TVgasm Recaps

A ton of you have emailed us asking if we will be covering the new PUSSYCAT search on the CW. Potential new TVgasm contributer O. Snapp has tossed her hat into the ring for the position. . . without further ado, I bring you O. Snapp. - MYL

by O. Snapp

May I just be the first one to say, THANK GOD there is a new CW reality show that can be everyone's guilty pleasure, since America's Next Top Model just hasn't been cutting it since that season with the girl with a flesh-eating bacteria. No, America deserves the kind of program where the stakes are high (depending on your perspective of priorities in life), the judges are bitchy, and the competition breeds true drama for a group of gorgeous 20-year-olds with bangin' bodies. We deserve the kind of show that, upon first gaze during commercials that air during the 3 months leading up to the first episode, we would think, No way will I watch that. I draw the line somewhere.

But we watch anyway and know, in the first few moments, that yes... this will be the show we watch with fascination, with bated breath at every elimination because that one chick did NOT dance that well and have you seen the size of her thighs?!?! The show that we bashfully ask our coworkers if they've seen the next day. The show that we can watch every week with our friends alongside a pitcher of homemade margaritas and absolutely indulge our catty sides upon. America, I have seen the top, and it is good. It is called "Pussycat Dolls: The Search For The Next Doll.

As I settled in tonight for the second episode of "The Search For The Next Doll," with my remote control and a nice cold beer by my side, I pondered its place in reality television. Would it successfully differentiate itself from the Mother Ship, "America's Next Top Model?" Which girl would out-pop the others? How many seasons/new members does Ken Mok plan to add to the Dolls? Do we really need another beauty competition show?

Fuck yeah we do! Otherwise, what would you (we) read about while procrastinating at work?!

Well, sadly, this week's Pussycat Dolls episode was not as fun-filled, drama-filled or even ralph-filled as I would have liked. However, it's not as ridiculous as the show that ANTM has devolved into, so I guess it was just an off week. I do have to say, though, that I LOVE a good makeover episode! Especially one with a celebrity guest!

This week's episode was bountiful of lessons. It drew from deep within its totally fabulous self to bring us a very special message about keeping the peace. About accepting one's inner he/she. And about not being a total sassafras bitch to everyone around you.

After a quick recap of the episode where Sisely should have been kicked out, we greet the girls rising from their fairy-princess beds in the Pussy Castle. But wait, all is not well in Princess Sisely's world. What's wrong, your highness? "Like, they had a LOT to say to me, for nothing. Just for, like, for singing my song." Well, yeah. Sorry, but singing is kind of part of this little game. I hate to be the one to tell you it's not all psycho dancing, pot smoking and going to bed at the ripe hour of nine o'clock.

Okay, I'd just like to say that in light of last week's sneak peek of this week's episode talking about Anastacia's "weight issue" (oh god), I drew up a quick list before the show of the items I expected to see on this episode, after, you know, existing in the world and seeing any reality show ever. Here it is verbatim, created at 8:53 this evening:

* Belly shots
* C/U eating shots
* All other girls in confessionals "concerned" about her eating habits
* Anastacia "proud of her womanly curves" or some shit
* At least 1 judge comment on it, though they never ever have before
* Still won't get kicked off because hey, she's Anastacia

Let's see how my predictions did, shall we?

By the end of the "Search For The Next Doll" this week, I was frustrated, flim-flammed and flabbergasted. This week's lesson: it's a slippery slope to the destruction of a dream once you realize it's possible to fuck up.

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My friend Kelley recently taught me a drink recipe she learned in Texas. Basically, you just add V8 juice and pepper to beer and pour over ice. Now, you may think, Ew, my seven vegetables a day and beer? Nasty! You look at it and it's this weird orange color, with little bits floating in it. Gross. But you take a sip of it, and it's not bad. In fact, you drink the whole glass. And by the next day, you're craving it just before you turn on the CW. To me, this is similar to the trajectory of Melissa R.'s career (except for the pepper bits), and tonight this theory was proven even further, as after weeks of hating her just like the others, I kind of sort of started to root for her.

Few television shows (reality shows, more specifically) live up to their expectations. Even fewer save up everything you ever wanted from them and then blow their load on the season finale. "The Search For The Next Doll" is one of those shows, and has always been only what I needed it to be: superficial, slightly annoying, totally addictive, totally ridiculable (is that even a word? according to my spell-check, no), and pop-culture delicious. A confection for the guilty pleasure sweet tooth in all of us who think we hate Top-40 radio. Thanks, PCDs, for providing me with eight weeks of loving to hate you. And as the icing on top of it all, the season finale gave me all the drama that the teenage girl in me could ever desire.