Dear Gasmi,
This is it!! The final part of the final episode! And it's time to party...
Just remember, mornings after can be a real bitch...
We rejoin the women for part 2 of the hormonal bitchfest reunion with Miss Thang looking a little worse for wear.
Miss Thang's not wasting any time on small talk, he wants to get through his stack of cue cards and out the door. He starts right in by telling Leather that whenever she appeared this season she was surrounded by hot guys and drama, which is pretty charitable since he could have said 'paid escorts' and 'delusion' and it would have been equally true. We get the inevitable flashback of Bethenny pointing out that Leather is part of the fabulosity crowd. Personally, I'm guessing that she's on her way to being part of the Bellevue crowd, as well. The woman can't utter a complete sentence without contradicting herself. It's like she's divided into two opposing personalities that hate each other; kind of like her breasts. As far as I can tell, one of her personalities is a gold-digging famewhore:
And the other is a retiring farmgirl.
Miss Thang reads off a question from some woman named Sienna who asks what it meant when Leather said that she joined the cast to show a new kind of housewife. Seriously, you have to wonder how Leather functions in day-to-day life without anybody to translate for her. Big Bertha takes a stab at answering the question and talks about she likes to entertain herself by doing cartwheels around the farm and how she drives a Dodge Ram and spends 80% of her time with her children. Liza tells her to STFU she's more interested in kissing the hausenfrau's collective tuchus. She goes around the room and says the first nice thing that pops into her head about each of the women, ending with JZ who's her favorite because she has the most money.
The hausenfrau are not impressed by the compliments or the Dodge Ram. After all, Bertha/Liza/Leather's lifestyle isn't really that different from theirs. Big Bertha might drive a Dodge Ram, but Liza insists on living in a $15 million house in the Hamptons and one of the most expensive condos in NYC.
Apparently, the hausenfrau never got the memo on Leather's multiple personality disorder. Lulu's all insulted because she thinks that Big Bertha's whole farm shtick is just a way of separating herself from the hausenfrau like she's better than them. Miss Thang asks Leather directly if she's trying to separate herself from the other housewives. She twitches and mutters incoherently, while Big Bertha and Liza have a little slapfest with Liza trying to deny the accusation, and Big Bertha screaming that hell yeah, she's better than those hos.
Miss Thang is looking a little nervous. You can't really blame him. Crazy Eyes has temporarily drunk herself into a happy place, but it's not going to be good for anyone if Leather is driven into a full blown psychotic break. He takes a deep breath and bravely continues with another question. "You say that you don't like to lend your name because you're a prviate person. So why would you do a reality show?"
Leather does surprisingly well. She sounds a little incoherent, but that's only to be expected with Liza trying to explain how she wanted to do something new and exciting, but she'd never actually seen the show before because Big Bertha always insisted on watching reruns of the Waltons on cable.
Uh Oh, Lulu has a bone to pick, and she's not letting it go. It turns out that Leather's been avoiding Lulu at parties. And by avoiding she means turning her back and exiting stage left. Personally, I have some sympathy for this. I could see how the Countess might be a little overwhelming/exhausting to deal with in all of her "graciousness", especially after a bottle or two of champagne. Seriously, who wants to deal with a 6 foot woman who's drunkenly weaving around trying to seduce random people, and insisting that everybody curtsy. According to Lulu, one of Leather's friends told her that Leather was just soooo jealous of her, but I'm taking this with a grain of salt. I probably would have said the same thing just to get rid of her.
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Comments (17)
Thank you so much for the Hard Work you put into the recaps this season, especially this week.
It was a train wreck of a reunion show....
I kept waiting for Kelly to redeem herself, you know we cant all be articulate, coherant, mentally on top of our game all the time......but she didnt pull it off once in 13 episodes! Love the voices in her head explanations! Perfect.
Ramona is a danger to society..who gets back at people for hiding the fact that your family life/marriage is falling apart! WHO DOES THAT???
Thanks again, I could go on and on but will stop.
1 of 17 | Posted by LACar | Posted on May 19, 2009 2:56 PM
Holy Shit Yenta!! I can't believe you got through THREE fucking recaps in one week!!! I think I might have killed myself.
Incredible job, as always. I too loved the warring Leather personalities - it's the only explanation that makes her vaguely sympathetic. And I also hope she doesn't come back. One complete nutjob is more than enough.
Love you and your recaps madly! I'll be watching Married to the Mob tonight and anxiously awaiting your take on it!
SWAK, PottyMouth
2 of 17 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on May 19, 2009 3:21 PM
Well done, dear Yenta, well done. As my co-commenters pointed out, the recapping of Leather as three seperate personalities actually made sense. One could easily follow her statements much more so than watching the show live.
Surely your blood pressure has gone down a few points now that this is over.
Thanks for such a great season and I hope you have best summer of your life.
shanti
3 of 17 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on May 19, 2009 5:04 PM
Oh, and YUCK. Did you have to post that pic of Simon above the fold on page one?
Now that was classy.
shanti
4 of 17 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on May 19, 2009 5:06 PM
@shanti: don't you mean day-class-ay? :D
5 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on May 19, 2009 5:20 PM
Ummmm...surely Yenta, you meant Kelly Killoren Bensimon!
LMFAO!
6 of 17 | Posted by xeladc | Posted on May 19, 2009 5:23 PM
Dearest Yenta,
Three recaps in one week AND they are all gems. Recappers Hall of Fame is in the bag for you my love.
I have to admit, I really thought Ramona was mean by bringing up Lulu's divorce. Of course we all knew about it, but no one throws that up in somebodies face because they want to get back at them.
Unless of course, Ramona was trying to be as big of a jerk as her husband. After all, Mario is getting way more attention now that he's even creepier than his crazy-eyed wife. Ahhhh, the perils of stardom, the costs are high.
Love and luck darling Yenta,
TVannie
7 of 17 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on May 19, 2009 6:28 PM
Hey there,
Great recap as always! Thanks for working so hard this week. I've only watched one episode of RHONJ, but I'm loving it already. And the previews they showed for the season! Kidnapping? Columbian drug cartels? It looks like they found a real nutjob for that show.
Speaking of nutjobs, I totally agree with you about KKB. She's too crazy to watch and I don't think I'll be watching if she's on again. Ramona is crazy but good TV; Kelly is just crazy in a scary way. I think she needs help too. What was with her when she suddenly started complaining she was bored?? Get a grip honey. I was impressed with Alex on the reunion at how she kept her mouth shut when she wasn't asked a question. She showed some maturity unlike the rest.
I guess it's off to NJ!
8 of 17 | Posted by LindaLC | Posted on May 19, 2009 6:37 PM
I think the difference between Ramona and Kelly is that Ramona has some self-awareness: she knows that she's nuts.
Yeah, it was mean of her to bring up Lulu's divorce, but all of these ladies have had their mean moments. Maybe not Alex, but the others surely have.
9 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 19, 2009 10:15 PM
The way I see it Ramona just doesn't have a filter between her brain and her mouth. See thinks it, she says it. Like a small child. Almost like some sort of tourettes.
Kelly is just a sociopath and a compulsive liar. She'll try to be what she thinks people want her to be (like a kiss-ass) and even when faced with proof of something, she'll keep denying it. Like when footage of her "throwdown" with Lady B was played she just would not cop to it. And when she lied about telling the other HW that she was going to be late to her Halloween party...I mean...wake up, they were RIGHT THERE next to her. Of couse they were going to call her on it. But she still kept lying.
Exhausting.
10 of 17 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on May 19, 2009 10:36 PM
Congrats on completing your triathlon of recaps, Yenta! You didn't just finish the season...you did it with style. This probably makes me a horrible person, but I LOVED every moment of the reunion. If they ever release the entire seven hours of footage in a Boxed Set Collector's Edition, I'll be the first in line to buy it.
I agree that Kelly (along with Liza and Bertha) needs to go. I've endured enough of her already. Kelly, Stopppp, Stoppp! As for:
"It's like she's divided into two opposing personalities that hate each other; kind of like her breasts."
LOLOLOLOL, and truer words were never spoken (or in this case written).
There was one point in the show where EVERYONE was pretty much loudly babbling at each other when Ramona suddenly let out the most psychotic cackle I ever heard. That audible din of anger and psychoses immediately took me back to Geraldo Rivera's long-ago visit to Willowbrook Mental Hopsital. In my mind the only thing missing was Willowbrook's overwhelming urine smell, which Geraldo described so grapically. But for all I know, that same smell may have been present at the reunion show taping too too. It was, after all, seven hours long, and our ladies do like to get their drink on.
Thanks for all your hard work and for giving us such lovely closure on these NYC wives, Yenta. I just had to edit myself there because I inadvertently typed "Yentyl." Sorry about that. Anyhow, you rock!
And I'd also like to thank our host and programmer, Lil Andy Cohen, for the smooth, painless, segue into the barrens of New Jersey. Ms. Cohen, I might now consider forgiving you for your checkered past of innappropriately unbuttoned shirts. I'm already loving the NJ girls and the way they keep saying they're a "typical Italian family." Plus, one of my best frends lived in Franklin Lakes, so it's fun to see that place exposed in this weird way. Yay!
Frankenstein was wrong. Life IS good!
11 of 17 | Posted by LastCall | Posted on May 20, 2009 1:13 AM
I have to give Andy Tinkerbell credit for being bitchy enough to ask the nasty questions, but the poor little guy just wasn't strong enough moderate this panel of she devils.
Why couldn't they have gotten Seigfried and/or Roy to host this thing? Can you not see them with whips and chairs, forcing the housenfrau back onto their little tiger stools with nothing but a whip crack and the sheer force of their diamond-studded fabulosity?
"Back, Lulu! Back!!" [crack!]
"Focus, Kelly! Words! Use your words!!! [crack!]
"No BITING! No! No![crack!]
12 of 17 | Posted by NotWithoutMyTV | Posted on May 20, 2009 7:55 AM
Another great season. I agree with the comments you made last week about Andy Cohen. He didn't look too good. He needs to lose some weight and get a hair cut. He seemed to lose control of things a couple of times too. I'd love to see someone else host these reunions. Andy is a little too dull for my taste.
13 of 17 | Posted by cate | Posted on May 20, 2009 9:35 AM
Yenta, you should get a medal for making it through this past week. Seriously.
14 of 17 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on May 20, 2009 11:18 AM
Yenta! You filthy, witty, brilliant, minx, you! What a fabulous end to a crack-tastic season! I have been a long time reader, and decided now would be an appropriate time to join the forum---to give praise to the goddess Yenta!
Absolute favorite part of the evening--when Ramona attempted to high five Bethanny regarding Crazy Leather, and B remarks "I don't high five delusion!" PRICELESS!
I'll be the first to make you that Recapper of the Year plaque, Yenta! Keep up the famazing work xoxo!
15 of 17 | Posted by ZacKMorrisPhone | Posted on May 20, 2009 12:07 PM
INCREDIBLE! This was a fantastic recap! You really outdid yourself this week Yenta, as you well know! Thanks for your humor and sacrifice! I LOVED the split personalities of Leather! GENIUS! I kept laughing out loud!
And I agree with the last commenter about the high five that wasn't to be between Ramona and Bethenney. High-larious! Bethenney is just too funny!
I liked Part 2 of the reunion show better than Part 1 though. And like another commenter said, I'd love to see all 7 hours. I'm sure there are some goodies that are laying somewhere on a cutting room floor. How do you guys think Perez Hilton would have been as a moderator? I saw the Bad Girls Club reunion and he did a fairly good job of corraling the crazies on there.....Different channel, but still...
16 of 17 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on May 21, 2009 11:26 AM
Oh Yenta - we laughed, we cried, it was better than Cats...
Flippit needs to give you a raise for all your hard work this week! Even with 3 recaps, you did not shortchange us with your witty observations. You must have scrolled through the show frame by frame to find the most unflattering shots of Leather - LOVED IT!
I'm on the Kelly-is-bat-shit-crazy bus. Vicki and Ramona both are at least somewhat entertaining with their multiple personalities and delusions. Leather is not - and I'm with you, please don't bring her back next season.
Alex was almost non-existent this epi. Agree that Part 2 was better than Part 1, and I throughly enjoyed Miss Thang trying to regain control of the room - it was like herding cats. I was surprised we had no HouseHusbands show up - I really believe that Ramona and Serial Killer were jealous of the time and attention that Silex got last season, and that was why Mario was more "involved" this season. But I guess after 7 hours they did not have time to bring on the boyz.
Anywhoo - Mwah! Big hugs and air kisses for the great job this season. We'll enjoy crossing the river to NJ with you!!!
xoxoxo
17 of 17 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on May 22, 2009 1:12 PM