November 1, 2009

The Ruins: The Best Laid Plans . . . Don't Always Get You Laid

Sadly, it looks like exchanging sex for votes is failing miserably in Phuket, Thailand. And it also looks like we're going to have to listen to at least 42 minutes of the Cohutta - Kellyanne - Wus - Johanna love trapezoid. I'm over it. If any one of the four is the focus of any other episode - except the episode where they injure themselves in a challenge or where one of them beats the other with a baseball bat - I quit. And I mean it.

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Left nipple. Right nipple. Oh phew. They're both here.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 3:00 AM | | Comments (0)

October 24, 2009

The Ruins: Is That A Plunger in Your Bed or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

MTV owed us since we suffered through last week's total snoozer of an episode and I'm happy to say that they delivered. There was drunk-yelling, plunger-beating, head-smacking, trash-talking and even fly-eating. Another popped boob implant and I would have nominated this one for an Emmy.

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And maybe Ibis will invite us to whatever party she keeps getting dressed for.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 6:00 AM | | Comments (14)

October 20, 2009

The Ruins: All Proceeds From This Recap are Being Donated to Charity

Sincerest apologies for the delay! I've been sidelined with an evil virus that not only resulted in this very tardy recap (clearly of the highest priority) but also had me calling in sick on the second and third day of my brand new job. Clearly, I am allergic to employment and am in the process of convincing the government that this qualifies as a disability. I'll let you know how that goes. But speaking of disabilities, let's see what our favorite team of mentally-challenged monkeys are up to. Shall we?

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You can't stop me motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a boat.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 6:00 PM | | Comments (18)

October 8, 2009

The Ruins: You're Such a Boob

Previously on The Ruins: Wombat was a drunk, Wus was a maniac and Kellyanne was a slut and a whore. I think that pretty much covers it. Oh, wait, and Evan was an ass.

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A gentle reminder.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 2:00 PM | | Comments (13)

October 2, 2009

The Ruins: It's A Wes Thing

Welcome back my Real Worlding and Road Ruling Gasmii! Here's this week's recap: Twenty eight cast members from previous seasons of the Real World and Road Rules contaminate Phuket, Thailand and compete in the newest Real World/Road Rules Challenge/Clusterfuck. Landon is not one of the cast members. The End.

Seriously, MTV. I'm far too old to be watching this crap and would appreciate a little eye candy. Shauvon's boobs can keep me interested for only so long and from the sneak peek of things to come, I don't think they're long for this world. So sit back, get your spreadsheet to keep track of who gave chlamydia to whom, and enjoy.

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Herein lies patient zero.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 6:00 AM | | Comments (25)

June 19, 2009

Real Word/Road Rules Challenge: I Definitely Digged

Maria Menounos is given the task of getting to the bottom the Duel 2. Unfortunately, she spends more time talking about things that didn't happen on the show and about people who aren't at the reunion. I sat through it anyway (a decent amount of Landon face time didn't hurt) to bring you all the dirt. Except it's more like dust. Not much happened kids. I'm just warning you now.

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Am I really doing this?

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Posted by TinyElvis at 4:08 PM | | Comments (8)

June 15, 2009

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Nice Guys Finish Last. And the Pretty Ones Don't Finish at All.

****Please welcome back TinyElvis with The Duel Finale!! The reunion will be up shortly.

Previously on the Duel: Those of you expecting a competition were sadly disappointed when all you got was a Dr. Phil episode. Tori and Brad got un-engaged, re-engaged and, just when you thought you might never see any physical activity again, they both ended up in the duel.

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If I never see this again, it'll be too soon.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 12:12 AM | | Comments (8)

June 13, 2009

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

***PopPrincess got busy with a real job, but you are still owed two more recaps! So please welcome your Auditiongasm winner, Tiny Elvis!!

Previously on The Duel: Stuff happened that I didn't see but I'm willing to bet that Landon won something, Rachel didn't smile, Jenn was annoying, Diem wore pink, and Tori and Brad called each other 'babe' sixty-seven times.

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I will cut a bitch. Or just flip my hair.

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Posted by TinyElvis at 12:27 AM | | Comments (10)

June 9, 2009

The Duel: Damned If You Duel....

Last time on the duel: Lando and Brit won the challenge, Dunbar was busted making out with Kimberly, and she went home packing. Jenn kicked Kimberly's ass and Derek sent Big E home, and a recapper fell way, way, WAY behind. Cue the tribal chants and stupid facial expressions that will go down in history as the Worst. Opening. EVER.

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Posted by PopPrincess at 4:33 PM | | Comments (3)

May 18, 2009

The Duel 2: Two-for-One Edition

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Previously on The Duel 2: Landon was hot, Neh was weird, Evan pouted alot, and Jenn got her freak on with Rachel. Like the Kool-Aid man said, Oh yeah! Oh, and Mark was old and and TJ smoked a lot of weed and I still want Rob Dyrdek to host this.


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Posted by PopPrincess at 12:49 PM | | Comments (10)

November 1, 2009:The Ruins: The Best Laid Plans . . . Don't Always Get You Laid
October 24, 2009:The Ruins: Is That A Plunger in Your Bed or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
October 20, 2009:The Ruins: All Proceeds From This Recap are Being Donated to Charity
October 8, 2009:The Ruins: You're Such a Boob
October 2, 2009:The Ruins: It's A Wes Thing
June 19, 2009:Real Word/Road Rules Challenge: I Definitely Digged
June 15, 2009:Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Nice Guys Finish Last. And the Pretty Ones Don't Finish at All.
June 13, 2009:Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
June 9, 2009:The Duel: Damned If You Duel....
May 18, 2009:The Duel 2: Two-for-One Edition
May 1, 2009:Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Wrestlemania
April 28, 2009:RW/RR Challenge: Toilet Talk
April 21, 2009:The Duel 2: Nobody Puts Aneesa in the Duel!
April 13, 2009:Real World/Road Rules Challenge: And They're Off! Again!
November 6, 2008:The Island Reunion: Who Spiked KellyAnne's Capri Sun?
November 5, 2008:Real World Road Rules Challenge: Can I get that in tens and twenties please?
October 28, 2008:Real World Road Rules Challenge: Episode 7: That Webster kid had a point
October 22, 2008:Real World Road Rules Challenge: Here We Go Again!
October 14, 2008:Real World Road Rules Challenge: Do I Have to Like Ev Now?
October 8, 2008:Real World Road Rules Challenge: Episode 4: Quitting means never having to say I suck.
September 29, 2008:Real World Road Rules Challenge-The Island:Female fem nazi misfits. Or something.
September 22, 2008:Real World Road Rules Challenge-The Island: Episode 2: Rotten Bananas
September 14, 2008:Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Island: And we're back!
March 25, 2008:Gauntlet 3: Over and Out
March 18, 2008:Gauntlet 3: What's Cooler Than Being Cool?
March 11, 2008:Gauntlet 3: The Legacy of Coral
February 29, 2008:Gauntlet 3: I Thought MJ Was Strong?
February 28, 2008:Clipgasm: Caught In The Act Edition
February 26, 2008:The Gauntlet 3: Chauvinistas!!!!
February 21, 2008:The Gauntlet: No More Drama
February 12, 2008:Clipgasm: F'ing Frank Edition
February 10, 2008:Guantlet 3: Birthdays Blindfolds and Blow-up dolls
February 5, 2008:Gauntlet 3:Angels and Pink Umbrellas- so Victoria Secret
January 24, 2008:Gauntlet 3: Quit While You're Behind
July 9, 2007:Recap: The Inferno: All Good Things Come To An End
June 30, 2007:Recap: Inferno: Swinging Both Ways
June 21, 2007:Recap: Inferno: Don't Choke
June 15, 2007:Recap: Inferno: Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
June 7, 2007:Recap: Inferno: Giraffic Park Feet Markgate
May 3, 2007:Raping Our Intelligence
April 25, 2007:Jenn Grijalva Must Die
April 19, 2007:Sex, Love and Battering Rams
April 13, 2007:Welcome to the Inferno XVIII bitches!
January 18, 2007:Recap: The Duel: And The Winner Is...
January 11, 2007:Recap: The Duel: The Douchebag Cometh
January 4, 2007:Recap: The Duel: Dual Duels!
December 21, 2006:Recap: The Duel: Getting Off On The Wrong Foot
December 15, 2006:Recap: The Duel: Fat Guy In A Little Duel!
December 7, 2006:Recap: The Duel: Race Relations For Dummies!
November 30, 2006:Recap: The Duel: Wes Knows All There Is To Know About The Crying Game
November 16, 2006:Recap: The Duel: Take A Swing At It!
November 9, 2006:Recap: The Duel: Might As Well Jump
November 2, 2006:Recap: The Duel: Ebony and Very Old Ivory
October 27, 2006:Roll With It, Baby!
October 26, 2006:CT Is Wicked Retahded
October 23, 2006:You Should Have Crossed The Bridge Faster, You Low-Life BITCH!
October 17, 2006:Dueling Bimbos
September 6, 2006:The Meat Is Done
August 29, 2006:Carping Diem
August 23, 2006:With Friends Like Derrick, Who Needs Enemies?
August 15, 2006:Mo Money, Mo Problems
August 8, 2006:And We'll All Float On Okay
July 31, 2006:No Lame People Allowed
July 26, 2006:Filthy Bitches
July 20, 2006:Swimming with SHARKS
July 12, 2006:Deflated?
July 5, 2006:All Roped In
June 28, 2006:This Is What It Sounds Like When the Dumb Cry
June 27, 2006:Wicked Splitsville?
June 21, 2006:Love at First Spite
June 13, 2006:Like Pigs At The Trough
June 9, 2006:Hey Danny: Your Partner Wicked Hates You -- Updated Again!
June 8, 2006:Well Hung
June 2, 2006:Things To Buy If You Hate Yourself...gasm
May 31, 2006:Meat Market? I'm Sold!
May 19, 2006:10 More Days Until Something Fresh
May 5, 2006:Consider This Shark Jumped
March 30, 2006:Idiot Infested Waters: The Gauntlet 2 Reunion
March 28, 2006:Talk About A Mouthful
March 21, 2006:A Fight To The Finish
March 16, 2006:R.I.P. MikeTheMiz.com
March 15, 2006:Balance of Power
March 9, 2006:Stuck in the Pits
March 6, 2006:I Wish I Knew How To... Oh, Wait, I Do Know How To Quit You, Gauntlet!
February 25, 2006:Getting Tired?
February 16, 2006:Kina Vs. Cara: The Moment of Truth
February 7, 2006:Worst Rodeo EVER
February 1, 2006:On The Ropes
January 27, 2006:Scandal!!!
January 17, 2006:Hahahaha, SUCKERS!
January 10, 2006:I Ain't Scurred... Of Looking Dumb
January 3, 2006:Sex and Violence
December 21, 2005:How 'Bout It, Bitch?
December 12, 2005:Can't Spell Coconuts Without Nuts!
December 5, 2005:Some People Just Don't Like Chocolate Syrup
August 2, 2005:How To Buy Friends and Influence People
July 28, 2005:RW/RR Mentally Challenged
July 26, 2005:The Challenge of a Lifetime
July 4, 2005:We Say Goodbye to the Inferno II
June 21, 2005:Yes! The Bitches Are Dead (In the Water)
June 14, 2005:Be Still My Heart
June 6, 2005:CT and Darrell Have No Problem Catching Crabs
June 1, 2005:I See Landon, I See France...
:Trading (and Memorizing) Spaces
May 30, 2005:Battle of the Easy Riders
May 17, 2005:Rock the Boat, Work the Middle, Change Positions
May 15, 2005:Abram and Brad Play With Their Balls
May 8, 2005:Nobody Beats the Miz?
May 1, 2005:Wrapper's Delight
April 19, 2005:How To Breed Misogyny
:Bunim/Murray Shocker : Somebody Outsmarts Veronica
April 15, 2005:Don't Go Chasing Water Balls
April 4, 2005:Beth Gives Up On Her Plans For Sabotage
March 28, 2005:Pull Your Own Weight
March 22, 2005:Things Heat Up On the Inferno II
March 20, 2005:Inferno 3:16
March 18, 2005:Let's Not Talk About the Show -- Updated
March 12, 2005:The Good, The Bad, and the....Wait, Where's Coral?
January 25, 2005:Girls Exceed Expectations in Product Placement Triathalon
January 18, 2005:Hey, At Least It's a Win
January 11, 2005:When Does the Mercy Rule Come Into Effect?
January 5, 2005:Passion of the TVgasm Week 10 Update
January 3, 2005:Girls Find No Luck in Addition by Subtraction
:The Real World Is Not A Career!!!
December 13, 2004:The List is Life
December 7, 2004:More Adventures with The Miz
:The Electric Slide
November 29, 2004:We Now Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Reality Show to Bring You a Wedding
November 23, 2004:Get This Thing Out of My Crotch!
November 16, 2004:The Quick and the Dumb
November 12, 2004:Passion of the TVgasm Week 4 Update
November 9, 2004:Let's All Root for Angela
November 3, 2004:Vote or Die! (or continue living, actually)
November 2, 2004:Never Allow Logic to Get in the Way of Your Voting
October 26, 2004:"Blow and suck! Blow and suck! Use your hands!"
October 22, 2004:The Miz Jeopardizes RW/RR Challenge Consecutive Seasons Streak
October 20, 2004:Passion of the TVgasm Week 1 Update
October 19, 2004:Continually Blurring the Line Between Entertainment and Fear Factor
October 11, 2004:Insert Clever TVgasm Caption Here:
:Battle of the Sexes 2: A Contraption Waiting to Happen
October 5, 2004:"I'm Officially An Idiot"
October 4, 2004:Exactly How Many Saturn Ions Does One Person Need?
:The Passion of the TVgasm
September 29, 2004:TVGasm's Real World/Road Rules Fantasy Challenge Giveaway
September 27, 2004:Burning Questions From the Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes Galleries
September 2, 2004:A Night Out With The Miz
August 3, 2004:Update: Dumb People Continue To Bunjee Jump
July 5, 2004:Bunim/Murray Carts Out Dead Horse, Beats It
June 4, 2004:REUNION BOREORAMA!---WHEN THE INFERNO PUTS OUT THE FUEGO!
June 1, 2004:Let's Go Snorkeling - TVgasm's Coral Reef
May 31, 2004:Our Impressions of the Big Reunion
May 25, 2004:Gettin' Money 'til the Day We Fall
:Spider, Crossword 2; Coral 0
May 17, 2004:Please Maim Veronica
:Casualties of the Inferno, aka The Viewers