Yenta, your gloves are off for what promises to be a season-long beat-down of the Twotti Crime Family.

Am I the only making an early nomination for Most Obnoxious Jersey Kid? The clear front-runner here is Dina's brat Lexi, who wins us over by interviewing that if she had "a fat, old mom" she'd just die.

I'm hoping Aunt Caroline overheard this and we can look forward to Lexi mysteriously disappearing into white slavery at Cousin Christopher's 100% Brushless Bra-Less Car Wash.

LLB

No way, Chris is definitely the worst. I had to watch this trainwreck for my Auditiongasm and can I just say, Wow! Yenta, you're a stronger person than I if you're gonna make it through an entire season of this dreck. My prayers are with you.

Yenta,

If you need to go in the witness protection plan this season and I seriously think you will if Poppa Bear Joe gets wind of your recaps, I've got you covered. You can come live with me and we can talk of RHNY and RHNJ ad nauseum. Boy, is it good to be home!!!!!

xxxooo,
guitarhero mom

This show is great fun! I am so excited to see your hilarious recap!

Everytime "Nina" was on screen, I wondered, "What is UP with her left bubbie?"

I think the Joysey HW's will make the ATL HW's look classy.

And "Nina" may make even Leatherface Kelly look somewhat normal!

Yes, you're right, themiki, Yenta is impressive. She artfully comments on these shows that are so painful to watch.

Good luck on your Auditiongasm, themiki. If you are following our Yenta, then you are learning from the best.

Not to change the subject, but I keep seeing the word bubbie and am reading it as a rhyme to hubby. I'm used to the spelling of booby or boobies.

Yenta-

It took me a second to remember JSM but Nina is priceless. Thanks for explaining this family tree, crazy.

Which one is supposed to be the funny one? I'm missing my Lady B one liners.

When I saw D's daughter I thought this kid looks like someone who knows how ridick this is. Then she took a turn into bratsville.

Ha, you can tell which part of Jersey I'm from, because when I read "Bubbies Galore" I thought the show would be filled with sweet little grandmothers who want you to eat all the time and give you such a pinch because you're so cute.

Oh Yenta, Yenta, Yenta. You are in fine form again. I know these girls. I hung out with a gaggle just like them back when I weekended in New Jersey with my best friend from Long Branch. High drama, high heels and high hair, not to mention the sky high hair back the eighties.
Thanks for giving me a reason to go on the computer when all I really want to do is garden, golf and gallavant in the sunshine.
Big kiss, Twunty

Oooo boy, these women are going to give you a lot of material. The only one who seems even semi-normal is Jacqueline, and I have the impression that she's just a doormat to her crazy sisters-in-law. Maybe she'll totally blow later in the season and we can watch the fallout.

I don't know why, but I'm loving these people so far. I really like Caroline and her "legitimate businessman" hubbie. I'm sure I will grow to hate them all by season's end.

I always think of bubbies (or bubbes) as Jewish grandmas, and boobies as, well, boobs, but I bow to your superior knowledge. Anybody who calls herself Yenta Patrol must know her stuff.

As a girl who grew up in Jersey I have been anxiously awaiting this show... knowing that the type of Jersey women that bravo would cast would be all the hot mess of all the other HWs and then some. Thanks so much for recapping this show!

Dear Yenta,

I thought the funniest part was when Theresa said that she "used to have big hair". LOL

And don't you think it's weird that Dina's husband doesn't spend time with her? I can understand not wanting to be on the show, but why stay away from her? Maybe he's a lot more like Tony Soprano than Dina will admit.

Then again, maybe he's been placed in witness protection and is now named Greg and living in Phoenix where he is a customer service rep for Radio Shack.

Can't wait to find out.

Love and luck,

TVannie

So if Caroline and Dina are sisters who married brothers and Jacqueline married C and Ds brother then how is Teresa related to this hot mess?

Unless she is 'family' like Big Pussy and Paulie Walnuts were 'family'?

Haha! Thanks Yenta for the great recap! I read somewhere that Dina's husband decided against being filmed, because they had already done the reality show thing with their wedding. He was the guy who went totally nuts because someone forgot something on their wedding day, and threatened to murder multiple people at the top of his lungs on camera. I guess if that was your induction into "reality fame" you might think twice about going there again! :-)

Can't wait to read your fabulous recaps and laugh and laugh at these crazies!

Friendorfoe:

The show where the guy went totally nuts and threatened to kill the limo driver was "True Life" on MTV. The guy was a bakery delivery driver and wife to be was a beautician. They were broke but spent over $30,000 on the tackiest most obnoxious wedding I've ever seen.

Actually Tommy was on a wedding show when he married Dino, My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding. Their wedding was over-the-top and in fact was more obnoxious than the one I mentioned above. Tommy acted like a typical male jerk
and had Dina in tears with all of his put downs. A typical asshole.

TVannie

Yenta, you've done it again! As if there was any doubt.

I was thinking that Dina's marriage seemed more like an arranged affair - maybe her sister made Santa find a hubby for her. I certainly hope no one gets added to the naughty list this year - I'm thinking that they won't be getting a lump of coal; more like a lump on the head.

I can't wait to see what happens this season, and what you have to say about it. You rock!

SWAK, PottyMouth

Ahhhhh, Yenta-honey, thank you for the big-boy screencaps! More to come, please!

I was curious, do you see a slightly weird funhouse resemblance between Nina and the DisCountess LuLu? From far away (like, a couple of miles) I almost mistook her for Miz DullAssApps. Nina has far scarier eyebrows (like maybe she learned how to draw them from Nina Flowers on RuPaul's Drag Race?). I look forward to this season, and hold on, you'll get through this mountain of crap, things can only get better from here!

love, J-Mo :)

Yenta - you recapping, novel writing, house moving, cupcake baking wonder woman...you've done it again.

Dina looks to me like a clone of Victoria Gotti, gone slightly wrong. Not that there is anything right about that at all. Theresa's little starlet daughter shares her big hair and I fear she will be waxing the 'stache before she hits puberty.

The clips for the rest of the season look great. I was so missing the Sopranos.

Kisses, shanti

Oh Yenta - there is so much fodder in this one to recap, I truly hope you don't have carpel tunnel by the end of the season!

Where to start? For those of you who have not heard this tibit yet - Dina and Carolyn's father in law -"Tiny" Manzo (I kid you not) was killed in 1983, with the body being found in a car trunk. .... Will say that The Brownstone is considered one of North Jersey's finest catering facilities by many reports and is known for excellent food.

Teresa and delicious Joe? I hope the new house has a large washing machine to launder that money in. She cracks me up, though.

Danielle is scary - and the whole "date" thing was beyond weird. Would you want your kids to know you were trolling the internet for dates? (Silex aside, of course).

Lexi definately seemed a little spoiled, let's see how she plays out this season. She as a way to go before she annoys me as much as Bratquel from RHOC.

Keep the good times coming, Yenta. I may hate myself for watching, but I'll be there every week!
hugs!

Njgasmifan,

You for got the best part. "Tiny" Manzo weighed 350 pounds.

Teresa and Juicy Joe had better hope that the IRS isn't watching this show. Can you say "audit?"

BTW - Love that you broke down the time it would take to count $100k in cash!

Nina is definitely on the Kelly/Kim crazy train. Bring it on!

I thought Nina looked like the Countess too. It's in the way she carries herself as well.

I was just re-watching this on Bravo...did anyone notice that when Dina goes to the spa, she totally parks in the handicapped spot? AND over the lines!

All I wanna know is, how does Dina feel about her husband Tommy previously being on the MTV reality show "True Life" with another (very much younger) woman??!! It was titled "I'm dating an older person".
It just makes me wonder why Tommy doesn't want to be apart of the show with his WIFE but, was on a show with another chick, yes in the end him and his little girlfriend ended up breaking up, but still all-in-all he did the show. Maybe that's the reason he doesn't wanna do the Real Housewives show because someone will notice him, just as I did!!

Small point. It would be 1,200 bills not 12,000.