Poor Jeana.They cropped her photo so much that her right hand is hanging where her waist was.Bad job.

Fantastic Re-cap Twunty.You did good :-) Looking forward to more.

Take care,Robin

Honestly who would have thought we would ever miss Crackie and her sidekick Trampy? It just wouldn't be the holidays if we weren't exposed to copious amounts of leathery, freckled, burned and re-burned skin stretched tautly over their faces so they all look surprisingly awake with foreheads as smooth as a baby's butt.

Crackie announcing Jeana's request for a loan to Trampy was beyond rude. That is not the way to treat a friend I don't care how much money Bravo paid for Crackie's soul, she shouldn't have told Trampy about the loan.

I don't think Crackie is out of the woods yet regarding her marriage. Promising to try and make your marriage work, is not really a guarantee. A good marriage doesn't really require the couple to say they will try to be nice, that's what you say about your neighbor not your loved one. I really think they will get divorced when Donn realizes that life is too short to spend with a whoo hoo harpy like Crackie. Poor Briana, she'll have to finish raising Crackie all on her own.

Great Recap Twunty, You're doing just fine.

Great recap!!!

I'm probably the only one out there who thinks that Gretchen is not so bad...

I agree that Tamra is a total bully who deserves a good punch in the face...

I hope there is an actual story to tell this season. It's beginning to remind me of The Hills--you know, where the whole cast is required to show up in one place just to film inevitable fights only to go home and retell it on camera 50,000 times?

You done good, Twunty?

How 'bout best friggin recap I've read in a looooong time! I haven't laughed out loud to a recap in such a long time. Thanks...just thanks.

I don't like any of these old ladies (they make me feel lik a fetus). But Tamra just stands out from the rest. She makes you just root for her...to be hit by a frying pan to the face. She sucks. Well, maybe she doesn't and that's why she's so bitter. Besides if she did (suck) she would have those lucious looking DS lips instead of that tight little wrinkly line that she colors and calls a mouth.

Nothing wrong with a vibrator with a cord. you never have to charge it, and never have to worry about the batteries dying while using it.
are people actually buying those ugly cuff things? Looks like something we made in girlscouts 30 yrs ago.
I seriously hope that Alex was just pretending to know that 2 hours at $10 per hour equals $20. that is very, very scary.

Yay, an awesome recap!! I am full on the hating Tamara bandwagon. Is it me or has she been studying Bethany Frankle's lame book of one liners saying shit like "holy mother of gynecology"??? God, this haggard old woman couldn't be more stupid.

Great recap..Flowers for Algernon reference , classic!
I don't think I can watch this season, it's just too pitiful, but I'll read your recaps for laughs!

I kept waiting for someone to yell "I know you are, but what am I?" or "I'm rubber and you're glue ..."

Fantastic Recap! You didn't let up on the snark for a sentence. Thank you!

I hate to admit this but this is my favorite group of Real Housewives to watch. They are just so delusional. Tamra used to be funny but now she just looks pathetic.

I used to loathe Gretchen and love Tamra. Now I loathe both of them. I would bet that Gratchen really is a phony cheating gold digger but why the heck does Tamra care so much??? I can almost forgive her for getting wrapped up last season, but shouldn't she be over it by now? Really who cares.

Awesome recap!! Hilarious!

I agree with you and pretty much everyone else that Tamara is a total twat. Enough said.

Just when I thought I could not loathe Vickie anymore she had to go and show me up. She is a total POS. Telling Jeana's business like that was awful. Tamara should watch out. Looks like you have to fall into a certain financial status to hang with Vickie. With her losing her house, she certainly fell below that. Can't wait to see the new housewife check Vickie's ugly ass.

I know it's par for the course with these ladies but did anyone else think it was inappropriate for Lynn to put her 17 year old daughter in the tiniest bikini possible and stick her on the street while YELLING and JUMPING up and down? At least she'll be able to figure out how much to charge for a bj.

I don't understand how Tamara does not want to be associated with someone "like Gretchen", but it's ok to be on camera fondling your husband and getting someone naked wasted.

Not only naked wasted, but naked wasted WITH YOUR OWN SON!!

First, FANTASTIC recap!

The "Flowers for Algernon" line made me LOL and spit Coke on my monitor (the computer nazis here at work are going to hate me!). I read that book in 7th grade and have never forgotten it.

I hate to see Jeana leaving after the third episode. She said in an interview that she asked Crackie for a short, temporary loan as Crackie knew that she had a check coming in the near future and Jeana was trying to avoid paying a $200 late charge on something. Crackie said no and Jeana said she was very hurt by it. Also, Jeana said in a past episode that she was a successful model/actress and had made herself a millionaire by the time she married Matt.

I think Tamra is very jealous of Gretchen and is just letting it all hang out this season, to the chagrin of Simon, I'm sure.

How many people think Slade Slimey will be out of there as soon as Jeff's 2.5 million is gone? My sympathy goes out to Slimey's son to have to go through cancer (inoperable brain tumor) and have such a douche for a father.

Did anyone else think Slurry's cuffs all looked the same? Same design on each one on a different colored cuff? She supposedly has them for sale at Freg Segal (God, I love that store) here in L.A.

Again, fantastic recap! Can't wait to read another!

Not that this matters, but some how I stumbled upon the book that Vicki got the idea of love tank from. It is by an evangelical baptist minister. Which makes me wonder if part of Vicki's delusions is that she is a strong, christian woman who lives the ideals of Christ. Because I could totally see her believing this about herself. She is the biggest back stabbing bitch out of all them. I dislike Vicki the most and don't feel good about myself- watching a show that just makes me dislike people. So I am going to have to get all my housewives from the recaps and I have to say this one was well done.

Wow. If I bought a chimpanzee, dusted its face with baby powder and put a blonde wig on her, she would be WAY hotter than Crackie aka Vickie. DAMN, am I the only one that sees the comparison people?! I really don't like to talk about peoples appearance, but hell, you want to dish it, you take it bitch! And Tamra, OMG, get over it, Gretchen is hot, your man and your son want to slop it up with her and you are pissed about it. Face it, she is hotter, financially secure, and probably way more kick ass to hang out with.

Twunty, great job this week! These are the type of TVgasm recaps I love reading!

I really, really, can't stand Tamara anymore either. Everything about her is so ugly -- personality, face, even her name! I actually used to like her too! She is just so ridiculously jealous of Gretchen.

While Gretchen is completely insane for dating that douche Slade, I don't hate her. She's one of the most enjoyable to watch. Those semi-risqué pics that were making their rounds weren't that shocking. She's young and has no kids, I agree, she can hoe it up all she wants. That's her business alone -- as much as Tamara tries to make it her own. As far as Tamara's comment about not wanting to be associated with her -- everyone knows they don't hang out with each other in real life so she needs to get a grip!

I've wasted so much time on these women already. That's all. =]

I have a theory on the Gretchen/Tamra hatred. I think because Tamra's husband is so controlling and kind of scary and Gretchen just lives the life she wants to live...Tamra is seething with jealousy.

Wow, only one episode and my hate-ometer is already at boiling point.

I'll really miss Jeanna (points for mackin on the mac & cheese!), but can't wait to see what the new ho has to bring to the table.

Twunty, while Yenta is the Bobby Jones of RH recaps, you're the Tiger. Woo Hoo!
Loved every line of the recap.

Ugh, how much do I hate Tamra? She resembles more and more one of those tiny shrunken heads the headhunters in Papua New Guinea wear around their necks. Which, when I come to think of it, would be a fitting end for that bitch.