The Late Comer

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Few television shows (reality shows, more specifically) live up to their expectations. Even fewer save up everything you ever wanted from them and then blow their load on the season finale. "The Search For The Next Doll" is one of those shows, and has always been only what I needed it to be: superficial, slightly annoying, totally addictive, totally ridiculable (is that even a word? according to my spell-check, no), and pop-culture delicious. A confection for the guilty pleasure sweet tooth in all of us who think we hate Top-40 radio. Thanks, PCDs, for providing me with eight weeks of loving to hate you. And as the icing on top of it all, the season finale gave me all the drama that the teenage girl in me could ever desire.

After a full rundown of the stakes of this contest and brief histories of each final contestant, we get to see the credit sequence for the last time. Ah, memories, I think, as we see all of our fallen heroes; who could forget Stripperella, Pissely or our beloved Amaztacia? I miss all of those nicknames and the T&A they represented. It's been a good ride, though, and I for one can't wait to see how this shit turns out. In the Pussy Castle, the three remaining girls show off their domesticity and wax poetic about how honored they are to have come this far. And then they bitch about how terrible Melissa S. was, to which I am forced to yell, "No doy!" at my long-suffering television.

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I love that they misspelled Melissa's name.

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"Where does the dildo go?"

"She was just getting on my nerves," says Melissa R., and I'm all, "Yeah, you and everyone else who watches the CW." For some reason Asia gets offended at this and says Melissa R. is fake. Huh, I think, What a stupid thing to get mad over.

They get some Pussy Mail and listen to the women of whom one of them will soon become a part. Ashley (or, I dunno, the blonde one) says, "It's time to separate the girls from the Pussycat Dolls," which pretty much rips off what I've been saying this whole time, except I don't bother with the Dolls business. Or the cat business. I deal only in Pussy.

Robin meets them in the dance studio as per usual and declares, "This is going to be the most important week, probably of your whole life." Asia agrees until she remembers that time she had a baby. That was cool too.

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"I'm gonna let you girls in on a secret... I have tits."

They're gonna sing one song together and then individual songs. I can tell from the music that's been playing on a loop in the background for the last three minutes that it's going to be "Lady Marmalade," made famous by four sluts of a different variety a few years ago, as you may remember. I think it's a little weird that their final song isn't "Don'tcha" because isn't that the Pussycat Dolls' only actual hit? But whatev's, Robin assigns them their songs and off they go.

At rehearsal, Asia struggles a bit and Chelsea says in an interview that she always looks like she's suffering. Cut to Asia crying about how much she misses her daughter. Waa waa, lady, if you miss her so much why aren't you at home with her being a mother? YOU'RE LIKE TWELVE YEARS OLD. Go to college or something, make a future for her.

Okay, maybe I'm a little out of line, but you know me. I like to be judgemental. I apologize snarkily to anyone I may have offended. But anyway, so Asia's all upset and says she's doing this all for her daughter. Great. I'm sure someday she'll appreciate the fact that you were never home because you were on tour or some shit. Whoops! There I go again.

During their downtime, Melissa and Chelsea laugh at Asia for speaking with a heavy... ahem... urban accent? She says "ax" instead of "ask" and "revy" instead of "very" (which is actually kind of funny). But Asia gets all uppity about it and defends herself. As you may recall, she's from freakin' Yerk. To be honest though, if I were her, I would probably get upset about it too if two bitches I wanted to beat down already made fun of the way I talk and insulted me. She tries to let it slide off her back but you know the boxing-ring side of her is boiling. Maybe she can make it work for her performance.

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"Ha, ha, you're black!"

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"Exactly what do you mean by 'ask'?"

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Comments (11)

sunshine858619 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

o snap! I loved your pussycat doll recaps SO much!! :o) you captured all the bitchy things i thought of, and those i didnt even think of!! although i am really sad asia is the next pussycat doll, i suppose she fits in b/c melissa r and chelsea look like actual women, and asia, well she just looks like a tranny (clearly she will fit in best). her voice still bugs.

anyway, job well done and i hope to read another recap of yours soon!! did you catch the CW promo that they auditioning for more pussycat dolls? i smell a new recap!! :O)

helen [TypeKey Profile Page]:

great recaps o snapp! i really enjoyed reading them revy much.

i hope you recap many other shows in the future.

i can't believe there's going to be another season, i wonder where they'll pawn asia to.

too bad melissa didn't win, she was my favorite.

Cher [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Just wanted to shed some light, Asia was saying she "would've been smacked" Melissa down. As in she would've already done it. Great recap, can't wait for next season!

zatanna [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Thanks for the recaps. At least I have some companions in PCD's cheesey glories, since no one I know watches! I read that PCD as a group aren't actual 'band members'and are salaried employees of their label that are meant to be interchanged. So, it doesn't surprise me that they are doing a new season. If they don't like Asia they can just stick her at one of the lounges or something, sweet deal for the label!

jennae [TypeKey Profile Page]:

FANTASTIC - I never dreamed I'd adore such drivel as much as I have this show. I hope they are having a 2nd season, because dayum....

I wanted Chelsea to win, but I think she's better served as a solo artist - instead of some back up dancer.

I gotta say that Asia lost all her cool with me when she had that goofy as all hell grin on during the Dontcha performance. She looking ridiculous.

exotiKa [TypeKey Profile Page]:

i wanna say some stuff, dat my husband wndnt wanna hear so ill say em here... here i go...
ASIA
-i love her sexy walk... like in intros of their performances
-i love how her body looks 2damn good for jus having a kid (but maybe dats were she got her curves fr)
-shes a strong performer/dancer & great to watch (w/ears shut)
... but
-i hate her yerker accent
-i hate her "i wanna smack u attitude"
-I hate her pink lips (its like she ran out of red cells)
-i hate her 2 front teeth
AND......
-i hate her twitching, its like shes havin a seizure, fingers...
daynget... whyd she have to win. I liked her in da beginning but den her attitude was jus overriding dat. I wanted Melissa R to win. I thought it was impossible cuz she didnt have enough personality, or originality. But towards da end, she actually told somebody to "shut da fuck up!" (props to u girl!!!) she told a yerker to shut it! But she got carried away & dropped da baby drama on her... dat was jus hella wrong!!! BUT Asia still gets on my nerves... she said melissa lost it? wat??? she said dat melissa's phony?? huh!! wtf is she talkin bout! (mayn its prob all scripted anyway). But i think she took advantage of melissa's quiet ass.
Anyways... i guess PCD is really lookin for a back up dancer. Not another lead pretty girl... like anastacia (2 pretty... & 2tall). It was weird how Asia was da only one dat had a fast beat song, instead of ballad.
ANYWAYS... since its asia and deres nun we can do now... i hope dey give her braces.

ps... why have another search??? is it for PCD?? i mean id love to watch another episode... but why didnt dey just get melissa R???
Melissa R - if ur out there... ur always gonna be a pussycat doll to me!!!!!! thanks o snapp for da fun recaps...

AGrinkov [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I absolutely loved your commentaries on this show; they were laugh-out-loud funny and helped me get through boring work days.

Yeah, I was a Chelsea fan myself. To me, not only was she the best looking (like, HOT), but she was clearly the best singer. As for the dancing, I tend to think it's very minor... you usually LISTEN to music, anyway. And dancing can be learned, of course--an amazing voice is something you're born with. And who can honestly say that the scene where she calls her father in tears didn't leave us all misty-eyed? The girl could get us on her side with one simple apple-cheeks smile.

I also liked Melissa R, but thought she was a bit bland. No matter--she sang and danced like a pro. I disliked Asia slightly, and it began when she complained about the food. Then the lack of sleep. Then her competition. Then the pressure. Then missing her daughter. Then... well, you got it. But they were all talented (maybe a little more than the established Pussycat Dolls... dunno).

I hope to read a lot more from you. Let's look forward to next season (how many Pussycat Dolls do they want?? Twenty???).

LawyerChic [TypeKey Profile Page]:

exotiKa.....

you say you hate Asia's "yerker accent"....no offense, but...you write the way Asia talks. It took me about ten minutes to understand what you were trying to say. Cut out all the "dats" and "deys", which I assume mean "that" and "they"....it'll make it easier for all of us to read.....

Anywho, although I wanted Chelsea to win, it was obvious from the beginning that Asia was going to win. She looks like a PCD (aka slightly tranny) and she can slide as the token black girl of the group (even though I'm not sure she is black to begin with.....disclaimer: don't worry, as a black woman myself, I can say such things, lol)

AquaAire25 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

O.Snapp I have enjoyed reading your recaps very much. You're one funny SOB. My fave was Anastacia but then became Chelsea. Towards the end, I was satisfied if anybody but the Melissa's won. They looked way too skanky to me. Anywho, here's to more funny recaps in the future.

missjeanbrodie [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I enjoyed your recaps more than the show! Very funny! Thank you!

Torchsinger [TypeKey Profile Page]:

THANK YOU for mentioning that Asia was the only one without a slow number. OF COURSE she would be able to show off that she was a "performer"- poor Melissa R. and Chelsea didn't have much of a choice in that department. This leaves me feeling that the deck was stacked for Asia, but you are also right that Chelsea at least seems to be primed for a solo career. And yes, Asia does look the most tranny, so it fits! Thanks so much for the funniest recaps on the net- I can't wait to see what you will cover next!

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