Miss Thang points out that the Diva's storyline this season was about her personal battle to choose between work or becoming a stay at home mom. I for one really appreciate his clarifying that. Up to now, I've been under the mistaken assumption that the Diva's storyline had more to do with a build up for the ultimate female mud-wrestling match between her Nina Van Ho. Apparently, the Diva's "real" storyline was a little unclear to Miss Thang as well because he mentions that he's still not sure what the Diva's actual career is/was. LOL. Way to focus on the important aspects of the housewives' lives. For those of you that are also unclear about how the Diva spends her days, she explains that she plans weddings and other large events at the Brownstone. Or, at least, she did, which I'm sure is a total relief to the people forced to work under or near her.
While we're discussing the different aspects of the Diva's life, why not mention her fug, naked, french fry smelling cat. And, really, I could have done without this last little detail. The Diva happily explains that since her grandmother had big blue eyes, smoked and tanned too much, and, therefore, resembled the cat to an unfortunate extent, they named the poor thing, Grandma Wrinkles. I'm not sure which is more disturbing, the family resemblance to a naked cat, or the Diva's obvious attempts to flirt with Miss Thang.
Miss Thang is inspired to read off a quote from Jill Zarin's blog describing her reaction to the Diva's totally awkward interview with a potential assistant. JZ describes the interview as both "uncomfortable" and "erotic". We get a flashback of the interview showing the Diva offering to pay the young man by other means than cash and describing the job responsibilities as ultimately consisting of making her happy. Pshaw!! The Laurita/Manzo women as a whole are quick to dismiss the idea that there is anything erotic about the interview. After all, the Diva has known the kid since he was nine, and the fact that she thinks of him as a younger brother really make the whole thing that much creepier better. But, outside of whether or not the Diva was pulling a Mrs. Robinson, why the hell was she passing him off as a prospective employee and not a family friend? Is anything legit about this trainwreck? Low-Magnon helpfully asks "Isn't he gay?" Because that would totally make the Diva's behavior completely legit, and besides Low-Magnon and her husband could really use some more instances of their sensitivity to the gay culture. You know, like outing a young man on national television.
Having suffered through several hours of the Diva batting her heavily painted lashes in his direction, Miss Thang wryly suggests that possibly, just possibly, the Diva was trying to "turn" the young man from gay to straight. The Diva ratchets up her output of predatory pheromones and warns Miss Thang that she's "done it before." Fundamentalist groups across the country are probably rushing to their phones in an effort to track down the Diva and introduce her to their wayward sons. Miss Thang looks momentarily interested and drawls out "Really?!?" because you know he's done his own share of "turning", and maybe they could compare notes.
Moving on to another deluded housewife, and, really, with this crowd there isn't any other option, Miss Thang turns toward Nina Van Ho. Ooooh, this is a good one. What about those internet rumors of an affair between her and Don Johnson? Nina blushes, ducks her head, and says with every sign of a pathological liar embarrassment, that, yes, she and Don Johnson had an affair.
Miss Thang points out that Don Johnson released a statement that doesn't seem to corroborate Nina's story. Wow! That was fast. In under a minute the Nina and Don Johnson romance went from an affair to sex to kissing. Another minute and they might have gone to passing each other on the highway.
Miss Thang's not particularly interested in the whole 'kiss a celebrity and tell' angle. It's been done way too many times and Miss Thang could tell a few stories of his own. Leaving Don Johnson behind, Miss Thang comments that Nina has been the centerpiece of a lot of drama during the season, which is a nice way of saying that the producers are going to show a flashback that should make her really uncomfortable, but probably won't because she's a certifiable nutcase.
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Comments (20)
Great job, Yenta! You deserve a looooooong vacation after having to recap that craptastic season with its never-ending table flipping sequences. Seriously, I switched to a commercial on another channel just to avoid watching that yet AGAIN on Part Two of the reunion show.
And I will go there regarding Nina's childhood revelation: Whether it's true or not, she trotted it out for the sole purpose of eliciting sympathy. Not cool. Anybody with that much baggage (abuse and criminal record) who agrees to be on a reality show is a complete media whore. Who in their right mind would do that? Guess that fits right in with your new game show idea. I feel completely sorry for her two beautiful daughters.
Hey, Yenta, make sure you tip the cabana boy generously. Enjoy!
1 of 20 | Posted by xqzmoi | Posted on June 30, 2009 7:05 AM
As always thanks for the recaps! I agree with xqzmoi in that true or not I just dislike Nina very clearly using her past as a sympathy ploy. I also feel bad for her daughters. I considered my mom a friend growing up but my mom always treated me as a parent- and that's why I think we're friends now. I wish for parents out there they would realize that the things they do now in their life will shape how their children see the world. With Nina's clearly dysfunctional relationships it could cause them to see men in a horrible light- as it seems by her older daughters comments of men just wanting her goodies or something to that order that it may have already shaped their views on men. On a positive note it seems that her daughters seem smart and mature but I would more credit that to her daughters having great coping skills rather than great parenting. It seems that they both have a strong instinct to stand up for their mom which is really sweet but I really hope they can see that there is clearly something wrong with her.
I just can't get over how delusional she is to the point where I don't think she will ever be in touch with reality. It seems to me she is so stuck on being the victim that she will never see. I find her so disgusting because of the fact that she blatently uses her kids as a sheild so that when others critisize her she says "I'm A MOTHER! How can you say that about me and hurt my children?" Everything that she says she acts like she does for them- and any critisms she claims she doesn't like because it hurts her children- and yet her own actions do not? The other thing about her that is just so frustrating is that she cries about how the other women don't look at her tragic past of abuse and yet she complains that they look at her past of something that happened 20 years ago? Don't get me wrong- if she was abused it wasn't something she could control and it is sad but I think it's really convient that she asks them to look at only the parts of her past that she wants them to see and ignore the parts that she doesn't. Sorry for my long rant but it's been building watching this whole season.
2 of 20 | Posted by Reiray | Posted on June 30, 2009 9:35 AM
Awesome recap Yenta! I didn't miss a single episode this season but it was your recaps that took the cake.
Nina, Nina, what to say about her except she's a lost cause. I feel bad for her kids...therapy will be expensive for them.
Does anyone know what Mama was referring to at the end when she was spewing venom to Nina? She said something about 'we all know what you did' and Nina seemed oblivious. My first thought was did Nina have a hit on the Diva? I'd loooove to know.
Also, did they ever say or show where Low Magnon and her Gremlins were living before that hideous mansion was built?
I found some interesting info on Low Magnon and Juicy Joe. Apparently, they never paid for the handmade railings for their staircase, they owe an IVF doctor (is that how any of the Gremlins were concieved?), and a vacuum cleaner company as well. What happened to the benjamins Low?
Can't wait for the ATL season to start. See ya then Yenta!
3 of 20 | Posted by realitytvwhore | Posted on June 30, 2009 10:02 AM
Wow Yenta, you hit it out of the park! You're characterizations of each of these (ahem) "ladies" is fantastic.
Nina so clearly decided that her role in the reunion would be victim. Her body language, her lack of response to barbs, her responses all seemed geared to make people feel sorry for her. She looked like she was melting into the sofa at some points. I have no doubt that she saw herself on TV and decided that trying to garner sympathy was the way to go. Please note, I am not referring to her allegation of abuse as a child - agree with Yenta that is not a place we should go. But she really seemed to be putting on a whole other act this time. Yenta, you are so correct that she could attend a different 12 step program every day and not get bored...
The Laurita/Manzo twins were a hoot and half - especially Big Mama. Now there is a woman with control issues - constantly trying to answer questions addressed to others. And I HATE it when the Househos refer to something that the audiance is not privy to - drum up a bunch of drama, and then say "but I promised I would not bring that up". Either tell us, or leave it in the green room. Realitytvwhore - Nina's Bravo blog states "I simply gave a phone number to her ex brother-in-law to contact proper people with questions that he had concerning something that was absolutely none of my business. I was asked to give this information to him. If I had to do it again, I would have declined and preferred not to get involved." There are some internet rumors that it may have had to do with Lexi and the custody agreement. Not saying that's true, just what I've read.
Yenta, please do enjoy your much-deserved break. Hope to see you recapping in future - you have made this season not only bearable, but hilarious for me. Many hugs! oxoxo
4 of 20 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on June 30, 2009 11:46 AM
Well, I lied to you all. I swore in the NYC Hausenfrau thread that I wouldn't watch this new bevy of freaks. But I did, from about halfway through the season.
And, while Bravo, in the person of that grinning little jackanape Andy Cohen, once again succeeded in making me feel dirty (and not in that good dirty "we have GOT to do this again some time" way), these NJ faux gun molls HAVE helped me order some thoughts on what it takes to be a really successful Bravo reality TV personality:
1. Honestly believe that the common reality TV show character flaws are your GREATEST STRENGTHS. ("Yeah, I'm a old-school, ballbusting, Italian loudmouthed broad. And youse doan wan nonea dis.")
2. Be able to lie convincingly, and with all the conviction of a white hot kitchen grease fire, even in the face of recorded video evidence that has just been shown to you and America. ("That's not what I said. What I said was...")
3. Be crazier than average. There are plenty of whackadoos out there in Central Casting. To stand out, you have to out-crazy the other crazies. It helps if you can point to an abusive background, will wear clownish clothing, or will transform yourself into a extreme characature of an already outrageous stereotype.
4. Self-delusion is essential. Viewers eat it up. Cough up that old chestnut "I don't like drama. I avoid it. I avoid drama-driven people." right before letting your drama flag fly in front of everyone.
5. Be comfortable owning the fact that you are a weasel who refuses to take responsibility for your own actions. It will make the reunion show a lot nicer for all concerned.
6. Be able to withstand Andy Cohen in full-on Perez Hilton-mode during the reunion show. 'Cause that guy is gonna act like a coked-up jack in the box when someone turns his drama crank. He comes from all angles (so to speak).
7. Having one or more satanic little Mini Mes back at the homestead definitely can't hurt.
8. Being proudly unnattractive can be made to work for you. Every Bravo cast needs one. You could be "the one who never gets laid."
9. Stave off overexposure with a spouse that's just as offensive as you are. If you sense your screen time dwindling, just turn it over to your homophobic, ignorant, borish worse half for a bit.
5 of 20 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on June 30, 2009 1:08 PM
Yenta, did you feel the breeze when we collectively released a sigh of relief that this is finally over? Thanks for your outstanding observations and your hilarious commentary on some of the most vile creatures gracing reality tv this millennium.
Right on njgasmifan on Nina deciding to be the victim. You don't get my sympathy. After hanging with drug lords, strippers and all sorts of questionable characters, you're going to cry about the popular girls not liking you? And sanctimonious ones at that? Move on and raise your girls how you were not.
I know this was discussed on part one, but that set really bothers me. That centerpiece looks like a casket spray, Andy looks like he's sprouted angel wings in that ridiculous chair. Did Theresa or Dina design this set?
Have fun on your vacay, shanti.
6 of 20 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on June 30, 2009 3:57 PM
I just finally watched their wedding show, and HOLY CORONA, Caroline was so thin!!
7 of 20 | Posted by qupert | Posted on June 30, 2009 5:03 PM
At first glance at the top picture of Andy, I thought that he was sitting cross-legged on a white cloud in the sky! Trippy!
8 of 20 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 30, 2009 11:38 PM
Yenta! I hope you really enjoy that vacation. You have more than earned it with this bunch of nutters. This group is bugfuck nuts - can you imagine Ramona or Countess LuLu with these loons?
pixielated - I had the same thought - I was like, "Oh look, Yenta made Miss Thang into an angel."
Rest up Yenta - you're going to need it when the Atlanta wives come back! I'll miss you til then.
SWAK, PottyMouth
9 of 20 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 1, 2009 6:10 AM
Where can we watch the wedding show???
10 of 20 | Posted by air376 | Posted on July 1, 2009 6:30 AM
Ok friends and fans - I'm setting the DVR. I checked the upcoming schedule for WE TV and the "Dina and Tommy" epi of My Big Fat Fabulous wedding will be Sunday July 5 at 3:30 EDT. A little early in the day for vodka martinis and cheap wine, but that's a sacrifice I'll have to make. I know I'll need it!
11 of 20 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:03 AM
I just finished watching the entire episode of My Big Fat Wedding free on the VH1 website.
12 of 20 | Posted by wornsey | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:35 AM
I TOTALLY thought he had on a pair of those feathery VS angel wings. hahaha
13 of 20 | Posted by qupert | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:42 AM
Oh, Yenta, I am so going to miss your recaps. Having you around every week is like curling up with a good book and then gossiping about it with an old friend.
I guess I'll just have to increase the amount of money spent on green's fees and golf balls until Atlanta starts up again.
Have a great break and tell your son that the 'biodegradable' comment he made about Daisy was hilarious.
Huge hug and kiss,
Twunty
14 of 20 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on July 1, 2009 9:01 AM
Hi Yenta, I LOVE LOVE your recaps. I have been a big fans of all your Real Housewives recaps. Apparently the reason that Dina/diva's husband is not on the show, is that he may be an assman like Juicy Joe. Apparently this is a marriage of convenience.
15 of 20 | Posted by tvgasmfan1 | Posted on July 1, 2009 10:48 AM
Hi Yenta! Where is the recap for Part 1 of the reunion?? It comes up in the search but then when I click, says "not found". I absolutely cannot go on without reading Part 1!!! Help!!!!! :)
16 of 20 | Posted by Sarlynn | Posted on July 1, 2009 12:52 PM
I just saw the Diva's MBFFW on VH1...and OMFG! It was like something out of a cheesy mobster movie. Who the HELL goes around (at their own wedding) announcing the price of things to guests. I mean they talk money among each other which is fine I guess. But had any of the brides of whose weddings I've attended spouted off the cost of anything I just complimented I would have had to be taken to the hospital since my eyed would have rolled so far back into my head.
BTW...she and Tommy were arguing in front of a very young Lexie...tsk, tsk. I don't know if anyone else does this but if I'm so upset I wanna cry, I don't do it in front of my kid. You can excuse yourself and go to the bathroom you friggin drama queen.
17 of 20 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on July 1, 2009 8:11 PM
Dearest Yenta,
You must have carpal tunnel syndrome after this season!
Superb, as usual.
Suddenly, I want to enroll in an Italian class! The following is supposedly Sicilian but it pretty much suits those Jersey house wives.
"Quanti stronzi si vede in un piato di merda."
(literal) How many turds does one see in a plate of shit?
It's all the same (bad) no matter what.
Have a good holiday everyone.
18 of 20 | Posted by guitarhero mom | Posted on July 2, 2009 8:31 AM
HOLLER. Sarlynn, that recap disappeared magically. Sorry about that. I had a copy saved on my computer so I got it re-uploaded. It's called "If Only We Lived in Ohio".
Thanks for another killer season, Yenta!! xo
19 of 20 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 2, 2009 12:43 PM
Hi Yenta! Thanks for an AWESOME recap - Parts 1 (esp. thnx for reposting) and 2. Look forward to your next recaps...
:)
20 of 20 | Posted by Sarlynn | Posted on July 6, 2009 7:23 PM