Project Runway: Don't Carry a Dowdy Chicken On Your Shoulder

This week on Project Runway, I'm older and more spiritual. So suck it.

200808280016
Sebelia cheated. Now on with the judging!

We begin this episode with the obligatory shot of Dirty Olsen, which means either the editors are extremely lazy or Dirty has been on every cover of Elle Magazine in 2008. She's like Oprah. But tinier. And dumber. And dirtier. Ok the only thing they have in common is lots of money, but I hope they become more alike because I would love to see Dirty's thyroid go bonkers so she could gain two hundred pounds and then lose a hundred and then gain forty and then lose ten and then gain a hundred and fifty, until she's all stretched out and her skin looks like that goddamn denim dress we see every single week. It would be proof that there is some justice in the Universe.

Fatolsen-1
In the future, Dirty Olsen will look like this and join a Stevie Knicks cover band. If God is fair. God, are you fair? Get back to me in twenty years.

Then, we are treated to a shot of the blackboard in the designer's apartment. Someone has erased all the licious' in the dark of night (thanks, Leatha) and they have been replaced with the designers' signatures. The best is Korto's, because under her name she has written a pronunciation key for all of us idiots who call her Kore Toe. Nope. It's pronounced Cut-Toe. If my name was cut toe I don't think I would be enforcing it. I think I might just choose something else. Like Sally. Or Frieda. The cut toe thing would remind me too much of running from Africa.

Kenley, sans horsey laugh, tells us that she is really really sad that Daniel left, because he was her best friend on the show even after she made fun of him in front of the judges on national tv. I need friends that forgiving. You know, without the shit talking and the horsey laugh, Kenley is a pretty nice girl. Now if she could just get rid of the feathers in her hair. And the bangs. And the Mad Men obsession. And the lipstick. And the arrog...what was I talking about?

Over in the boys apartment, Keith is moping around because he's so depressed about being in the bottom two last week. He says he doesn't know how to handle it. "It's too overwhelming." When you can't shred up a bunch of Kleenex and hot glue gun the pieces to a skinny chick (or in that case, dude), what's the point of living? Don't worry, Keith, I'm sure you're just misunderstood. Lots of people think of Kleenex and clothes going together. Remember last year when Sheryl Crow invented those really long sleeves that doubled as napkins so that people could just use their outfits to clean up instead of evil paper napkins in order to save the world from global warming? Once she gets wind of this show she'll pull up in her Prius and take your lame misunderstood ass on tour and you'll be a fucking hero. Promise. In the meantime, just don't suck so much, k?

Pleather talks to him in a baby voice, which kills me. "Wanna see Fat Bitch? Who wants to see Fat Bitch? Come on, kiddo, who wants to go see Fat Bitch? Wackadoodle! Pleather! Wackadoodle! Pleather! We're having fun, aren't we?" but Keith can't even hear him, because he's concentrating on reconnecting with the reason he's here. Uh, because you're part of the way Magical Elves told Harvey Weinstein to go fuck himself? Noooo! Because "I want to change the way the world dresses." I know. All those dresses that are actually shaped to show off a woman's body are so BC. I kind of hope he succeeds so I never have to reach too far to wipe my hands while I'm downing a greasy slice of pizza. Sorry ma'am, can I just use the giant wadded up Kleenex you're wearing? Thanks. It's so much cooler lately, isn't it? On the runway, Fat Bitch comes out wearing vertical stripes, which makes her look slightly less like Jabba the Hut.

200808272026
Tricky heifer!

Project Runway: Don't Carry a Dowdy Chicken On Your Shoulder Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8 

« Date My Ex: Sexy Spa Time... Or Is It? | | Big Brother: The Donkey and the Elephant Are Both Losers »

Comments (17)

chooch850:

Hey... I liked Suede's dress this week. It was shiny and moved great & Jan Smithers' dress would be perfect for my wide-ass hips!!

So happy Keith got dressed down by Michael. I'll never understand why these designers NEVER listen to Tim!

Great job as always Flipit!

serjen:

awesome recap, you made me crap up a lot-- especially your photo captions!

Rachel Zoe is/was the stylists for Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Misha Barton...essentially she is known for making her clients starve themselves and then dressing them like street bums in oversized clothes.

I loved Korto's jacket but I was surprised that they didn't point out how many of the stylists used the easiest material (seat belts) for their outfits. I also thought Pleather's skirt was great, but he should have done the top with the leather seat cushions. And I LOVED Squircangle's outfit. I think she's pretty damn incredible with her ideas and fits. The challenge was supposed to be innovative so it didn't bother me about the big hips style...it looks so well made. I also liked Kenleys and how she went with the filters and colored on the pattern. Awesome.

I think the girls are the dominant ones this year. To me, my top 4 are Scuirc, Korto, Terri and Kenley. I like that Terri doesn't always just do a dress. She has the most variety, in my opinion.

I never thought I'd say this, but as ANNOYING as Blayne and the whole "licious" stuff is...I really like the kid. He seems to enjoy everyone and making them laugh.
And I enjoyed the whole Terri/Korto "Jeepers Creepers" bit b/c you can tell they are friends and Korto was totally taking it in stride. I thought it was funny. Then Jerrell had to go and ruin it!

Okay, I've babbled...great recap as usuaL!

serjen:

OH MY GOD- I meant to say "You made me CRACK up" a lot... But "CRAP up" is pretty funny!!

Sloane:

Loved your recap as always. This is the first time I think the judges got it right both ways. I think pleather has forgotten that he wanted to talk about himself in 3rd person because he keeps forgetting to say Suede at every given chance. I agree with serjen the girls have it. These guys just aren't consistant enough. I think Korto FTW.

carmelicious:

OMG - Love it!! This recap was awesome! This was my fav: "Right now Heaven's all LOLOLLLLLLL dickwad." Thank you for that Flipit, no seriously, I will think of that line everytime I get pissed because someone at a stoplight doesn't know that green means go, and I forget all the lessons I learned in anger management. Step 1: Think of something funny! Step 2: Don't get out of the car...

I feel like I've gone to crazy-town or something, I thought Hobosexi's outfit looked like ass - it was so short that I could see cooch, and made his model look sunken-in. I really liked Terri's look. Maybe just because it was different, but it was one of the first times I was like, I would so wear that!

Then there is Squircangle - I agree that top was fab, and it beautifully made - but the skirt looked like there were horns coming out of the model's thighs - like she was hiding 2 people's heads under there - I don't know.

Oh! One more thing - you totally nailed the Korto problem. During the show, I was all, "the seatbelt jacket looks cool, but something is just not right." It was the model - I wonder if her dad and grandpa died too? Like earlier that day?

Anywho - Thanks again! (and I decided to keep my user-name - mostly because last week some nice commenters said I should, also because I'm really F'ing lazy)

J-Mo:

I'm going to have to change MY screen name. It's going to be spelled Millikrzyzynskquilourtuwaxabroughmipenivixylaciousness and will be pronounced "Mueh". Everybody who gets it wrong when addressing me is going to arouse seriously irate anger. I'm just sayin'. It's not like someone could be named "Kutto" instead of "Korto" or anything, but then again, the concept of "the silent r" has always given me trouble since grammar school...

Flipit you made me laugh so hard with the poo pellets raining down from heaven that I think *I* left a poo pellet of my own on the computer chair! You know, trotting out long-dead relatives for sympathy on reality shows is close to the lowest of the low for me. Next week it will be his great great great grandfather whom he never knew but whose death in 1847 still greatly depresses the Pleather of today. There will be more kisses to heaven, and just ONCE I would love to have a poltergeist conjure up a flying pair of scissors or something to cut that damned blue mohawk off! Or stab him somewhere non-lethal, like his ass.

Terri is lovely, I kinda want to see her and KUTTO in the finals together, too...

Great recap! You are loved!

love, J-Mo :)
xoxoxox

serjen:

Honestly, I've always thought Korto's model looks depressed at every runway show!

Clair:

Flip, I think you meant to say... "there is, in fact, a God. And SHE is fabulous."

:)

juddfan:

Hey Flip,

You are soooo amazing with these recaps flying at the speed of light!!!! Too funny, I love it when you're in that black mood, but if it's connected to your 30-something, well, happy 30 something anyway!!!! Big Hugs!!!

Loved the show, loved the materials, loved Squircangles dress, and I kinda liked Jerel's look too! I can't tell whose the frontrunner at this point, but lovin' me some Leatha--hope she goes far, even though that was a miss--did she not find her snaps?!

Terri's look rocked too, it was simple, but if those were seat belt pants, Bravo!!!

here4beer:

Another awesome (and awesomely fast recap) Flipit!

And OK, seriously? I just noticed for the first time last night that Hobosexual is only 28. 28!!! He looks in his 40s to me; perhaps he should warn Licous that this is what happens to people who tan incessantly.

abaumga2:

Yawn. i would have been much more excited if they didn't already do this exact challenge on this season of Project Runway Australia. The designs were better there too, since a few of those contestants aren't talentless hacks.

detinha:

LOL! Loved the recap...and it came out soooo fast! (hint/hint J-Mo! lol)!
I couldn't believe when Pale Blayne called Tim, "Timlicious"! Very funny!
OK, I see everybody loves Cut-toe, but she likes to make those coats/ jackets, doesn't she?!
My guess is that next week StraightGuy goes back to his wife and kids!
Thanks for the great recap and pictures! :)

pixiegal262:

abaugma2 I was sooo gonna say that. And the designers didn't freak out, they were more excited that they got to do something creative. These people are such whiny bitches about it and the Australians were like, oh sweet we get to do something interesting.

Korto's was fab. I would seriously wear that coat as is.

And Tim totally giggled when Blayne called him "Timlicious". I think that is the only "licious" i have actually smiled at because I adore Tim Gunn and any time he smiles, it fills me with joy.

Anonymous:

I loved CutToe's jacket too --- I think she will definitely be in the top three along with Terri. The judges are always busting on the designers when they make things that made the models look fat and then they pick Squircangle's outfit as the best?? I loved the top but the hips were absolutely awful. Can you imagine anyone who's not a size 0 wearing that?

Loved seeing Laura back on the show. She's one of my all time favorites mainly because I can actually imagine myself wearing some of her clothes.

mrsdaddytom:

best. recap. ever.

keep the 30something angst because it makes you...dare i say...snarkilicious???

love it.

serjen--i loled at your two comments two. crap up. awesome.

Memememe:

This is an obvious question, but if Korto's name is pronounced Cut-toe, why is there an R in it? Does this mean Kors is really pronounced Koss?

As Hobo's bustier was coming together, I thought it looked like a Halloween costume. "I'm a Volkswagen!" Hang a license plate around her neck and off she goes.

"Don't trust the bitch" is already showing up in the bloggysphere as an animated gif and avatar. I like it, for the next 1.5 weeks. Maybe less.

Rachel Zoe the stylist is responsible for all those tiny, anorexic women wearing huge bug-eye sunglasses that are 2x the width of their faces. Did she also dress them in Ugg boots? ugh.

Straight Guy's dress looked like a BMX racer commissioned his girlfriend a prom dress. I liked Terri's outfit. Blayne's was terrible but I'm not going to argue since Keith is gone. What was Leatha thinking, with those horizontal stripes? Good grief, even I know no one looks good in those.

YAY Keith is gone, happy happy joy joy. He bawled his eyes out at the end, which ordinarily might invoke some sympathy from me. But not for you! Sucka! You don't like the opportunities in SLC? MOVE.

ahhhh it's gonna be nice to have him gone.

marishka:

Not to defend Keith, as I am v. happy he is gone....

I think his point about the problem with his incomplete skirt was that the model ripped it, so he had to fix it, which didn't give him enough time to finish the belt.

Still.

If your garment is that delicate, moron, don't make the model wear it for an extra hour!

Also, the amount of time it takes to resew an inch of a seam does not equal the time it takes to cut, trim, hem and finish a belt. He would not have been done, regardless, and at least he could have cut off the hangy bit! Grrr....good to see his cry-baby ass go home.

Post a comment

61