of being a big name in the industry." Viva la Revolucion, dude. Jerry thinks of himself as a pretty big deal, which means he's a jackass, and I hope he continues to ridiculously rephrase simple sentences.
On a sidenote, Jerry is the second kind of chubby guy (Joe was the first) wearing all black. Boys, didn't the girls tell you like five years ago? All black was a myth. It doesn't work. If you wanna look thin, you have to...be thin. I was shocked the first time a friend commented on my weight. What? You can see that? But I'M WEARING BLACK!
Suede has a mohawk too, but it's his own kind of mohawk. You can tell because it's BLUE! He also has a soul patch, but it's his own kind. You can tell cuz IT'S JUST A STRAIGHT LINE DOWN HIS CHIN! Sometimes people confuse unique with butt ass ugly. Yes, there's no one else who looks like you. And there's a reason for that. And Suede? If you're going to pick your own name, why would you choose something that stains easy and shrinks when it's wet? The screen is paused on Suede's face and he hasn't even said anything yet. I blame my sudden defensiveness on his similarities to Susan Powter, the harsh, hyper weight loss guru washout who tortured my dreams in my early twenties.
You gotta eat, breathe, and move, people!
Suede has designed for Jordache jeans, Polo Jeans, Todd Oldham jeans. Wait one more....jeans. Thank you. Suede has made millions for others so now it's Suede's turn to make Suede some money for Suede. Suede likes to say his own fake name, and that's a really bad sign. Another is that his fashion inspiration is Madonna. I mean, really. Get ahold of yourself, Mary!
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Comments (24)
Dear Flipit,
I love you with all of my heart.
Love, Michigan
1 of 24 | Posted by michigan | Posted on July 17, 2008 8:00 AM
Wow - impressive turnaround time with this recap. It made my morning...HILARIOUS! I think the talent of the designers is questionable - but your's is never in question and I am sure you will make the season!!! THANKS!
2 of 24 | Posted by eellsinoc | Posted on July 17, 2008 8:09 AM
Loving your screen shots! This season is going to be ridiculous- girlicious?! WTF?!?! These people are taking themselves way too seriously. I can't wait for the next show (and of course, the next recap).
3 of 24 | Posted by xpedestrianx | Posted on July 17, 2008 8:28 AM
All I can think is that Blayne wants to be this season's Christian, with his very own catchphrase. Two things, though: Fierce is a hell of a lot catchier than that annoying Girlicious! and Christian has talent.
One annoying thing....Austin complained that Korto was the only one to use live produce...but if everyone did they'd be accused as trying to rip off Austin's original idea. You can't be new and innovative if you use someone else's concept...or a paper tablecloth, obviously....
4 of 24 | Posted by marishka | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:13 AM
Flipit,
Awesome recap! It made my day. Seriously. My sides hurt.
Bravo seems to be really pissed off that the show will be going to another network soon and I can't help but think that they're intentionally sabotaging the franchise will this bad crop of hack designers. Poor Tim, he seems to be really distressed so far by the lack-luster performances. I love him so much, but part of me is half-way excited about seeing a Gunn Nervous Breakdown later this season if this group doesn't pick it up. Awesome for all the wrong “reesins.”
5 of 24 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:13 AM
Flipit, I have not watched the show yet today ANd not read a single thing but i want you to know that seeing your name on the recap made me sooo happy.
love ya and I cannot wait to watch and read.
xoxox
6 of 24 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:15 AM
Dear flipit
Thanks to this comment "Terri Stevens is the next to arrive, and she is only shown for about two seconds. She looks like Anthony from Designing Women dressed up like Whitney Houston. The cameras are like welcome to the apartment gotta go." I lost my job.
How much does recapping pay and when can I start?
7 of 24 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 17, 2008 9:34 AM
The producers went above and beyond with the man candy this season didn't they? Did anyone else find Wesley adorably sexy? Those shorts! And I'm sure (and hope) there will be many more shirtless Keith moments this season. Was that vodka he was drinking in the morning or just blurred bottled water?
8 of 24 | Posted by BigAl669 | Posted on July 17, 2008 10:43 AM
Flipit - I am so thrilled to see your PR recaps again! And completely agree that this is the season of the short bus. These contestants remind of like a remedial version of the breakfast club or the adult versions of the F-ups that were sent to "special classes" in middle school!
Whatever - I still love it!
Oh - did anyone else hear Tim's comment in the upcoming episodes scenes - "It looks like a pterodactyl, in gay Jurassic Park!" I seriously couldn't stop laughing...love him!
9 of 24 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on July 17, 2008 11:22 AM
Speaking of coke, you must be snorting your snarky little head off pumping out these recaps so swiftly!!!! I'm absolutely in awe (and yes, I know you prefer crack!)
To picture you in husky jeans as an adolescent is too precious! HEART
And I'm with the "reject" casting as a big FU to Lifetime, but Harvey just doesn't understand that this show is indestructable . . .bad contestants=Flipit snarkfest=unrelenting joy--right!!!
I did enjoy it, and thought Jerry or tampon tanner would definitely get the boot. Can't imagine Impersonator Cher's gonna last too long. Did she just mope around for the first 8 hours whining--I thought she was going to make pants!
I'm calling Tat arm as winner, and I like Kenly after that convo with Tanning Bed. Miss Licious, you're next, nice knowing you , NOT!
Thank-you from the deepest wells of my heart!
10 of 24 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 17, 2008 2:34 PM
"You know Keith's straight cuz they only showed him for one second or two. Treating people like they're unworthy of any camera time just because they're heterosexual is probably wrong, but the reverse discrimination is liberating. Thanks, Bravo! "
Keith is actually gay.
Just like last year, there's only one straight guy on the show and that is Joe.
11 of 24 | Posted by ryan07 | Posted on July 17, 2008 2:52 PM
my bad, ryan. i mistook his sweaty infatuation with heidi as heterosexuality. i should have known better!
thanks so much for being with me this year you guys! your comments make my day! xo
12 of 24 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 17, 2008 3:45 PM
Hey Stella! Pete Burns (of '80s Dead Or Alive fame) wants his face back!
13 of 24 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on July 17, 2008 3:59 PM
Dear Flipit,
You. Are. The. ASSMASTER! That is to say, the master of these asses... loved it, loved it, LOVED! IT! I am in agreement that we should all stick a fork in the fauxhawk, it's done (and even on hair-related shows like "Shear Genius" they have no less than TWO stylestants who sport them! AAUGH!)... I would expect something edgier from such a group of raw edgy deathly-hip people... like for all of them to have Christian Siriano flat iron hairstyles.
Did anyone else find the blatant recycling of a challenge from season one a tad sad? I wonder if that's what this whole season is going to consist of... but you know I'm dying to see them make dresses out of recyclable material again!
Thank you for the awesome spin'n'flip recap, you make my world go all squishy with love.
love, J-Mo :)
14 of 24 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 17, 2008 4:53 PM
Flipit, your recap is brilliant as usual. I echo everyone else who said they are glad to see you recapping the show.
I think Jerry was the right choice to go. And I think whoever the contestant who said that Jerry's outfit reminded them of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho was absolutely dead on.
15 of 24 | Posted by greeneyes | Posted on July 17, 2008 7:42 PM
I totally saw that guy drinking what looked like vodka but I believe was probably a Smart water. It was hilarious nonetheless.
16 of 24 | Posted by Pixiegal262 | Posted on July 18, 2008 9:00 AM
"She reminds him that she's the first African American Project Runway winner and to get his bony ass out her way before she runs him down with her new Saturn."
That comment had me laughing for a good five minutes. Awesome recap!
17 of 24 | Posted by oodle_noodle | Posted on July 18, 2008 1:56 PM
"All it's missing is a side of Ranch."
*chortle!*
(Do you think the judges would have LIKED if someone sashayed down the runway in an edible dress holding a saucer of ranch dip? Something to ponder for future Runway contestants.) (Probably not. That's too much like the human sushi fad. Seen it.)
It sucks that they're going to keep Blayne way too long. He's the token train-wreck-tv item. Like that loopy broad from last season, what was her name?
Great recap!
18 of 24 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on July 18, 2008 5:14 PM
Loved the recap -- especially the fact that it was done so quickly!!
Some of the designers this year (and calling them that seems to be a stretch) like Blayne and Stella are just awful. Jerry's outfit did look like something out of American Psycho and I think that really scared the judges. I'm not sure it was worse than Stella's garbage bag outfit though.
And Memememe, I think you're referring to Elisha -- the wacko from last year. I actually met her while in Santa Fe on vacation and believe me, she is just as strange in real life as she was on the show.
19 of 24 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on July 18, 2008 5:33 PM
Genius recap. But I think there are a handful of really talented people in there this year. More so than last. In my opinion the sabotage from Bravo comes in the form of the incredibly annoying ads for their other shows that ran CONTINUOUSLY across the screen throughout
20 of 24 | Posted by daft | Posted on July 19, 2008 2:21 AM
Ooooooh, Flipit, I loved your recap. But did I actually for once detect more affection than bloody throat-ripping snark here? No matter, it was still beyond hilarious, and who can NOT love that Project Runway is back? Until next season, when the Lifetime and The Real World hellhounds take over. Scary.
I am already so over Blayne, Stella and Suede. Probably Keith too. But Blayne above all. Even more annoying than the girlicious was how many times he used HOLLA. I thought he was trying to make that into the new FIERCE. Bleccchhh. Didn't anyone else notice? And I hear that in the previews someone caught sight of Tim Gunn saying holla. Which is bad news in so many ways... the foremost being that that means Blayne will probably be around long enough for that stupid non-word to be used even more.
I am the one who needs an intervention here. I just started watching Bravo with the last PR and I find myself disturbingly attracted to all their token self-proclaimed straight guys: first Kevin (he was such a sweetie) and now Joe from PR, Nick from Step It Up and Dance, luckily NOT Giant Tool Matthew from Shear Genius (whew, that would have been worrisome indeed.) But I don't even like facial hair!
Finally, and just to emphasize my dislike of Blayne - doesn't it look like a grizzly took a squirrel, skinned it, roasted it, and topped it with Timothy Treadwell's leftover scalp? After inflating its face with a bicycle pump.
21 of 24 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 19, 2008 5:34 PM
Wesley = Chuck Bass
Little girl from Florence reminds me of Pollyanna. Just entirely too innocent for Bravo or PR.
I'm hoping that Bravo is not trying to make this show jump the shark before it heads to Lifetime.
Thanks as always for the side splitting and prompt recap Flippy!
22 of 24 | Posted by HereKittyKitty | Posted on July 19, 2008 6:52 PM
Super duper recap, Flipit! I definitely giggled all the way through, and scared the cat out of the room laughing so loudly at some points!
Oh, and by the way, I'd actually like to wear Ray Liotta around all day... he's HAWT! (as you say!)
;)
23 of 24 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on July 20, 2008 9:36 AM
So far it's a season filled with faille.
Flipit, I love you so much, so glad you didn't make us wait. I'm going to have to miss the show Weds (no Tivo and our DVD deck is fail right now). I count on reading your recap from San Diego Comic Con...don't let me down! There's not enough freaks in costumes in the world...
Mary
24 of 24 | Posted by killbondnow | Posted on July 21, 2008 4:38 PM