only on page 2, but you are dishing it out right!!
Seriously I was thinking the same thing, Lynne should have fixed her freaking underbite. When she was driving, Bravo just kept giving us that profile, they are a naughty bunch.
My BFF and I have a new term, when we have reached our limit on someone, they have "thrown the cuff". Call her any name in the book and she's fine, but insult the cuff? That is it, you are done!!
Yes, the girls' arms kinda have some lumpy bumpy cellulite when light catches them in right way.
On to read more...

Oy, I needed a warning on page 5. Nugget's daddy's nipples made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Twunty:

You made me laugh out loud when you said that the Dalai Lama should be worshipping Donn. You are so right, he deserves to be worshipped for living with Crackie. I hope Donn has ear plugs or maybe puts Crackie in a casket at night so he can sleep without having to listen to her constant yapping.

Here's some food for thought, how about shipping Ryan to Jersey to appear on Jersey Shore? They could call him "The Nugget Man", put dip his hair in a vat of gel and he could spread more of his sleeze on TV.

Great job, love the Morgan Fairchild stuff, I miss the nightly soaps too. Dallas, Knots- they were awesome and full of hairspray and shoulder pads. Remember Donna Mills' eye makeup? NO one could do the three colors of eye shadow like her makeup.

Great job as usual. Was surprised to see on page 7 that steven tyler got out of rehab and was invited to their party. Sheesh, instead of the doc repo-ing her face, they should be suing him -- didn't think she went in for a sex change operation and come out looking like a haggard old rock star.

btw, I too am a lover of the hoarders!! I can't throw the shit out of my house fast enough after watching it.

OMG, you make me laugh so hard. I dont even need to watch this show anymore because your recaps are so much more entertaining.

My boyfriends best friend looks exactly like Ryan. I will never look at him the same way again. He will always be Rapey Eyes to me.

How does throwing a bunch of toys away save money? Is there some upkeep for them that I'm not aware of? Sell them on Craigslist or eBay if you're so broke. Or give them to the Goodwill, at least.

Sounds like they were just cleaning out their garage. Or getting ready to move.

"Those scars don't heal nearly as fast as any little boo-boo wee Spence might get if he falls down."

Darn Twunty..I got a little misty when I read that sentence..

Hugs,Robin

Foxmoor - memories, la la la la la la la. I spent an entire (part-time) paycheck there on the coolest rabbit fur bomber jacket. I tell you it was swank.

A book, hee hee, that was fuuuny.

Watching Sr. Mary Ducklip's party sink right into hell, brought all kinds of joy. She looked rather bloated in the face (in addition to the lips). I suppose she's not noshing on low sodium Trisquits. Is it the botox/wine combo that gives them the false confidence that they can carry on adult discussion?

Whoochile - love it! I'm gonna use that.

There's a chick on Secrets of Aspen that would be a perfect match for rapey eyes. Fetal alcohol Erin-has anyone seen that show? Hopefully they'll get together and have a reality show when this franchise ends.

Oh Twunty - so much to be said about these jezebels, and you delivered to perfection once again.

@Chemgal THANK YOU! That's all I was thinking about. "Dang. Lynne got a face lift and ended up looking like Steven Tyler!"
Lady looks like a dude.

Ok, I know Y'all love to hate on Crackie. But, she does seem to be the only one with a real job. Her kids aren't fucked up or in jail. She's not in jeopardy of losing her house. She seems to have sought help with her marriage and things appear to be going better with Donn. She is a work-a-holic, but she did take time off to go away with Donn. Giving her employees spray tans and botox is very OC and maybe self-serving, but my employers don't ever do anything to show appreciation to us. And, yeah, I think she's treated Jeanna harshly but I don't know what the whole deal is. But, she's not ALL bad. I thought the ring scene was kind of cute. She did say she didn 't deserve it. And THANK GOD Don didn't keep repeating "It's 6 carats." Yes, it's not all in one honking stone, but I wouldn't sneeze at a 6 carat ring. I rather have that than a big, fug initial pendant with a zillion stones that make up 7 CARATS. Yes, 7 CARATS Jimbo.

Gretchen needs to STFU with her parenting 'advice.' She was teetering on thin ice with her popping-a-kid-out and having a right to be a parent comment. I'm glad Lynne told her fuck off, even though it was alcohol fueled. It's just a very sad situation. Lynne and Frank should seriously get off the show and get their lives together. It's hard enough being a teenager, but I think Alexa's problems are compounded by having a camera in her face all the time. Lynne: leave the show, take care of your kids, get a real job, take care of your finances and stop taking so many bong hits. Seriously Hon!

whoochile - I am so with you but i at least made it to pg 4, lol!

part of my downsizing is going dinasour dialup and im actually trying to load all pgs so i dont have to wait in between. Which defeats the purpose bc that strategy takes 2x as long as one page at a time.

Twunty this is the best!

...on to page 5...

I put my mom thru it all during my teen years and one of the few things we did togethor was watch Knots Landing-we just loved it.

Remember when there was so much concern about Jeana and Vicky's parenting?
Extremely opposite styles but have some things in common that seem to make a difference - like really being there for the kids. They both work very hard but were very present - Even Vickys vacays, business trips etc she includes her family alot more than some and Ill never forget Jeana and her daughter walking around campus enjoying their time togethor.

In defense of Gretchen -
I dont think she means any harm and I think the good relationship she has with Jeffs kids is proof. She may not be a "mom" but we all see whats happening here and its sometimes tough for me to watch 2000 miles away.

Im surprised we havent seen Gloria Alread(sp?) step in cause she got right to it with the octomom, lol.

Sorry so long but I have kids and this episode really got me - excellent recap!

I might be the only one that got the "Way Bandy" reference, but sister, that was a doozy, (i.e Way Bandy and "Madame") I spit coffee at the computer screen LOL. Love ya!! Keep up the good work. Your recaps are ALWAYS a highlight in my day!

Another excellent, spot-on recap Twunty! "Thuffering thuccotash, Jim!" and "Sister Mallard Mouth" were so damn funny that coworkers came back to see what I was guffawing at.

I am so with you on the slap heard 'round the world. First off, I never would have mouthed off to Mama like that, and second if I ever DID I would have gotten it from both Mama and Poppa for being disrespectful. And then I would have been grounded (in my room, with no tv or phone) until I hit 40.

Gretchen's pushing the issue at the party was wrong. She knew Stoner was drunk and she was trying to push buttons - never a good idea. Lynne's meltdown was sad to watch, I can only hope that some good (like TRYING TO BE A PARENT) comes out of it. Although we haven't seen much of Bratquel this season, there are internet rumors that she has not transformed into the good little daughter that Lucy is. We just don't see her behavior. And totes agree with you, Tamara's unrestrained glee at the fight showed what a true little bitch she is.

I thought Donn's purchase of the ring was amazingly sweet, but Crackie spoiled the moment by insisting she didn't want it and didn't deserve it. Way to spoil the moment for Donn... couldn't she have just said "thank you, it's beautiful"?

Oh, and according to Simon's blog (far from Gospel, I know) he claims that Tamara "barely showed up" for marriage counseling, and she loves being single. I think the garage cleaning was in preparation for downsizing or even her move out.

Big hugs, Twunty, for the awesome recap! oxoxo

Twunty.....another great recap! I don't watch "Hoarders", but I would soooo read that recap! **HINT, HINT FLIPIT**
Those people really need help in more ways than one.

I've been wondering about each episode having less Vickie (not that it's a bad thing) and wondered if she was trying to get her own show ala Jeana. Dear Lord, I hope not.

Poor Duck Lips....all she wants to do is give peace a chance, yet what all the other women seem to want to do is drink, fight, and cuss. Sounds like the red-neck girls I went to highschool with, except they had more class and could hold their liquor better.

I've always said, you can't start parenting a child when they are 5 or 15, parenting starts the moment you bring them home from the hospital. Mama put the fear of God (in the shape of her) in me the day I came home from the hospital. Had I EVER called my mom a bitch, I would be writing this from beyond the grave. Maybe Lynne will have better luck with Lucy. It's too late for Alexa and Raquel. Oh, and if it is "SO HARD" to live in Orange County, move your ass out! I'm sure you can find something suitable (and probably a cheaper dealer) in the Inland Empire!

Thanks for the shoutout Twunty...I'll be sure to bring plenty of Triscuits for me, you, and Shantigal!
Keep up the great work!

Thanks for the great recap Twunty. I spit Coke Zero on my monitor when I read "Congrats, while you were doing that I got banged by Mr. McSlore and ordered a really cute emerald bangle. I win." You bring the right amount of snark. And, yeah...poor Lynn getting the fugly edit in the car. She looked like a bulldog with that jaw and jowls, yikes!!

Priceless, Twunty, Priceless!!

I think I had more fun reading the recap than watching the show. This episode was a gag fest, but also a little sad.

Crackie dwelling on the fact that her ring was SIX (Count 'em!) carats, Lynne's horrible Steven Tyler makeover and still not grasping the meaning of being a parent while being cussed out by daughter on national tv, Preacher Pawn talking down to McDuck Lips and totally overdirecting the kid's haircut, Gretchen diverting the negative by bringing up Lynne's parenting disaster, Lynne's inevitable, on-camera breakdown, Tamra's evil bitch glare during it all... (Sorry, Sr. Josephine, run on sentences do not count when posting comments.)

All you posters had such wicked info to share. Loved it! Whoo Chile--"Thrown the Cuff"! Shantigal, I had a FAKE rabbit bomber from Foxmoor. Do you remember the store "5, 7, 9"?

Thanks for sharing, everyone. I've got to check out this show hoarders.

@Guitar Hero Mom - 5,7,9?? OMG I LOVED that store! What a flashback... thanks!
Although no thanks for reminding me that it's been a loooooooooong time since I fit into a 5,7 or 9 :-)

Does anybody else remember a store called "Jean Nicole"? I think that was the name. How about "Fashion Gal"?
5-7-9 wouldn't be small enough nowadays, since they've changed the sizes to be bigger. It would have to be 1-3-5.

Fashion Gal! Yep!

Love the recap! Although Pawn Preacher is an ass, at least he gets Duck Lips to stop babbling-why is she so invested in Gretchen and Tamara's friendship? As for Slurry, the most anger she has ever shown towards her kid is over the mistreatment of her cuff! I thought she was going to really bring the punishment then.

njgasmifan, guitarheromom et al, do you remember a store named "Mandee's", I was visiting NJ with family and I bought all my school clothes there. Got ablue and white plaid pencil skirt that I ADORED. I was fascinated with the cashier, she had like 6 inch long nails (no joke) and had to punch the numbers with a pencil...thanks for the memories.

Yanksfan24 - Mandees still exist here in New Jersey! I also remember that being one of the "hot" places to shop when we went out with friends. Not with Mom, tho - when Mom took us shopping it was Sears.... boo hoo!

First let me comment of these haggard ass bitches. Tamra is looking beat. I work with a woman who is Tamra's age. She has three kids...one about Nugget's daddy's age, a teenager, and a 7 yr old and she is smokin! No surgery (can't afford it), no botox. Just highlights in her hair, watches her weight like crazy and she is such a fucking lady. She's been married for almost 25 yrs and her husband is a good looking guy who loves her so much it makes me puke. So, all of Tamra's money may have been a waste with her frizzy hair, beady eyes, motherly upper arms, weird oddly-shapped/too-dark eyebrows.

Next, Alexis. I think I heard she's 32!! I'm a 34 yr old SMOKER and I could easily pass for her little sister. For fucks sake, her height, her fake tits positioned so ridiculously high on her chest, her duck mouth...she almost looks like a cross-dresser. And she can't dress for shit.

If anyone ever looks closely Gretchen is the only one who dresses nicely. When working out she wears cute workout outfits not heals and hooker shorts. On vacay she wore a cute comfy fashionable outfit not a tube dress.

I like to get my hair done, I watch my weight, I like clothes. I just hope that when I reach my forties I don't start looking desperate like Tamra and Lynne. Tamra's straw cowboy hat from a few episodes ago?? Man, that thing should have been the first thing burned for warmth to save money.

Lynne, Lynne, Lynne. Forget Gretchen giving her parenting advice. Sewer rats who eat their young should offer this dumb bitch parenting advice. They can't be any worse than her. Forget weed, this woman is abusing some kind of painkiller or prescription drug. That's probably why they don't even pay their rent and neglect their kids. Weed is just recreational and doesn't ruin your life. This woman is cleary always "out of it" and now she's acting out like addicts do when people are trying to intervene.

Okay...there. BTW, there's a 5-7-9 in our mall and I love it. It's cute.

Twunty, I can't add anything to what's already been said, especially by you...

...so all I'm going to say is this: Lady, you are made of awesome.

love, J-Mo :)

Lynne was F'd up at the dinner thing.
Does anyone else think that Tamra and Simon look alike??

Am I the only one who found Simon's SEETHING WITH RAGE (at Vicki) FACE hilarious? I love how these two idiots have mutually decided to blame their shitty marriage on an outside party. I mean, wasn't Simon's big issue with Tamra that she didn't act "ladylike" enough for him? (Kind of ironic for someone who sells booze for a living, but whatever)What- she was a demure princess before meeting Vicki?
Note it's same song second verse of what they did to Jeana.