And it's the same dumb men are from Mars, women are from Venus fight that's only been going on forever. Men and women are different. Groundbreaking. Who would waste their time even talking about this? But the Hartwells have turned it into a very spirited discussion. Even Ed Hartwell's sister is adorable. I would love to dump DeShawn or Sheree for her.
You're hired!
And speaking of the Ice Queen, she reminds us for the millionth time that she's at the tail end of a divorce. Are we going to talk about how she's looking for a lump sum settlement again? No? Well, there's a shock. Now she's saying that there's a real shortage of men in Atlanta. Twenty women to one man. Wow! Those are some odds.
Sheree's problem with men (and I'm guessing this is just the tip of a Titanic sized iceberg) is that they start off confident, but it ends up being all about Sheree. Well, that's probably after the metaphorical emasculation that happens five minutes into the relationship. Sheree doesn't exactly seem like a lover. She doesn't want to be anyone's everything. And being the "independent, powerful woman that I am, I don't want to lose myself. I want to be in control." And that's why you're still single, darling.
Back to Kimmie's house - she's got some Wilford Brimley type over, teaching her kids voice and guitar. He's adorable. So, if the country music thing doesn't happen for Kim, she's got the stage mom thing as Plan B. It's always good to have a backup.
Wow, mom. You suck.
Then we get Sheree's take on things, which is positively illuminating, because she tells us that "obviously, Kim has great connections and for her to get Dallas Austin is awesome." Verrrrry interesting. Big Poppa must be some kind of VIP to warrant this kind of positive reaction from Sheree.
Ed too is impressed with Kim's connections. And he's all ready to submit something to Kimmie to pass along to Dallas Austin. Really? Grandpa's going hip hop? I'm dying to hear this. And so Ed plays Kim his songs, which are adorable in a very Wheels On The Bus sort of way, but Kimmie's so clueless she makes little burn marks with her cigarette on the ones she likes. Just kidding, she puts stars on them. Heaven help us, she smells a hit.
Okay, back to NeNe. Now you know NeNe's my fave, but her storyline is very serious tonight and you know I don't like this. There's not too much bitchy I can expel over a lifelong paternity issue. But anyway, she's gotten a letter on notebook paper from one of her aunts telling her that Curtis, who she thought was her Dad, isn't really her Dad.
NeNe tells us that her Mom is deceased, but that she always told her that Curtis was her father. And this aunt, whoever she is, has sent a letter that sounds like blackmail, saying that she hears that NeNe has a nice house and a nice car and that she should be helping out the family. NeNe's really hurt by this, and I love her so much I just want to reach through the screen and give her a hug.
Dear Aunt User, I am sending a bag of Tootsie Roll Pops and a jumprope. And a plasma.
Her fab husband Gregg comes home, and she tells him about the letter and the accusation that she's not helping her family. Gregg understands "the flavor of the letter", and he tells us that they have contributed, and they have helped, but some people will never think it's enough. I think I love Gregg as much as I love NeNe.
NeNe wants to call Curtis to find out what's what, and Gregg wants to help, but he's concerned for her. How much are we loving this man? He tells us that his wife is strong, but even the strongest of people need a pillar of support.
Okay, back to something I can talk shit on, and that's DeShawn. She's giving us a big, lofty speech about what a good Christian she is, and how much she loooooves church. And we know from the Real World Sydney that the people who talk the most about what good Christians they are, are totally the best ones.
« Pick Up Artist 2: Hey, would you date a guy named Mystery? | Main | House: I Kissed A Girl »
Comments (19)
Did you hear Kim's voice when she was singing along? Yikes! It sounded like a wounded dog... who smokes a lot of cigarettes.
1 of 19 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 25, 2008 8:32 AM
The minute I heard the song title "Tardy for the Party" I knew it would be featured prominently in the recap. I love it!! I actually kind of felt bad for the old guy because everyone was ripping his tunes on national television.
I also liked how we "conveniently" saw DeShawn's check for $15,000 at her church. Something tells me that when people tithe there not supposed to broadcast it.
2 of 19 | Posted by Reesewitherspoon | Posted on October 25, 2008 9:55 AM
i know that you are torn up by ne ne's dad situation. but i can't believe that you didn't remark on the way heart was spelled in the letter- the camera did a quick focus on it. it was spelled haert or hert to that effect. it was good times for me in the moment of ne ne's sadness.
i love how all the women mispronounce words all over the place- way to pick up on that chickbomb. it is good times. jewrly.
3 of 19 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on October 25, 2008 10:43 AM
Everytime I hear DeShawn and/or Sheree say "AKS" instead of "ask" I die a little inside.
I love how DeShawn is like I LOVE GOD, I GIVE MY CHURCH TONS OF MONEY and then holds a huge gala that she'll write off on her taxes as a charity event for her sham foundation. She can be a big retard all the wants with her fake foundation, but don't make a mockery out of religion.
4 of 19 | Posted by cherin | Posted on October 25, 2008 2:15 PM
" love how all the women mispronounce words all over the place- "
It's how a lot of people in the south who happen to be in the ghetto pronounce words.
Shows that marrying into an athlete or a sugar daddy cannot remove the shitstains of the ghetto.
5 of 19 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on October 25, 2008 5:05 PM
I just can't get over how someone's dying the old left over hooker wardrobe from deadwood bright colours and then selling it to Kim!
Must be laughing all the way to the bank!
Also Sheree looks right at home at a transgender event... NeNe is cool, and Deshawn kind of makes me sick....
Great Recap!
6 of 19 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 25, 2008 5:07 PM
Wordo nthe street is that Big Poppa is Quincy Jones. Which makes absolute sense given the connection to Dallas Austin. Also listen carefully to his voice. Sounds like Quincy to me!!1
7 of 19 | Posted by ify2vn | Posted on October 25, 2008 6:26 PM
And Lisa is having a party of her own, it's called the Make-Up Bar. You basically get your make-up done, and get drunk. Hmmm, perhaps I'd mesh with her too. It's the new hot thing in Atlanta. Can someone please bring this to LA?
Look up the Beauty Bar, they have Martinis and Manicures.
8 of 19 | Posted by jerseygirl | Posted on October 26, 2008 5:17 AM
how come most of the women that are picked for real housewives look like they are transgender? they only ones that didn't were the women from new york. kim looks especially like one.
9 of 19 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on October 26, 2008 7:05 AM
reckless_saturn_11 I believe that these rich women equate giant hair and 3 inches of makeup to class. therefore the more money their husbands have, the more ginormous the hair and horrid the makeup.
(for example, DeShawn is so classy she even has her own hair studio)
10 of 19 | Posted by cherin | Posted on October 26, 2008 1:50 PM
Of course I want to know who Big Poppa is, but not as much as I want to know why Kim has a Big Poppa. She doesn't fit the profile, kwim?
11 of 19 | Posted by DaffyMaiden | Posted on October 26, 2008 2:46 PM
She has a "big poppa" because she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. You know she works hard for that money, taking care of "little poppa" in ways Mrs. Poppa won't
12 of 19 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on October 27, 2008 8:28 AM
Awww, ChickBomb, you ARE beautiful (and I'm not just saying that because you gave me a shout-out in your recap... I'm saying it because I've met you in person and we had that awesome fight about whether or not Ne-Yo is gay, and now we're bonded forever and ever, m'kay?).
I have to say I totally agree with you when they come with the serious drama... it fucks up the powers of observation through my bitchy-goggles, and I may be a lot of things (fat, hairy, soul-killing day job, spends too much time around drag queens) but I will not rip on someone going through something incredibly painful dealing with paternity, it hits too close to home.
Shereé should stay far, far away from Miss Gay Continental or Miss Gay Entertainer Of The Year... seriously, I thought maybe I had seen her performing earlier this year at the national competition, that mug of hers is hard... I'd kill to be standing nearby when someone would ask her how she tucks her penis away so well...
As for DeShawn, well, if you're going to be helping young girls with their self-esteem problems, what better way to do it than to teach them how to be completely and totally self-centered and shallow? It's only people who pay attention to others and think below the surface level who have self-esteem problems...
Love to you ChickBomb, keep up your awesome work... I'm totally thinking about watching this episode the next time it comes on Bravo...
love & huggles,
xoxoxo
J-Mo :)
P.S. Doesn't it change the whole title when I add just one little apostrophe to 'tardy To The Party? LOL!
13 of 19 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 27, 2008 9:54 AM
This was a sad one! I felt so bad for NeNe. I wanted to reach through the TV and give her a big hug.
Notice how Kim is going on and on about making an album, but she won't sing for the camera? Not once did we get to hear her sing. Hmm....
14 of 19 | Posted by norwego | Posted on October 27, 2008 11:34 AM
chickbomb, i heart your recaps oh so much. and i love nene, the world cannot get enough nene.
j-mo, i was totally thinking the exact same thing about 'tardy to the party. every time i read it i could only think of the *other* kind of tardy!!!
xoxox
15 of 19 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 27, 2008 12:25 PM
Love the recap ChickBomb but you glossed over the best part sweetie. Not only did NeNe say "We gon' start this bitch off a $2.00" she then went on to do a mock auction saying "you got 2.00, I want 2.00, this bitch 2.00" O, where do I nominate NeNe for our next National Treasure. A democratic ticket with NeNe and ChickBomb, and Gregg as the Secretary of Awesome..I tear up at the thought
16 of 19 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on October 27, 2008 1:59 PM
Hey chickbomb,
I'm still really confused about this whole 'weave' thing, im still a little hazy about what they are and how they work (id never even heard of them till I went to the states haha), would you be able to maybe point out next recap with a sweet ms paint arrow on a picture of Kim where her real hair ends and the weave begins? Im perplexed and intrigued!
Cheers!
Sam
17 of 19 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 27, 2008 7:48 PM
The whole time i was hearing Tardy for the Party I seriously thought it was 'Tardy for the Party. It wasn't until I read the recap that I realized it wasn't meant that way.
18 of 19 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on October 28, 2008 9:13 AM
I about spit my wine all over the TV when Kim announced that she's 29. Honey, you are at least 40, don't kid yourself.
Also, did anyone else notice the HUGE sweat stains sported by Sheree's hairdresser? It was like one of those Sure/Unsure commercials from back in the day.
19 of 19 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on October 28, 2008 1:06 PM