Time for judge's table. The hottest young actress in Hollywood is....Natalie Portman! Not bad, Bravo, not bad at all. I wonder at first what the hell she's doing here, but Heidi explains that Natalie is plugging her company that sells vegan shoes (ew. Who wants to eat those?). Heidi doesn't, however, explain how we never knew that Natalie Portman is two feet tall.

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Is Heidi preggers again, or is she just standing next to Natalie Portman?

Before we get into this, I have to point out that this cast looks like dogshit for the runway show. Get some fucking clothes on, you're on TV! Bryce is in a stained wife beater, Leanne looks like she just got pushed out of a moving car by her Quaker elders, and Jerrel is wearing a really bad salvation army sports coat with that Mariachi fringe hot glued to it. And a severely low purple t shirt underneath. This is an embarrassing season for the gay guys of the world. And the Quakers. Just to up the asshole ante a notch, Suede gives doe eyes to Natalie and blows kisses at her like she's giving him a standing ovation. She says that she is happy to be here on green day, because "eco fashion is definitely the challenge for our generation." Who cares about being in a never ending war when you can eat your shoes without dying from heart failure? Finger on the pulse of the times, that one.

Keith's dress comes down the runway first. it's a parachute baby doll type number and it looks realy beautiful at the right angle, but unfortunately his model actually moves which makes it hard to hide the fact that it doesn't even come close to fitting her. Terri made a simple, tight fitting dress with big ruffled straps. Her model looks like a low level secretary that dreams of a better life. I hope she gets it. Wesley's outfit is all dimples and darts and doesn't fit AT ALL. Sucks, because it's human nature to hope that the nerdy guy who wears 1930's private school uniform shorts everywhere has talent. Otherwise, he's just a nerdy guy who wears 1930's private school uniform shorts everywhere, and that's just depressing. He does score bonus points from me, though, because he's applied my favorite technique. He's used bad sewing skills to make a model look like she has a severe muffin top. For that I thank you, Wesley!

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Jerrel's dress is the one with the aquas and the blues, and to his credit, he did a gaudy jeweled collar that kinda works. The darker blue doesn't fit in with the rest of the dress, it fits badly, and the trim is what looks like peacock feather strands badly hot glue gunned to the hem. He smiles big and nod rolls his head proudly as he says "it's not that brown ugly fabric, so I'm good!" :SKLDJ Sorry I just zoned out and had a daydream about a semi truck hitting Jerrel and splatting his Mariachi trimmed ass all over the highway.

Jennifer was saddled with one of the worst model shoppers of the night. She got stuck with Haloween colors but she did the best she could with them. The dress is drape-y and flowy and cute (not including the colors). It doesn't look like a cocktail dress, but if you spill a cocktail, it would be handy to use for clean up. One thing Jersey does, orange or not, is absorb. Jennifer's gums look about five inches long, so I think that means she's happy.

Daniel ended up finishing his black shiny dress, but it's pretty sloppy. The model def needs a bra (are those green, or are they killing mankind as well?) and the back is intentionally longer than the front. Add the bizarre hidden pockets he's obviously instructed her to keep her hands in for the whole walk, and his model looks like a perverted old socialite (who lost weight but hasn't had time to buy a new dress) scratching her jayjay at a party.

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Project Runway: Who Wears Short Shorts? Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7 

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Comments (21)

J-Mo:

Okay, "squircangle" is my new favorite word to replace "Holla" and "cuul"! *snap* *snap* Flipit, you PEED, gurl!

love, J-Mo :)

featherhead:

Hey Flipit, sooo glad your recapping PR (fav show/fav recapper). I have a question though, on the poll, I could have sworn that Suede's talking in the third person recieved 47% of the votes, yet they circled the first one (tanolishous) with 30-something percent. Did I see it wrong, or did they make a boo boo? Let me know.

Clair:

Awesome as usual, Flipit!

Pegster:

flip, please call Suede "Pleather" from here on!! LOL. Love.

I thought the same thing about Stella's model buying the fabric: like she could do any worse!

And featherhead, you are correct. I caught that too.

foxbasealpha:

Glad Shorts is gone. He was such a bore.

chelle:

Great work as usual - and kudos for getting done so FAST! Tim Gunn would be impressed.

Your Scott McClellan line stole the entire recap - well played.

murphena:

Maybe Suede's dress looked better in person because I honestly did not like it.

I also noticed in one of the interviews that Stella looked a lot better with the right make-up... I'm sure they'll do a montage of her talking about leather on the reunion show near the end.

sayhuh:

I will never get tired of Project Runway as long as I have these recaps to look forward to the day after. And so fast!

I looked up Holla in some online dictionary and found out it's something guys say to hot girls (that being not me) when they want to hook up later. So that's why I've never heard it before...

You keep calling Blayne Bryce, Flipit. Given that Blayne looks just as sun-damaged and wind-eroded as Bryce Canyon, it's understandable.

I'd call Suede Polyester, but I like John Waters too much to do that to him. But I liked his dress yesterday, so ouch.

And J-Mo, given the geniuses on SG this year, they are bound to cut someone's hair in the shape of a squircangle yet...

juddfan:

Flip it, You are too good to us!!!!! thanks again for gitin' it right out there!!!! Too funny about Tim losing it, on the show and here, I did always wonder about those deadlines and whether there was some wiggle room . . .

I thought Keith's Scarlett Ohara curtain dress in cream was pretty fug, and moved funny, and I confess, the whole time I thought Bluehawk, I mean Pleather was toast, way too much screen time for him not to go, and they hardly showed short-shorts the whole time! I did think blank white girl with the inspired squircangle's was a goner too, she did say she thought she might win, and calling it a school project was LOW!!!!

Leathah is entertaining to me, for the most part, must be the Lawng Eyland accent, glad she pulled one out, and even licious managed to not suck--glad his model didn't pick diaper material!
Independent Eyes Terri was meh this time, but I'm still seeing her as front runner. Like Betty Page and Korto too!

Oh, and Flip, on your "Did the gays give permission?" question, I often wonder those things too, and what is the ruling on Mohawks, and Fauxhawks, and should I tuck half my shirt in now, or all, or leave it out . . . eh, I'll just suck so I don't have to think so hard . . . but do let me know what you discover on the rats tails . . . soooo Aimee Mann from Til Tuesday!

michigan:

Thanks Flipit,
I still love you with all of my heart, but I'm not loving PR. This is my favorite show, but I'm having trouble getting into this season. These people are NOT appealing!! Please tell me it'll get better, please!
Oh, and yes, featherhead, they did make a mistake with the text poll... it was the third person talking Suede, not the tanorexic Bryce/Blayne who won that one. I guess Bravo with pulling for that leathery loser.
Love,
Michigan

cuzimbtyful:

Great recap as usual..but one thing.. People named Tia are the bestest, most specialist, most beautiful people in the world :0) Just so you know. And not just because my name is Tia too!!!!!

arizonatom:

Flipit, you rocked with "squircangle" - although I do prefer them to the freakin' rosettes! No more ROSETTES, ever!!

As for rooting for who to lose, maybe we need a Vote For The Worst Designer website?

I hated Microfibre's dress as well ... and as for selling it on BlueFly.com ... maybe that's why that bitch is walking around airports and weddings naked - all she has to choose from is his horrible dress.

Keep up the good work!!

Fluffy:

I can't tell whether the independent eye thing is a sign of severe alcoholism or just plain magic, but either way I'm in favor of it.

I rewound a few times to LOL and to get some direct quotes for this recap, but all I could really hear was that sound chocolate milk makes when you blow bubbles into it through a straw.


LOL! Loves it!
First time commenter, long time reader. Love the recaps!

protegefox:

He said he's salty, not saucy. It means mad that his model was stolen.

User Name:

I can't remember which "designer" (I use the term loosely this season) it was that said it, but did anyone else notice how when they said Natalie Portman's company made vegan shoes, that whoever it was said they use material like leather? Really??? You think a vegan company uses leather. Interesting...

Also, has anyone else notice how in the commercial for the show, Heidi says something to the effect of "What else is there to watch?" What marketing...

Y3KPhenom:

I had to post here for the very first time because I have been reading this and every time I ran across the word "squircangle" I nearly collapsed in fits of laughter. Thanks for the laugh and keep it up!

PixieGal262:

Love love love the recaps, Flipit :).

User Name: The designer said faux leathers and such.

sayhuh:

Isn't faux leather a fancy word for plastic?

Rock Star:

I was wondering what the fuck was going on through Korto's head when she said "Women from both of these countries have big butts..." WTF?? When did AFRICA turn into a country? It's one thing when other people say it, but why would an AFRICAN say that?? I don't remember which country she said she was from, but I'm imagining she knows... (Gigantic pet peeve of mine...I actually had an argument in 7th grade about whether or not "African" was a nationality.)

Me: African is not a nationality.

Fucking idiot: Yes it is.

Me: No, it's not.

FI: YEAH, it is!!

Me: Do you know what NATIONALITY means?? Africa is not a NATION. AFRICAN is NOT A NATIONALITY.

FI: ...

Mememem:

I loved how Nina said the fastest way to look cheap was to wear short, tight, shiny dresses .... right after Heidi had come out in a short, tight, somewhat shiny dark chocolate dress that looked a little cheap.

I know lots of people love Natalie Portman, but really. WTF does she know about fashion and dress manufacture exactly?

We had started calling Suede "Naugahyde" around here but Pleather probably works better. Less syllables and easier to spell.

Love the recaps!!

Lime23:

I know I'm late, but great recap, Flipit!

There's something really off about this season (even beyond %'s not adding up to 100%), but it's still better than most things on the old TV.

One point of disagreement, I kind of like Suede's dress. (I know!) While I thought Tim was insane when it was just a pile of craziness & he was, like, praising it, I thought the final product was actually OK! At least after a couple of glasses of wine & some intentional blurring of the eyes. But, maaaaan, is Bluefly *bleeped*. How would they even replicate that?

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