Hello gorgeous dolls, and welcome to Atlanta for the latest installment of the Real Housewives! This Housewife franchise isn't really my bag of tricks, quite frankly, new money bores me. But a few weeks ago, during one of my bonding days with my sofa, I happened to catch the preview special on Bravo, and next thing I knew, the emails were flying to Flippy. I was immediately obsessed. So, here I am to bring all the humid, nouveau riche action to you.
Girrrrrl!
Naturally, I miss the premiere episode cause I'm on a plane. But I get my Dad to record it for me, and a few days later, me, ChickDad, and Auntie and Uncle Noir are perched on my parents' sofa to watch. ChickMom has opted for the local news. ChickMom thinks Dancing With The Stars is the best thing on television. Sometimes I'm not sure if she really birthed me. Auntie Noir has been included as she taught elementary school in an area similar to the ATL for about thirty years, and I'm looking for insight. Uncle Noir is in on it cause he's recently retired and looking for something to do. And ChickDad is there cause he owns the remote. I put him in charge of fast forwarding through the commercials. He naps through the show, waking up intermittently to grumble about how he's missing some baseball game for this, and then totally screws up his job cause he keeps falling back asleep as soon as he hits the fast forward button, prompting a hysterical "Dad!!!!" from me as the television whizzes right past the commercial break every single time.
We are told right off that Atlanta is full of wealthy African Americans. There are galas. There are fashion shows. There are luxury gated communities. There's gossip. And right up front, we're told it's all new money. But here's why I have no issue with it. Unlike New York and Orange County, where the new money is pretending to be sophisticated, old money, in Atlanta, we apparently call it like we see it. This is so my kind of show.
Newer and greener, babay!
The first housewife we meet is DeShawn. DeShawn informs us that Atlanta is the land of opportunity for African Americans. DeShawn and her family are moving into what they call their "dream house", and what I call some kind of hybrid of castle mixed with McMansion. They have commissioned a decorator, who DeShawn met with for a whole, entire three hours, and then she was off to execute the décor for the dream house. The decorator is a bland white girl. So the house comes out looking...well, like a bland, white girl decorated it. From the berber carpet, to the Bed, Bath & Beyond basketball paintings in the kids' rooms, truly, a KB model home has more personality.
So how is DeShawn so rich? Her husband, Eric Snow, plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Thirteen year veteran, and team captain, she informs us proudly. DeShawn and Eric are adorable, and so are their kids. She tells us the best thing about being married to an NBA player is the lifestyle. I hear that sister, and I'm telling you, I am really enjoying the blunt honesty of these Atlanta hos. That's right, I said hos. I don't believe for a minute that they all met in church.
Unless you consider this church. Which, I guess you could. Never mind.
DeShawn is very grateful for her life, and I like that. But then she starts spewing about how now that they're living in Castle McMansion, they need a staff. An estate manager. Okay. An executive housekeeper. Fine. A maid crew. Well, it is a 15,000 square foot house. A chef. A given. A nanny. Totally normal. And a governess. And now she's lost me. Will the governess be the one who turns DeShawn's cute kids who like to play basketball into wimps in little bow-tied shorts suits who spend their spare time taking violin lessons? Cause that's what I think a governess does. Actually, I have no earthly idea what a governess does, but my point is, neither does DeShawn.
If The Sound of Music was any hint, watch your husband.
Next we meet Lisa, who's less of a housewife and more of a mogul. She likes to showcase her talents, which translates to her being a real estate broker and owner, children's clothing line designer, painter and jewelry designer. Meanwhile, I lie wrapped in a sheet on the sofa, semi-busily typing away and pretending not to notice that the laundry is done and the dryer is beeping like mad. Clearly, Lisa and I are kindred spirits.
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Comments (16)
Hey ChickBomb... glad to see you back, and glad you are recapping this bunch... I've missed you.
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. ALT+130 = é So you can put in Shereé's name propa-like, a'ight? :)
1 of 16 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 13, 2008 12:44 PM
Kim's dress looked like something i could have bought at Forever 21. if i had no taste.
2 of 16 | Posted by whitney | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:18 PM
I'm a long-time fan, first time poster. Great recap! I was wondering if anyone was going to take on this hot mess!
I live in Atlanta and other than athletes, I don't know of many mainstream big-name celebrities living here besides Jermaine Dupree and Janet Jackson. Tyler Perry lives here too, but I'm not sure he really counts much yet, athough he's getting there. I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, and there are probably some that I'm not familiar with b/c I'm not too in tune with the Rap/R&B scene.
Thought I would also mention that Lisa's "unhappy marriage" was to none other than R&B singer Keith Sweat. Don't think he's had a hit in about 15-20 years, but again, R&B isn't really my thing. I think that was a pretty messy divorce, so I guess Lisa and Sheree have something to bond over.
3 of 16 | Posted by buckrogers | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:37 PM
oh man, I was praying that someone would recap this show.
Every time a new city/season comes on I swear I won't watch it and then I become addicted.
Fab recap, I'll look forward to the rest of the season even more now!
4 of 16 | Posted by cherin | Posted on October 13, 2008 4:50 PM
ChickBomb!! Thanks for recapping this show... I think I am in love with Nene already, even though it's only been 1 date. I will keep you posted on our progress.
Also, I think Big Papa could be Arthur Blank- he is ancient, he founded Home Depot and he is a gazillionaire. It could also be Larry King. (lol/gag)
5 of 16 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on October 13, 2008 5:17 PM
Chickbomb I truly love you. New York Jews I can manage, but Atlanta is way out of my league. That being said, I'm going to love reading these.
Hugs,
Yenta
6 of 16 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 13, 2008 6:01 PM
I live south of Atlanta. I have never been to one of Sheree's talk of the town parties. The last time I went thru Atlanta proper I was flipped off by a homeless guy. Thanks for showing me the humor in these crazy bitches cause when I first watched I was just irritated by them. Thats why I love reading recaps, they usually give me a "different" insight into the shows lol. Great recap chickbomb!
7 of 16 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 13, 2008 7:47 PM
Does Sheree remind anyone else of The Lady Chablis from the movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"?
8 of 16 | Posted by schatzi | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:03 AM
LOLOLOL schatzi! Yes she does now that you mention it! Except "The Lady" had more class!
9 of 16 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:32 AM
These women are ridiculous. Sheree makes me want to kill myself, I will stick up for her though and say that her hair is not a weave, that's all her. Also Kim hair isn't technically a weave either, its a "piece," basically half a wig. The front is her hair while the wig starts a few inches back.
Anyways, besides Sheree I kind of like these women, in a "you don't make me claw my eyeballs out" kind of way. But, we'll see how I feel by the end of the season.
10 of 16 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:39 AM
Oh my lord, Kim's dress looked like it was from a Scottish pimps & ho's party. I love how none of these women have an ounce of taste.
11 of 16 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on October 15, 2008 4:53 AM
ChickBomb, I hate you.
You are SO making me want to watch this show! LOL!!!
(Something that I really don't want to do!)
12 of 16 | Posted by you you you | Posted on October 15, 2008 7:49 AM
The word on the net is that Big Poppa is a guy named Lee Najjar who is a big commercial real estate developer. Apparently, he did all of the big outlet shopping malls in the southeast. And he's married too.
13 of 16 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:21 AM
Chick,
First, thank you for making me smile about this show. I live in Atlanta, and have been nothing but pissed off since watching the first episode! Long story short, these ignant heffas don't represent me or my friends, and certainly not the Atlanta I have come to know and love. But you helped me find the beauty in such ignance! (And, no, I'm not misspelling that!)
Oh, and for the record, none of them actually lives in Atlanta; they all live north of Atlanta in the rich-rich suburbs.
14 of 16 | Posted by MorbidCuriosity | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:21 AM
lollll chickbomb great recap. one more distraction when i should be working...
"I'm not really sure what this means, but I love it so much I've repeated it about eighty times this week." hahahahahaha loooove it.
15 of 16 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 15, 2008 1:28 PM
Wow, after starting watching these tacky nouve rich Atlanta hos I miss the Orange County housewives.
16 of 16 | Posted by wincha | Posted on November 9, 2008 7:14 PM