Yay, nothing like a hot cup of coffee and a awesome Yenta recap on a Saturday morning! You pretty much summed up everything. But I still dont have a problem w/Diva+Caroline. I actually like them. Beverly is shit. She does have a point about letting her daughters know the truth, but she should of made them leave too. What kid wants to see their mother getting yelled at by the "Mob". Those girls should be models, not Teresas trolls.

Why do my posts keep coming up Username?????

I just want to point out that Dina/Caroline's brother (Jacqueline's husband) is not a Manzo. Caroline and Dina are married to Manzo brothers...Jacqueline is married to THEIR brother, which also means that Jacqueline is not a Manzo either. Sorry, that last part where you kept referring to Chris and Jacqueline as Manzo's was funny. Yes, Jacqueline is pregnant, but she is not contributing to a new generation of Manzos!! I believe her last name is Laurita.

Anyway, good recap. I didn't watch the Lost Footage epi, but I heard there was some extra stuff thrown in there of the 'aftermath' of the fight. I'm sure they'll re-run a million times.

It looks like we both had Oz on our minds this week, how funny is that?!

I would hate to live in that cuckoo clock house. It looks like it was designed by a Hobbit who lost all sense of proprtion. Plus, how many housekeepers would you need? How do you keep track of all the kids? You could lose one of them and find them decomposing behind the fridge like the pet frog that got loose when I was 8. And don't get me started on the property taxes.

Feel better, baby. Here's what I do- eat chicken soup with Goldfish crackers floating in it, washed down with Red Bull. SO white trash, I know, but it works.

Big hug and kiss,
Twunty

I still can't muster up any kind of like for these women. Danielle is a stupid whore prostitute, the Laurita-Manzos are exclusionary and Theresa is, well, a low magnum. What does it say when the most well behaved, mature individuals at this dinner, where the children? Even the little kids behaved with KLASS and dignity.

And I think you're on to something with the statement that Danielle's ex is falling in love with her all over again. Wouldn't surprise me if having "the book" as the star of this show was her end of a bargain made with him in order to get her settlement.

As for the recap, Yenta, sick, moving or family crisis, you deliver for us each and every week with the most delightful commentary and outright guffaws. And I for one love ya for it.

shanti

I am trying to start a ground roots effort to petition the government to keep Guantanamo Bay open for ex reality TV show stars. By default all those on any "Real Housewives of.." are extended invitations. Janice Dickinson from I'm a Celebrity get me out of here and Simon Pratt have already been slated for internment there.

Shanti - the book was written by Danielle's FIRSt husband. She is trying to get her settlement from her second divorce, so your theory, though intriguing, is not correct.
I have to say, I hated this stupid ho Danielle the whole season, but she outdid even herself at the dinner party. That evil, sickening, twisted look on her face as she plopped the book on the table almost made me puke. What an attention whore! The onlly reason she even dragged this thing out at that time was to guarantee herself some more TV time. I seriously pity these adorable - and seemingly smart - kids of hers (looks like they took after their father/fathers?). This bitch makes me seriously SICK. The only other people who ever made me loath them so much are Silex from RHNY, and each time they are on I fast forward. If Danielle is back next season I will not watch the show. Her pure evil shines thru every moment and makes me throw obscenities at my TV, and her idiocy causes me too much stress. HATE HATE HATE. For me, she bugs like nobody else on TV right now.

Why would anyone think to bring up such a highly-charged topic at a private dinner party? If Danielle wanted to clear the air, she should have done so privately and at another time, or gone all out and held her own dinner party. This whole thing was very low brow.

Quite obviously the producers arranged this entire situation. Does anyone know if the producers were also the ones to "uncover" this book? I missed the episode where they brought it to the salon. Was it explained how they found out about the book (and got their hands on a copy)?

I needed to take a shower after the whole sordid mess. UGH.

If you watch Danielle walk into the dinner party, you'll note that she has a small clutch purse, not nearly large enough to contain the book. So where did it come from? Did she sneak in early in the day and duct tape it to the bottom of the table? Did one of her kids smuggle it in under their dresses? Did she give it to one of the waiters earlier and promise him services in the restroom afterwards if he would bring the book out after the salad course? So many questions! I try not to think too hard about how much some of this stuff is staged so I can just enjoy the pure train wreck that it is. Have you all heard that Steve, Danielle's former boyfriend, has a sex tape of her that he is trying to sell to the highest bidder? Looks like season two already has some juicy (like Joe!) stuff in the works. Cheers!

Hello Yenta,
Hope you feel better soon! I've missed you and haven't been able to post although I did stalk your site. My twins are out of school and I'm in overdrive Mommy mode. You know, get them up early, do every known activity known to modern man so they don't have time to fight, tire them out and get them into bed so you can breath. The only thing that's going wrong is me. Why did I not get married in my teens and give birth in my twenties instead of at 36? Mountain folk have the right idea. Nine year old boy/girl twins are tiring. I can hardly stay awake after they tuck in!!

Any Hoo, I have nothing to say, nothing that I can add to the housewives debaucle. (sp.?) I am devoid of all feeling, except I feel kind of slimey.

Brilliant as usual, this post and the previous.

I'm uncomfortable knowing so much about Low Magnon's sex life. Definitely, TMI.

xxx000

Dear Yenta:

You kick ass!

The short season was a roller-coaster for me! First I hated all of them. I thought Bravo was doing a disservice to my secret, shameful, guilty pleasure! Then, somehow Danielle slipped a little into my cold, cold heart. Shortly thereafter, I realized I was hooked (like it or not!) and that maybe, just maybe Bravo knows EXACTLY what they are doing and their plan for complete domination of my mental energies proceeds apace!

Hope you are taking a little break to recuperate from that flu before my girl Nene comes back to me this summer.

DS

Yenta, I adore you! As I watched this week I kept wondering what you were going to say about all that happened. We are so on the same page woman!

I can't believe it's all over soon. It went by so fast. Ahhh well, there's always the four thousand other housewife franchises Bravo has going on. :)

Can't wait to see what happens at the reunion. Get some rest!

SWAK, PottyMouth

I cannot believe that so many peeps acutally like those horrid sisters. Caroline and Dina are nasty. Caroline is contantly contradicting herself. If she really wanted to protect her family she'd keep all CONs away not just loopy, self-absorbed ex-strippers. Plus, if Danielle had any brains, she would have laughed/spit into that woman's face right in the middle of her little mob-speech. LAME!!!

Dina's a mess that not even her husband wants to clean up. He's never there. It's not like the Brownstone is in China and he has to live there or anything.

Danielle needs to grow up and stop filming reality tv. Take counseling with her cute daughters. ANNNDD...has anyone notice that even though Danielle is the worst, she has the cutest, most sensible, down-to-earth daughters...unlike Dina's special needs kid, Caroline's useless twesome, and Teresa's future pole dancers.

It is so hypocritical for people to say that Danielle should have brought it up privately when the evil sisters had no intention of ever letting her explain her side of the story. It was messy but so was gossiping at the salon and bringing it up on NATIONAL TV! Hello!
Yes the woman needs help but why would you try to destroy someone like that. Gossip is a pet peeve of mine so it really gets my goat when people say things like that. Let's pray that her daughters will grow up well adjusted inspite of their mothers crazy behavior.

Thanks for the back to back recapping of seasons of RHONY/NJ Yenta, you're always good for a laugh-are you doing ATL in August too?

Dear, departed Yenta - I am glad to hear that you will cross the River Styx one more time to entertain us with your thoughts on the reunion - that promises to be multiple-vodka-martinis-with-cheap-red-wine-chasers worthy!

Thanks for calling out Nina's "Joisey" (or Brooklyn) accent when she gets upset. I noticed it when she was talking to her gay friend (a couple of epis ago) as well. You can change your name from "Beverly Merrill" but you can't take the accent out of the girl, I guess.

This was a total drama set up by Bravo - just insisting on putting them all in the same room fireworks were guaranteed. Low Magnon is a mess of contradictions - I was very glad most of the kids were ushered out before the big blow up, but it was ok to talk about your sex life and how your hubby wanted to do you in car after surgery? WTF? That isn't appropriate dinner table converstation at any age - but then table flipping is not appropriate dinner table behavior, either. In spite of what baby boy Manzo said, that is not a "Jersey Thing". All in all it was quite the hot mess, and at this point I really don't care who exposed the book. I think it was 100% wrong for Nina to allow her kids to be present for the major drama - there was no need to expose them to that. I did like Jacqueline taking a stand for once, and totally loved her hubby for telling his sisters (and everyone else) to settle down.

On another note - I don't want to be mean, but what the hell was Lauren wearing? Was that a tablecloth? When she walked into the restaurant I did not even recognize her at first. Girlfriend needs a stylist, or a mirror or a gay friend.

Thanks again Yenta for all of your witticisms through the season - it's been a tough time for you with the move, multiple shows and A LIFE, but you always came through for us. Personally, I'm grateful for the giggles. Hugs xoxoxo

Sorry for the dumb questions but what does low magnum mean?

Great re-cap Yenta!!

I wouldn't have such a problem with the "Manzo" sisters if they owned up to the stupid book thing. They didn't expose the book because they were scared about who was around their kids. That is obvious since one of their best friends is up on a bunch of charges right now. (The guy that was training Caroline's dog).
They did it because they are gossipy bitchy women with nothing but time on their hands which is fine. But don’t make up some stupid excuse on why they brought it up…like..”I have to protect my family”.

Hey SBC123,

It's "low-magnon", like cro-magnon ... cave people, get it?

Teresa's low hairline.

You gotta go back and check Yenta's prior recaps and user comments.

I have a personal problem when it comes to Teresa's hairline. It's just a fixation or something. I couldn't stop thinking or writing about it.

Yenta even has a low-magnon cave Barbie. Too funny.

Dear Yenta,

What a show. It's nice that they put the Manzo's back in their pens now that the season is over. Can't you just see Caroline hauling ass to get the book into the Chateau when she goes in to get her knuckles waxed? You can almost hear the cackling.

And poor low magnon, even when you have a fancy shmancy dinner party with all your peeps, you manage to tip over a table, swear and must be restrained by juicy the big lump she lives with, at least until the indictments.

And if there was ever any doubt about how non-real this show is, just watch the fight again. It couldn't be more rehearsed. From the table throwing, to the swearing and the restrained low magnon, it's a snooze fest even with the book.

What they need to do is have a bunch of women who have personalities that are pleasant and fun to watch, not these hateful, money grubbing, uneducated, lowlifes.

You can put a pig in a dress, but it's still a pig.

Poor kids.

But Yenta, KADOOZ as Ramona would say, on a great season.

Love and luck,

TVannie

What a nutty season!! I may be done with the RH after this. It's just gotten too trashy. They find these unbalanced women and they end up fighting like lunatics. It gives women a bad name, and probably ruins their kids for life.

Everyone on this show except Jacqueline is totally crazy. After the dinner show, I think Teresa is certifiable, and I worry about her kids when they hit their teenage years and screw up. What's she going to do? Throw things at them? I wouldn't doubt it. Clearly she's been called dumb many times in her life and that's why it set her off.

I just watched the extra footage show and I laughed out loud when Teresa said when she met him, her husband was "surrounded by gay men who were always touching him"!!! Love it. Yenta, that was your moment to shine. You nailed it!! And kudos to Laura for noticing Danielle's purse when she walked in. I never noticed it. I wonder who planted the book?

I hope Jacqueline and Chris move out of state so they can live and raise their kids in peace.

I think it is Bravo's goal to remind us of all the horrible people out there. And when this peak oil crisis unfolds and our society melts down there is no hope because deep in our hearts we are just a bunch of selfish, contridictory assholes. Don't believe me watch the preview for NYC Prep.

But Yenta when I got through watching this episode. I was thinking WOW Yenta has a huge challenge in front of her with this one. And you did not disappoint. You caught every subtle emotion and didn't miss a chance to make a snarky observation. This had to be one of the hardest recap to write because it had to encompass so much. There was the huge, hypocritical fight mixed with the sort of sweet family moment with Ashley and the car. I realize the fight was completely staged but it still sucked me in.

And because I am petty I will make fun if Dina'a dress. Since there isn't much left to say after everyone elses comments. Some his they all said what was on my mind especially the one about not watching this again. But all I could think when I saw her in the blue dress that she wore to the dinner. Is that she was wearing a dress made out if those blue ribbons that they put on horses that win first place at horse shows

@ reckless

Haha...apt comparison considering that Dina has such a Horsey face!

Can.Not.Wait.For.Reunion.Part.1.Tonight!

Yenta, darling. I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said, only that I still love me some Nina/Danielle, trashy ho or not, it took guts to do what she did, and I especially loved the fact that she was effortlessly able to shove Low-Magnon over the edge at the speed of light. Awesome recap, I especially loved the Horny Weeble shot.

love, J-Mo :)

P.S. Thanks for the shout-out, I'm so happy you decided to do what we talked about, LOL.

I GOT IT!!!!

It has been bothering me for months. Ever since I heard that Theresa and Jacqueline were pregnant, I kept thinking about the phrase "they're going to increase their numbers", and I couldn't remember where I heard it and I just figured it out.

It's from "The Witches of Eastwick", when the crazy lady pukes cherry pits all over the place she mutters this to her husband when she realizes that Jack has impregnated Cher, Michelle and Susan.

Whew, that's what their pregnancies reminded me of , they are increasing their numbers and it kind of scared me.

I guess that kind of says something about how I feel about these folks reproducing.

Hey Gasmi,
Wow, I just got back to the internet after posting and Holy Cow! I've got some writing to do here. First thank you all for posting. Best thing, evah, to read all of your thoughts : )

Username: Who are you? Njgasmifan? who? it's driving me nuts. Oy!! I don't understand Danielle's decision to leave her kids in the room either. But then again, I don't understand anything these women do...

Serjen: You are so right. At this point I should definitely be able to distinguish between a Laurito and a Manzo. I totally appreciate your pointing out the difference.

Twunty: I've got to ask; who found the frog?!? You are such a riot. My husband has made me promise never ever to drink Red Bull. My caffeine habit has him that scared. But, I'm thinking that the next time I get that sick it might be worth it. I'll either have a stroke or vibrate that damn virus right out of my body.

Shantigal: I agree that there must be some agreement with the ex that wrote the book. I'm sure bits will start to leak out after the season is over.

Snortles: You crack me me up. A housewives' detention camp would be awesome...

Renata: LOL. I totally love that you just spill it.

xqzmoi: The story that Caroline and Dina are giving about "discovering" the book is that Caroline's niece discovered it's existence an e-mailed Caroline, who then went and checked it out of the library. I kind of wonder if Bravo is now hiring retired writers from the soap opera circuit to develop the housewife plots.

LauraK: Awesome call on Danielle's purse size versus the book!! That whole sex tape thing is just gross, but I do wonder if it's real? The rumors seem to have disappeared before they really got started.

Guitarheromom: Twins! Oy!! I feel for you honey. But hang in there. My son only has one more year of high school left and it's nice that my husband and I will be young enough to still enjoy life when he's off to college. Believe me. You'll appreciate having kids young when it's time to reclaim your own life : ) Until then massive hugs.

Dogsnaxx: I miss your recaps!!! Please please come back and cover a show I watch : ) I'm still not sure what to think of this season of the Jersey women. They're just bizarre.

Pottymouth: Pretty soon Bravo is going to have a housewife franchise on every corner right next to the nearest Starbucks. It won't be the NYC Housewives anymore, it will be the housewives of 34th and 8th. LOL

Uglycutie: I totally agree, Danielle really needs to stop the reality TV path and go for some serious intervention counseling. Sadly, she'll probably announce that she has a drinking problem and go for a stint with Dr. Drew.

2muchtv4me: Like you I really do hope that Danielle's kids do okay. Out of all the children shown on that show, they were by far my favorites.

Njgasmifan: I am so embarrassed that I didn't recognize Danielle's accent as Brooklyn and not Jersey. Sheesh!! I'm losing my ear for the burroughs, after all this time!! You're absolutely right about Lauren's dress. The girl has absolutely no style.

SBC123: Absolutely not a stupid question. Like guitarheromom wrote; it's just a play on the term 'cro-magnum' because of Theresa's low hairline.

Baxter: It bothers me as well that on one hand Caroline is talking about protecting her family and on the other, apparently close friends with some pretty scary people. Sigh!! These people are nuts.

AnneM: You are such riot. I love the whole knuckle waxing idea. I am so excited for your recaps on NY prep. Woohoo!!

LindaLC: I have to confess that I actually spit out my drink when Theresa was talking about her husband always being around gay men and loving it when they touched him. Too funny!! Apparently, the Juice is a little loose!!

Reckless_Saturn11: Good to hear from you!! I wish you'd reconsider throwing your cap into the recapper ring. I love your description of Dina's dress as a bunch of horse ribbons. Too funny : )

J-Mo: Heh-heh. So does your gaydar pick up anything on the horny weeble, or is that just wishful thinking on my part? Thanks for the support hon...

AnneM: You are just blossoming out as a recapper. Your comments totally leave me giggling.

LOVE YOU ALL!! And as Dogsnaxx says: I CAN'T WAIT FOR TONIGHT. Please forgive any typos in this...It's too long too check...

Hugs,
Yenta

Is this the norm in New Jersey to pronounce whore as hooer?

Snortles - there is no "norm" in NJ, pronounciations and accents vary throughout the state. Although my parents were originally from Brooklyn and later moved to NJ, they worked hard to make sure us kids did not have "tradional" NJ or NY accents.

Also, to set the record straight, "most" people in NJ do not say things like "that is so gay". We are not ALL Low Magnons.

Yenta darling - the rumors appear to be true, local paper confirmed that Nina will be in court to try to stop Shviting Steve from selling videotapes he has of her committing sexual acts. I for one am so glad that he will continue to be in contact with her young daughters.... NOT!

I have to ask, does anyone else think Caroline is a liar? I sure do. I think Danielle hit it right on the nose - Dina really is the culprit on exposing the book, and when she was attacked by Danielle then big sister went into she-bear mode.

I have a weekly telephone recap of this show with a girlfriend of mine and we both said "Caroline LIED!" at the same time!!

Did anyone else catch the skit on Chelsea Handler last night? It was hilarious. They got the New Jersey Wives Reunion show down and nailed it. Wait until you see the guy playing Carline, he was perfect.

It's available on the Chelsea handler web site , it's a must see.

Also, a judge granted a temporary order stopping Steve from releasing the sex tape. Hopefully that's the end of it.

Is is just me or is whore now pronounced hooer?

AnneM - I saw the skit online - and it was hilarious! Yes, the "Caroline" guy was awesome. That was too funny for words.

Oh AnneM, AnneM,

Thank you, thank you!!
I just watched the sketch on Chelsea Lately. ROFLMAO!!

Does anyone know how to make a copy of this? I want to watch it over and over and over.

Almost forgot

Yes, Baffled, I agree. Caroline's a Hugh Liar.

But I suspect she may be in the beginning of a really bad "pause" (meno).
I can't imagine her living for 47 years with such an ugly attitude.

OK, I swear I'm done -- I've got to make breakfast.

"Huge Liar"