Okay, I'd just like to say that in light of last week's sneak peek of this week's episode talking about Anastacia's "weight issue" (oh god), I drew up a quick list before the show of the items I expected to see on this episode, after, you know, existing in the world and seeing any reality show ever. Here it is verbatim, created at 8:53 this evening:
* Belly shots
* C/U eating shots
* All other girls in confessionals "concerned" about her eating habits
* Anastacia "proud of her womanly curves" or some shit
* At least 1 judge comment on it, though they never ever have before
* Still won't get kicked off because hey, she's Anastacia
Let's see how my predictions did, shall we?
After the obligatory recap of last week, we find the ladies lounging around in the Pussy Castle and Melissa R. musing on the honor of being in the "final 6." Since it started off as 9, I don't see what the big deal is yet. You can brag at 3. No sooner. Thank you for your cooperation. Melissa S. worries about having been in the bottom two 2 weeks in a row, and I'm all, "Yeah, 'cuz YOU SUCK." Go home, see if Danity Kane will take you yet. Serious. Or hey, why don't you be proactive and start your own lame-ass girl group? Comprise it of the shitty singers who never made it in any reality singing/dancing competition, call it the Sexy Failures. I volunteer to be your manager. Sigh.
So here Anastacia starts fretting about needing to work on her "physique" because all of the other girls are "liiiiiiittle! skinny minnies!" she sings optimistically. Nobody disagrees with her. We cut to Asia concurring about Anastacia's calorie-engorging woes. BOOM! Prediction #3 comes true.
"I feel like eating!" Anastacia says, and leaves the romper room in favor of a cake-eating montage in the kitchen. Predicion #2! Just terrific! O. Snapp: 1, Reality Show Producers' Originality: 0. Goose egg, bitches!
"Ughhh... did someone poison my kitty food?"
"I'm gonna go eat, and then I'm gonna do some cardio," she says, and I wonder what the 14-hour days full of dancing counts as if not cardio. Because to me, walking up to my second-floor apartment is considered cardio. Let's be serious here, honey. IT'S OKAY TO EAT CAKE.
Chelsea is intercut with this fabulous cake montage, which I believe to be composed of the same shot of Anastacia eating, just from different angles. Chelsea is saying how she totally sympathizes with Anastacia's struggle, since she, too, used to have problems with food. I feel a heart-to-heart coming on...
After their Pussy Mail viewing, (and our weekly dose of Drag Queens #1-4) the Pussy Hopefuls meet Robin down in the dance studio, where she informs them that "if there's one thing the Pussycat Dolls are, it's sexy." D. U. H. Thanks, Genius. I would go so far as to say that the Pussycat Dolls are nothing at all EXCEPT sexy. Anyway, this all somehow plays into the idea that the girls get to go for one day to Las Vegas to perform! ROAD TRIP!!! They get to perform "Tainted Love" at the Pussycat Lounge after getting dressed on the tour bus. What an honor! Winner gets immunity.
Anastacia begins worrying again about performing well this time. Where did all of her confidence go? She's a star! Every single girl should be worried BUT her.
They all pack furiously fast and I wonder why, since they'll only be gone for, like, 50 hours. "Oh my God, WHY did I eat so much yesterday?????" Anastacia moans, and my eyes cannot roll high or far back enough. It's worse than this time I saw "Failure To Launch" on a plane. And believe me, my eyes really hurt after that.
On the bus, the girls practice the song together, which I barely recognize without those catchy "bee-deep-beep" synthesizer noises that actually make the song interesting. Nevertheless, they seem to have the words down, until Miss Mikey interrupts them with his own stellar version.
"Hey, let's flash those truckers! Toot toot!"
He teaches them some choreography and insists that they practice NOW. Okay, I don't know if it's just me, but... dancing on a bus that's racing down the freeway at 70+ miles per hour? It might sound granny of me, but this can't be safe. Just as I'm writing this down, the bus jerks and all of the girls reel uncontrollably.
Classic pose, Mariela. Very creative.
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Comments (13)
Another great recap! asia needs to go home and grow up
1 of 13 | Posted by helen | Posted on April 4, 2007 10:19 AM
Funny recap. When I saw what you said about Asia's "I'm from frickin' Yerk" I laughed out loud. When I was watching that part, I was like "What is wrong with this girl? Why does she talk that way??" I feel bad that a little girl somewhere is being raised by her.
I wish you didn't hate Melissa S though! Although I don't think she'll win, she's my favorite and this week's "I guess I didn't get the memo" was the least bubble-headed thing I've ever heard her say.
2 of 13 | Posted by angela | Posted on April 4, 2007 10:59 AM
I'm glad Anastacia got on the treadmill. No one likes a flabby Pussy.
3 of 13 | Posted by mmmmmmm | Posted on April 4, 2007 12:19 PM
These recaps are seriously my favorite on the site...and I don't even watch the show (that often).
4 of 13 | Posted by DA.Darling | Posted on April 4, 2007 1:38 PM
I liked how Lil' Kim stated that she had to perform two weeks after Biggie died. I'm sure it was hard not to get emotional as you rap about sucking guys off and how much of a gold digger you are. She is a real class act. Seriously the worst judge ever.
5 of 13 | Posted by tvismylife![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 5, 2007 12:31 PM
"No one likes a flabby Pussy."
tee hee.
Sad that Mariela's gone but her singing - Bleh. Chelsea really made her look horrible. I didn't agree with their critique about her singing. I thought she was great.
After Anastacia's fatty episode, I think that Melissa R. may turn out to be the winner. And after being such a Melissa S. hater for so long, I'm starting to like her. She's growing on me.
6 of 13 | Posted by g3![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 5, 2007 5:03 PM
My jaw dropped when Asia saided she's from Yerk. I just started watching last week, and I thought she just learned english 1 month or 2 ago. what the hell type accent does she have?
7 of 13 | Posted by earl | Posted on April 5, 2007 7:35 PM
Great recap O. Snapp!! You gained soo many cool points with that Wait (The Whisper Song) reference!! Your awesome!
8 of 13 | Posted by Lc88 | Posted on April 6, 2007 7:19 PM
These girls are one pole away from performing to the Whisper Song...
So sad to see Mariela go. Guess I'll have to join you and back Anastacia!
How come it's ok to complain about drummed-up weight issues throughout the re-cap, but then throw in a dig at the less-than-skinny girls in the audience? Just wonderin...
9 of 13 | Posted by IHeartTV![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 8, 2007 8:26 AM
Asia is apparently LIVING in New York but I'm not 100% sure she's FROM New York. Recently I was at a New York Knicks game, (watching the team get their arses kicked YET again) when the Knicks City Dancers came out and performed. Suddenly the cameras zoomed in on one dancer who smiled and waved and we were informed that it was Asia from the "Pussycat Dolls" reality show. I almost fell out of my seat right there in Madison Square Garden. So if she doesn't win a spot on the Pussycat Dolls roster (and I hope she doesn't) she's got a job so don't cry for her too much...
10 of 13 | Posted by ABC Girl | Posted on April 11, 2007 10:12 AM
Boi did i laugh my ass out... WHOA!!! made my week. I agree, i hate asias twitching hand, & wannabe yerker talker, & her bubblegum front teeth... melissa's a danity kane reject (so why would PCD take her??? - dat would just say dat they're admiting danity kane is better dan dem.) Yea she got a big booti, and she shakes it good, but she looks too fake. Chelsea??? what is to like about her... she doesnt have a strong voice like wat dey say, but i gess its da best out of all. And Anastacia is the best they've got, shes not even fat.. shes just bigger than the rest... tho i like Melissa R alot...
But c'mon judges.. anastacias got the whole package... i think shes got a da classiest look too...
i dnt really have anything better to say... jus wanna read more postings... to make me laugh.
I hope they pick ANASTACIA!!!!!
11 of 13 | Posted by exotiKa | Posted on April 11, 2007 10:54 AM
where's the new recap o snapp? i've been waiting for two days!
12 of 13 | Posted by helen | Posted on April 12, 2007 10:52 AM
I like Chelsea, she stands out to me and would look good in the Pussycat doll group. Anastacia is good but she would look like the odd one out, talk about Scary Spice. Haha.
I hope Chelsea wins.
13 of 13 | Posted by V | Posted on April 15, 2007 6:52 AM