Hi Gasmii-- It's another action-crammed episode of RHOA, with special emphasis on how selfish Kim is, how talented Kandi is, and how insecure NeNe is. There's blood, sweat and tears. There's a pop song hook that gets stuck in your brain and keeps repeating itself when you're trying to write your Melrose Place blog for TVGasm. There's just no Ed. Well, practically none. And Msjaqmills, I went and watched that Bravo extra video you mentioned and was whorified to discover Ed never gets around to shucking down for the camera! Girl. I felt like a fag hag on prom night! So, yes, Gasmii, some things never change. On with the ho's!
Private Gym. Sheree receives personal training from Cliff, Atlanta's top fitness coach and interview-informs us that he trains all the top celebrities in town. Since Sheree is not only a top designer but one of Georgia's top single ladies, she feels paying Cliff's high rates is "not a luxury, it's a necessity." Sheree proudly interviews that she has "the body of a hot 25-year-old." Me, too, honey. His name is Martin. He was one of Australia's top male models, before moving to L.A. and snagging a top agent here as well as a top recap artist as his girlfriend. OMG-- I am totally feeling competitive with Sheree! That is not a good feeling, Gasmii. Please excuse me while I text my trainer and add an extra session.
"Did someone just turn the AC on? 'Cuz I suddenly feel a terrible chill."
OK, I'm back. Sheree's trainer is also something of a gossip, and says she should have been at Door 44 last night. Apparently this is a major club full of the kind of high-end people someone of Sheree's fame and stature would be right at home with. Cliff asks what kind of man Sheree is looking for, and she hilariously acts all eHarmony with it, listing her mate's preferred qualities like she's a sweet, reasonable human being and not a delusional sociopathic twat: "likes to laugh, likes to have fun, of course you know God-fearing, you know, like to travel, you know, stable... I don't want a guy who's not taking care of HIS responsibilities. I have kids, so if he have kids, I don't want, like, a deadbeat dad."
She tells Cliff that her dream-date having one or two kids would be okay. What about three or four, Cliff asks. "Little ones?!" Sheree squawks, imagining diaper-clad toddlers flinging poo at her couture. Cliff presses and asks what she'd think of a "good man" who had three kids, ages 2, 4 and 5. He should be with their mother, she says. Sheree interviews that she hopes if her new man has kids, they'll be teens or older. She adds that she's "very picky" and can afford to be-- she knows her "self-worth". Cliff interviews that if Sheree feels good, "she work out good, and if she feels bad, she work out bad." So he'd like to improve her attitude by fixing her up with a suitable guy. Now he just has find someone he despises who'll also accept fix-ups from him.
Parts of Sheree may be very well-preserved, but she's no spring chicken, as her slightly squishy upper arms amply indicate. I wouldn't even be mentioning this if she wasn't such an egomaniacal cooze-bag, but she is, so let me point out that the flappy skin up there makes it look like she has a prolapsed anus under each arm:
Right anus-pit
Left anus-pit
Range Rover. Lisa drives NeNe to phototgrapher Derek Blanks's studio so they can drop in and try to take a peek at the shots from the alter-ego photo shoot. On the way, they speculate about what Kim & Kandi have been up to with the song "Don' Be Tardy to the Party". Lisa thinks Kandi will do a good job, which is the same as saying that Kim will suck up her own part.
Derek Blanks Studio. Derek looks a little ambushed by their unannounced visit, and says he can't show them anything before the unveiling. Over 300 people have already RSVP'd, so Derek wants to rent a house to throw the alter-ego black-tie cocktail party in. He's making up a coffee-table book of the photos, which will be on display along with the exhibited prints. He refuses to give NeNe and Lisa a preview and shoos them out of his workplace.
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Comments (20)
We get it, YOU were a model, now we know YOUR BOYFRIEND was a model....just recap the episode! geez!
1 of 20 | Posted by tommysgrl | Posted on September 20, 2009 2:54 AM
I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset anyone and I'm afraid people might have misunderstood. He's CURRENTLY a working model.
Lo siento queridas putitas!
LLB
2 of 20 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on September 20, 2009 4:06 AM
Ignore the haters, LL. They are just jealous! :p
Great recap! I haven't been able to find the last couple of episodes, but enjoy your recaps anyway. Thanks for the laughs.
3 of 20 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on September 20, 2009 4:07 AM
OMG - this recap was hilarious. Keep up the good work!
4 of 20 | Posted by Hisroyalhighness | Posted on September 20, 2009 11:06 AM
just caught this ep this afternoon and noticed that kim walked perfectly functionally to the car, then had to be carried out moaning by two beefcakes. um......what? is that editing? am i hallucinating? is that bitch crazier than i thought she was?
sheezomang. what a bunch of loons.
leia, i truly appreciate you recapping these hos when you're not baggin model ass. we all know model ass takes precious time out of your day...can distract and pull you off course because of its siren song of taunt, rippliness and good manbrows. and an australian accent ta boot? damn girl, you enjoy yourself. i'm just glad that mancake keeps you dedicated to your fug readers. (myself not included of course).
5 of 20 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on September 20, 2009 3:09 PM
Dang, Tommysgirl. Take a pill. That Martin comment was one of the funniest lines in the recap.
LL, you kill me!
6 of 20 | Posted by Baffled | Posted on September 20, 2009 4:14 PM
One question for Leia, where can I find me one of those? HAHAHA!!
7 of 20 | Posted by Nimabu | Posted on September 20, 2009 5:04 PM
Great recap Leia!!! "Her 12-year-old daughter Brielle (how many issues of Penthouse did Kim have to go through to find that name?)" I literally laughed out loud at that line. I thought Kim was being overly dramatic but this is Kim did we expect anything different. Can't wait til next week with Kandi vs. Nene and I agree with you that Nene is very threatened by Kandi. Anyway once again great recap Leia!!!
8 of 20 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on September 21, 2009 12:55 AM
I miss Yenta. Why can't she recap for all the housewives? I'm sorry Leila, I can't get into your vibe. Seriously, something's missing.
9 of 20 | Posted by guitarhero mom | Posted on September 21, 2009 8:13 AM
I hate when people do that. It is downright rude, guitarhero mom. Seriously. LL works hard on these recaps for NO money to entertain us. So be appreciative, bitch. :p
Could you imagine if every recap had a comment of... "Why couldn't Flipit recap every show? He is so funny!" Idiocy.
10 of 20 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on September 21, 2009 8:26 AM
Personally, I find it refreshing when a recap artist can spell *and* write grammatically correct sentences.
LLB, you are right on about NeNe feeling threatened by Kandi! Kandi's cute, young-ish, talented, and made her own money. Hell, I'm threatened by her. NeNe's claim to fame is this show, period.
"Kim's huge, pink-frosted duck lips..." - priceless! I could snark on Kim all day long, but you do it best, LL.
11 of 20 | Posted by mick | Posted on September 21, 2009 9:01 AM
"Fagged out?" Really? Surely someone as clever as you could come up with a better and less offensive descriptive than that.
12 of 20 | Posted by Bosman805 | Posted on September 21, 2009 2:16 PM
I got to agree here, I do love Leia Lebiblia RHOA re-caps, but I find the bragging a little much. I don't come to read about how great your life is (which I'm sure it is), rather how dysfunctional my favorite housewives lives are. I don't mind the odd mention here and there but if more than one reader has noticed and has the same reaction, maybe you should play it down a little.
Rest assured though, I will be back next week, cause I really do enjoy the recaps as a whole.
(Or I'm just a hater... a former NFL cheerleader, working in politics, living a fabulous life hater.);)
13 of 20 | Posted by MissDelight | Posted on September 21, 2009 2:57 PM
Shit, if I said it once, I’ve said it a million times: GET OFF THIS BOARD if you do not like the recap or the recap artist (ohhh, I just love this term)!!!!! And keep your stupid, nasty thoughts to yourself. NO ONE CARES!!!
LLB, you’re one of my favorites, and when I’m in the middle of your recap, my pitiful reality disappears, and I’m transported into this awesome, fun world where stupidity is pointed out for derision, hatred and jealousy manifest themselves as pure physical ugliness, and where I always have a snarky comment on time when needed (not 2 days later, damn my life!); and best of all I feel surrounded by people who feel and think the same way I do about this glorious pile of crap that RHOA has become. My life is not really fun anymore, but you and your brethren here help me get thru the week, one after another, and you definitely add years and years to my life since I laugh soooooooo muuuuuuchhhhhh.
Only one comment on Nene: she’s grown so full of herself that this is not going to end well. She clearly is on the prowl for trouble, and ready to start any brawl she can (physical or not). I think she will completely blow her gasket before this season is over, and will shamefully take over the honor spot reserved for Sheree thus far, as one of the most hateful, spiteful, vindictive, two faced people on reality TV. That comment she made on Kim ‘One minute she talks TO you, the next About you….’ – it’s as if she were talking about herself! Oh, irony!
14 of 20 | Posted by renata | Posted on September 21, 2009 3:23 PM
Tanta pasion, Gasmii mios!
Hisroyal, k377, Baffled, nimabu, bigjr: I heart you all.
Renata & Snootchy & Mick: I super heart you. I want candles with your faces plastered on them in garish Catholic colors! Gracias, angeles!
MissDelight: Diva to diva, we can agree to disagree, girl. But I would like to point out that neither being the face and culo of Jesus Jeans from 1984-87 nor having regular box-blasting sex with an Uruguayan/Australian underwear model are passports to a happy & productive life. Stay in school, muchachos y chicas!
Bosman wrote:
""Fagged out?" Really? Surely someone as clever as you could come up with a better and less offensive descriptive than that."
RE: Cliff's costume
You mean "fagged UP". And the answer is: Less offensive, yes. Better, no.
Besos y mas besos,
Tu Companera del Snark
LLB
15 of 20 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on September 21, 2009 7:47 PM
You are in luck! There just happen to be some lovely Our Snootchy of Guadalupe candles in the TvGasm gift shop. Buy one get one free, this week only!
16 of 20 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on September 22, 2009 2:21 AM
This whole Tardy to the Party single is just so god damn ridiculous. Some how it made to the top ten download songs on I-tunes and people are saying they actually enjoy it. What they are enjoying Kandi's use of the every vocal effect and what she produced with an auto tune. All the single does is highlight Kandi's talents because she turned Kim's voice into something that is passable. And Kim refuses to perform the song in public, but promises to do so soon. At the CD release party they just played the cd. Awesome! I swear I have talent I just can't sing in public, just like She by Sheree. I am a fabulous fashion designer I just don't have anything to show you.
17 of 20 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on September 22, 2009 9:57 AM
Hi all...so I live here in Atlanta and these ladies are not so elite. I am a regular joe and I see these ladies all the time. The events they are invited to I normally turn down b/c they are lame. The "fancy" places they eat at I eat at on a regular day. But I continue to watch this train wreck b/c it's so deliciously awesome. But I had to vent that these ladies are far from the elite of Atlanta.
18 of 20 | Posted by classy drunk | Posted on September 22, 2009 7:13 PM
classy drunk - oh, how I love your name. I'd ask for it when you are done, but I know nothing about being a classy drunk. I bet you have some doozy stories to share about these housewives!! I'm dying to hear them now of course.
I agree with renata. Some people just are not happy unless they are bringing other done, whateva!
GO LL!
19 of 20 | Posted by kaykrenee | Posted on September 23, 2009 11:08 AM
Hi everybody. After I swore I was finished watching this hot mess of a show, I read the recap and went back and watched anyway. Thanks, LeiaLebiblia. Anyway, did anybody hear the rumor that Kim got sued by her producer for non-payment? Guess Big Poppa must've cut up her credit cards after all.
20 of 20 | Posted by TechnoTard | Posted on September 24, 2009 7:40 AM