Dear Gasmii,
This week the producers over at Bravo have decided to treat us to a special episode of Girls Gone Wild: Where Are They Now? Sadly, we find out that they're still in the same place and wearing the same bikinis. God help us all.
Like many aspects of our country over the past 20 years, this woman's bikini failed to adjust for inflation.
It's nice to see a show that helps destroy unfortunate American stereotypes of loud, obnoxious, irresponsible, self-involved, over the top consumers. To find that show I would suggest going to another channel. But, in the meantime grab a lot of comfort food because you're going to need it after the leap...
This week three of our housewives and their assorted entourages descend on Vicki's playground in Lake Havasu, AZ where the temperature has hit 120 degrees. My thermostat currently says 9 degrees in the sun and my dog is refusing to go outside to pee without his own personal heat lamp. Raging homicidal jealousy doesn't even begin to describe my feelings as I watch the fun in the sun scene playing out in front of me. Of course, seeing Vicki organize her massively hungover troops for a day on the boat is making me feel slightly better about the twenty layers of clothing I am shuffling around in. How is this woman so frigging cheerful when even her dogs are looking hungover? Every phone in this town should be supplied with a direct connection to the AA hotline.
Fuck the fishing
Vicki hits the ground running this week with her first crisis. Jeana has hurt Vicki's feelings by selfishly switching plans. Instead of staying next door, Jeana has decided to stay in town with some friends. I can only applaud Jeana's good sense in not wanting to vacation next door to a middle aged frat house in full party mode.
Bitch was supposed to be following me around. Now, she's all up in my facce with her own peeps.
Tamra is all like, I'm so gonna be the new sidekick. We've officially left the adult world and returned to an age where it's appropriate to backstab your way into being the popular girl's BFF. Seriously, what self-respecting adult admits to wanting to be anybody's BFF, unless, of course, that person is Flipit; then have at it.
Speaking of teens, it's time to spend some quality time with Lynne's oldest angel, Raquel and her two BFF's. See, age appropriate. Raquel is a darling child who charmingly confesses to being a reformed thief, alcoholic, and/or drug addict.
Note to Raquel: The statute of limitations on shoplifting is 3 years in California and those cameras are recording you.
Of course, now that Raquel is reformed it would be a shame to arrest her. Instead of stealing her alcohol, Raquel tries to trick waiters into serving it to her. ID? Sure I have an ID. It's in my car, which I've misplaced. Clever, clever, child. No one has ever tried that line before.
I bet they didn't even tip him
After the awesome waiter somehow manages to telegraph his feelings of disgust while maintaining a polite professional demeanor, the girls get down to the serious business of planning Raquel's birthday party. There is of course the all important invitation list of who's in and who's out. And then there's the problem of where to have the party. A friend's bungalow is highly recommended simply because of the morning maid service. As long as there is a maid to clean up the mess in the morning, Raquel's friends can trash the place with impunity. If there is a God, these children's trust funds will have been invested solely in the housing market and they'll only be able to find work in the hallowed halls of a Motel 6 as maids.
We have a touching little vignette with Gretchen talking on the phone to Jeff's children. Jeff is not doing well and he's been admitted to the hospital ICU. Understandably, Jeff's children are concerned enough to start heading out to see him. Gretchen sounds both mature and concerned as she talks to Jeff's daughter, saying that the kids can help her with shifts to make sure that someone is always with him. Maybe miracles can happen and there's more to Gretchen than blond hair dye and an attention whore personality. But, I have to admit that my first thought was that Gretchen is happy because if the kids are at the hospital she can take off. More camera time for Gretchen to make an ass out of herself. Yay!! Okay, I take it back. She's a saint.
Nuff said.
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Comments (28)
I had wondered why Jeanna even went to Havasu since she is so opposed to alcohol and that place is a perpetual spring break. Good for her for not taking the bait from the popular girls. And why, why, why would anyone bring little kids to a place like that?
You say you grinned when Vicki got hit with the football? I guffawed.
Gretchen's phone call to Jeff was difficult to hear. I can only imagine the reality of her caregiving duties. After reading her blog over on the Bravo site, I cannot blame her for taking a break. As for what she did on that break, well, to each his own.
HaHa-love your winter uniform - I have the same one, only mine comes out of the drawer the day after Thanksgiving and doesn't go back until Mardi Gras.
1 of 28 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on December 28, 2008 10:16 AM
this is more ugly and petty than snarky. but vicki's face looks like an ass with a bad case of cellulite.
2 of 28 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on December 28, 2008 1:51 PM
the only redeeming quality that i saw in lynne was when her husband told her he was stressed about not being able to find a car. and she said that if that is biggest problem they have then they don't have any problems. although her continue harping on eating and staying skinny is grating. she was so desperate for someone, anyone to tell her how skinny and great she looking in those awful white jeans.
3 of 28 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on December 28, 2008 2:40 PM
Was I the only one who thought of MARCIA BRADY, when Vicki got hit with the football?
Vicki and Tamra are obviously co-captains of the cheer squad and must control everything. Jeana is on the squad, but only because Vicki let her. Now that Jeana is not Vicki's friend anymore, they don't want her around.
If only Vicki and Tamra were able to strip Jeana of her pom poms and kick her off the squad, then order would be restored to their lunchroom table.
Now that I think about it, Vicki and Tamra's behavior fits in quite well with beer drinking in the 120 degree heat and doing beer bongs.
I can't wait to see what they wear to prom!!!!
4 of 28 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on December 28, 2008 6:06 PM
Was I the only one who thought of MARCIA BRADY, when Vicki got hit with the football?
Vicki and Tamra are obviously co-captains of the cheer squad and must control everything. Jeana is on the squad, but only because Vicki let her. Now that Jeana is not Vicki's friend anymore, they don't want her around.
If only Vicki and Tamra were able to strip Jeana of her pom poms and kick her off the squad, then order would be restored to their lunchroom table.
Now that I think about it, Vicki and Tamra's behavior fits in quite well with beer drinking in the 120 degree heat and doing beer bongs.
I can't wait to see what they wear to prom!!!!
5 of 28 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on December 28, 2008 6:10 PM
Lynn needs professional help. Being skinny and an irresponsible Peter Pan mom does not keep you young. She looks ridiculous on TV. What a shame that her own daughter is a self-professed underage drinker who has no shame about it. I'm sure Lynn is one of those "cool" moms who lets her and her friends indulge when the cameras aren't rolling.
And Raquel needs to get over herself with her birthday party. Sweet 16 (which has been known to show 18 year olds) is on MTV, honey. No one is interested in seeing that over here on Bravo....
6 of 28 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on December 28, 2008 6:21 PM
Sorry if this posts twice, I got an error when posting the first time:
Lynn needs professional help. Being skinny and an irresponsible Peter Pan mom does not keep you young. She looks ridiculous on TV. What a shame that her own daughter is a self-professed underage drinker who has no shame about it. I'm sure Lynn is one of those "cool" moms who lets her and her friends indulge when the cameras aren't rolling.
And Raquel needs to get over herself with her birthday party. Sweet 16 (which has been known to show 18 year olds) is on MTV, honey. No one is interested in seeing that over here on Bravo....
7 of 28 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on December 28, 2008 6:29 PM
sorry about the double posts, it's been a long time since I contributed.
8 of 28 | Posted by anneM | Posted on December 28, 2008 6:41 PM
This episode was totally sickening. These 'mothers' should be turned over to DSS.
But anyway, can someone tell me why someone would want Nuggett tattoed inside their mouth? I mean, is this some kind of meaning or something??
I thought I would die when Vicki got hit by the football. And didnt I hear her say "i got hit by a baseball'? I also thought of Marcia brady when this happened
$900 for a pair of jeans?? Ridiculous.
9 of 28 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on December 28, 2008 8:51 PM
"But anyway, can someone tell me why someone would want Nuggett tattoed inside their mouth? I mean, is this some kind of meaning or something??"
One of the meanings on Urbandictionary.com was that it was slang for a mary jane bud.
Dope smokers tend to do stupid stuff so one having the name of his affection being tattoted into his mouth wouldn't be surprising.
900 dollars jeans are quite common actually. To me and anyone with sense they aren't any different then the jeans that cost 20 dollars. Same materials, same construction, same methods.
I could see paying 900 dollars if they were owned by somebody famous or if jeans were a rarity like they were when first introduced in Japan. Then they could be said to be worth 900 dollars.
10 of 28 | Posted by yeschef | Posted on December 29, 2008 8:29 AM
This was a very satisfying episode for me. My long held theory that straw cowboy hats lower one's IQ by 30 points has finally been validated. Great recap yenta, keep them coming.
11 of 28 | Posted by waffleboy9 | Posted on December 29, 2008 8:31 AM
This was a great episode.
The girls need to color code their hats, though. Too many blonds in straw cowboy hats. Lots of adventure and stupid stuff going on. Drunk Tamra grabbing Simon's crotch and running back and forth between Vic and Jeanna. Vicki getting bonked on the head. No one in the boat seemed to notice except Donn and he didn't seem overly sympathetic. This is the first time I've felt something more than disdain for Gretchen. She seemed geniunely upset by her phone call with Jeff when she was in the kitchen. Of course , "How are you feeling," was a stuuuupid question.
I do not like Lynne and her spoiled kids. I can't believe that one girl was upset because the other went through the tanning booth twice! Get a grip sweetie! Some children in China don't even get to go through tanning booths once! Can't wait to see this week's epi when she meets the girls.
I loved your screen snaps. They had me in stitches! Nice job, as usual.
12 of 28 | Posted by 2muchbravo | Posted on December 29, 2008 11:01 AM
I love you guys. You are totally making this show worthwhile. AnneM great to see you posting again. Did you ever get Flipit's e-mail about recapping? I would normally write back to each of you individually, but I'm desperately trying to get a slew of relatives out of my house, and they don't want to go!!...So please know that I adore reading each and every one of your comments.
Hugs and Happy Holiday,
Yenta
13 of 28 | Posted by Yentapatrol | Posted on December 29, 2008 11:40 AM
Dear Yenta,
I spent most of the summer and fall having my meds changed. In other words, I spent most of the summer sleeping. My doctor finally found the best combination of meds to make me feel as comfortable as possible.
I would love to recap, but it looks like they are in the middle of auditions. I wonder if Flipit would let me audition this late in the game?
What do you think?
AnneM
14 of 28 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on December 29, 2008 2:43 PM
Hi AnneM:
Sorry this has got to be quick...you can e-mail flipit at flipit75@gmail.com and ask him about recapping.
Glad your doctors got your meds straightened out : )
Hugs,
Yenta
15 of 28 | Posted by Yentapatrol | Posted on December 29, 2008 3:32 PM
Great recap, Yenta!
Funniest part of this show: When Raquel presented the list of people to invite to her party, HER OWN NAME was at the top of the list.
She is soooo smart to invite herself to her own party!
16 of 28 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on December 29, 2008 4:22 PM
I'm glad that poor Jeff's poor taste in women hasn't left him alone in his hour of need. It's good to know that his kids are there for him.
Can you imagine if something like this happened to Donn, Simon or Frank?
17 of 28 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on December 29, 2008 6:45 PM
I buy my designer jeans at Salvation Army... $4.00 a pair. Cant beat that!!
Vickie is Menopausal.
18 of 28 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on December 29, 2008 7:16 PM
Is there a contest for recapping? Do tell...I would love to recap.
19 of 28 | Posted by hanan5050@hotmail.com | Posted on December 29, 2008 8:08 PM
I found this episode to be almost disturbing and my hatred of Vicki has been ratcheted up a few notches! Vicki getting hit with the football may just be one of the highlights of 2008. That's called karma Vicki.
omg and the old lady with the boobs??? She reminded me of the lady from There's Something About Mary.
ps...this may possibly be your best recap yet! :)
20 of 28 | Posted by tillee | Posted on December 30, 2008 10:46 AM
Oy Vey, Vickie. Can we say "Borderline Personality Disorder" and toss in a little bit of narcissism and a whole lot of histrionics to boot? She reads like a guide to personality disorders. OMG I grew up with a mother like her and it was a horror show. No wonder poor Brianna is getting chunky. Adult kids with loving >snort
21 of 28 | Posted by kcobain | Posted on December 30, 2008 2:45 PM
I love Briana, she is the only normal looking person on the show.
22 of 28 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on December 30, 2008 8:36 PM
Great Recap! I have been checking in daily looking for it. I knew it would be a good one. Vicki is such a baby! I couldn't believe Tamra had her little kids there with her, who brings little kids around that behaivor and if you are so drunk that you are grabbing your husband's junk on TV, well infront of anyone, it's time to stop drinking!
23 of 28 | Posted by tammy | Posted on January 1, 2009 11:04 AM
LOL @ Tammy's comment about "GRabbing your husbands Junk on tV", that is soooo funny!!
24 of 28 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on January 1, 2009 3:45 PM
Once again this show far exceeds on how out of touch people can be. I loved the comparison of Lake Havasu to an enebriated frat house. Thanks for the GREAT RECAP -it's what makes the show worth watching. I think all the Housewives, OC, NYC, and ATL should have to spend a month together on an desolate island.. I wonder who would survive????
c.
25 of 28 | Posted by chask70 | Posted on January 1, 2009 9:48 PM
Vicki was kind of spastic at Havasu, but she kind of redeems herself in the next epi. w/Briana.
Interesting idea Chask70. Hmm, I think these ladies would run circles around the Atlanta wives. Can you imagine Alex trying to fit in with them? She's not blond enough.
26 of 28 | Posted by 2muchbravo | Posted on January 2, 2009 6:58 AM
Sorry for double post. I mean Alex from HW of NYC, of course.
27 of 28 | Posted by 2muchbravo | Posted on January 2, 2009 7:05 AM
Yenta! You rocked this one! I just want to say that when Vicki got smacked in the head by the football I had a mouthful of mashed potatoes and it exploded everywhere with the force of my laughter behind it. BEST. HOUSEWIVES. MOMENT. EVER!!! I must also admit that I was finding Simon to be kinda sexy as Tamra fluffed him on national TV, but I'm coming to hate her for trying so hard to be popular with these assholes... all she's doing is proving that she's a sneaky backstabbing bitch, and nobody will ever trust her (or anything she says) again. I also hate the new housewife and think she's has a giant man-jaw.
love, J-Mo :)
28 of 28 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on January 3, 2009 12:59 PM