It's week 3 at the Casa de Tramps and we have 15 women still in the running to mount the stallionaires and ride off into the sunset, or at least Sunset Boulevard where they can earn a living.
This week we see Blonde Baller, you remember her the "athlete" of the bunch right??? She is on the phone with her Best Friend Dale. She makes sure to say "Hi Best Friend, how are you Best Friend?" Fine, dip shit how are you? Obviously this is weird and Junk hears her and thinks this girl is hiding something. How do you hide something by screaming?
In an effort to convince anyone listening that she and Dale are just friends, BB keeps yelling "Best Friend" at the top of her lungs. Basically she sounds stupid, like if she doesn't repeat herself over and over, she will forget who he is.
How can someone dressed like any of these girls hide anything? I'm afraid one of them is going to blow a tampon and hit someone in their eye every time they get into an argument. I'm sure we'll revisit this phone conversation later in the show.
This week, we start with Stallion Mail, who knew the pony express was up and running in McMansion land? The girls are going to audition for a music video. They have to change into their rehearsal wardrobe so they rush off to change into their new dance clothes.
I love these ladies, they see a pair of jersey pants and t-shirt and the first thing they do is slice up the clothes to reveal every bit of their bodies. They slice and dice and manage to make yoga pants look like the latest in stripper wear. Add their push up bras and thongs and hooker heels and they are all ready for a video vixen rehearsal.
The two stallions, Real and Chance have brought Gloria Velez who is some sort of video vixen trainer or something. All these jobs, I never knew existed. Are there degree programs at DeVry for this stuff? This probably pays way more than pharmacy assistant.
Gloria shows the girls 4 basic moves. First, the Cat Walk. This is the same thing Miss J shows all the models on "America's Next Top Model". The girls walk one by one in some kind of straight line and wiggle their butts a lot. Gloria stresses that she wants to see sexy not trashy. She is going to need to be much more specific with this group. Maybe she should just tell them, no visible nipples or cootchies.
Booty Camp for Video Vixen auditions. I guess you don't need a resume for this job.
Next up is the Booty Shake. This is where you stand still, but shake your butt really fast. Some of the girls can shake it really good while others needed help. Let's face it strippers can do this stuff no problem. If they came into my office and said do a booty shake, all the women would take off their boots and shake them.
The third move is the Grind. It's not the old MTV show hosted by Eric (I wash my hair with pee) Nies. This is when you grind your crotch on someone or I guess something. The women have no problem with this move, but Apple says she doesn't know why a person would need to do this in "real life". Apple - you are supposed to be on a "reality show" this is real life.
So Booty Camp is over and now Gloria is going to pick 3 captains and they will each pick their team members. The non-strippers are at a huge disadvantage. The three captains are Baker, who looks like a hooker with her clothes all sliced up and her boobs hanging down to her waist. Captain two is Lady, she was very quiet during the booty camp, but she must be able to dance a little and the third captain is Pocahontas. The captains form their teams from the remaining women.
Baker has PS, Mamacita, Flirty and Aloha. They will be dancing in front of the mansion and need to work out a routine with the guys on the motorcycles.
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