Anyway, all the housewives are brought into the fundraising event, and they all think the million dollar goal is ridiculous, but only NeNe's game to help, cause NeNe's awesome. She's happy to help. Hey, where's Sheree? She could make it the talk of the town!
I'll donate a bag of Tootsie Pops and some jump ropes, girl. And a plasma.
Oh, there she is. But, surprise surprise, Sheree's not interested in helping with any talk of the town party that isn't her own. She tells us that she just doesn't think it's feasible, because DeShawn is new to Atlanta. Or maybe she's just not buying the for-the-children line either.
DeShawn tells us the theme of the party will be Old Hollywood, and there will be lots of diamonds and jewelry. Or "jewry" as DeShawn says. They're inviting the who's who of Atlanta. They need Tyler Perry. They need athletes. Call Lisa, dumbass. They're going to be auctioning off dates with celebrities. Someone suggests auctioning off Sheree. NeNe says they can start bidding for that bitch at two dollars, and I am dying laughing. "Lord have mercy!" NeNe yells. Indeed.
Old Hollywood Jewry
And to my surprise, Kimmie's hating on the fundraising party as well. Hmmm. She thinks it's an unrealistic plan. About as realistic as you winning a Grammy sweetie, but that doesn't seem to be holding you back, so why should it stop DeShawn?
And Kimmie's certainly not going to be winning any singing awards with the cigarette constantly hanging out of her mouth. Today, we're heading out to the sticks to visit Kim's psychic. And now she's in a Porsche. Fabulous! But how did she fit her hair in there? It's a small car. She needs to see her future to make sure she's going down the right path. Huh? But Kim and her weave and her Porsche out in the boonies is pretty priceless.
As are the rest of the housewives, who have also been invited along on the psychic visit. Of course they're all down on it...all except, guess who, NeNe! She's going to take it for what it is and go on her way. What would it take to bump off Oprah for NeNe?
Hey NeNe, Oprah left you off the list. Cut her!
Kimmie starts off her psychic session by commanding the sweet, old psychic, "Rose be good to me." Then she informs Rose that she's going to be doing an album. Really, why bother with the psychic? Why not just have Big Poppa pay someone to tell her what she wants to hear? Meanwhile, the other four housewives are snickering hysterically at the news of Kimmie recording an album. We are reaching new levels of bitchy here, and I could not be loving it more. Even NeNe gets in on it. She's known Kim for years, and she's never heard her sing. She's heard her hum though. "Maybe they're giving out Grammy's for humming now," she muses. Then NeNe hums. And she's not bad. If they are giving out Grammys for that, she totally deserves one.
So we don't really hear too much about Kim's future, cause we're focusing on NeNe. And Rose immediately zeroes in on NeNe's Dad. NeNe tells us that there was never much of a relationship there. Her parents were never married, and he came around whenever he came around. The other housewives are surprised and affected.
And then Rose drops the bombshell - she sees some kind of misfortune for NeNe, coming in the form of a letter. There's anger, and the anger will bring depression, so NeNe should be careful. "Shut up, girl!" NeNe says to ninety year old hick psychic. But she thinks Rose was dead on.
Way to scare the crap out of me, old coot. I see someone driving by your house in a giant expensive SUV and knocking down your mailbox with a baseball bat.
Well, that was getting heavy and I didn't like it. So let's see what social climber Lisa is up to. Oh, she's got Sheree at her house. Work that ladder, girl! They're having a get together with mojitos, and Lisa tells us that when they all get together, it's men vs. women. Also, that her husband, Ed Hartwell, thinks he's running the game, but he's not. They literally end up with the men on one side of the kitchen counter, and the women on the other side. It's very Summer Nights. Or High School Musical? I'm trying to stay relevant here.
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Comments (19)
Did you hear Kim's voice when she was singing along? Yikes! It sounded like a wounded dog... who smokes a lot of cigarettes.
1 of 19 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 25, 2008 8:32 AM
The minute I heard the song title "Tardy for the Party" I knew it would be featured prominently in the recap. I love it!! I actually kind of felt bad for the old guy because everyone was ripping his tunes on national television.
I also liked how we "conveniently" saw DeShawn's check for $15,000 at her church. Something tells me that when people tithe there not supposed to broadcast it.
2 of 19 | Posted by Reesewitherspoon | Posted on October 25, 2008 9:55 AM
i know that you are torn up by ne ne's dad situation. but i can't believe that you didn't remark on the way heart was spelled in the letter- the camera did a quick focus on it. it was spelled haert or hert to that effect. it was good times for me in the moment of ne ne's sadness.
i love how all the women mispronounce words all over the place- way to pick up on that chickbomb. it is good times. jewrly.
3 of 19 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on October 25, 2008 10:43 AM
Everytime I hear DeShawn and/or Sheree say "AKS" instead of "ask" I die a little inside.
I love how DeShawn is like I LOVE GOD, I GIVE MY CHURCH TONS OF MONEY and then holds a huge gala that she'll write off on her taxes as a charity event for her sham foundation. She can be a big retard all the wants with her fake foundation, but don't make a mockery out of religion.
4 of 19 | Posted by cherin | Posted on October 25, 2008 2:15 PM
" love how all the women mispronounce words all over the place- "
It's how a lot of people in the south who happen to be in the ghetto pronounce words.
Shows that marrying into an athlete or a sugar daddy cannot remove the shitstains of the ghetto.
5 of 19 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on October 25, 2008 5:05 PM
I just can't get over how someone's dying the old left over hooker wardrobe from deadwood bright colours and then selling it to Kim!
Must be laughing all the way to the bank!
Also Sheree looks right at home at a transgender event... NeNe is cool, and Deshawn kind of makes me sick....
Great Recap!
6 of 19 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 25, 2008 5:07 PM
Wordo nthe street is that Big Poppa is Quincy Jones. Which makes absolute sense given the connection to Dallas Austin. Also listen carefully to his voice. Sounds like Quincy to me!!1
7 of 19 | Posted by ify2vn | Posted on October 25, 2008 6:26 PM
And Lisa is having a party of her own, it's called the Make-Up Bar. You basically get your make-up done, and get drunk. Hmmm, perhaps I'd mesh with her too. It's the new hot thing in Atlanta. Can someone please bring this to LA?
Look up the Beauty Bar, they have Martinis and Manicures.
8 of 19 | Posted by jerseygirl | Posted on October 26, 2008 5:17 AM
how come most of the women that are picked for real housewives look like they are transgender? they only ones that didn't were the women from new york. kim looks especially like one.
9 of 19 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on October 26, 2008 7:05 AM
reckless_saturn_11 I believe that these rich women equate giant hair and 3 inches of makeup to class. therefore the more money their husbands have, the more ginormous the hair and horrid the makeup.
(for example, DeShawn is so classy she even has her own hair studio)
10 of 19 | Posted by cherin | Posted on October 26, 2008 1:50 PM
Of course I want to know who Big Poppa is, but not as much as I want to know why Kim has a Big Poppa. She doesn't fit the profile, kwim?
11 of 19 | Posted by DaffyMaiden | Posted on October 26, 2008 2:46 PM
She has a "big poppa" because she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. You know she works hard for that money, taking care of "little poppa" in ways Mrs. Poppa won't
12 of 19 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on October 27, 2008 8:28 AM
Awww, ChickBomb, you ARE beautiful (and I'm not just saying that because you gave me a shout-out in your recap... I'm saying it because I've met you in person and we had that awesome fight about whether or not Ne-Yo is gay, and now we're bonded forever and ever, m'kay?).
I have to say I totally agree with you when they come with the serious drama... it fucks up the powers of observation through my bitchy-goggles, and I may be a lot of things (fat, hairy, soul-killing day job, spends too much time around drag queens) but I will not rip on someone going through something incredibly painful dealing with paternity, it hits too close to home.
Shereé should stay far, far away from Miss Gay Continental or Miss Gay Entertainer Of The Year... seriously, I thought maybe I had seen her performing earlier this year at the national competition, that mug of hers is hard... I'd kill to be standing nearby when someone would ask her how she tucks her penis away so well...
As for DeShawn, well, if you're going to be helping young girls with their self-esteem problems, what better way to do it than to teach them how to be completely and totally self-centered and shallow? It's only people who pay attention to others and think below the surface level who have self-esteem problems...
Love to you ChickBomb, keep up your awesome work... I'm totally thinking about watching this episode the next time it comes on Bravo...
love & huggles,
xoxoxo
J-Mo :)
P.S. Doesn't it change the whole title when I add just one little apostrophe to 'tardy To The Party? LOL!
13 of 19 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 27, 2008 9:54 AM
This was a sad one! I felt so bad for NeNe. I wanted to reach through the TV and give her a big hug.
Notice how Kim is going on and on about making an album, but she won't sing for the camera? Not once did we get to hear her sing. Hmm....
14 of 19 | Posted by norwego | Posted on October 27, 2008 11:34 AM
chickbomb, i heart your recaps oh so much. and i love nene, the world cannot get enough nene.
j-mo, i was totally thinking the exact same thing about 'tardy to the party. every time i read it i could only think of the *other* kind of tardy!!!
xoxox
15 of 19 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 27, 2008 12:25 PM
Love the recap ChickBomb but you glossed over the best part sweetie. Not only did NeNe say "We gon' start this bitch off a $2.00" she then went on to do a mock auction saying "you got 2.00, I want 2.00, this bitch 2.00" O, where do I nominate NeNe for our next National Treasure. A democratic ticket with NeNe and ChickBomb, and Gregg as the Secretary of Awesome..I tear up at the thought
16 of 19 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on October 27, 2008 1:59 PM
Hey chickbomb,
I'm still really confused about this whole 'weave' thing, im still a little hazy about what they are and how they work (id never even heard of them till I went to the states haha), would you be able to maybe point out next recap with a sweet ms paint arrow on a picture of Kim where her real hair ends and the weave begins? Im perplexed and intrigued!
Cheers!
Sam
17 of 19 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 27, 2008 7:48 PM
The whole time i was hearing Tardy for the Party I seriously thought it was 'Tardy for the Party. It wasn't until I read the recap that I realized it wasn't meant that way.
18 of 19 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on October 28, 2008 9:13 AM
I about spit my wine all over the TV when Kim announced that she's 29. Honey, you are at least 40, don't kid yourself.
Also, did anyone else notice the HUGE sweat stains sported by Sheree's hairdresser? It was like one of those Sure/Unsure commercials from back in the day.
19 of 19 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on October 28, 2008 1:06 PM