This week's challenge is to make a cocktail dress, but the clients are the models. I think that means they have a say in things, which is unheard of. And kinda awesome. To make matters worse for the designers, their work has to be green. Not Oscar the Grouch green. Lori David green. As in "environmentally responsible textiles" green. EEEEWWWWWW. Do we even have to put up with Global Warming propaganda bs on my favorite goddamn show? I'm not saying global warming isn't happening. I'm saying I don't want to know about it. I want my skin to cancer up and fall off naturally without me having to feel the guilt of generations on my shoulder while it's at it.
The designers ooh and ahh when Tim breaks the challenge down for them. Then he says "It is cuul!" Tim Gunn, please never say cuul again. We've already lost Holla today. The designers applaud and nod enthusiastically and pat themselves on the backs for being so socially aware. Leanne, the freaky backwoods girl with the deer in the headlights look in her eyes, tells us that she always uses green fabrics in her work, so as to be "sensitive to the environment." First of all the girl with no makeup, a fifth generation 70's plaid blouse, and home made stringy ass bangs is into bamboo and hemp?
I will reserve this caption for silent shock.
Second, guess what didn't cause global warming, Leanne? Rayon. Rayon didn't . The smiles vanish from everyone's faces when Tim adds the twist to the challenge. The models will not only be the clients, they will be doing all the shopping! We all know from magazine covers what happens when dumb models are allowed to pick their own clothes.
How many poor young girls are walking around with giant office clips on their foreheads right now? Thanks for the headache, Dirty Olsen!
Stella drones on about how she can't believe that someone who probably knows nothing about fabrics is gonna be doing all her shopping. Too bad you can't send the genius who bought you crinkly, cheap, semi transparent trash bags to work with last week. Stella is actually the one who should be grateful to have a little help. Most of the designers try to be cool about it, but designers aren't really known for their ability to make you feel adequate. Jerrel turns to his model, who looks like a smuggled in Russian bride fresh from the sunless packing crate, "so...you have taste, right?" She nods and shrugs and then looks at his Mariachi at a gay wedding shirt and dy-no-myte hat.
Do you need to borrow some?
A model named Shannone tells us how mortified Kenley was when she heard a model was gonna choose her fabrics. Shannone. Is that pronounced Shannon or Shannonie? Other model's names: Xaviera, Karalyn (thank God. Caroline's just so done), Tia. Good Lord. Tia? That means Auntie in Spanish. Who would name themselves Auntie? There is a high percentage of retarded fucking made up names this season. Tim Gunn (if that is his real name) takes the models to Mood and sets them free, screaming and giggling through the store. They gravitate towards shiny things, peacock feathers, and pink. One talks about how she likes dark, rich colors as she chooses aqua and sky blue. I rewound a few times to LOL and to get some direct quotes for this recap, but all I could really hear was that sound chocolate milk makes when you blow bubbles into it through a straw.
Back to the workroom. Jerrel is worried that his model is gonna come back with "remnants of nonsense". Jerrel thinks that if you say something while rolling your head, sucking your teeth, and acting like Oprah when James Frey came on her show to apologize three thousand times for A Million Little Pieces, that he doesn't have to put words that make sense together in the same sentence. Tim brings the models back from their hour of power and as they enter, Jerrel shouts "I hope she didn't bring nothin' raggedy! Nothin' raggedy!"
Aw. He doesn't mean you, Blayne. But you could def use some moisturizer. xo
Kenley may have seemed like a bitch when she voiced open mistrust of her model, but when dimwit Shannone shows up with bright pink cotton Jersey fabric and black satin, it's tough not to root for a beating. Keith is equally pissed with his girl, and it's no surprise because his model is the one who was all excited about finding real peacock feathers for the bargain basement price of a dollar. Ding dong. She chose champagne and light peach for her colors, and in fabrics that don't blend.
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Comments (21)
Okay, "squircangle" is my new favorite word to replace "Holla" and "cuul"! *snap* *snap* Flipit, you PEED, gurl!
love, J-Mo :)
1 of 21 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:34 AM
Hey Flipit, sooo glad your recapping PR (fav show/fav recapper). I have a question though, on the poll, I could have sworn that Suede's talking in the third person recieved 47% of the votes, yet they circled the first one (tanolishous) with 30-something percent. Did I see it wrong, or did they make a boo boo? Let me know.
2 of 21 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:54 AM
Awesome as usual, Flipit!
3 of 21 | Posted by Clair | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:59 AM
flip, please call Suede "Pleather" from here on!! LOL. Love.
I thought the same thing about Stella's model buying the fabric: like she could do any worse!
And featherhead, you are correct. I caught that too.
4 of 21 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on July 24, 2008 9:23 AM
Glad Shorts is gone. He was such a bore.
5 of 21 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on July 24, 2008 9:35 AM
Great work as usual - and kudos for getting done so FAST! Tim Gunn would be impressed.
Your Scott McClellan line stole the entire recap - well played.
6 of 21 | Posted by chelle | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:49 AM
Maybe Suede's dress looked better in person because I honestly did not like it.
I also noticed in one of the interviews that Stella looked a lot better with the right make-up... I'm sure they'll do a montage of her talking about leather on the reunion show near the end.
7 of 21 | Posted by murphena | Posted on July 24, 2008 11:23 AM
I will never get tired of Project Runway as long as I have these recaps to look forward to the day after. And so fast!
I looked up Holla in some online dictionary and found out it's something guys say to hot girls (that being not me) when they want to hook up later. So that's why I've never heard it before...
You keep calling Blayne Bryce, Flipit. Given that Blayne looks just as sun-damaged and wind-eroded as Bryce Canyon, it's understandable.
I'd call Suede Polyester, but I like John Waters too much to do that to him. But I liked his dress yesterday, so ouch.
And J-Mo, given the geniuses on SG this year, they are bound to cut someone's hair in the shape of a squircangle yet...
8 of 21 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 24, 2008 1:10 PM
Flip it, You are too good to us!!!!! thanks again for gitin' it right out there!!!! Too funny about Tim losing it, on the show and here, I did always wonder about those deadlines and whether there was some wiggle room . . .
I thought Keith's Scarlett Ohara curtain dress in cream was pretty fug, and moved funny, and I confess, the whole time I thought Bluehawk, I mean Pleather was toast, way too much screen time for him not to go, and they hardly showed short-shorts the whole time! I did think blank white girl with the inspired squircangle's was a goner too, she did say she thought she might win, and calling it a school project was LOW!!!!
Leathah is entertaining to me, for the most part, must be the Lawng Eyland accent, glad she pulled one out, and even licious managed to not suck--glad his model didn't pick diaper material!
Independent Eyes Terri was meh this time, but I'm still seeing her as front runner. Like Betty Page and Korto too!
Oh, and Flip, on your "Did the gays give permission?" question, I often wonder those things too, and what is the ruling on Mohawks, and Fauxhawks, and should I tuck half my shirt in now, or all, or leave it out . . . eh, I'll just suck so I don't have to think so hard . . . but do let me know what you discover on the rats tails . . . soooo Aimee Mann from Til Tuesday!
9 of 21 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 24, 2008 3:02 PM
Thanks Flipit,
I still love you with all of my heart, but I'm not loving PR. This is my favorite show, but I'm having trouble getting into this season. These people are NOT appealing!! Please tell me it'll get better, please!
Oh, and yes, featherhead, they did make a mistake with the text poll... it was the third person talking Suede, not the tanorexic Bryce/Blayne who won that one. I guess Bravo with pulling for that leathery loser.
Love,
Michigan
10 of 21 | Posted by michigan | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:06 PM
Great recap as usual..but one thing.. People named Tia are the bestest, most specialist, most beautiful people in the world :0) Just so you know. And not just because my name is Tia too!!!!!
11 of 21 | Posted by cuzimbtyful | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:33 PM
Flipit, you rocked with "squircangle" - although I do prefer them to the freakin' rosettes! No more ROSETTES, ever!!
As for rooting for who to lose, maybe we need a Vote For The Worst Designer website?
I hated Microfibre's dress as well ... and as for selling it on BlueFly.com ... maybe that's why that bitch is walking around airports and weddings naked - all she has to choose from is his horrible dress.
Keep up the good work!!
12 of 21 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:37 PM
I can't tell whether the independent eye thing is a sign of severe alcoholism or just plain magic, but either way I'm in favor of it.
I rewound a few times to LOL and to get some direct quotes for this recap, but all I could really hear was that sound chocolate milk makes when you blow bubbles into it through a straw.
LOL! Loves it!
First time commenter, long time reader. Love the recaps!
13 of 21 | Posted by Fluffy | Posted on July 25, 2008 6:55 AM
He said he's salty, not saucy. It means mad that his model was stolen.
14 of 21 | Posted by protegefox | Posted on July 25, 2008 8:07 AM
I can't remember which "designer" (I use the term loosely this season) it was that said it, but did anyone else notice how when they said Natalie Portman's company made vegan shoes, that whoever it was said they use material like leather? Really??? You think a vegan company uses leather. Interesting...
Also, has anyone else notice how in the commercial for the show, Heidi says something to the effect of "What else is there to watch?" What marketing...
15 of 21 | Posted by User Name | Posted on July 25, 2008 11:17 AM
I had to post here for the very first time because I have been reading this and every time I ran across the word "squircangle" I nearly collapsed in fits of laughter. Thanks for the laugh and keep it up!
16 of 21 | Posted by Y3KPhenom | Posted on July 25, 2008 1:37 PM
Love love love the recaps, Flipit :).
User Name: The designer said faux leathers and such.
17 of 21 | Posted by PixieGal262 | Posted on July 25, 2008 3:13 PM
Isn't faux leather a fancy word for plastic?
18 of 21 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on July 25, 2008 6:11 PM
I was wondering what the fuck was going on through Korto's head when she said "Women from both of these countries have big butts..." WTF?? When did AFRICA turn into a country? It's one thing when other people say it, but why would an AFRICAN say that?? I don't remember which country she said she was from, but I'm imagining she knows... (Gigantic pet peeve of mine...I actually had an argument in 7th grade about whether or not "African" was a nationality.)
Me: African is not a nationality.
Fucking idiot: Yes it is.
Me: No, it's not.
FI: YEAH, it is!!
Me: Do you know what NATIONALITY means?? Africa is not a NATION. AFRICAN is NOT A NATIONALITY.
FI: ...
19 of 21 | Posted by Rock Star | Posted on July 26, 2008 1:18 AM
I loved how Nina said the fastest way to look cheap was to wear short, tight, shiny dresses .... right after Heidi had come out in a short, tight, somewhat shiny dark chocolate dress that looked a little cheap.
I know lots of people love Natalie Portman, but really. WTF does she know about fashion and dress manufacture exactly?
We had started calling Suede "Naugahyde" around here but Pleather probably works better. Less syllables and easier to spell.
Love the recaps!!
20 of 21 | Posted by Mememem | Posted on July 26, 2008 12:39 PM
I know I'm late, but great recap, Flipit!
There's something really off about this season (even beyond %'s not adding up to 100%), but it's still better than most things on the old TV.
One point of disagreement, I kind of like Suede's dress. (I know!) While I thought Tim was insane when it was just a pile of craziness & he was, like, praising it, I thought the final product was actually OK! At least after a couple of glasses of wine & some intentional blurring of the eyes. But, maaaaan, is Bluefly *bleeped*. How would they even replicate that?
21 of 21 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on July 28, 2008 6:31 PM