Scared in the way that only a gay man can be scared when a buxom blond female is eyeing him like a piece of candy, Miss Thang strategically turns his questioning to the other side of the room. Addressing Low-Magnon, he asks her how she feels about the majority of homo-sapien viewers considering her to be a wee bit over the top. Low-Magnon's mind must be working at warp speed because it takes her almost no time to come up with the brilliant suggestion for Miss Thang to ask "everyone" about that, because Low-Magnon couldn't possibly know what everyone is thinking. We're treated to a touching flashback of Low-Magnon's daughter, Gia, working toward a career as a possible and very probable trashy d-lister, followed by Low-Magnon displaying her talents as a cash dispenser.

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Somebody needs to smack this woman before she lapses into a coma.

Miss Thang wants to know how long Low-Magnon and the Juice have known each other, because, seriously, you have to wonder how a cave person and a closet case could find true love. It turns out that Low-Magnon and the Juice have known each other their entire lives. In fact, the Juice's father was in the hospital when Low-Magnon was born, which leads to a mind boggling array of speculation. Especially when it's revealed that, despite being friends with the Juice's parents, Low-Magnon's mother continually warned her to stay away from him. Of course, to be fair, this could have more to do with a prejudice against inter-species breeding than the possibility of the Juice and Low-Magnon being half-siblings.

Miss Thang moves on to another viewer's question concerning Low-Magnon's definitive statement that living in someone else's house is gross (except I think Low-Magnon actually used the creative term skeevy). The viewer points out that Low-Magnon needs to remember that millions of other people are not as lucky as she is and ostensibly her remarks could be construed as both insulting and a tad bit insensitive. Low-Magnon is quick to say that she wasn't speaking of other people she was speaking for herself because "other people may not be very cleansing." In case you're wondering about her use of "cleansing", she also offers up cleansily and cleansiness as new adverb/adjectives.

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Don't you hate it when a tricky word like "clean" is on the tip of your tongue and your stuck trying to search for that great teleprompter in the sky.

Boy, poor Low-Magnon isn't getting much love. Not only do the viewers object to her use of a seventies word like "skeeve", but they're also all over the issue of her being a possible stage mother. Before Low-Magnon can marshal herself to launch into another incoherent defense, Mama Manzo and the Diva jump in to protect her. They both spend some time gushing about how Gia really, really wants to be a star, and how with her amazing talent eventual super-stardom is inevitable. Of course, it's equally possible that she's just another histrionic personality disorder blossoming out to bless the world. Luckily, with the advent of Reality TV, there's still plenty of opportunity for her to be a success.

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Being crazy worked for you, right?

Miss Thang takes the opportunity to promote some hate between the NYC and New Jersey housewives by reading off a critical statement from JZ's blog. JZ is worried about Low-Magnon's overindulged children developing into troubled kids. Is Low-Magnon worried? Not so much. After all, Low-Magnon's cavedaddy gave her whatever her little heart desired and she turned out great. In fact, Low-Magnon is pretty sure that she's fabulous.

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Bless her furry little heart, everybody needs at least one fan.

Andy turns to Jacqueline and points out that she's the first housewife to have a baby and, if Bravo gets really lucky, she could have it before the day is out right in front of their cameras. Jacqueline doesn't look too thrilled at the prospect, but she's willing to share that the baby is a little boy named Nicholas. Miss Thang looks a little hurt, like maybe he was hoping that she'd name the new Laurita/Manzo after him. We're treated to a flashback of the Let's Humiliate Ashley show followed by Jacqueline's struggle to conceive. In her swollen to the point of exploding, raging hormonal state, it's not surprising that Jacqueline is reduced to a flood of tears. Seriously, who puts a woman in her last week of pregnancy through this kind of emotional rollercoaster?

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"I get a bonus every time I make a housewife cry."

Real Housewives of New Jersey: If Only We Lived In Ohio Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7 

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Comments (1)

Anonymous:

I found the dirt about the fat man found in the truck of a car. Yep. Everybody wants to think about the day of their engagement with such beautiful memories. Maybe "Mama" should have a chat with the cops because they seem to have a completely different opinion about "her family".

I saw the Diva's wedding tv show but the split marriage info is a little vague. Would someone please post a link or post a hint to a good link?

I have a friend who pays for everything in cash but he has retail stores. Juicy and Cro have cash handy because......?

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