Kimmie tells us "in Atlanta, you're 'it' with money". As opposed to everywhere else, ChickDad opens one eye to interject, then goes back to snoozing with the remote clutched possessively in his hands. So obvious where I get my brilliant insight, right? But I'm questioning Kimmie's "it" factor, cause she lives in kind of a row house with no property. Next up for Kim is purchasing a Cadillac Escalade, and this is where we meet by far the most fabulous character on this show....Big Poppa. Do you love it? How could you not? Big Poppa is the man in Kim's life, but he "prefers to remain a mystery". Complete with complicated voice disguising software on the phone in case anyone recognizes his voice. I'm guessing Ted Turner. Mainly because he's the only Atlanta based mogul I know of.
Also, because it would be awesome if Jane Fonda kicked Kim's ass.
Kim is hitting up Big Poppa for the new Cadillac Escalade. She heads over to the lot, pot-belly straining against her tight white button down shirt, along with her two girls aged ten and six. The ten year old looks fifteen. All she's missing is the blonde weave, and there you've got Kim's mini-me. Their Dad lives in Connecticut, and doesn't have too much of a relationship with the girls, so Kim plays Mommy and Daddy, but she wishes they had a Dad. Do you see the diff here? Nobody's buying these kids houses. Nobody's shipping them off to fat camp. All their Mom wants is for them to have a Dad. I know, and also to parade them to the car dealership while she flings her weave and works the mysterious Big Poppa for a new car, but at least Kim's teaching her kids a skill.
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective, Slutty People
Kim gets to the Cadillac dealership and is greeted by a humongous, greasy car dealer who saw her coming from a mile away, and I don't just mean he saw the ten pounds of weave. He sells her a Cadillac for close to seventy grand, which she talks Big Poppa into paying for with a simple, "I wanna drive it now, you know I do." Big Poppa gives the okay, Kimmie writes the check and we're done. She doesn't know if she got a good deal or not, but she knows she's driving off the lot in a brand new SUV. "Bye, honey!" she yells cheerfully at the fat, sloppy sales guy, and drives off, telling us that Big Poppa is someone she could marry for sure. She hopes she gets the "big proposal". If I were her, I'd be hoping for some big real estate. Sugar Daddies come and go, but a big house with some acreage is forever.
Finally, we come to Sheree. Sheree spells her name with one of those sassy accent marks over the e, like Jackee of 227 fame, but I don't know how to make my keyboard do that, so we'll just have to live with the plebian Sheree. Sorry. But not really. Sheree might be pretty, but what a hardcore beeeyotch. Sheree is at the tail end of an ugly divorce battle. She was married to an NFL player, and minces no words in telling us that what she's looking for in this divorce is a lump sum settlement. Seven figures, she informs us haughtily. So, under ten mil. I kind of laugh.
Because Sheree is just so fucking fabulous, she wants to start her own fashion line. She's ready to show the world her "talent". She's also about to throw herself a big ass birthday party. Sheree has an entourage of hair, makeup, personal assistant, PR person, and "creative director" surrounding her at all times to remind her of how fabulous and talented she is. She tells us she couldn't survive without them. Of course not. Without them, Sheree would die of an acute case of being desperately insecure.
It took the entire team to squash those boobs in just so.
So here we go with the party planning. We learn that Sheree's assistant is Evander Holyfield's daughter. I'm so impressed. Being the daughter of a partially earless boxer is the hallmark of a great assistant! First up in the party-planning meeting marathon is Gloria, the cake lady. Gloria does all the cakes in Atlanta, and Sheree wants a Louis Vuitton cake. Cause "image is important in Atlanta", and nothing screams importance like a tacky, logo-printed cake. I'm all for designer purses, but the particular one modeling for this is kind of nothing special. I certainly wouldn't bake it into a damn cake.
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Comments (17)
Hey ChickBomb... glad to see you back, and glad you are recapping this bunch... I've missed you.
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. ALT+130 = é So you can put in Shereé's name propa-like, a'ight? :)
1 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 13, 2008 12:44 PM
Kim's dress looked like something i could have bought at Forever 21. if i had no taste.
2 of 17 | Posted by whitney | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:18 PM
I'm a long-time fan, first time poster. Great recap! I was wondering if anyone was going to take on this hot mess!
I live in Atlanta and other than athletes, I don't know of many mainstream big-name celebrities living here besides Jermaine Dupree and Janet Jackson. Tyler Perry lives here too, but I'm not sure he really counts much yet, athough he's getting there. I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, and there are probably some that I'm not familiar with b/c I'm not too in tune with the Rap/R&B scene.
Thought I would also mention that Lisa's "unhappy marriage" was to none other than R&B singer Keith Sweat. Don't think he's had a hit in about 15-20 years, but again, R&B isn't really my thing. I think that was a pretty messy divorce, so I guess Lisa and Sheree have something to bond over.
3 of 17 | Posted by buckrogers | Posted on October 13, 2008 1:37 PM
oh man, I was praying that someone would recap this show.
Every time a new city/season comes on I swear I won't watch it and then I become addicted.
Fab recap, I'll look forward to the rest of the season even more now!
4 of 17 | Posted by cherin | Posted on October 13, 2008 4:50 PM
ChickBomb!! Thanks for recapping this show... I think I am in love with Nene already, even though it's only been 1 date. I will keep you posted on our progress.
Also, I think Big Papa could be Arthur Blank- he is ancient, he founded Home Depot and he is a gazillionaire. It could also be Larry King. (lol/gag)
5 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on October 13, 2008 5:17 PM
Chickbomb I truly love you. New York Jews I can manage, but Atlanta is way out of my league. That being said, I'm going to love reading these.
Hugs,
Yenta
6 of 17 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 13, 2008 6:01 PM
I live south of Atlanta. I have never been to one of Sheree's talk of the town parties. The last time I went thru Atlanta proper I was flipped off by a homeless guy. Thanks for showing me the humor in these crazy bitches cause when I first watched I was just irritated by them. Thats why I love reading recaps, they usually give me a "different" insight into the shows lol. Great recap chickbomb!
7 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 13, 2008 7:47 PM
Does Sheree remind anyone else of The Lady Chablis from the movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"?
8 of 17 | Posted by schatzi | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:03 AM
LOLOLOL schatzi! Yes she does now that you mention it! Except "The Lady" had more class!
9 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:32 AM
These women are ridiculous. Sheree makes me want to kill myself, I will stick up for her though and say that her hair is not a weave, that's all her. Also Kim hair isn't technically a weave either, its a "piece," basically half a wig. The front is her hair while the wig starts a few inches back.
Anyways, besides Sheree I kind of like these women, in a "you don't make me claw my eyeballs out" kind of way. But, we'll see how I feel by the end of the season.
10 of 17 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:39 AM
Oh my lord, Kim's dress looked like it was from a Scottish pimps & ho's party. I love how none of these women have an ounce of taste.
11 of 17 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on October 15, 2008 4:53 AM
ChickBomb, I hate you.
You are SO making me want to watch this show! LOL!!!
(Something that I really don't want to do!)
12 of 17 | Posted by you you you | Posted on October 15, 2008 7:49 AM
The word on the net is that Big Poppa is a guy named Lee Najjar who is a big commercial real estate developer. Apparently, he did all of the big outlet shopping malls in the southeast. And he's married too.
13 of 17 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:21 AM
Chick,
First, thank you for making me smile about this show. I live in Atlanta, and have been nothing but pissed off since watching the first episode! Long story short, these ignant heffas don't represent me or my friends, and certainly not the Atlanta I have come to know and love. But you helped me find the beauty in such ignance! (And, no, I'm not misspelling that!)
Oh, and for the record, none of them actually lives in Atlanta; they all live north of Atlanta in the rich-rich suburbs.
14 of 17 | Posted by MorbidCuriosity | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:21 AM
lollll chickbomb great recap. one more distraction when i should be working...
"I'm not really sure what this means, but I love it so much I've repeated it about eighty times this week." hahahahahaha loooove it.
15 of 17 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 15, 2008 1:28 PM
Wow, after starting watching these tacky nouve rich Atlanta hos I miss the Orange County housewives.
16 of 17 | Posted by wincha | Posted on November 9, 2008 7:14 PM
I spent a 1/3 of my childhood in North ATL suburbs. There are plenty of celebs that live around there, but I don't know if they'd be well-known outside of the black community (we'll call 'em black-famous). Let's put it like this, most black celebs have at least one home in the metro ATL area. And I can't visit family there without running into a celeb, especially at this one particular high-end mall.
17 of 17 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on December 25, 2008 2:51 AM