The latest season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge is set to film this month, and can you believe it? Veronica will be back! Proving that creativity has reached a rock bottom, the producers have decided to roll out another season of Battle of the Sexes. Here’s an idea. How about forcing the newbies to compete against the veterans? Or just banning Mike, Coral and Veronica? That would be a good start.
Luckily, it seems like we’ll be getting a little more fresh blood this season. I’m excited to see affable chumps Brad and Randy from Real World San Diego mix it up with likable fork victim Steven from Vegas. Jacquese, one of the most sensible Real Worlders ever, baffles us by participating in the antics, and bland, rigid Frank from Vegas also will be on hand to probably whine about something. Rounding out the new men (so far) is Adam from Paris, the limp-Afro’d attention hog who easily fit the role of “that” guy from an a cappella group who’s always “on” and won’t ever shut up. So far, the only new women are Sophia from Road Rules: The Quest (the quest for what?) and Cameran and Robin, both from Real World San Diego.
As for the returning folk, our usual stable of comfortably veteran challengers does not disappoint. Mike – aka The Miz – will be back, of course. I can’t wait to see what sort of metrosexual fashions he’ll destroy this time around. The Inferno had him sporting a faux-hawk (with highlights), which quickly turned into a general spastic mess by mid-season, and then eventually settled down into a deflated Bill Gates haircut for the reunion show. Meanwhile, Abram will be back for his third season, and Theo from Road Rules will be back for his fourth, I believe.
On the women’s team, we have a tired cavalry of she-dragons and place-fillers, starting off with spider victim Coral and Tiger-Woods-face victim Ruthie. Consummate drama queen Jisela returns as well as chronic sufferer Tonya from Real World Chicago and lipstick lesbian Rachel from Road Rules Campus Crawl. Does anyone else notice that Rachel always winds up kissing guys on this show? Katie, who tussled with Veronica in increasingly grandiose ways over the past two seasons, is back to prove – well, nothing. She spends every season complaining about how much she hates her team, but always crawls back. If we’re lucky, this season will hopefully be just a massively bitter revenge scheme against her old nemesis, Veronica. As I mentioned before, Veronica – who has appeared on more of these challenges than any other Bunim/Murray star – is back for her sixth season. Yes, this show is entering its ninth season, and the only seasons Veronica has missed were the ones before her Road Rules fame. What on Earth does her resume look like? Skills: Bungee jumping, arguing, being dumb. Experience: MTV, Mystic Tanning Salon. Education: Took some classes on a boat. Career goals: actress, of course.
It’s time for Veronica to retire from this venerable franchise. Actually, it’s time for a lot of these guys to retire. Watching older seasons of the Challenge, I’ve come to realize a certain novelty has long gone. Instead of the show being a bizarre reunion of forgotten faces, we now get a repeating loop of a story line with only minor variations. Every season Katie blows up at Veronica, Mike pisses off Coral, a team throws a mission to get rid of Katie, and Mike finds a new girl to shack up with. One of the problems with this franchise is that it’s sustained by more or less the same people since 2001. Ever since that one casting special when Bunim/Murray housed about forty applicants in Palms Springs, these kids have been more incestuous and cliquey than ever. All these people are the new generation of reality stars. They’re too keenly aware of their pseudo celebrity. Even if they were refreshingly normal on their original seasons, they still get caught up in the fray by the time the Challenge airs. I get a sense that the hierarchy in the Bunim/Murray clique is based on how often you’ve been on the Challenge, and how much money you’ve won. So watching these kids compete, it’s not for fun. It’s for survival.
Oh, but look at me. I’ve gotten all riled up over nothing. I’ll be watching the damn show whether I think it’s silly or not. I might as well kick back and give myself over to it. And that’s what I’ll do.
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