Miss Thang asks if Nina Van Ho has any regrets, which of course she doesn't, because sociopathic personalities don't have regrets. But just to look a little remorseful, because the viewers seem to like remorse, she does admit that she might have gone a little overboard with discussing the whole phone sex thing so explicitly. Miss Thang asks how Nina explained the phone sex episode to her daughters. But, hey, no problem there. Despite Nina's grand plan for exposing her daughter's to every situation, she somehow omitted to tell them about phone sex, and they have no idea what it is. Even the fifteen year old. Well, maybe not the fifteen year old, but that's okay because if Nina's daughters are going to have any sex at all, she really hopes it's phone sex. Seriously, what could be a safer way to have sex, other than cyber-sex. Yup, that's exactly what I want my kid to be doing; trolling chatrooms to find people willing to run up my phone bill for a Ma Bell chaperoned hookup.
Leaving the question of phone sex behind somewhere alongside the "affair" with Don Johnson, Miss Thang moves on to the topic of blowjobs. Specifically, what did Nina think about Low-Magnon saying that Shvitzy Steve was only with Nina for his daily blowjobs. Nina shrugs indifferently and says dismissively that that was Low-Magnon's uninformed opinion. After all Nina has proof that Shvitzing Steve really had feelings for her, because nothing says true love for an ex like trying to hawk a sex tape after a relationship ends. Low-Magnon is trying hard not to look like a catty beyotch when she diplomatically explains that Shvitzy Steve was telling Nina one thing and telling Low-Magnon something different. But Low-Magnon would never ever have said that about blowjobs, if Nina hadn't pushed her buttons and made her mad. Nina listens to Low-Magnon's babbling, and then superbly offers the coup d'etat in defensive arguments. Clearly Shvitzy Steve wanted more than just blowjobs from her because "he didn't stop by every day."*Head slap*. Did this woman find a few dozen oxycodone in her bra and pop them when no one was looking? And, while we're on the subject of more than normally bizarre behavior, why is she looking increasingly dishevelled.
Miss Thang decides to bring up Low-Magnon's friendship with Nina from the beginning of the season and it's eventual deterioration. Low-Magnon is sounding a little defensive when she explains that Nina was fun at first but then she caused all this drama. If there's one thing that Low-Magnon doesn't like it's drama.
It turns out that Nina Van Ho, victim extraordinaire, was shocked, simply shocked, at the mean nasty things the other women were saying about her on the show. Actually, I have some sympathy with her level of surprise. After all, the Mean Girls did manage to take the art of character assassination to a whole new level. But the thing that surprises me the most is Nina's anger at Jacqueline. Apparently, in Nina's reality, Jacqueline was saying mean things about Nina chasing after other women's husbands, while in my universe it was pretty clear that Jacqueline was trying to dispel those rumors. Nina starts bawling, while Jacqueline looks on with an expression of complete boredom.
I'm guessing that Jacqueline just wants to get this reunion over with so she can get on with the business of squeezing the next generation of this delightful clan out into the world. But, with that much botox, it's doubtful that anyone will ever know what she's really thinking. Miss Thang asks where Nina and Jacqueline's friendship is now, and the woman stare at each other with completely blank faces. Thank God, they aren't deaf. Neither one of them has enough movement to make lip reading possible. Nina is upset over the delusions she calls reality. Jacqueline isn't privy to those particular delusions, so she doesn't know quite what to say about them. On the other hand it would be a shame to underestimate Nina's overriding desperation for acceptance, and sure enough she tearfully denies that the friendship is over.
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Comments (20)
Great job, Yenta! You deserve a looooooong vacation after having to recap that craptastic season with its never-ending table flipping sequences. Seriously, I switched to a commercial on another channel just to avoid watching that yet AGAIN on Part Two of the reunion show.
And I will go there regarding Nina's childhood revelation: Whether it's true or not, she trotted it out for the sole purpose of eliciting sympathy. Not cool. Anybody with that much baggage (abuse and criminal record) who agrees to be on a reality show is a complete media whore. Who in their right mind would do that? Guess that fits right in with your new game show idea. I feel completely sorry for her two beautiful daughters.
Hey, Yenta, make sure you tip the cabana boy generously. Enjoy!
1 of 20 | Posted by xqzmoi | Posted on June 30, 2009 7:05 AM
As always thanks for the recaps! I agree with xqzmoi in that true or not I just dislike Nina very clearly using her past as a sympathy ploy. I also feel bad for her daughters. I considered my mom a friend growing up but my mom always treated me as a parent- and that's why I think we're friends now. I wish for parents out there they would realize that the things they do now in their life will shape how their children see the world. With Nina's clearly dysfunctional relationships it could cause them to see men in a horrible light- as it seems by her older daughters comments of men just wanting her goodies or something to that order that it may have already shaped their views on men. On a positive note it seems that her daughters seem smart and mature but I would more credit that to her daughters having great coping skills rather than great parenting. It seems that they both have a strong instinct to stand up for their mom which is really sweet but I really hope they can see that there is clearly something wrong with her.
I just can't get over how delusional she is to the point where I don't think she will ever be in touch with reality. It seems to me she is so stuck on being the victim that she will never see. I find her so disgusting because of the fact that she blatently uses her kids as a sheild so that when others critisize her she says "I'm A MOTHER! How can you say that about me and hurt my children?" Everything that she says she acts like she does for them- and any critisms she claims she doesn't like because it hurts her children- and yet her own actions do not? The other thing about her that is just so frustrating is that she cries about how the other women don't look at her tragic past of abuse and yet she complains that they look at her past of something that happened 20 years ago? Don't get me wrong- if she was abused it wasn't something she could control and it is sad but I think it's really convient that she asks them to look at only the parts of her past that she wants them to see and ignore the parts that she doesn't. Sorry for my long rant but it's been building watching this whole season.
2 of 20 | Posted by Reiray | Posted on June 30, 2009 9:35 AM
Awesome recap Yenta! I didn't miss a single episode this season but it was your recaps that took the cake.
Nina, Nina, what to say about her except she's a lost cause. I feel bad for her kids...therapy will be expensive for them.
Does anyone know what Mama was referring to at the end when she was spewing venom to Nina? She said something about 'we all know what you did' and Nina seemed oblivious. My first thought was did Nina have a hit on the Diva? I'd loooove to know.
Also, did they ever say or show where Low Magnon and her Gremlins were living before that hideous mansion was built?
I found some interesting info on Low Magnon and Juicy Joe. Apparently, they never paid for the handmade railings for their staircase, they owe an IVF doctor (is that how any of the Gremlins were concieved?), and a vacuum cleaner company as well. What happened to the benjamins Low?
Can't wait for the ATL season to start. See ya then Yenta!
3 of 20 | Posted by realitytvwhore | Posted on June 30, 2009 10:02 AM
Wow Yenta, you hit it out of the park! You're characterizations of each of these (ahem) "ladies" is fantastic.
Nina so clearly decided that her role in the reunion would be victim. Her body language, her lack of response to barbs, her responses all seemed geared to make people feel sorry for her. She looked like she was melting into the sofa at some points. I have no doubt that she saw herself on TV and decided that trying to garner sympathy was the way to go. Please note, I am not referring to her allegation of abuse as a child - agree with Yenta that is not a place we should go. But she really seemed to be putting on a whole other act this time. Yenta, you are so correct that she could attend a different 12 step program every day and not get bored...
The Laurita/Manzo twins were a hoot and half - especially Big Mama. Now there is a woman with control issues - constantly trying to answer questions addressed to others. And I HATE it when the Househos refer to something that the audiance is not privy to - drum up a bunch of drama, and then say "but I promised I would not bring that up". Either tell us, or leave it in the green room. Realitytvwhore - Nina's Bravo blog states "I simply gave a phone number to her ex brother-in-law to contact proper people with questions that he had concerning something that was absolutely none of my business. I was asked to give this information to him. If I had to do it again, I would have declined and preferred not to get involved." There are some internet rumors that it may have had to do with Lexi and the custody agreement. Not saying that's true, just what I've read.
Yenta, please do enjoy your much-deserved break. Hope to see you recapping in future - you have made this season not only bearable, but hilarious for me. Many hugs! oxoxo
4 of 20 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on June 30, 2009 11:46 AM
Well, I lied to you all. I swore in the NYC Hausenfrau thread that I wouldn't watch this new bevy of freaks. But I did, from about halfway through the season.
And, while Bravo, in the person of that grinning little jackanape Andy Cohen, once again succeeded in making me feel dirty (and not in that good dirty "we have GOT to do this again some time" way), these NJ faux gun molls HAVE helped me order some thoughts on what it takes to be a really successful Bravo reality TV personality:
1. Honestly believe that the common reality TV show character flaws are your GREATEST STRENGTHS. ("Yeah, I'm a old-school, ballbusting, Italian loudmouthed broad. And youse doan wan nonea dis.")
2. Be able to lie convincingly, and with all the conviction of a white hot kitchen grease fire, even in the face of recorded video evidence that has just been shown to you and America. ("That's not what I said. What I said was...")
3. Be crazier than average. There are plenty of whackadoos out there in Central Casting. To stand out, you have to out-crazy the other crazies. It helps if you can point to an abusive background, will wear clownish clothing, or will transform yourself into a extreme characature of an already outrageous stereotype.
4. Self-delusion is essential. Viewers eat it up. Cough up that old chestnut "I don't like drama. I avoid it. I avoid drama-driven people." right before letting your drama flag fly in front of everyone.
5. Be comfortable owning the fact that you are a weasel who refuses to take responsibility for your own actions. It will make the reunion show a lot nicer for all concerned.
6. Be able to withstand Andy Cohen in full-on Perez Hilton-mode during the reunion show. 'Cause that guy is gonna act like a coked-up jack in the box when someone turns his drama crank. He comes from all angles (so to speak).
7. Having one or more satanic little Mini Mes back at the homestead definitely can't hurt.
8. Being proudly unnattractive can be made to work for you. Every Bravo cast needs one. You could be "the one who never gets laid."
9. Stave off overexposure with a spouse that's just as offensive as you are. If you sense your screen time dwindling, just turn it over to your homophobic, ignorant, borish worse half for a bit.
5 of 20 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on June 30, 2009 1:08 PM
Yenta, did you feel the breeze when we collectively released a sigh of relief that this is finally over? Thanks for your outstanding observations and your hilarious commentary on some of the most vile creatures gracing reality tv this millennium.
Right on njgasmifan on Nina deciding to be the victim. You don't get my sympathy. After hanging with drug lords, strippers and all sorts of questionable characters, you're going to cry about the popular girls not liking you? And sanctimonious ones at that? Move on and raise your girls how you were not.
I know this was discussed on part one, but that set really bothers me. That centerpiece looks like a casket spray, Andy looks like he's sprouted angel wings in that ridiculous chair. Did Theresa or Dina design this set?
Have fun on your vacay, shanti.
6 of 20 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on June 30, 2009 3:57 PM
I just finally watched their wedding show, and HOLY CORONA, Caroline was so thin!!
7 of 20 | Posted by qupert | Posted on June 30, 2009 5:03 PM
At first glance at the top picture of Andy, I thought that he was sitting cross-legged on a white cloud in the sky! Trippy!
8 of 20 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 30, 2009 11:38 PM
Yenta! I hope you really enjoy that vacation. You have more than earned it with this bunch of nutters. This group is bugfuck nuts - can you imagine Ramona or Countess LuLu with these loons?
pixielated - I had the same thought - I was like, "Oh look, Yenta made Miss Thang into an angel."
Rest up Yenta - you're going to need it when the Atlanta wives come back! I'll miss you til then.
SWAK, PottyMouth
9 of 20 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 1, 2009 6:10 AM
Where can we watch the wedding show???
10 of 20 | Posted by air376 | Posted on July 1, 2009 6:30 AM
Ok friends and fans - I'm setting the DVR. I checked the upcoming schedule for WE TV and the "Dina and Tommy" epi of My Big Fat Fabulous wedding will be Sunday July 5 at 3:30 EDT. A little early in the day for vodka martinis and cheap wine, but that's a sacrifice I'll have to make. I know I'll need it!
11 of 20 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:03 AM
I just finished watching the entire episode of My Big Fat Wedding free on the VH1 website.
12 of 20 | Posted by wornsey | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:35 AM
I TOTALLY thought he had on a pair of those feathery VS angel wings. hahaha
13 of 20 | Posted by qupert | Posted on July 1, 2009 7:42 AM
Oh, Yenta, I am so going to miss your recaps. Having you around every week is like curling up with a good book and then gossiping about it with an old friend.
I guess I'll just have to increase the amount of money spent on green's fees and golf balls until Atlanta starts up again.
Have a great break and tell your son that the 'biodegradable' comment he made about Daisy was hilarious.
Huge hug and kiss,
Twunty
14 of 20 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on July 1, 2009 9:01 AM
Hi Yenta, I LOVE LOVE your recaps. I have been a big fans of all your Real Housewives recaps. Apparently the reason that Dina/diva's husband is not on the show, is that he may be an assman like Juicy Joe. Apparently this is a marriage of convenience.
15 of 20 | Posted by tvgasmfan1 | Posted on July 1, 2009 10:48 AM
Hi Yenta! Where is the recap for Part 1 of the reunion?? It comes up in the search but then when I click, says "not found". I absolutely cannot go on without reading Part 1!!! Help!!!!! :)
16 of 20 | Posted by Sarlynn | Posted on July 1, 2009 12:52 PM
I just saw the Diva's MBFFW on VH1...and OMFG! It was like something out of a cheesy mobster movie. Who the HELL goes around (at their own wedding) announcing the price of things to guests. I mean they talk money among each other which is fine I guess. But had any of the brides of whose weddings I've attended spouted off the cost of anything I just complimented I would have had to be taken to the hospital since my eyed would have rolled so far back into my head.
BTW...she and Tommy were arguing in front of a very young Lexie...tsk, tsk. I don't know if anyone else does this but if I'm so upset I wanna cry, I don't do it in front of my kid. You can excuse yourself and go to the bathroom you friggin drama queen.
17 of 20 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on July 1, 2009 8:11 PM
Dearest Yenta,
You must have carpal tunnel syndrome after this season!
Superb, as usual.
Suddenly, I want to enroll in an Italian class! The following is supposedly Sicilian but it pretty much suits those Jersey house wives.
"Quanti stronzi si vede in un piato di merda."
(literal) How many turds does one see in a plate of shit?
It's all the same (bad) no matter what.
Have a good holiday everyone.
18 of 20 | Posted by guitarhero mom | Posted on July 2, 2009 8:31 AM
HOLLER. Sarlynn, that recap disappeared magically. Sorry about that. I had a copy saved on my computer so I got it re-uploaded. It's called "If Only We Lived in Ohio".
Thanks for another killer season, Yenta!! xo
19 of 20 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 2, 2009 12:43 PM
Hi Yenta! Thanks for an AWESOME recap - Parts 1 (esp. thnx for reposting) and 2. Look forward to your next recaps...
:)
20 of 20 | Posted by Sarlynn | Posted on July 6, 2009 7:23 PM