Can't Spell Coconuts Without Nuts! - 
by B-Side
When we last saw our booze-soaked buddies of The Gauntlet II, everyone was having a ball celebrating Mark Long's "thirty-ish" birthday party. That is, everyone but Jo, the temperamental Brit from Real World: San Francisco. Apparently she had forgotten what exactly it was that she had signed up for (co-existing amongst alcoholics of varying mental acuity with occasional mormons thrown in for good measure) and completely freaked out when she found a smattering of chocolate syrup near her bed. Basically, she had a full-on breakdown. I don't know whether or not it was the stress of being team captain or the general lack of attention she was receiving, but Jo not only insisted that she go home, but threatened to call the police if she were not allowed to pack. And we all know how local authorities love those packing-violation complaints. So what would happen this week? Would Jo come to her senses and realize that living with a bunch of drunken fools was a good thing? Or would she burden the Trinidad and Tobago police force with her demands for an escort? Well, let's find out, shall we?
As usual, the show began with its ostentatious rise-from-the-womb-of-the-sea montage where we got to see how busty the girls all are and how jacked the guys have become. Well, everyone but poor Cyrus -- a.k.a. the only guy wearing a tank top. Gotta feel bad for the fat guy wearing a t-shirt in the pool. The truth of the matter is that Cyrus really isn't that plump, but compared to the pec-tastic other guys, he looks like the latest Biggest Loser failure.
Anyway, back in the Gauntlet house, we found leading chiseled candidate Alton holding Jo back from, well, nothing in particular. Doesn't he know any better? SHE WILL NOT BE MANHANDLED! Finally, after enough empty promises, Jo decided to back up her claims and call the fuzz. "I'm being attacked and mandhandled," she complained. "I've got wrist marks!" Note to self: never give Jo Indian burns.
Nevertheless, Jo continued her rant to the cops: "If you do not get your f*cking butts here now, I will sue this island!" That seems like a reasonable demand. I mean, all island nations should be held responsible when chocolate syrup appears near various beds and linens. This could really be a landmark case.
Well, Jo finally concluded her emergency call by declaring, "I've been seriously manhandled on the island of Tobago." Seriously manhandled. I'm sure there are a few, I don't know, rape and assault victims who'd like to smack you right now, Jo.
Sadly, the ballad of crazy Jo came to an end with the cops did eventually show up and escort her back to the land of mental instability from whence she came. "Bottom line: she's just crazy," Ruthie said with a sigh of relief. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. I would have really liked a Jo/Coral matchup, but I guess that just won't be in the cards anytime soon.
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