I relaxed into my easy chair with my bloody beer and flipped on the old boob tube, rolling my eyes at the painful slo-mo preview for next week's "Gilmore Girls" and watched the Mark McGrath-narrated recap of last week's devastating episode. I still got a little misty-eyed when my girl Anastacia came on. What the fuck, man? Why did she have to go? My love still burns for her and in my mind, she IS the next Pussycat Doll.

But anyway, the opening credits roll (which I never get sick of seeing, by the way. It's the perfect mix of hot, catchy and ridiculous. Well done, editors. Well done.) and each girl is feeling low. Come on, little kitties, buck up! You're in the top four! That's gotta mean something. But they all feel they need to step it up. I wouldn't necessarily disagree with that point. I would say Chelsea needs to pop her butt more, Melissa R. needs to crank up the sex appeal, Melissa S. needs to stop being an angelic bitch, and Asia needs to close her goddamn mouth when she's not using it. And stop doing that fucking finger thing with the mic. God.

Guess Melissa S. had one too many bloody beers.

So what are four bummed girls to do to make themselves feel better? Well, for Melissa S., the answer is gang up on somebody else. She begins hassling Chelsea about her less-than-stellar dancing abilities, and says, "You were on a SWING, for God's sake." This puts the rage in Chelsea, much in the same way that her comments to Anastacia last week about NOT BEING FAT set Anastacia afire with anger (which I still don't understand) and she quietly seethes with fury, staring at Melissa and plotting her doom. I'm right there with her. Perhaps it will be a slow death, I think. A hanging by purple boa.

Pussy Mail informs them that there's more to being a PCD than dancing and singing. Really, I think? Are you sure? Because, aside from the lead singer, I'm pretty sure the other girls are just backup dancers. Anyway, this week's theme is public relations. Fantastic! Yet another ANTM theme knockoff. I hope there's gonna be a Jann Carl interview! Now THERE'S a woman who knows how to use Botox.

Zombie Eyes...

They've gotta get ride of that shiny object just off-camera.

In the studio, Robin tells them there's gonna be 2 performances this week: one group dance performance, and one solo ballad each. Um, if I'm not mistaken, that IS all singing and dancing, am I wrong? But whatever, as she assigns who will be singing what, we hear a little riff from each song announced, just in case you didn't know what they all sounded like.

At rehearsals, Robin teaches them the choreography with her tightly preserved 70-year-old body and when she starts popping, I think I'm gonna take my cues from the first episode and just go ahead and hurl. Where, oh WHERE do you get all your formaldehyde, Robin? Do tell!

Ew

Ugh

*shudder*

Alright, where's my bucket?

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Posted in Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll by O. Snapp at 7:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Last Comment: PixieGal on Apr 19, 2007 02:46 PM.

Comments (8)

sunshine858619 :

thank you for the WONDERFUL recap!!! i am SOOOO happy melissa s. got the boot. s he is just like an evil cat that knocked over a vase and wants to be nice. ugh.

i felt sad when i saw anastacia's face pop-up on the opening credits. she should totally be there instead of asia. ah.

yaay chelsea!!! i totally have a girl crush on her, too, but i think its just b/c i want to be totally adorable JUST LIKE HER! seriously!!

1 of 8 | Posted by sunshine858619 | Posted on April 18, 2007 11:23 AM

helen :

I realize that not all people are nice (melissa s!), but I'd think it'd be common sense to be be nice when you're on a reality tv show.

that way people will root for you and not against you (melissa s).

I almost turned off the show because melissa s was being such a bitch. i wish chelsea had called melissa out on her bad singing.

plus melissa s has such a fake voice when she sings and talks in her "sweet" voice.

i'm happy she got voted off.

oh and it irked me when robin didn't mention melissa s's terrible interview.

2 of 8 | Posted by helen | Posted on April 18, 2007 11:49 AM

Karo :

Huh. I haven't been reading these recaps because...I don't know why. But now I'm sorry I haven't. You're pretty damn funny O Snapp!

3 of 8 | Posted by Karo | Posted on April 18, 2007 1:28 PM

Torchsinger :

By far the funniest recap of any show I've ever seen! And what the crap was with Ron Fair all of a sudden rooting for Asia and Melissa S.? The world truly is going to hell in a hand basket.

4 of 8 | Posted by Torchsinger | Posted on April 18, 2007 4:34 PM

kevintheomanharris :

omg. last nights episode was so stressful. I was going to cry if chelsea got eliminated. not just because i super lover her, but because that danity cane reject bitch would have advanced over her.

Instead of crying, i was jumping up and down on the couch cheering. yay!! man i hate the danity cane reject.

I think the boring melissa girl will win. she is consistantly good, and a total package. I'd love chelsea to win, but i fully realize the pussycat dolls need a dancer and not a singer. as for baby momma drama asia, she annoys the hell out of me.

5 of 8 | Posted by kevintheomanharris | Posted on April 18, 2007 6:52 PM

c-rock :

Go Chelsea! She's been a fave since week one. I think they will (and should) pick Chelsea b/c Nicole Shirtzenjammer can't last w/that group forever. I think she's looking to move on.
I have been watching every week but didn't read these recaps (may have to go back and check 'em out!)-- hasn't the Melissa who's left freaked out about what her folks would think? Or was that someone else? Asia's "I'm 18 and a momma and I can still do it all" is great and everything (and should be praised and rewarded for having a baby so young) -- but who's watching her baby, her momma? (Who's what, probably about 35 yo?)
Also, I love hip hop 'n all, but since when did popping, posing and strutting equal dancing?

6 of 8 | Posted by c-rock | Posted on April 19, 2007 12:25 PM

helen :

i agree it's amazing when young mothers can "do it all" but I don't think they should be praised for having a kid that young.

7 of 8 | Posted by helen | Posted on April 19, 2007 12:51 PM

PixieGal :

I agree with helen....no one should be praised or rewarded for having a baby at 17 or 18, whenever. Personally i think showing Asia is really irresponsible since most young mothers aren't as successful as she has been. While it's great to show the idiots who do get themselves knocked-up at 17 that their lives aren't over, i think they should have done a show about the hardships of being a teenage mother.

8 of 8 | Posted by PixieGal | Posted on April 19, 2007 2:46 PM

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