Lisa is half black and half Chinese. Well, we've all seen Kimora, so we know this is not a combo to be messed with. Lisa goes on to tell us that in addition to her four businesses, she also just had a baby and is a workout fanatic. Seriously, who is her dealer? There must be meth somewhere in this equation. Lisa's husband is Ed Hartwell (fabulous name), a linebacker for the Atlanta Falcons. Ed was injured, but now he's about to get back in the game. Lisa's nervous about him getting hurt, cause he's her best friend, but she wants to support his dream. I like it. I wonder if I'm the only one who's finding these housewives sort of genuine.
He's my best friend, and he needs to get back to work. Don't hurt him!
Lisa and Ed host a bowling night at their house, which conveniently happens to have its own bowling alley. Huh. And I thought my new front-loading washer and dryer was a big deal. Lisa tells us she and Ed got married a month and twenty-three days after they met. She was in a bad marriage, so she feels she deserves the good marriage now. And the in-house bowling alley too, of course. Come on, I like the girl, but let's be realistic here.
Next up is NeNe, and I will tell you right now, NeNe is the reason I knew I had to write about this show. The first thing she tells us is that she's real fun, followed by a shot of her yelling, "Whoooooo, Lord!" I want to go to a tent revival with NeNe. She says she always tells it like it is, and starts off by informing us that in Atlanta, it's all about who you know. She's around a lot of women...wealthy women. So wealthy, in fact, that, "Honey, they done left me, chile." I'm not really sure what this means, but I love it so much I've repeated it about eighty times this week.
Please don't ever leave my TV.
NeNe lives North of the city. I don't know what this means either, but then she tells us she lives in an "exclusive gated community", with lots of athletes and celebrities. What celebrities live in Atlanta? The only one who comes to mind is Usher. I wonder if he'll be making a cameo. That would be neat.
Next we see NeNe out to dinner with her husband Gregg. Gregg kills me, cause the moment she orders grouper with mashed potatoes for dinner, he shoots her down with a stern, "No bread!" She changes her order to lobster tail and crab cake. Slimming, no. But Gregg nods sagely in approval. Then NeNe tells us that the real secret to a man's heart isn't though his stomach, "but we'll talk about that later". Let's do so. NeNe and Gregg have been together for ten years. Ten years of nothing but love...and hard work, NeNe tells us. Well, I actually think that's nice.
NeNe has two sons, Bryson and Brent. Brent is the baby, and he seems like a spoiled brat. We see him at his birthday party acting like a whiny little bitch over something, and then being rewarded with a $1,000 check from Gregg for his "first investment". I wonder what this investment will be. Then we meet Bryson, who's a "typical teenager", and seems to be the hapless victim of a family meeting called solely for the purpose of NeNe telling him to clean up his room. She seems to be reading this edict off some prepared notes. She informs us that as the only woman, she is the queen of the house. No shit. NeNe, I would totally crown your ass queen of the world.
Next up is Kim, the other reason I had to write this. Kimmie is the only white girl, and she's buried under about 200 pounds of cheap blonde weave. Seriously, enough to rival Bret Michaels. So of course, I am obsessed with her. She's very materialistic. Loves it. She's also besties with NeNe. What would it take to get me into their clique? I'm totally a materialistic bitch. I'd mesh. Kim's got lots of cash, and doesn't feel at all out of place in the ATL, cause even though it's "predominantly African American, I'm a black woman trapped in a white woman's body." She's also a size 4 woman trapped in a size 10 body, and nothing she buys on her all-cash shopping spree exactly says wallflower.
Sew a 2 on these 6s before I have you thrown out of Atlanta, bitches.
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Comments (17)
Hey ChickBomb... glad to see you back, and glad you are recapping this bunch... I've missed you.
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. ALT+130 = é So you can put in Shereé's name propa-like, a'ight? :)
1 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 13, 2008 12:44 PM
Kim's dress looked like something i could have bought at Forever 21. if i had no taste.
2 of 17 | Posted by whitney | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:18 PM
I'm a long-time fan, first time poster. Great recap! I was wondering if anyone was going to take on this hot mess!
I live in Atlanta and other than athletes, I don't know of many mainstream big-name celebrities living here besides Jermaine Dupree and Janet Jackson. Tyler Perry lives here too, but I'm not sure he really counts much yet, athough he's getting there. I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, and there are probably some that I'm not familiar with b/c I'm not too in tune with the Rap/R&B scene.
Thought I would also mention that Lisa's "unhappy marriage" was to none other than R&B singer Keith Sweat. Don't think he's had a hit in about 15-20 years, but again, R&B isn't really my thing. I think that was a pretty messy divorce, so I guess Lisa and Sheree have something to bond over.
3 of 17 | Posted by buckrogers | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:37 PM
oh man, I was praying that someone would recap this show.
Every time a new city/season comes on I swear I won't watch it and then I become addicted.
Fab recap, I'll look forward to the rest of the season even more now!
4 of 17 | Posted by cherin | Posted on October 13, 2008 4:50 PM
ChickBomb!! Thanks for recapping this show... I think I am in love with Nene already, even though it's only been 1 date. I will keep you posted on our progress.
Also, I think Big Papa could be Arthur Blank- he is ancient, he founded Home Depot and he is a gazillionaire. It could also be Larry King. (lol/gag)
5 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on October 13, 2008 5:17 PM
Chickbomb I truly love you. New York Jews I can manage, but Atlanta is way out of my league. That being said, I'm going to love reading these.
Hugs,
Yenta
6 of 17 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 13, 2008 6:01 PM
I live south of Atlanta. I have never been to one of Sheree's talk of the town parties. The last time I went thru Atlanta proper I was flipped off by a homeless guy. Thanks for showing me the humor in these crazy bitches cause when I first watched I was just irritated by them. Thats why I love reading recaps, they usually give me a "different" insight into the shows lol. Great recap chickbomb!
7 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 13, 2008 7:47 PM
Does Sheree remind anyone else of The Lady Chablis from the movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"?
8 of 17 | Posted by schatzi | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:03 AM
LOLOLOL schatzi! Yes she does now that you mention it! Except "The Lady" had more class!
9 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:32 AM
These women are ridiculous. Sheree makes me want to kill myself, I will stick up for her though and say that her hair is not a weave, that's all her. Also Kim hair isn't technically a weave either, its a "piece," basically half a wig. The front is her hair while the wig starts a few inches back.
Anyways, besides Sheree I kind of like these women, in a "you don't make me claw my eyeballs out" kind of way. But, we'll see how I feel by the end of the season.
10 of 17 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:39 AM
Oh my lord, Kim's dress looked like it was from a Scottish pimps & ho's party. I love how none of these women have an ounce of taste.
11 of 17 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on October 15, 2008 4:53 AM
ChickBomb, I hate you.
You are SO making me want to watch this show! LOL!!!
(Something that I really don't want to do!)
12 of 17 | Posted by you you you | Posted on October 15, 2008 7:49 AM
The word on the net is that Big Poppa is a guy named Lee Najjar who is a big commercial real estate developer. Apparently, he did all of the big outlet shopping malls in the southeast. And he's married too.
13 of 17 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:21 AM
Chick,
First, thank you for making me smile about this show. I live in Atlanta, and have been nothing but pissed off since watching the first episode! Long story short, these ignant heffas don't represent me or my friends, and certainly not the Atlanta I have come to know and love. But you helped me find the beauty in such ignance! (And, no, I'm not misspelling that!)
Oh, and for the record, none of them actually lives in Atlanta; they all live north of Atlanta in the rich-rich suburbs.
14 of 17 | Posted by MorbidCuriosity | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:21 AM
lollll chickbomb great recap. one more distraction when i should be working...
"I'm not really sure what this means, but I love it so much I've repeated it about eighty times this week." hahahahahaha loooove it.
15 of 17 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 15, 2008 1:28 PM
Wow, after starting watching these tacky nouve rich Atlanta hos I miss the Orange County housewives.
16 of 17 | Posted by wincha | Posted on November 9, 2008 7:14 PM
I spent a 1/3 of my childhood in North ATL suburbs. There are plenty of celebs that live around there, but I don't know if they'd be well-known outside of the black community (we'll call 'em black-famous). Let's put it like this, most black celebs have at least one home in the metro ATL area. And I can't visit family there without running into a celeb, especially at this one particular high-end mall.
17 of 17 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on December 25, 2008 2:51 AM