This week on Project Runway, I accidentally freeze framed on Heidi welcoming us to the show and realized that she is a demon from Hell and is trying to make us all worship Satan.
Fat people Hell.
We open with a shot of Suede waking up, and seriously, no show needs to be opening with a shot of Suede waking up. More evidence that Bravo is bitchily trying to make us look away from their final season cuz they wouldn't cough up Lifetime dollas. I know that Bravo is always blamed last in the whole Project Runway's going to hell because it's going on a channel that would keep Jo from Facts of Life and Tori Spelling from retiring gracefully mess, but come on. Bravo could have kept everyone happy and forked over some cash, but instead they spent their money on Date My Ex: Joe and Slade. That's what we call last minute impulse buy, which I can totally understand. Just today I left Ralph's with a king size Milky Way and a magazine with a binged out Kirstie Alley chewing on a teddy bear head on the cover. Bravo, we should both be very ashamed of ourselves.
Look away.
Back to Suede. He is shocked that his creepy roomie was the one to go first. I know! Jerry's work was fucking masterful, wasn't it?
Shortly after he left the show, Jerry was detained by the NYPD while they did a full search for bodies in his apartment. They only came up with hair gel, an electric shaver, and an old copy of Freeway 2: Confessions of a Trick Baby. Sad, but not illegal.
Suede continues. "Any decision that isn't Suede going home is the right decision." I have a theory that people who talk about themselves in the third person are basically insecure and worried that everyone's gonna forget their names, so I hope one day I get to meet Suede so I can call him by the wrong name a lot and watch him get all sweaty and shifty eyed. "Paulie. That's right. Right? Allen? Andrew? Suede. Sorry. Wait, like leather? OMG ARE YOU ITALIAN? I love spaghetti! Don't you, Jessie? Suede, that's right. Sorry. OMG ARE YOU ITALIAN?"
In the kitchen, Stella groans about how lucky she is "to still be heeeaaaah!" and stirs up a black sludgy drink. I knew there had to be a secret to looking 73 at 42. Yay vitamins. Maybe she's just trying to build up a natural resistance to whatever's going on with her hands. Wall punching? Finger herpes? I don't know. Another look away shot.
Bravo, you're killin' me here.
As Kelli tells us how creative she is, both eyes are open. When she tells us how innovative she is, one eye is closed. When she tells us she totally expected to win the last challenge and then did, the other eye closes. I can't tell whether the independent eye thing is a sign of severe alcoholism or just plain magic, but either way I'm in favor of it. I hope Kelli gets taken down a peg today, cuz she's acting kinda dickish and I wanna like her.
You don't meet someone who can do this everyday.
Before Bryce, the crackly skinned crack head skater dufus, leaves for the day, he is sure to scribble a positive message on the chalkboard. I would like to thank Bryce, because I have wanted to stop using the word Holla, and it's pretty safe to say that it will never come out of my mouth ever again. Blake could become the President of the United States, but to me he will always be the boy who killed Holla. Ah, well. At least he's smart.
No one's had the heart to tell him he doesn't know how to spell licious.
Heidi welcomes the designers to the runway, lines up this year's line of malnourished teen runaways, and starts the bidding. Jerrel gets all pissy when half way through the auction, Jennifer snaps up his model. He starts rolling his head and getting all dramatic and tells us in a funny voice "I'm SAUCY!" When you have to tell us you're saucy, you're probably not. Glad someone's trying to keep JJ Evans from Good Times alive, though. That guy was awesome.
Dy-no-mite!
I read that they're making a spinoff of this show that focuses on the models. I wish it started tonight because I really wanna see the eliminated she-boy model tear into the designer that chose her as the fugliest of the season.
Bony chest, girl's shirt. Wait. Jerrel?
« Date My Ex: I Wish I Were Kidding | Main | I Love Money: Chance Ain't No Homo. Tell a Friend »
Comments (21)
Okay, "squircangle" is my new favorite word to replace "Holla" and "cuul"! *snap* *snap* Flipit, you PEED, gurl!
love, J-Mo :)
1 of 21 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:34 AM
Hey Flipit, sooo glad your recapping PR (fav show/fav recapper). I have a question though, on the poll, I could have sworn that Suede's talking in the third person recieved 47% of the votes, yet they circled the first one (tanolishous) with 30-something percent. Did I see it wrong, or did they make a boo boo? Let me know.
2 of 21 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:54 AM
Awesome as usual, Flipit!
3 of 21 | Posted by Clair | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:59 AM
flip, please call Suede "Pleather" from here on!! LOL. Love.
I thought the same thing about Stella's model buying the fabric: like she could do any worse!
And featherhead, you are correct. I caught that too.
4 of 21 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on July 24, 2008 9:23 AM
Glad Shorts is gone. He was such a bore.
5 of 21 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on July 24, 2008 9:35 AM
Great work as usual - and kudos for getting done so FAST! Tim Gunn would be impressed.
Your Scott McClellan line stole the entire recap - well played.
6 of 21 | Posted by chelle | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:49 AM
Maybe Suede's dress looked better in person because I honestly did not like it.
I also noticed in one of the interviews that Stella looked a lot better with the right make-up... I'm sure they'll do a montage of her talking about leather on the reunion show near the end.
7 of 21 | Posted by murphena | Posted on July 24, 2008 11:23 AM
I will never get tired of Project Runway as long as I have these recaps to look forward to the day after. And so fast!
I looked up Holla in some online dictionary and found out it's something guys say to hot girls (that being not me) when they want to hook up later. So that's why I've never heard it before...
You keep calling Blayne Bryce, Flipit. Given that Blayne looks just as sun-damaged and wind-eroded as Bryce Canyon, it's understandable.
I'd call Suede Polyester, but I like John Waters too much to do that to him. But I liked his dress yesterday, so ouch.
And J-Mo, given the geniuses on SG this year, they are bound to cut someone's hair in the shape of a squircangle yet...
8 of 21 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 24, 2008 1:10 PM
Flip it, You are too good to us!!!!! thanks again for gitin' it right out there!!!! Too funny about Tim losing it, on the show and here, I did always wonder about those deadlines and whether there was some wiggle room . . .
I thought Keith's Scarlett Ohara curtain dress in cream was pretty fug, and moved funny, and I confess, the whole time I thought Bluehawk, I mean Pleather was toast, way too much screen time for him not to go, and they hardly showed short-shorts the whole time! I did think blank white girl with the inspired squircangle's was a goner too, she did say she thought she might win, and calling it a school project was LOW!!!!
Leathah is entertaining to me, for the most part, must be the Lawng Eyland accent, glad she pulled one out, and even licious managed to not suck--glad his model didn't pick diaper material!
Independent Eyes Terri was meh this time, but I'm still seeing her as front runner. Like Betty Page and Korto too!
Oh, and Flip, on your "Did the gays give permission?" question, I often wonder those things too, and what is the ruling on Mohawks, and Fauxhawks, and should I tuck half my shirt in now, or all, or leave it out . . . eh, I'll just suck so I don't have to think so hard . . . but do let me know what you discover on the rats tails . . . soooo Aimee Mann from Til Tuesday!
9 of 21 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 24, 2008 3:02 PM
Thanks Flipit,
I still love you with all of my heart, but I'm not loving PR. This is my favorite show, but I'm having trouble getting into this season. These people are NOT appealing!! Please tell me it'll get better, please!
Oh, and yes, featherhead, they did make a mistake with the text poll... it was the third person talking Suede, not the tanorexic Bryce/Blayne who won that one. I guess Bravo with pulling for that leathery loser.
Love,
Michigan
10 of 21 | Posted by michigan | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:06 PM
Great recap as usual..but one thing.. People named Tia are the bestest, most specialist, most beautiful people in the world :0) Just so you know. And not just because my name is Tia too!!!!!
11 of 21 | Posted by cuzimbtyful | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:33 PM
Flipit, you rocked with "squircangle" - although I do prefer them to the freakin' rosettes! No more ROSETTES, ever!!
As for rooting for who to lose, maybe we need a Vote For The Worst Designer website?
I hated Microfibre's dress as well ... and as for selling it on BlueFly.com ... maybe that's why that bitch is walking around airports and weddings naked - all she has to choose from is his horrible dress.
Keep up the good work!!
12 of 21 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:37 PM
I can't tell whether the independent eye thing is a sign of severe alcoholism or just plain magic, but either way I'm in favor of it.
I rewound a few times to LOL and to get some direct quotes for this recap, but all I could really hear was that sound chocolate milk makes when you blow bubbles into it through a straw.
LOL! Loves it!
First time commenter, long time reader. Love the recaps!
13 of 21 | Posted by Fluffy | Posted on July 25, 2008 6:55 AM
He said he's salty, not saucy. It means mad that his model was stolen.
14 of 21 | Posted by protegefox | Posted on July 25, 2008 8:07 AM
I can't remember which "designer" (I use the term loosely this season) it was that said it, but did anyone else notice how when they said Natalie Portman's company made vegan shoes, that whoever it was said they use material like leather? Really??? You think a vegan company uses leather. Interesting...
Also, has anyone else notice how in the commercial for the show, Heidi says something to the effect of "What else is there to watch?" What marketing...
15 of 21 | Posted by User Name | Posted on July 25, 2008 11:17 AM
I had to post here for the very first time because I have been reading this and every time I ran across the word "squircangle" I nearly collapsed in fits of laughter. Thanks for the laugh and keep it up!
16 of 21 | Posted by Y3KPhenom | Posted on July 25, 2008 1:37 PM
Love love love the recaps, Flipit :).
User Name: The designer said faux leathers and such.
17 of 21 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on July 25, 2008 3:13 PM
Isn't faux leather a fancy word for plastic?
18 of 21 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 25, 2008 6:11 PM
I was wondering what the fuck was going on through Korto's head when she said "Women from both of these countries have big butts..." WTF?? When did AFRICA turn into a country? It's one thing when other people say it, but why would an AFRICAN say that?? I don't remember which country she said she was from, but I'm imagining she knows... (Gigantic pet peeve of mine...I actually had an argument in 7th grade about whether or not "African" was a nationality.)
Me: African is not a nationality.
Fucking idiot: Yes it is.
Me: No, it's not.
FI: YEAH, it is!!
Me: Do you know what NATIONALITY means?? Africa is not a NATION. AFRICAN is NOT A NATIONALITY.
FI: ...
19 of 21 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on July 26, 2008 1:18 AM
I loved how Nina said the fastest way to look cheap was to wear short, tight, shiny dresses .... right after Heidi had come out in a short, tight, somewhat shiny dark chocolate dress that looked a little cheap.
I know lots of people love Natalie Portman, but really. WTF does she know about fashion and dress manufacture exactly?
We had started calling Suede "Naugahyde" around here but Pleather probably works better. Less syllables and easier to spell.
Love the recaps!!
20 of 21 | Posted by Mememem | Posted on July 26, 2008 12:39 PM
I know I'm late, but great recap, Flipit!
There's something really off about this season (even beyond %'s not adding up to 100%), but it's still better than most things on the old TV.
One point of disagreement, I kind of like Suede's dress. (I know!) While I thought Tim was insane when it was just a pile of craziness & he was, like, praising it, I thought the final product was actually OK! At least after a couple of glasses of wine & some intentional blurring of the eyes. But, maaaaan, is Bluefly *bleeped*. How would they even replicate that?
21 of 21 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on July 28, 2008 6:31 PM