Hey Gasmii--
We're already on the 11th episode of this delicious trainwreck and who knows when it will end. Maybe tonight. But even if this is the finale, which I doubt, there have to be one or two Reunion shows immediately after brimming with shameful concentrated cattiness. And I still have to caption my Melrose Place blog photos then post it, take out the recycling, call my abuela in San Juan and go see Paranormal Activity and watch my boyfriend Martin squirm and yell because these movies scare the bejesus out of him. Don't worry, he's all man-- he's from Australia and opens beer bottles with his teeth, which I tell him in an even, non-nagging tone to quit doing because, after all, he is a top fashion and underwear model. Alright, let's party!
Justice tot boutique. Kim is shopping for her 7-year-old daughter Ariana at a mall store that looks substantially cheaper than the designer kiddie emporium we last spotted Kim at (there are signs advertising things for $9.90). "I bet that she's a cutie!" chirps the salesgirl. "She's a mess, honey," Kim deadpans (LOL!!!), telling the truth for possibly the first time in her bleached/wigged life. She picks out a few reasonably priced items, informing the clerk that "I hate shopping" and that Kim just wants to get it over with.
"Do you have a sequined bib that says Mama's Little Piggy on it?"
We found out why Kim's so preoccupied in a second, when we see Kandi approaching the store. Kandi interviews that Kim flaked on Kandi's solo debut at Tongue & Groove nightclub, and Kandi's "very irritated with her", Kandi interviews: "...I guess she wants to apologize. It better be good," Kandi says bluntly. Kim interviews about being "indebted" to Kandi for producing "Tardy for the Party", Kim's hit pop single and that Kim hopes Kandi isn't "pissed off at me". Keep hoping, babe! Kandi strolls in, marches right up to Kim with hands outstretched like Kandi wants to wring Kim's neck: "I've come here to choke your ass!" Kandi snarls, joking. Sort of. Not really.
"Honey, I'm sorry I didn't come," Kim whines. "Brielle [Kim's obnoxious 12-year-old] was sick." Kandi starts to ask why the hell Kim didn't get a babysitter, but Kim jumps in with "I don't wanna babysitter with her when she's sick. You wanna babysitter with Riley [Kandi's 6-year-old] when she's sick? But I wouldn't miss it." But you DID miss it, you silly cow! And never mind "a babysitter", what about the full-time nanny Kim keeps around to shield Kim from excessive contact with the brats?! "You better be glad you got Brielle to blame it on," Kandi sniffs, then interviews that "My thing with Kim is this: Could you please do what you say that you're gonna do? Because the first time she asked me would you please help me with my song... get in the booth, she don't wanna sing. Then I ask her to come to my show, she said she was gonna come, but then she didn't come. Don't tell me o yeah girl, I'm gonna try, then come up with this lame excuse later on." Amen, sistah.
"I'll make it up to you, I promise," Kim promises, not bothering to explain why she couldn't have called or left a message instead of leaving Kandi to search for her after the mini-concert. Kandi nods skeptically, and it's clear Kim will have to do way more than Kim's probably capable of to regain Kandi's trust. Kim, in classic delusional/denial mode, interviews that Kandi was "a little disappointed" that Kim stood her up, but tries to strip the diss of all validity by informing us that Kim & Sheree are planning a surprise engagement party for Kandi & fiance AJ. And how are Kim and her "fiance" Big Poppa? Kandi wants to know.
"You gotta be fuckin kiddin me."
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Comments (8)
"Regis and Kelly" had a run in heels race once, I think.
I don't know if these Atlanta "wives" are just a hell of a lot more interesting than their counterparts in other cities, or if it's your recaps, Leia, but I am totally enjoying this season. (I don't watch the show, so I'm just enjoying it through the recaps.)
Does anybody know more about AJ's murder? I thought he died of a head injury, but then I heard stabbing as well. What were the circumstances? It seems weird that he was killed by an employee of the strip club he part-owned.
1 of 8 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on October 12, 2009 6:41 PM
Pixie!
Besos, baby! Thanks so much. While I would love to think that it's the recaps, I think it really is the show. I enjoy all the Housewives series (except the deadly dull DESPERATE mess that spawned them), but this one narrowly beats out NEW YORK (brilliantly recapped by YentaPatrol) to take the big purple broken-manacle cake.
ATLANTA has it all-- bitches, beefcake, brazen behavior, and now with Kandi, an actual honest-to-god role model who's cute, talented and totally self-made-- it has heart. Seeing how bad she makes all of them (with thepossible exception of Lisa) look, and the jealousy she engenders, is a constant delight.
I also like that it features people of color, and not just the leads. Atlanta is apparently hopping with African-American professionals in every walk of life-- photographers, writers, beauticians, musicians, event-planners-- and it's cool to see them all at work.
That the token white chick seems obsessed with black people & culture, and seriously would probably love to be black herself, is also a kick.
I will definitely miss the show when the season ends. MELROSE PLACE is just not cutting it!
LLB
2 of 8 | Posted by leia labiblia | Posted on October 12, 2009 6:59 PM
I think Kandi is great! I understand her nervousness, but really she has no reason to be! Her Xscape days were my high school days & I had all their CD's. She keeps referring back to those days, but I remember just a few years ago or so, she had a song out called "Don't Think I'm Not". Loved that song! It was always on the radio. I think as long as she has the confidence to put herself out there, which it seems she does, she will do fabulous!!
3 of 8 | Posted by brattygrl | Posted on October 12, 2009 10:22 PM
Don't care if it looks like Oktoberfest fetish wear, I love Kandi's "shower cap mated with a harness" top.
4 of 8 | Posted by Samela | Posted on October 13, 2009 8:02 AM
Gosh, since fagged out is now acceptable parlance around here, will we soon be seeing such hilarious turns of phrases such as "spicked out," "chinked out," and of course the uber-hilarious "nigged out?"
5 of 8 | Posted by Bosman | Posted on October 13, 2009 2:05 PM
Chill out, Bossman. Look at the context - she's talking about Dwight, in a spandex onesie and stilletos. And, Mika, the token drag queen. The fact that you watch this show, and read Tvgasm, most would assume you have a decent sense of humor...no?
Love you, Leia - GREAT RECAP!
6 of 8 | Posted by msjacqmills | Posted on October 13, 2009 3:11 PM
Thanks, Brattygrl! I know that song "Don't Think I'm Not." But I'd never put it together that it's by the Kandi from Xscape.
7 of 8 | Posted by NatPatBen | Posted on October 14, 2009 9:15 AM
Holy Crap! I just googled "Don't Think I'm Not." Kandi was such hottie in that video - wow! So impressed with her.
Samela - I agree - I loved the top.
8 of 8 | Posted by msjacqmills | Posted on October 14, 2009 12:50 PM