Hey cocksuckers- welcome to my one time recap of a show that is decidedly NOT about cocksucking, but hardcore fuckery. And teenage fuckery! As if the fuck factory wasn't chock-full of the stink of adult sex...Now, I'm a HUGE fan of sixteen and pregnant, and not because MTV's trying to tell all the tweens that sex is cool through lame-ass music videos, and then that it isn't cool through it's high-quality programming (though I do like double entendres). No, I like it because it makes me feel GOOD about MYSELF. I'm not pregnant, living in my grandmother's basement in Tallahassee Florida with little more than a driver's permit and a tupperware full of beanie babies. Though I do live in a basement (my Uncle's, but that's not the point) I'm totally better off than these bitches delicately heralding new, underpriveleged life into their world, and then twittering about it. Sixteen and Pregnant makes me feel like a superhero just because I didn't get knocked up in the bathroom of my local Johnny Rockets. It makes me feel better than....having sex with a pile of men or wrestling tigers.

You're welcome, vagina.

Shall we?

In the season finale, we meet Catelynn, the local down-syndrome cartoon character from Algonac, Michigan.

I like to talk on the phone.

It's a nice departure from all the inbred southern preteens that they seem to showcase on the show (sorry, Flipit, making fun of southerners is like my third favorite hobby, first being curing cancer in models and then having sex with the grateful models who owe me). Oh but wait, we will see some midwestern trash-acting in this one.

Lovely Catelynn prefaces the pregnancy reveal with the fact that a. Algonac is right by Canada, and b., that there's nothing to do in Algonac but FUCK.

...unless you like Ice Fishing in Zoobas.

Catelynn's been with her boyfriend since seventh grade, which makes them going steady for...at most, three years. And judging from his looks, that's about 1/3 of his life span.

Did somebody say Zoobas?

Anyhoo, these two love birds are even more fucked in the head because Tylers Dad, Butch, got married to Catelynn's mom. So technically, they're step siblings...with a baby on the way.

I am so, so sorry.

Here's Catelynn and her mom. They look pretty torn up.

A Drew Barrymore Movie waiting to happen

And here's Tyler's Dad, BUTCH.

Prison Pen Pal, anyone?

February- 16 Weeks Prego

The kids talk about how difficult and/or upsetting it is to be pregnant.

Just Sayin.'

Catelynn got pregnant initially because Tyler used a condom that he had gotten from the DRYER. Ah, those washer/dryer condoms never work, though I found a five dollar bill in the dryer once that did. Not for money, but for birth control.

A Condom, presumably unwashed.

Seriously, though, this Tyler should get a PH.D. or a nobel peace prize in fuckery. Seriously, is he one of those dudes who finds chapstick in the wash and smears it on, cause, you know, it's "clean." These people give the midwest a bad name!

They want to give the baby up for adoption, which seems like the first not insane thing that has happened on this show.

Later, at the adoption lady, the kiddies are apprehensive about giving their kiddie away.

God is watching.

Adoption lady says that sometimes the most loving thing is to let "something" go. This woman speaks in tongues. Does "something" mean that Miata that I accidentally tried to drive through a plate glass window? Maybe.

Two weeks later, Catelynn still sorta looks like she has downs syndrome.

Another popsicle?

Here, take this.

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Posted in Randomgasm by Monamonzano at 2:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: PottyMouth on Jul 21, 2009 08:18 AM.