Brilliant, dear Yenta. Thanks!

Looking forward to Jersey with you.

Yenta, I don't know how you followed and recapped these shenanigans so well. I guess you're up there, and I'm down here... Absolute bedlam when Alex appears to be the most sane, well-mannered one of the bunch. Kelly is either absolutely delusional or borrowing Ramona's crack pipe.

Also I could have sworn that Ramona was in the news because she was banned from her daughter's private school. Something about the school and other parents being embarrassed about her onscreen behavior. Or was that last season?

Oh well, great stuff. I cannot wait to read your second installment!

It's 3 AM here and I can't even reach for my TiVo remote to watch Reunion Part Dos because I am giggling like a maniac at your brilliant analysis and THE BEST SCREEN-GRABS. EV- ERRRRRRR!

Brava Yenta!!!!

You forgot the other line of great grammer from Leather: "Everything that I've worked for since I'm a kid."

She said that over and over: "since I'm a kid."

Columbia should check her transcript. I'm thinking that she slept her way to her degree.

Oh Yenta, I do love you so! Thanks for making me giggle first thing in the morning. What a great start to the day.

LOVE the Seinfeld reference!! That's by far one of my favorite moments from the show.

Can't wait to see your take on the Joisey wives - if you need any help translating the gumbah language, let me know, it can be tricky!

SWAK, PottyMouth

Amazing recap Yenta! It was hard to follow this rambling madness, but you did an awesome job!

The Madonna comment had me in serious giggles. I was trying very hard not to snort so my co-workers would not catch on...every screengrab was hilarious, you are spot-on in skewering these women (yes, I am inlcuding Andy in this group).

I thought it was interesting that Kelly made a big fuss about including her maiden name, and then kept talking about how she has "built her name since she was a kid". If I'm not mistaken, her "fame" came from her Bensimon name...

I enjoyed Bethenny at the reunion - she was funny and not strident (as she has been sometimes during the season). You are so right - her comment in reponse to Crazy Eyes asking if Alex was abused was too too funny.

Alex and the Countess were a little boring, although Alex did seem well prepared with some zingers. Crazy Eyes and her multiple personalities did not disappoint. JZ was definately Diva-ish, Yenta you nailed that 100%.

Overall there was not quite as much drama as I had expected - I had to tape part 2 so maybe there is more there. I was hoping for a Nene/Atlanta style smackdown.

Big hugs to you Yenta for keeping us so entertained. At our end, it's recapper's heaven!!!
I'm packing my bag for the start of NJ - can't wait for your recap on the premier!
oxoxox

Yenta-
Great job catching the comments. These women really outdid themselves with talking over each other. They must have been boozing it up because the second half gets loud.

Did Alex forget how to speak or is she always this quiet? I kept forgetting she was there.

I love Bethanny and actually thought I should buy the book. Then I realized I had too many skinny girl cocktails.

I hate Leather. Please tell me she will not be re-signed for the next season!

I had to turn the reunion off about three quarters of the way through. It was too much like the time I was marooned in a car dealership waiting room in which The View was playing on TV. Talk about sound and fury signifying absolutely dick.

The most disturbing thing about these women (and what makes them such great reality show fodder, I guess) is that none of them can SHUT THE FUCK UP and listen to what anybody else is saying. Nothing can ever be resolved, because no conversation is taking place. Just two (or more) shrieker monkeys howling at each other from their respective trees/couches.

Although it was funny when Jill demanded a tissue for Leatherette's fake tears "instead of everybody just staring at her", and Andy Tinkerbell just sat there, staring at her.

I don't think I can watch the new Joisey one. Every time that fat old redhead says "Lemme tell you a'something 'bout my fambly" (and Bravo replays that clip about once every 6 minutes), I'm filled with the urge to do violence. My swami says I should identify the sources of such feelings and avoid things that would unbalance my ki.

Can I just add one more thing? I hate Kelly's very insincere flattery of the other wives to their faces. "You are awesome, you are fabulous"- ugh. Does she think that this is high school and that the wives will like her because she calls them amazing? Strikes me this is a habit she has had for awhile, as a way to get people to like her. Just had to get that off my chest (where, by the way, my "bubbies" are close enough to talk to each other-unlike Kelly's, where a long-distance call would be necessary).

njgasmifan:

Kelly is just the most clumsy at the fake flattery; they all do it. Remember how they greet each other at the door?

"Oh, look at you! You're fabulous!"

"No, look at you! You're a minx!"

"And those shoes!"

"No, your implants! If only I wasn't straight!"

"Yes, mazel to both of us! Now, WTF is this I hear about you wanting to shill your Splenda-flavored fake drinks at my charity event, you nasty bitch??"

OMG, OMG, OMG, Yenta, you poor thing, THREE shows simultaneously? Girl, I feel your pain, tell your hubby to stay out of your way and bring you lots of food and drink.

I loved loved loved your take on this first half of The Madness, and agreed with everything... the one thing that I thought was let go far too easily by everyone was the mention of Silex's "parenting" book being "about the ENTIRE journey of children from toddlers to teenagers"... Um, if that's truly the case then shouldn't they be waiting until the kids are, you know, TEENAGERS before attempting to write such a book about their awesomely amazing "journey in parenting"? Those kids are only, like, 5, right? We need at least another decade before that book would be anything more than a pamphlet! I bet it's all bullshit anyhow, and they're seriously going to try to foist their horrific "parenting" skills on the literary public (I'm sure they let their kids run wild all over the other housewives as a passive-aggressive response to being looked down upon and shunned).

I have one last thing to say... you betta WORK, bitch! *snap* *snap* *snap* *head-roll*

love, J-Mo :)

NotWithoutMyTV -
LOL, you are sooooo right. I guess Kelly just annoys me more. Telling Bethenny "you should not cry over relationships because you are so awesome" just smacked of Jr. High to me. But I stand corrected - they are ALL two faced!!! Thanks for setting me straight...

OK, so I am definitely on the "I hate Leather" train. I invited a friend (a non-watcher cuz she doesn't get Bravo) over to watch part 2 of the reunion with me, as snarky wine-induced yelling at the TV is just much more fun with a friend. Well, I almost kicked my friend out ... Leather comes on the TV and my friend says, "Oh wow, she's really pretty." I looked at her and said, "You are not allowed to say that in my home. She is leather, she is nasty, she is psycho. If you are a true friend, you will hate her along with me." She told me to have more wine and get over it. I'm rethinking my friendship now as I just can't be friends with a Leather-liker.

Leather-haters unite!!

I guess we'll see how things go with RHoNJ. Thanks for the excellent recaps, Yenta! They make this guilty pleasure even more delicious.

Dear Yenta,

I'm nominating you for the "Recapper of the Year " award. This was a tough show to do, there was so much that happened. I found it hard to keep the sparring partners straight.

It was like trying to see who caught the greased pig at the county fair. With all those contenders rolling around in the slop, it's hard to read their numbers.

You're a doll Yenta, can't wait to read the rest.

TVannie

AnneM:
I second the nomination. Yay for Yenta!

I had a fleeting twinge of compassion for Crazy Eyes when she brought up her awful childhood. Dissociative disorder would explain alot.

As for Ms. Killoren Bensimon, I have suspected, that from the first time she mentioned Columbia, that it might actually be the University of Columbia, Missouri.
I felt like I was in a spinning class watching these hags back pedal. Part two, more of the same and now the Joisey girls? Fuhgeddaboutit.
Yenta you are the reigning queen of recappers. Now can you un-stick yourself from your leather couch and send me the recipe for those fantabulous cupcakes?

Love you long time, shanti

Dearest Yenta,

I have spent the entire season without you! It just wasn't the same. I could not for the life of me remember the name of your forum. I'm thinking of getting the word "tvgasm" tatooed on my forehead.

How I made it through an entire season of RHNY without you, I'll never know. It was brutal without your snarky recaps.

I promise to never, ever, ever, ever remove you from my favorites center.

Please tell me you are doing the RHNJ recaps. I have a new favorite word--
schieving. (I think that's how you spell it.)

XXXOOO
guitar hero mom

I think it's skeeving, isn't it?

I like Alex (and Simon). I think part of the reason is that I'm sure the other housewives would look down on me and treat me like they treat her (and Simon). Silex are probably the only people on the show who would bother to associate me.

Poor Crazy Eyes. Bless her heart for doing the best she can.

It's funny that Bethenny tries to take the "high road" when she's been bitching and backstabbing on her blog all season.

Kelly has such wide shoulders that her doc had no alternative but to put her implants apart. They'd look even stranger if they were in the middle, with ribcage on either side of them. I guess bigger ones would have worked better. I DO think there's been some migration of the boobs; bitch must lie on her back a lot. I wonder why?

Sorry, I meant "associate WITH me."

TinyT: Thanks TinyT, I'm so glad you liked it.

real_atlanta_girl: OMG, you're absolutely right! I completely forgot the whole mess with Avery's school. Bad recapper! But awesome reader for remembering : )

leia labiblia; Sleep darling! It's important to sleep!!

lawyergal: I can't help thinking her comment "since I'm a kid" verged on wishful thinking. The scuttle is that Kelly actually went to the Columbia school of general studies which is separate from Columbia University. It's more like an extension program open to almost everybody...

PottyMouth: I love you! I was so worried no one would get the Seinfeld reference! You made my day!

njgasmifan: I swear to God, recapping this reunion is upping my typing speed to a superhuman level, all because I'm living in fear of missing an exchange.

"where, by the way, my "bubbies" are close enough to talk to each other-unlike Kelly's, where a long-distance call would be necessary" HaHaHaHaHa!!!! Awesome!!

newcastlefan: According to Alex, she was president of her high school debate team. Last year's reunion was pretty hard on her, so I'm guessing she's happy to sit back and watch, and it's a great strategy. She comes off as both sane and composed, which is a big improvement from last year.

kara: I'm with you. I have no idea if Leather is coming back on the show, but I sure hope she's not. The scuttlebutt is that she's pretty desperate to do it again, which seems kind of odd.

NotWithoutMyTV: I remember my pre-recapping days when I could turn the TV off at will. Sigh! That was a beautiful thing! We'll miss you in Joyersy!! But I totally understand, everybody has to draw a line somewhere--unless of course Flipit has them chained to the TV with a gun to their head...

J-Mo: Darling you're absolutely right about Silex's book. I totally missed that. Oy my age, or the number of cocktails I consumed to get through the show, is showing...

Fancy Pants: "Leather Haters Unite" LOL. I wonder if we can get Bravo to sell t-shirts?

AnneM: "It was like trying to see who caught the greased pig at the county fair. With all those contenders rolling around in the slop, it's hard to read their numbers." Brilliant!! Picturing the Countess rolling around in a lot of slop chasing a pig just made this entire thing worthwhile!! Love you!!

Shantigal: Thanks so much, darling. Love you long time too! I found the cupcake recipe (thanks to FloOky on the front page of the suziehomemaker.com site). Totally yummy!!

Guitarheromom: Welcome home, darling!! TVgasm is like medicinal laughter that you should take every day. I always know that the awesome recappers/readers on the site are going to give me a laugh no matter what's happening in the real world.

Pixielated: I totally agree about Bethenny's blog, especially when it comes to Silex. There must have been some behind the scenes drama, and I'm dying to know what it was...

Hugs,
Yenta

Hi Yenta,
Longtime listener, first time caller...

I'm a big fan of your recaps. No one can do RHoX recaps as well as you!

Question - did you coin the nickname "Crazy Eyes" for Ramona? Because I could have sworn you did and if so, how awesome is it that the C*ntess was calling Ramona Crazy Eyes? You know that all of the RH are checking out your recaps! Does that scare you or empower you?

Dear Yenta,

Was it Part I or Part II where Bethenny does an "Ann Coulter" and flashes the white triangle of love? Do try to get a screen capture.

Your friend,

~Floo