Yenta!!!

Your recaps give me something to look forward to every week:)

The countess makes me LMAO......when she screeched into the phone ordering pizza..."ITS COUNTESS!!!!" I rolled my eyes so hard the earth moved. All i could think was here is some poor kid makin extra cash and he has to deal with her stuckupness.......Would you like pepperoni with that countess???

I mean for petes sake her husband paid for the title and she has the worst etiquette i have ever seen and yet she thinks she can write a book about it?!?! Ant there is a HUGE difference between being noble and acting NOBLE she is a trip!

anyways great as always keep up the awesome work!

Is any one else kinda worried about Bethenny? She is really tiny and her chipmunk cheeks are a telltale sign of bulimia.

I'm on my way! But, um, could we meet in St. Barts this July instead? I hear it's cheap and maybe we'll get lucky and share a sex on the beach with Silex.
By the way, I make a killer martini and toffee caramel cheesecake. I think we have a date, no?

Thanks for cracking me up yet again. God, you're good.

So, about the Cuntess...too easy huh? I found it interesting that she said someone stole her blackberry right out of her purse. What, it's not possible that she misplaced it or left it behind after many glasses of champagne? She really is a trip.

And bubbe Gloria was precious. FYI, the Catholics do a great job of laying on the guilt as well. You're right, sometimes it works.
Love your recaps Yenta. Hope it warms up for you soon.

Thank the lord Simon brought his extra bathing suit. That's fine if you are on the beach in St. Barths but Jersey Shore or New York?? You'd be the victim of pointing, staring and laughing (at least from me anyway :)

I wouldn't be so free about telling everyone I'm a Countess, if I were Lulu. Someone might think she is REALLY a Countess and get ideas. I'm sure REAL countesses are more security-conscious.

Anyway, at least this show seems to have SOME likable people on it. The only really offensive one is the Countess. Alex is just funny, and the others so far seem likable.

Thank God after OC! I had trouble finding anyway remotely likable on that trainwreck. (Lynne was the only one who seemed vaguely human.)

Dear Yenta,

Your recaps are smooth as silk and funny. You captured Ramone crazy eyes perfectly. And as for Simon in those red pants, can I just say I feel sorry for the leather?

It's amazing to me that Alex and Simon continue to remain completely clueless about how others view their social climbing efforts. Is there anything funnier than these two spending money they don't have on ugly and last season clothes? I don't think so.

And about their book, why would anyone take childrearing advice from Alex or Simon? Little Frankie and Johnny are ill-mannered and that's their best asset.

Yenta you make any nightmarish train wreck even this one, palatable.

Bless you.

Love and luck,

TVannie

One of my mother's bugaboo's was when someone called themselves Mr. or Mrs. That is a title not a name. One's name is LuAnn, not Mrs. DeLesseps. Mrs. (or Countess) DeLesseps is what people address one as. I doubt that will make the pages of her etiquette book.

Although she seems preoccupied with all the fabulous men she knows and beauty, there's one thing I must say about Kelly. She knows she's privileged and she is appreciative of it. She probably got some from her ex-husband, but I get the feeling she earned quite a bit of it. LuAnn's, OTOH, is entirely sucked from her husband. Her credo is that she's never apologized for being privileged.

Oh Yenta, I adore you! Fabulous recap, as always!

I like these housewives much better than the skanks we just left. Oh wait, I'm sorry, "sexy ladies" we just left. But I'm a New York gal (in my heart if not location), so I guess I'm a little biased.

While I can appreciate that Simon brought a more modest swimsuit to the beach, I must ask, why did he not WEAR it there? Why must we still be subjected to the SPEEDO?!?! Yuch.

I loved how Gloria was with Bethenny, when she told her she's adopting her as a daughter and she will help her, but she has to help herself too. I thought that was so sweet.

Can't wait for tonight's episode!!

SWAK, PottyMouth

Dear Simon,
We commoners do not eschew your Speedo because we are prudes. I like a nice package as much as the next girl, I just don't really want to see the exact outline of *yours.* Keep it under wraps. Thanks.

And what was up with the random shots of body parts in this episode? Aside from Alex's USO bathing suit crotch shot, there were like three other completely unnecessary shots of various half-naked body parts, just thrown in for good measure.

Yenta you are brilliant.

When we had the beach scene with Silex, all they did was complain about the sand and the water and the waves. If they really hate the Hamptons SOOO much why don't they just stay home in Brooklyn! Also, who wears a black shirt, shorts, shoes and SOCKS to the beach. It made Alex look even paler than a vampire!

Yenta,
I do agree that it seems like Kelly does not "fit" with the others. Perhaps as her storyline develops a bit she will be more a part of the group, but right now I yawn through her screen time.

The Countess ordering pizza - OMG hilarious. And the way SHE was talking through the speeches - AFTER she made everyone shut up to hear her get her award. Gloria was very sweet and honest with Bethanny - you can see where Jill gets her demeanor from.

Thanks for the giggles Yenta!

Me thinks that the producers over at Bravo like the people of New York more than the rest of the country. That is the only way to explain how these New York housewives are being filmed in a some what positive light. Either not much happens in their lives or we aren't seeing it all.

But Yanksfan: I was thinking the same thing. What are way to ruin a day at the beach with all that bitching and whining. I forgot Silex you are just so fabulous for and the rest of us are just commoners for liking the Atlantic Ocean.

Plus I encourage everyone to check out the Countess's website about manners. In her first blog she tackles all those rude and thoughtless people who talk too loudly on their cell phones. Oh it is so bad, its good.

Yenta: A) hope you find a house and B) I am sorry to hear about your I-Phone. I only have an I-Touch, but I would be completely lost without it. God speed little toaster. God speed.

Lloyd dobbler: I so love early John Cusack. Also, "Would you like pepperoni with that countess???" LMAO!! Thanks for the giggles

MiMeMine: Bethenny does seem a little thin this season, but I don't see the chipmunk cheeks...I think she just has kind of a square jaw that give her a wide face.

Twunty McSlore: St. Barts in July is totally way to go. After all, it's so ostentatious to go when it's in season. Love Love Love cheesecake.

Shantigal: I bet you're right. The wretched woman was probably hammered on her champagne and forgot the darn thing. It's forty degrees out today!! With sun!! My dog and I are sneaking out for a walk as soon as I post this!!

Tillee: Thanks for the glorious image of Simon and his speedo hanging out on the Jersey Shore. You made my day!!

Pixielated: You know, I never thought about the security issue. Hmmm, I'll have to find away to work that in somehow...

AnneM: I love that picture of Simon in the red pants. He looks like he was born to wear them. And you're right, I feel bad for the leather, as well!! Heart!

2MuchBravo: I agree, it is nice to see Kelly being appreciative of what she has. I'm still trying to come up with background info on her, but I confess I haven't had much chance to do any serious googling.

Pottymouth: Twunty and I are both ex New Yorkers as well. Wouldn't it be a riot if we all found out that we all partied for St. Patty's day at McSorely's in 1989

LAJane: The body part shots were bothering me as well. Either we have a lusty cameraman, or our editors are desperately trying to sex things up.

Galoon: Thanks for the nice post. I struggled quite a bit with this recap. While I enjoy the NYC women more than the OC woman, there just isn't as much material to work with, so I have to work harder. I really appreciate all the kind words.

Yanksfan24: I didn't "get" Alex's beach outfit either. It reminded me of my college super cool punk days, when we wouldn't be caught dead in anything other than black.

Njgasmifan: I think Kelly's storyline must eventually integrate. I remember seeing a preview of her getting into with Bethenny. Hopefully, they don't destroy each other.

Areyoucliff: Thank you so much for mentioning the Countess' website!! What a hoot! We've offered on a house, but we're still waiting to hear back...But I did get my Iphone fixed today. Sheesh, I can't believe I'm this attached to a tiny little piece of technology. It's embarrassing how upset I've been. Thanks for asking : )

Thanks so much too everybody for taking the time to read and post your thoughts.

Hugs,
Yenta

I may be a couple years late in asking this question, so please forgive me. Wasn't Bethenny one of the finalists on Martha Stewart's Apprentice show?

"From Luann deLesseps — The Countess is widely recognized as today’s manners & etiquette expert and the star of Housewives of New York on Bravo."

LOL! "Widely recognized as today's...expert and THE star..."

If she were even remotely likable her delusions might be endearing.

Yenta! You just brought back some memories for me!! I can say that I was never at McSorely's for St. Paddy's - I never go out that day or New Year's - too many amateurs!! But I still spent way too much time there.

What about Bowlmor Lanes? :)

Old Town was also on the regular list. It's always so much fun to have to go all the way upstairs to pee!!

Thanks for the big smile and trip down memory lane this afternoon!!

SWAK, PottyMouth

I loved the Jewish mom stuff, Yenta. I want one! I need Gloria to be my mom!

Bethenny reminds me of somebody. I was thinking it was Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, but that's not quite it. If it comes to me, I'll let you know.

Anyone notice that The Countess mentioned that she was a NURSE? So she actually has got her hands dirty in life. How did she meet The Count anyway? Was he her patient? I'm so sick of her pretenious ways while pretending she is following orders.

Someone posted that the Count bought his title? Where did you hear that? Also, where is the Countess from? (Or, to phrase it more appropriately "From whence haileth the Countess?") She sounds local, but mama Countess sounds like she's newly arrived from a distant shore. I wonder if her first sight was the Statue of Liberty? That would be fitting, wouldn't it?

It's from a Huffington Post article last year:

"LuAnn is married to some dude whose family bought a royal title back in the day, and because of this she insists, without a hint of irony or self-deprecation, on referring to her husband simply as "the Count," not Fred or Willard or Enrique or whatever his name is."

She has no reason to be so insecure, and yet she is comically so. I think it's funny. I can't wait for a future episode where she drinks too much champaign, blows a fart in the hot tub, and blames it on Aston. God please make it happen.

Scottywrangler - your eyes do not deceive you, Bethenny WAS a finalist on Martha Stewart's Apprentice!

Wincha, I remember hearing something last year about her working as a nurse - before becoming a Countess, of course.

I was just at her website -OMG it's a trip...

"LuAnn is married to some dude whose family bought a royal title back in the day"

Most titles are bought one way or another, especially the lower level ones like count and earl. When was "the day"--1950 or 1350? lol

Was Bethenny the obnoxious one on Martha Stewart's Apprentice? The one who came in 2nd? I remember hating her (whoever it was) but I don't really remember why.

Mario could FOR SURE star in a movie about Ted Bundy. He wouldn't even have to act.