Oh Yenta,

Do these people really exist? They're like charicatures in some cheap Hollywood script. They're real?!! Really!!

How often do you think Theresa has to wax? Talk about a low hairline. The upkeep below the belt must be in the six figures.

Why is it that Nina's date looks 46? Doesn't part of the payday of being a cougar mean that you get a nice, juicy, YOUNG looking piece of meat?? Nice touch with the flowers, though. But how come they come with a vase? Whenever I've received flowers (sadly, only a few times) I had to run around and find my own vase. I suspect there's a hotel desk clerk somewhere wondering what happened to the flowers sitting on the counter near the checkin station.

Will someone please tell all women over 40 that no matter how great your body looks, mini dressess and poof mini dresses at that are not a good look. Nina's body is great but after a certain age, 2 inches above the knees should be as high as you go. Yeech!!

I'm pulling for Nina, if only because the Manzo tribe sends my gag reflex into overdrive. It's kind of like what happened to Ramona whenever Simon entered the room.

What's with the toilet preoccupation? Last week Teresa and Jacky spent time in a public bathroom This week Nina wants to have sex in one. I can not believe that Teresa would actually make a seat on a public toilet because the thought of living in a house where others have lived is nasty? Where's the logic?

Why does Lauren Manzo need an intro to get into beauty school? I thought anybody could go as long as you can pay the tuition. It's not like Harvard or something!

Can NOT wait until Theresa up ends the table. Why are they teasing us with that segment over and over?

Anyway, let me staaaaaaap, I have a life to lead. I could go on and on!! Have a sweet holiday, Yenta!!

XXXOOO,
guitarhero mom

i almost cried with jacqueline's miscarriage story, it must be really hard for her and she is the only likeable one so far but she is such a doormat! nina is really weird looking and is a total creep. im sure her teenage daughter loved her entire school seeing her mother proposition a balding twenty six year old to go at it in a bathroom. i love your recaps and look forward to them just as much (or more) then i do watching the actual shows!

There is something extremely disturbing about this new set of housewives..and it starts with Diva. On a Bridezilla episode, this woman was absolutely the most disgusting excuse for not only a human being, but a mother. She screamed at everyone about everything. It was embarrassing to watch and her wet rag of a husband thought she was cute. It was sick. She was so vile that it was hard to watch..and now she's all creepily calm. Her and her husband were also on MTV's most expensive weddings or some dumbass show. Now she's on Jersey Housewives?

And what's with Nina..why do some women think that running around with lips that resemble the cast of Finding Nemo attractive?

Yenta, I only have one question for you.....what time is dinner? Mmmmmm, brisket.

I thought it was hilARious that the acting coach's claim to fame was being on an episode of the Sopranos! You know that's all Theresa needed to hear. And her kid? Not good. And that's all I'll say about that.

I'm with you on enjoying these ladies. It's like watching the outtakes for Married to the Mob! Can't wait to see what craziness happens next!

Love you lots!
SWAK, PottyMouth

Love your recaps. I know this is gonna sound mean but, those kids are really ugly. I don't care how much "coaching" Gia gets, she has a face only her mother could love

Dearest Yenta,

This show is so bad, it's good. I think the women in this show are the ones that auditioned for "Married to The Mob" but got rejected for being too clown-like and not believable.

Dino (which is actually my dog's name) is what happens to the mean girls from high school. She still uses her evil smile and talks about everybody behind their backs. And since Dino has no conscience, it all works out for her. The best thing, is when she is able to belittle another woman, smile her "Grinch" smile and move on to another victim.

And Caroline, she of the enormous breasts, is the stereotypic Italian and Jersey wife. She smiles, cooks and loves her kids, but always puts her sons above her daughter. Always.

Lauren doesn't need any encouragement or career advice, she just needs a good push-up bra and she'll nab herself a husband.

Of course, Lauren will have to have an Italian-Catholic-Jersey-non college educated man but that should be easy to find. It's too bad about that incest stuff or she could just marry Christopher.

He's a little smarter and he can even drive and park cars!! Whoo Hoo, no need for college when you have a resume like that. Maybe when Christopher opens his "car wash strip club" he can be the guy that drives the car out to where it gets dried and Lauren can work the main stage during the businessman's lunch at the club where Mama Manzo's peppers and sausage will be a lunch special on Thursdays.

Now that's a show I wouldn't want to miss.

Love and luck dearest Yenta,

TVannie

Anyone else think "the dina" resembles her cat? I couldn't help confusing the two!

Yenta, I'm swilling Chianti out of the straw-covered bottle for this show. It just seems so appropriate.

It is my guess that nothing was ever expected of Lauren growing up except that she get married someday. Now all of a sudden Mama and Papa want her to have a "career". When Lauren said she did not know what "democracy" or "dictatorship" meant, I nearly fell off my couch. No wonder the school test scores in NJ are so low! Sheesh, this falls under the heading of Joisey Stoopid.

Agree with you and GuitarheroMom that Danielle's date looked WAY older than 26. I've been to Highlawn Pavillion (where they went on their date) and it's an amazingly beautiful place, great views and wonderful food. However, if I'm lucky enough to go back I will never set foot in the ladies room again...ick.

Dina is frightening in an andriod sort of way. I'm expecting her to go into kill mode one day and that will be it for everyone in the vicinity.

Jackie needs to grow a pair, especially with regard to her daughter. She needed Danielle to join her in confronting her daughter(well, her door) about the party?

Teresa and her wad of Benjamins still cracks me up. Every low-life in NJ must be trying to follow her around, now that we all know she carries all this cash.

Yenta, great job - your recap had me laughing as much as the show did. Now I wish I was in your guest room - brisket, yum - yum! Thanks for the laughs!
hugs-

Please check your facts before you post offensive remarks about the state of education in NJ. I've been a long time reader and never posted before, but I'm truly annoyed. I hate to do this, but people need to educate themselves before they make grand generalizations. It's fun to mock these people on the RH, but let's keep it to mocking the people on the show and not the state.

Please actually check the state's educational performance. You will see that NJ has always been above the national average in Math, Reading, Science, and Writing.
nces.ed.gov/nationsreportcard/states/profile.asp

nces.ed.gov/nationsreportcard/states/scalescore.asp

nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/2008/charts/chart21.asp?popup=true

"New Jersey was among 21 states that were found to have made "moderate-to-large" gains in math in the elementary schools since 2002, and 22 states that showed significant gains in middle school. New Jersey was even one of 12 states that showed similar gains in high school math.

Like the rest of the nation, New Jersey did not show the same kind of imporvements in reading. Nationally, there were only slight gains, if at all, in all three grade levels. (The CEP report erroneously listed a big drop in eighth grade reading scores in New Jersey last year, when, in fact, the passing rate dropped by less than a percentage point.)"
nj.com/news/index.ssf/2008/06/study_nj_public_school_test_sc.html

Here are some other statistics, that you may want to take a look at;

nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d08/tables/dt08_167.asp

I know sometimes these statistics can be hard to interpret, especially if you are not well educated yourself. Give it a try.

Love your recaps Yenta, and look forward to many more!

I am not sure what to think about this show yet. But Dina gave me the total creeps when she was interviewing that guy to be her personal assistant. I don't want to cast aspersions, but I think that he may be thick as thieves with his gayness. I hope that the cameras are able to catch Dina giving him his "bonus"- a little rub and tug under the table.

I have noticed the formula for most of these housewives show is that the first season. Bravo generally tries to only allude to the craziness and the tackiness that lies at the heart of each of these woman's personalities. But with the Atlanta and the New Jersey women they are just cutting right to the chase and giving us everything right up front.

I am not sure what is my breaking point with this show. But I think it is coming soon. Unless they do a Real Housewives of New Orleans or Dallas.

I just want whatever drugs all the housewives take that allow them to be so completely delusional and so blissfully happy in their ignorance.

NJ - Great State:
I did not mean any offense - and you are correct, I shot from the hip without checking facts. I do know that locally my schools have been struggling with test scores, that was the basis for my comment.

Not to mention that I have lived here my entire life and every day encounter people saying "aks" for ask, "orientated" for oriented and a host of other crimes against the English language.

Let's just say that perhaps Lauren did not do well in school...

I do agree with you - NJ is a great state, and I would not live elsewhere!

I wasn't going to watch this season but I saw the first two eps and I couldn't look away.

Danielle/Nina does remind me a little of Countess Lulu and maybe Lynn from RHOOC mixed in (the obsession to seem and be young). Theresa has wonky eyes sometimes, they are too far apart like a horse. Mama Manzo scares the crap out of me. Diva/Dina should NOT wear her hair in a pony tail, she really looks like her cat then.

One thing I can say, the men in RHONJ seem to at least be working and have some sort of sense to stay out of the show. With RHOOC, Tamra's husband was always instigating and RHONY we got enough of too-too foo-foo Simon and serial killer Mario to last forever.
Anyway, thanks YP, love your recaps.

Love your recap, as usual. Love the "I want.." drinking game. It's so much safer than the constant drinking throughout that I would be doing right now.
I am scared for Nina. She is going to hook up with the wrong guy one of these days and go missing. If the Manzos don't kill her first....
Big hug and kiss
Twunty

Oh dear. The points I'm about to make do indeed express my own opinions and views. Am I the only one who adores Diva Dina? She's FABULOUS! I must watch the show just to see what she's wearing!

While I feel bad that Jackie the Meek is having a hard time conceiving, she does already have a couple of children... the mysterious CJ and the bratty, disrespectful Ashley who will NEVER be awesome like awesome Brianna.

And Nina??? Or as her eyebrows inspire me to call her - V for Vendetta. That woman is velly velly bad. She needs a chastity belt and one of those things where you do stuff for people for about 8 hours a day and then those people reward you by giving you a piece of paper in your bank that allows you to pay for food instead of monthly memberships at www.imaskank.com.
It could be said the others need (shhhhh!) jobs as well, but they have rich husbands and V for Vendetta does not. If you cannot HOLD your rich husband...just saying. In fact, V's real crime is that she entertains me not. Gurl. If you gone be a terrible mother and a self-absorbed, superficial, insignificant member of society, you must also be moderately pretty with interesting clothes. The fabulous Manzos are. You, Nina, V for Vendetta, Trannielle, are not. Oh Bravo. My love for you hath increased tenfold. I love this show with the intensity of a thousand white hot suns.
Yenta, you are brilliant.

Yentaaaaaa, OMG, I have the psychic impression that your brisket is killer and now I'm totally hungry! Great recap, I totally lost my mind at the "I Want" game, I'm not normally frightened of women, but Diva Dina scares the bejeebus out of me.

Did anyone else love Jacqueline's great big middle finger to the environment by insisting on leaving the car running with her daughter in it for the duration of her doctor's appointment? Doesn't her fertility doctor have, like, a WAITING room? That's probably air-conditioned? And unless the daughter has super-hearing, whatever convo takes place in the actual doctor's office would probably still remain private. Incredible!

Love the recaps, keep up the great work, much gay love from the desert!

love, J-Mo :)

Guitarhero: You are such a riot. Luv Luv your comment on Theresa's hairline/waxing needs. Maybe she can be Lauren's first "chucky"?

mynameisjenn: I totally agree. Poor Nina's kiddies. Actually, poor "real" kiddies everywhere. I just don't understand allowing your kids to be filmed for these shows.

flygirl: Dina really is disturbing. I'm praying she isn't angling for her own reality show...I'm still giggling over you 'cast of Nemo' comment.

Pottymouth: Come on up anytime. I hate to say it, but like Mama Manzo, my kitchen is always open...I'm kind of worried that I'm a flat chested Jewish version of her...

Poopsicle: Thanks for the nice words: )

AnneM: Wouldn't it be a hoot if Christopher's carwash/stripclub venture got it's own show. Now that I would watch!! Especially, if Mama Manzo did cook!!

Mrngstar: Now that is a scary thought!

Njgasmifan: Just give me the word and I'll clear out the guest room for you. Right now it's kind of full of my son's reptile collection...I didn't even think of the straw covered bottle. I'm definitely stocking up!!

Nj-greatstate: It's nice to have another honest to goodness New Jersey person to keep us on track. Thanks for your input.

Reckless_Saturn: That scene with Dina's "assistant" was just bizarre. I'd love some of their drugs as well, they seem to work a hell of a lot better than the run of the mill AntiD's!!

Yanksfan24: I'm so glad you're watching. Personally, I'm enjoying this group of housewives the most so far this year. However, I do have to say that the first seasons are always my favorite.

TwuntyMcslore: You're so right about Nina and her Looking for Mr. Goodbar lifestyle. She really seems to be lacking in the self-esteem department. Hugs.

TeamBethany: You are a riot. You know, if you change your screenname to Team Dina, Bethany is bound to come hunting you down!

J-Mo: My brisket rocks. I slow cook it for six or more hours and then cook it some more in a sweet/sour tomato sauce and serve it with sides of potatoes fried with onions and garlic and green beans or salad. I promise to make it for you someday : )

Darling, I think being frightened of Diva Dina shows an excellent instinct for survival!! Heart!!

Hugs,
Yenta

One more thing...if Dina is last year's Versace, I definitely do not want to wear any Versace. She is one scary looking woman.