Real Housewives of NYC: The Hamptons' School of Etiquette: Smile While You Stab Them.

Hi Gasmii,

This week us lowly people are treated to a short training film on the proper etiquette of dissing your acquaintances on national TV; Jill and Ramona finally face off; and prayers are sent out that the next time we tune in we will find ourselves back in Orange County where this show really belongs. Shouts out to Vicki, I miss your crazy ass. And now back to the not so Real Housewives of NYC.

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What? You Wanted a "Real" Housewife?

This week we start with Jill's life and as requested, Bobby has produced a private jet to fly Jill and Allison to the holistic detox center. So here's my question, when was the last time one of your parental units rented you a private plane for the day? Is Allison grateful? Excited? Even smiling a little? Nope, Allison is sulking that Bobby isn't showing extreme enthusiasm at the thought of taking her to Staples to shop for school supplies. I know this kid has arthritis and a weight problem and I feel bad for her. Really, I do, but at this moment I just want to smack her fat, pouty face. Girl, he just got you a private plane. Thank his fat ass. Just as a note for general background info, Bobby has three children from a previous marriage that are all adults now and opted not to be part of the show.

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What a bastard. He doesn't want to go to Staples with me.

Aside from worrying that her daughter has a hard heart to crack, or is just plain assed spoiled, Jill is worried that people will confuse "detox" with rehab, but assures us that as soon as she mentions "health" people get it. Honey, people don't care, they're just nodding hoping that you'll move on to a new subject.

Now, it seems like having your detox spa featured in a reality show segment would be great chance to exploit some free publicity. I mean show me those treatments that really make me want to be there. I'm talking jacuzzis, candles, massage, and yummy foods. Not these holistic fools, what do they feature?...Ear Coning. The nurse (?) takes what looks like a rolled up tube of paper, lights one end on fire and puts the other end in the girls ear, while blabbing something about the flame burning up the smoke its pulling out...LMAO. And suddenly, sitting on my beat-up sofa, sharing my Baileys with my dogs doesn't seem so bad.

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In your ear.

Meanwhile, Bobby is outside talking on his phone and Jill is complaining that he didn't tell her where he was going, he just disappeared. I repeat, he doled out at least $5,000 to hire you a private jet for the day. Get over it.

So, Allison is gone for eight days and we leave Jill hoping she'll come home a changed girl.

Missoni is about to give a fashion show at the Hamptons and Ramona is getting dressed to attend while her daughter and husband stage a mini clothes intervention. If Angela Missoni actually sees this episode she may start refusing to market her clothes in the US, that is, if she recovers from gouging her eyes out. For anyone that's interested, you can see Missoni's clothes at Missoni.com. Unlike Ramona, none of her models look like hookers that are too cheap to be hired by Elliot Spitzer's dial-a-prostitute service.

After being censored by her husband and her daughter Ramona tells us that, "Avery has a good fashion sense that she's developed, but compared to most children her age she's very conservative." Avery is clearly heading for a career as a psychoanalyst that specializes in trashy women's mid-life crises.

Another note for general knowledge: Ramona actually designed those big clunky crosses that she keeps wearing. They're being marketed as part of her husbands religious article business. Warms the heart, doesn't it?

Ramona Whore Dress
It just needs a cross.

Meanwhile, Jill is getting dressed for the same event in a knee length, elegant black dress. She has a good friend over, who is the first person of color on the show that is neither a servant nor a paid tennis pro. I guess my impression of the Hamptons was wrong; it really is a hotbed of diversity.

Real Housewives of NYC: The Hamptons' School of Etiquette: Smile While You Stab Them. Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

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Comments (10)

nflow:

I remember not so long ago, when we were all dissing the OC wives, just give the NY show a chance, some of us actually like it. The cattiness, and the fact that this people seem unaware of how reality tv works makes it refreshing to watch. The fact that they are openly dissing each other in a very small social world, means there are more fireworks to come. I have to agree with you the Countess, and Jill know how to give back handed comments, very impressive. my opinion of the women so far.

Jill-I actually like her and her husband, seem the most real, nice and comfortable with each other, have a more diverse group of friends, and quite frankly seem the richest on the show, even more than the countess. her daughter though is rude, show some appreciation for a step father who at least seems to be trying.

Countess-Cruella De ville, the self importance in this women, is so unappealing, and makes her ugly even if she is the most physically beautiful. She made it clear that Jill was on her level but not trashy Ramona.

Ramona-oy vey this woman needs to chill, she is trying tooooo hard, like the girl who now has some money and is trying to impress the popular girls, because countess cruella, pretends in her face, she thinks the countess likes her, and that Jill is the problem, when it is the other way round, and Jill was actually, beginning to warm up to her, her dressing choices, her shrill over the top attitude, even I wouldn't want to be seen with her

Alex-another poser, trying too hard, I don't see how this show helps their social climbing ambition, because the one thing real socialted detest is self admitting social climbers.

Bettany-comes of as desperate, gold diggerish, you know she keeps pointing out the guy his bald, to make it clear to him that he is below her level, but he has money, so she will compromise, like so many other new york women. she is definately not helping her marriage or business course.

I can't beleive I typed all that,but please if you sign up to recap a show, please don't be so negative, it turns readers off, whether they like or do not like the show in question. I for one prefer this ladies to the posers from OC, and their delusions of grandeur.

rosesarered:

Funny, Funny Recap!!

And I don't think you're too negative at all.
Half the fun of watching is complaining how bad it is!


qupert:

I just wanted to make a comment, because I've read this more than once about Bethanney talking about Jason's bald head, and for some reason people think she's ragging on him for it. She's saying that it's one of the things she LOVES about him. She loves bald men, and she found her "one" and he is also bald, which she loves.
Sorry, that has just been bothering me! :D

rjfrankel:

I, too, did not think this recap was too negative -- I appreciate a certain combination of snarkiness and affection. I do think the comparison to HS social politics is right on.

One thing you did miss: Bethany comparing Jill as 'black licorice' -- some people hate it, but she 'happens to love black licorice'. LOL.

I also agree: everyone keeps talking about Bobby (Jill's husbands) creepiness with the daughter, but I also see him as a mensch. They have a difficult relationship, he tries to the best of his ability but really only knows how to throw money at the problem. He seems like a workaholic, but basically a good guy trying to make sure these two women are happy.

cjennie1:

I liked the recap very much. I need to say that one of the things everyone seems to be missing about this young girl is if they don't lay off of her NOW, she's going to grow up to have the worst eating disorder in the world. If it's her arthritis that's the problem, then they should concentrate on that, not the weight. I don't know how long Bobby's been her stepfather; he seems like a decent guy, but if he's just come into the picture lately, that's a rough situation.

Also, I miss the OC ladies (Never thought I'd say that) because this is the most pretentious, catty, unfeeling group of women I've ever seen. At least in the OC they seem to have genunine love (or not) for each other, and make the effort to care.

Ah, rich people...

Oh, and you can afford BAILEY'S? :)

AnneM:

Now this is television at it's finest. Doesn't this make you proud to be a woman????

Ok, not proud.

I had my husband watch the part of this episode when Alex and her husband Speedoman finish shopping. As they leave the boutique (they probably never call it a store) he is carrying the bags and in his most sincere, leading-man voice he says

"Are you happy darling?"

And Alex, smiling puts her hand on his arm and looks back over her shoulder and says

" Do you even need to ask?"

That my friend is the worst acting job I've seen on TV ever. The plotline involving the dog on All My Children where the dog ran back across the US and read a wedding invitation to go and bust up a wedding between Janet-from-another-planet and the cop, was better acted by THE DOG.

I feel so sorry for their little kids. Names like Francois and Johann are the kind of names that kids get beat up on the playground for. I'm happy they want to give the children the best opportunities for education, but these 2 don't understand the least, little big about being an adult.

How can someone from Kansas be so screwed up??????

I looked up Alex

BRaps:

I haven't seen this show, but I had to comment on AnneM's comment. I can't believe you remember that stupid plot with Harold the dog from All my Children too! That was terrible. You had me cracking me up remembering that story.

yankeesfan:

In the words of Christian from Project Runway - Ramona is a "tranny mess"

Lynn7:

The recap was not too negative at all!!! Any less, and it would've been boring. Snarky is GOOD.

Ramona puts the ASS is CLASS. What a loud, pretentious social climbing tarantuala wannabe. And her husband Mario is a ball-less wonder.

I like Jill, and her husband. She needs to leave Bobby alone, and stop trying to manufacture warmth between him and her
daughter....

Alex and her husband are incredibly pathetic. And, note to Alex, SIMON IS GAY.

I'm still deciding how I feel about Bethenny. I don't hate her, but I don't exaty like her either. Jury is still out.

The countess needs to stop referring to her husband as "The Count". It is ridiculous and sad. I agree, she is the most attractive of the bunch, but she "acts ugly".

I'M LOVING THIS SHOW. But I bet the gals aren't once they see the first few episodes and realize how badly they look (except Jill & Bobby). I am certain Ramona will be too clueless to notice....she is clearly from the "any press is good press" school.

AnneM:

BRaps:

Thanks, I couldn't remember the dog's name. Harold is a better actor than Alex and her freaky husband with the bad hair piece.

I can't stop watching this show, it's a train wreck.

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