It's kind of too bad that Crazy Eyes can't resist ruining the moment by pointing out that her friends build you up unlike JZ who tears you down. OMFG, if Crazy Eyes brings up that damn tennis match I'm going to throw my entire slice of cheesecake at the TV and that would just be a waste. Not to mention that my dogs are getting fat from all of the scraps. Lady B comes to JZ's defense stressing that JZ is all about supporting her. Sadly, she's no match for Crazy Eyes' deep psychological analysis of their relationship. Crazy Eyes explains that JZ's interest in Lady B stems from Bethenny being the underdog and needing help. Personally, I'm thinking that Crazy Eyes' time in therapy would be a lot more useful if she spent it analyzing herself. Lady B is looking around for a knife or any other sharp implement, but before she can find anything one of Crazy Eyes' friends jumps in to defuse the situation. Not that it would have come to much. I'm pretty sure that successfully living with a serial killer means carefully hiding anything sharp. You know, just to avoid any unfortunate mistakes. Right on cue, Mario wanders in and slathers on some of the sample cream, while maintaining just enough condescending humor to keep himself from being compared to Simon. It's really too bad that Mario has to take this attitude. If he could just get over himself, I bet he and Simon could be having a gay old time getting manis and pedis, and shopping for the latest in tennis fashion.
Not to be outdone by the Countess' meeting with her publisher, Bethenny is having a photo shoot for her own book cover. It's pretty much a non-event, except for two developments.

Best husband ever, Bobby, has gotten the most spoiled wife ever, JZ, a surprise. Just what she wanted; a black Mercedes SUV. Of course, this doesn't mean that Bobby's getting out of getting JZ a birthday present, because enough is never enough, and that commandment about greed only counts on Yom Kippur. I can't even tell you how badly I'm squirming when JZ kvetches that the car doesn't work with her Iphone and Bobby immediately offers to get her a different car. Oy Vey iz mir!! This is just wrong on so many levels I can't even deal with it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually relieved to see Silex. At this point, they're the only two not actively trying to sell me anything, or making me squirm with over the top, completely socially unaware, greed. It's Alex's birthday and that means a good old Simon surprise. Last year there was the yacht cocktail party where Bethenny got embarrassingly drunk. This year all Alex knows is that she needs to be dressed up to go out after work. Hmmm, with these two that's a little vague, but I can only guess that she'll be wearing an outfit that's easy to move around in. After all, whatever party they're going to crash might very well involve scaling walls and sneaking through windows.
Alex takes a car to fifth Avenue where Simon is waiting with a giant bouquet of flowers and I have to say that it's kind of sweet. He escorts his wife to Ray Griffith's jewelry design studio where they spend a pleasant little interlude drinking champagne and selecting her emerald drop earrings. But the night's not over!! They still have people to see and secret destinations to arrive at, except that somebody seriously F's up the surprise. Clever, clever Simon had designed a detour route to confuse his wife into thinking that their eventual destination was somewhere other than their house. Sadly, the driver skipped the detour and went straight home, which in Simon's mind totally ruined his surprise. I don't blame the guy for being upset. I hate it when events that I've planned go awry. But I'm not sure Simon has the manly explosion thing down. Sure he uses the word "fuck" a lot, but he kind of whines it between sniffles and you just know he wants to bury his head in Alex's shoulder and cry.

Ruined or not, seeing the Van Kempen family huddled together in their little space with their party hats and cupcakes was definitely my favorite part of this episode.

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Comments (17)
Dear Yenta,
We all have those weeks and you are a dear to work so hard to get through this mess of a reality show. I never thought I'd miss crackhead Vicki and her plastic boobed friends, but I do. Her sales job isn't nearly as annoying as the NYC ladies.
I never thought Jill would go over to the dark side of wealth and buy the ostentatious purse and the Mercedes SUV. Seriously isn't the craptastic condo re-do enough?
I thought Jill's condo looked like a nice hotel before. Now I think it looks like the waiting room in an uber-trendy restaurant where they only serve raw food. Everyone pretends they like it, but they all stop at McD's on the way home for a real meal.
I don't know about you, but I don't think Ramona's skin looks a whole lot better than yours or mine and I wash mine with soap. Jill's SUV would be a bitch to park especially in the parking challenged NYC. Bethenny's treats probably taste like sawdust, Lulu's getting a divorce and Alex's has to sleep in a closet, with Simon!!
The lives our housewives live make our little lives look pretty good. In the big picture all of that stuff they have doesn't really matter, it's just stuff.
True friends and family, that's what really counts and I know you have both. We're the lucky one's Yenta, not these "spendy people".
Smile kid, it's a great life.
Love and luck,
TVannie
1 of 17 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on April 17, 2009 4:39 PM
Yenta;
I've been reading your posts for months now, I finally had to post and tell you how much laughter you bring to my life. I find myself looking forward to your Housewives and 90210 posts. Sometimes I even wait to watch the Tivo'd 90210 after your recap. You are hilarious and keep up the good work, I knew I had to write a note you when I watched the last couple Housewives of New York and thought "I can't wait to read what Yenta has to say about this"
Keep up the drinkin, cheesecake eatin, good work!
Thanks for all the laughs!
Jess
2 of 17 | Posted by ~Jess~ | Posted on April 17, 2009 5:38 PM
I was really disappointed with Jill in this episode. I've been on Team Jill since the beginning. Seeing her vain and selfish side was very disappointing!
1) She said Brad deserved all the credit for her apartment being redone, yet when they asked her, she said no to having him in the pictures???
2) Seeing her flip out over the car not being compatible with her Ipod was ridiculous!! What happened to gratitude! It was a surprise! He didn't have to buy it at all!
I was also shocked that buying a $16,000 purse was, her way of what exactly? Spending less because of the economy? Who is she helping? Aren't we supposed to be stimulating the economy? Apparently, she and her friends are the only ones who can!
That dang chihuahua dog got on my nerves. If I went into a store where a dog was running around, I'd leave.
Last thing, Alex looked super uncomfortable when Simon was going on his rant about his surprise being ruined. She never said a single word the whole time. She didn't try to calm him down or anything. She just looked pained and like she didn't like it.
Boring show overall and Bethenney's baked goods sounded terrible. I hadn't even realized all the product hawking in this episode until you summed it up Yenta. Way to notice the theme!
3 of 17 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on April 17, 2009 6:10 PM
Silex have a sweetness about them at times. I wish they weren't such social climbers, because they are likable in other respects. For instance, they have jobs like regular people do.
Bethenny is truly turning into a "meany girl." I'm not sure what is wrong with A-Rod: he could do so much better. Do guys get so rich at some point that they forget what a pretty woman looks like? Do they PREFER botox, boob jobs, hair extensions,fake tans, etc.?
(I'll give it to her: the Countess still looks pretty good.)
4 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on April 17, 2009 8:33 PM
"Turn her on her head, stuff her full of roses and set her in the sun. Now that would be an accessory for one of Brad's designs."
Oops!
I woke up DH with my laughing. It's 5:40am here and I need to be quiet or the kids will be in here fussing too.
5 of 17 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on April 18, 2009 2:43 AM
Silex have been growing on me since the beginning of this season. I feel bad for them and I think that people like Ramona, the DisCountess and Leather and, uh, sad to say, it looks like Bethanny and JZ are just as status-obsessed. But Silex always stick together. They actually talk and look like friends.
Even after the gay jokes, a lot of wives probably wish they were as good a friends with their husbands as Alex is with Simon.
The DisCountess lost her manly Count even with all her money and all her man-snagging/keeping secrets.
6 of 17 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on April 18, 2009 5:05 PM
Yenta-
I have never posted before & I've enjoyed this site for over a year now. It sounds like you had a bad week which is something I understand so I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know how much I LOVE your recaps. They are the highlight of watching the show & I find when I'm watching I'm thinking of what you will say. Just wanted you to know someone appreciates your work :)
7 of 17 | Posted by ohionancy | Posted on April 18, 2009 9:42 PM
I just wanted to let you know that your recaps are the highlight of my week. You manage to put a smile on my face, and get a laugh out of me when I sometimes feel the exact opposite way. Oh, and did you hear about Gretchen's latest controversy? Pictures of her on the potty. She's trying to get them taken down. I hope this week turns out better for you.
8 of 17 | Posted by sheiney | Posted on April 19, 2009 10:29 AM
AnneM: You are so right. Even with the not so great weeks, I wouldn't trade my life for any of these womens'. I love the comment about stopping at McD's on the way home. LOL. They haven't showed their bedrooms, so I hope Jill kept them liveable. It would be a nightmare to not only have to live, but also have to sleep, in a design magazine set. Heart.
Jess: Thank you so much for commenting and your kind words. However, I have to point out that I don't recap 90210. That show is recapped by the one and only, awesomely funny Mones.
thatswhatshesaid: I know exactly how you feel about Jill this episode. $16,000 is down payment for some people!! To spend it on a purse was just shocking to me. I really hope this show reclaims some of it's original fun.
Pixielated: I wish Silex would just lighten up about themselves. If they could just see the humor in some of their stunts I could really get behind them as a very funny, campy couple.
Anonymous: I'm so glad I could give you a laugh, but please apologize to your husband for me.
Uglycutie: I wonder if Ramona and Mario's marriage isn't going to go the way of the Countess'. You're absolutely right about Silex' relationship at least appearing to be rock solid.
Ohionancy: Thank you so much for deciding to post some sweet. I really appreciate the nice thoughts.
Sheiney: Heart. You totally put a smile on my face as well. I actually managed to grab a copy of the Gretchen potty photos. Now I have to see if I can manage to work them into the recap. heh-heh.
9 of 17 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on April 19, 2009 10:55 AM
Oops, I hit submit instead of preview so I didn't get to proof that.
Ohionancy, that was supposed to read: Thank you so much for deciding to post something so sweet. I really appreciate the nice thoughts.
Massive hugs to everybody,
Yenta
10 of 17 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on April 19, 2009 10:59 AM
Yenta I bow down to you. I was totally not on board with the whole Mario is a serial killer thing until this season. I couldn't get why you thought it and I thought he was the best husband on there. I was soooooo wrong but you knew before the season even started. Your insight is awesome!
11 of 17 | Posted by Baxter | Posted on April 20, 2009 8:40 AM
Yenta Girl, you never disappoint! Sorry you had such a rotten week, I feel your pain. Thanks for still working to make us laugh.
Oh, where to start? Leatherface's Running of the Taxis made me think I had too much vodka and was hallucinating. WTF?
Add me to the list of those disappointed in JZ this week. I love her to death, but this week she came off as a spoiled brat. She is lucky to have someone like Bobby (who clearly adores her) and her comments were just out of line.
The Simon explosion was weird. Agree that Alex looked very pained and uncomfortable. When Simon began singing "Pop Goes the Weasel" (how appropriate) it was just scary. Maybe he is taking serial killer lessons from Mario the pro.
Thanks again Yenta - my fav line from you? The comparison of Ginger to the Monty Python rabbit - too funny!!
12 of 17 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on April 20, 2009 8:54 AM
I was so confused when Simon was getting mad in the limo. I read some of the bravo blogs and no one would come right out and say what the deal was...but I think it had something to do with the cameramen... Alex referred to someone as Mr. X and that he was causing all the problems and it wasn't the driver's fault. My theory is that Simon planned the detour, but the cameramen in a car that was in front of their limo messed it up, (maybe on purpose to get him mad) I don't know why Alex & Simon couldn't just come right out and say that in their blogs. It didn't even sound like that great of a surprise to me...wouldn't she figure it out after the detour anyway? by the way, Simon's blogs are way tooo long.
I cannot believe Kelly.. who runs in the MIDDLE of the street and I'm sorry but I cannot workout with my hair down and in my face. I noticed that when Jill played tennis, how can you play sports or workout with your hair down?!?! Why does kelly think she invented running?
13 of 17 | Posted by winks523 | Posted on April 20, 2009 10:02 AM
I could not believe Jill spent that much on a purse. My husband and I were watching this episode together and he was just amazed - not in a good way. We were talking later and I was teasing him about his favorite line "Don't spend any money, we don't have any money - don't spend any." We have money but he is a saver and every extra we get he puts right into savings. I think he would just die before he/we spent $16,000 on something so frivolous.
Who or what does Kelly think she is? I am begging her please, please come to Ohio and run down the middle of one of our busy roads so I can hit her. Then none of us would have to endure her any longer. I just did not get her running in the middle of the road like that - it was stupid.
14 of 17 | Posted by what | Posted on April 20, 2009 10:05 AM
and one more comment - the Van Kempen birthday party scene looked as if was taken in a bomb shelter - am I alone on this one?
15 of 17 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on April 20, 2009 1:41 PM
Hi Yenta, Thanks for a great recap on what was kind of a boring episode. I had to rewatch the Simon/Alex car scene twice to figure out what he was so upset about. Very strange. I think Alex was just mortified that the cameras were there. If not, she might have told him to shut it.
Where did you hear that Ramona is renting her Hamptons house? That would be one sweet rental!! I guess being an awesome tennis player/all around prick doesn't pay enough. I hope her skin care line takes off soon.
I was shocked by Jill's purse purchase too. What was it called? A "B" bag? And how is 16 grand for a birthday present not a big present?? No matter what it is. And her reaction to the car was awful! But remember what a pain in the a$$ her mother was about a rental car when she came to visit? The apple doesn't fall far and all that.
By far the funniest scene was Bethenny in the A&P! How hilarious was that? I"d love to try some of her stuff and see what it's like. I put my name in for her book at the library. Has anyone read it? And my favorite line of the recap was when you said to beware of little old ladies since there's a 70% chance that they might ruin your day!! Love it.
Big hugs - Linda
16 of 17 | Posted by LindaLC | Posted on April 20, 2009 1:54 PM
LindaLC -
"I guess being an awesome tennis player/all around prick doesn't pay enough."
That was my giggle for today, thank you. Great line!!!!
17 of 17 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on April 21, 2009 9:14 AM