Yenta! What in the name of SweetFuckingJesus happened this week in RealityTVWorld™? It's like all hell broke loose everywhere! ANTM was crazy, too! It was all so awesome all over TV land that I'm still feeling spent! Awesome recap, I love that you called out the fact that Leather's standards "are of the double kind". The fact that she kept insisting that she's so far above Bethenny and that Bethenny means nothing to her and she's so beyond all the "high school" bullshit is hysterical considering the fact that she went out of her way to set up the "meeting" with B-girl, and then spent the entire rest of the show complaining about Bethenny to everyone else (I'm sure that included random strangers even when she wasn't on camera) which are not signs of someone who is "beyond" or "above" anything.

Plus, the teal dress / tannic acid-skin / Barbie Pink™ Go-Go Boots combo was fug beyond belief. I'm so happy that Bethenny didn't rise to her bait and get out of control, she remained calm in the face of the nuttiness.

Also, Mario, yeah, what a dick... it's dead-obvious (no pun intended) that the only reason they're dying (no pun intended) to play Jill again is because she beat them last time, right? (Didn't she and her pro beat them last time?... am I wrong there?) He was such a cooze-face to her, acting like he's doing her such a grand favor by consenting to play "for fun" with her, when you know damned well he'll either do his best to wipe the court with her, or, barring that, fire as many poison-coated tennis balls at her head at high speed as he can.

And then the Silex mix-in! OMG, normally I would have given him a drunken point for bringing up Crazy Eyes' palling around with a Playboy model... but then the fact occurred to me that people in Playboy mostly look, you know, sexy whereas Alex Naked = Boner Killer and he just sounds like a shouty asinine lunatic again. And I LOVE IT!!!!

much love,

J-Mo :)

I knew it!!!! I knew there would be no waiting til Sunday for this one.

OMG, Leatherface is friggin off her rocker!! She was totally on something and judging by the beef jerky texture of her mug, I'm guessing its METH. So meth-face slathered in liquid shit (for that extra glow) is what's hot in NY these days? Those crazy New Yorkers.

Bethanny was more of a lady than I would have been. The minute that Amazon walked in half an hour late with her fug squeeky boots, I would have climbed the nearest table, kicked her in her vagina bone and left. Granted I would have cheated the viewers of the yummy goodness of her drug fueled rant but I have a feeling she would have bitched to my empty glass and made out with the bar stool for 10 minutes before noticing I was gone.

I think that Leather and Silex should all move in together.

Leather's girls could marry Frankie and Johnny. Alex and Simon and Leather could be a couple, sorry make that a triple, to star in a spin-off show called "Real Big Love in NYC".

Bethenny gets my vote for the best poker face ever. Maybe she was washing down a hand full of valium with that drink she was downing.

Love the recap Yenta, you are golden.

TVannie

Yenta, I've been looking forward to this since Tuesday night! I couldn't wait to see what you had to say about this episode, and as always, you do not disappoint.

Leather is a fucking wackjob. When you can make Crazy Eyes look sane (ok, semi-sane) and LuLu look gracious (ditto) that's really saying something.

That whole “meeting” was ridiculous. I don’t know how Leather thought she was going to come off, but I’m pretty sure she wasn’t shooting for coked-up, raisin-faced twat. The fact that Bethanny stayed calm and let her hang herself was brilliant. And I LOVED when Bethanny made the comment about not being famous enough for her to bother with.

Maybe Mario could vent his frustrations by making Leather his next victim. That seems like a win/win to me. Of course even if he doesn’t kill her, she’s probably only about six more tanning sessions away from cracking into a million pieces and blowing away. I think I’ll send her a gift card to Hollywood Tans. She’d probably think famous people tan there and run right over!

SWAK, PottyMouth

I almost (almost) had to turn off my TV this week. They're just so damn hard to watch since Leather was introduced. She's even harder to deal with than OC Vicki, which is REALLY saying something. I just can't stand the whole condescending "No, really, I feel bad for you" thing that she was doing to Bethenny.

And the Mario/Ramona v. Simon/Alex thing over the naked photos? Seriously?!

Yenta! Does it get any better than this? I held my breath nearly the entire episode and like J-Mo, felt spent. Hey Leather, great job schooling Bethanny on her rude behavior. Please do it every week, for us, OK? I'm thinking Bravo must pay them by the level of crazy. If not, they are getting a major return on investment.

And what's with the boys on this show? Are they auditioning for a Real HouseHusbands spinoff? Mario must have the tiniest wiener in NY if crushing Jill on the tennis court is his lifes obsession. He's a real Bobby Riggs, that one.

Yenta, you are up HERE and I am down HERE... wait...nevermind, I don't need this.

Love & Respect, shanti

And you're so right about Bobby. He gets the Most Tolerant Husband award. Because if my spoiled wife called me up bitching about how there's no room in our GIANT condo to store a TV for two days, I would lose my mind.

Did everyone catch Leather's nasty little comment to Ramona at the fashion show? She said something to the effect that being jealous of Bethenny would like me being jealous of...[wait for it...] YOU! Zoom! Right over Ramona's head. LOL! The veracity of that statement is unimportant, however the cluelessness of it speaks volumes about that shallow wretch of a "friend."

Love that Bethenny was determined to wait Leather out (no matter how long she had to wait). Me, I'd give her ten minutes, then I'm gone. Could you imagine Leather telling everyone that she set up a meeting with Bethenny and B didn't show? Kudos for Bethenny's unfailing instinct for all things artificial and superficial.

Thanks, Yenta, funny as always.

Muchas, muchas Gracias, Yenta! While watching this episode, I just knew that somewhere out there a recapper was smiling contentedly. I was positively gleeful while watching it myself. And by reading this recap, I was able to relive that joy all over again...much the same way that Mario is able to relive his joyful memories by driving to a self-storage facility somewhere out in Queens and gently caressing the dismembered body parts of his victims which he likes to keep as trophies (I assume).

And I'm so glad someone else caught Old TreeBeard's little "compliment" to Ramoaner, a la, "Why would I be jealous of her??? That's crazy! That'd be like me being jealous of YOU!!!" LOL that's what you say to someone who's kissing your ass & trying to validate your crazy yammerings, you cinnamon-stick-looking mofo?!? And poor Crazy Eyes didn't even catch it either. Too much fun!

OK, I can't believe I'm saying this but, good lord, I might just feel terribly sorry for the Comtesse for the first time ever...I mean IF it's true that her frog/spouse actually dumped her via email. Now that's what I call KLASSY!

Oy, the upcoming episode looks like a doozy too. YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!

Okay...it's still Sat night. Can't wait for those regulars who don't wander on here til Sunday morning. Heehee.

Bring it, guys!!

Dear Kelly,

After a night of drinking, smoking crystal meth, and bar hopping in rubber "Hello Kitty" boots, which smells worse, your breath or your feet? You don't really have to answer.

Love,

~Floo

Yenta,

ANother GREAT Recap. I recently did a 'names' search at David Patrick Columbia's New York Social Diary, and was able to view some images of the 'Housewives' in their natural houswife habitat, 'The Party'. Take a look sometime -intersting, if not to see some people with skin more leathery than Leather's.
Speaking of Leather, I think they once visited her home planet on Star Trek. :) Anyway, once again, GREAT RECAP!!! I can't wait until this weeks episode -'Christopher Robin in drag' -classic.

Yenta - I forward my mom your weekly postings...I am not quite sure she has the internet talents to look it up but she is now hooked. I bumped into her in our local Home Goods yesterday and we had a mini-recap session in the aisle. What in god's name happened this week?? I have not seen bitchiness like that since I was in jr. high. There must be some history between those two that we don't know about.

Yenta,

Talk about must see tv! I actually thought that Leather was going to physically harm B.

B's lack of hysterics is prob what Leather hated the most. She is a bully, and to stay that thin/A-Rod ripped, some form of drugs must be used. I would love to see her fall of her horse again (and i have..Tivo!)

Mario's aggresiveness with JZ makes me wonder how he treats Ramona during their home disputes. He is a ticking time bomb. Simon would never harm his wife, Mario.. I am not so sure.

Your recaps are addictive.

Oh Bethanny...thank sweet jesus for you. I love you even more. Kelly Benmethface has issues and I hope she popped a few of them before that rant, 'cause if it wasn't drug assisted, lady needs inpatient care stat.

That was one of those memorized, horribly over prepared speeches that you know she practiced thousands of times in her head (resulting in her gracefully walking out, swinging her bag, leaving a poor stuttering Bethanny in total shock). Of course, in reality (loosely...) those over practiced anger speeches never go that way and she was spitting it out as fast as she could trying desperately to get through it both before Bethanny said anything and the drugs really kicked in and she puked into one of her "Hi, I can totally pass for 12 right?" rubber boots When Bethanny started to make cracks during the speech Methface fell apart like a 1st year drama student cut off in the middle of an monologue - she couldn't remember where she left off so what to do? Ah yes, reach into the grab bag of fab high school gems like "I feel sorry for you". douche.

After doing the super mature, classy and upscale move of running away FROM HER OWN MEETING she realized that she never made it through her planned attack on Bethanny's bad behavior...ruh roh. After another hit off her pipe, she made the gracious decision to hide outside and lay in wait for Bethanny...huh wha? No concept of when to just stop - ass: party of one. And listening to her tell the story to her "boyfriend" is vomit inducing in its inacurracy. She is delusional and all he is thinking is how far up her leg he can get his meaty paw without her noticing. Just eww.

I too thought that maybe Bethanny overthought the whole ex-boyfriend story, but when Methy brought it up as "ok you want to talk ancient history"...well then we know they both know the truth and one only of them is making it up as she goes along...beeyach. KelMethy is afraid of being outed as what she is - a classless, fallin' off her horse, linebacker lookin', boyfriend beatin', no bra-wearin', ex-wife of a fashion photographer, hasbeen model with the maturity level of a 10 year old. Her resume speaks volumes and Bethanny rocks for sitting back and letting it do it for her.

FANTASTIC recap - loves them as much as I loves this show. xoxoxox

Oh...and Mario is an asshole.

J-Mo: I would so love to be a fly on the wall when you and your boyfriend are watching these shows; the shoutouts must be hysterical. I'm really curious to see if Bravo actually renews Kelly's contract, or follows in VH1's footsteps and starts a Charm School for cast off housewives?

UglyCutie: I'm still trying to decide if Kelly is high or just seriously f-ed up. That episode was so bizarre...I just feel really, really bad for her kids.

TVannie: You are such a riot. The Big Love in NYC idea is priceless.

PottyMouth: The weirdest thing for me was reading Leather's blog. It really sounded like she just doesn't see how bizarre her behavior was. Or maybe she's in mortification induced denial?

LAjane: I agree with you, there's an element to Leather's "issues" that is definitely more disturbing than entertaining. But I'm really glad you didn't turn off the TV. Knowing you guys are out there watching too makes all this so much more fun : )

Shantigal: It does seem like Mario is trying to get more airtime. Maybe, since his business isn't thriving, he needs to drum up business as a tennis pro. I for one think that going ballistic on people is a great way to get clients. I wonder if we're going to have a sequel knockdown dragout between Lady B and Leather? It would almost be too good to be true. Of course, there's always the reunion and their blogs sound like they still pretty much hate each other.

xqzmoi: I heard the "jealous comment" from Kelly and I replayed it a couple of times. I thought Kelly prefaced it with a statement that Bethenny had no reason to be jealous of Kelly and then followed with the comparison of Kelly having no reason to be jealous of Ramona. Sigh!! My husband and son absolutely refuse to watch this show with me, so please fly out here. I would love to have someone to bounce these things off of : )

LastCall: You are too funny : ) I'm feeling a little bad for the Countess as well, but I'm sure she'll come up with something to help me out with that...

FloOky: I was thinking about the foot odor issue when I was watching. Seriously, hot, humid, feet, rubber--doesn't that sound sexy. Poor Maxi.

chask70: Thank you so much for the research. Wow, the skin on those people is seriously abused. I'm thinking that they need to forget the tanning and just roll in a vat of orange tempura.

tillee: I can't tell you how much I appreciate your forwarding my recaps, that is really nice : ) I think junior high is probably the correct developmental stage for the behavior on this episode. Definitely sad.

iggy: That's an interesting point. If I had to choose between being married to Simon or Mario and suicide wasn't an option, I'd go with Simon. He doesn't drool over other woman; and he doesn't show any sign of having an explosive temper. Of course, there's always the problem of drooling over other men, but what can you do? No relationship is perfect.

Realitee: I think your right, Kelly probably did practice her shpiel before hand, but what adult still does that stuff? Again I'm with you, if she wasn't on something she definitely needs some inpatient care and if she was on something she needs rehab, especially with the recent episode of hitting her "boyfriend". The woman's definitely NOT all there.

Thanks so much for hanging in there and taking the time to post. I hope JZ and her tennis partner totally kick Mario's and Ramona's combined tuchus.

Hugs,
Yenta

Have to agree that knowing you all are out there watching makes this show even more fun....that, and the vodka and junk food.

I think that Bravo must have told the HWs to kick up the drama - and whoa baby did they ever....

The Kelly/Bethenny title match has been covered quite nicely by all here. Just want to say that judging by the look on Bethenny's face while Kelly was incoherently ranting-Kelly may find the head of the horse in her living room in her bed soon. Just sayin... But I knew Bethenny would come out the victor - and agree with others who mention that her calmness just fueled the meth head.

Also agree that Mario was over the top - at this point I would tell him to shove his racket and match. Note to J-Mo - I think JZ played with the Countless last season.

And I don't often agree with Silex (make that never) but I did see Simon's point that if you are complaining about Alex's nude photos based on religious/moral grounds, perhaps you should look closely at your own behavior. Although the Alex photos were scary shit.

I am grateful the stars aligned this week to provide so much wackiness. Yenta, you really have a knack for covering this stuff and making it extra entertaining - your comment about Kelly time/land/standards just summed it up perfectly. Hugs!

BEST. EPISODE. EVER!

To give Leather her due she did say that she didn't see why Bethenny would be jealous of her. But that is the only due she gets. I rewatched the first couple of episodes when she seemed to be meh and saw that the weird aggressiveness was indeed always lurking. She is a scary mixture of crazy and just plain dumb. Like Mike Tyson, whose shoulders she has. Also, she is bow-legged.